disciplining

I feel like we're moving backwards. DS will be 3 in May and the whining and bad behavior is getting worse.
He is a good hearted boy that won't hurt anyone, but himself or bang DH or myself. He is good with other people, but he is really starting to test us.
I don't think he gets disciplining when we try. Time outs don't seem to work and even when explaining to him what he did wrong he doesn't understand
sometimes I wonder if he's playing me.

With his expressive and receptive delays he'll repeat back to me what I said b/c he does that. He does know he's doing something wrong, but I don't know how to dicipline him. Especially when he goes beyond his tantrum and starts hitting his head. If I pretend to cry he'll hit his head b/c it's his way of telling me he's not happy. If I give him that "I'm disapointed or No" look doesn't affect him besides him hitting himself or sort of hitting us. He doesn't smack, but a tap like he's annoyed.

ETA - I meant 3 in May

Message edited 3/6/2012 2:08:19 PM.

Re: disciplining

I'm afraid I don't have a quick solution for you that will work (like time outs). When my son was the same age, he really did not get time outs at all (he had an expressive speech delay, but not receptive). I asked other Moms how they did them, thinking I did something wrong, and was amazed to hear over and over that their children would just go sit in the time out corner or on the chair when they said "you're in time out." Mine did not understand and screamed and thrashed like a wild animal when I tried to put him in one. So I dropped time outs and revisited them later when he was older (he did get them then and they were effective).

What did work better was removing myself from his presence if he did do something wrong (like hitting). That he did not like at all. If he threw a toy, the toy got taken away and put on the top of our refrigerator for a bit (he got it back later that day or the next day). The consequence had to be something that mattered to him and fairly direct--I think there are too many steps in time outs for children with delays to understand at this age. I didn't yell at him much, but if he did something really dangerous (like running off in a parking lot) I screamed at him. It worked, he stopped running off.

Later when he was diagnosed and we had a SEIT, she told me about positive reinforcement when children do something well and suggested I complement him when he touched a friend appropriately (instead of hitting or grabbing). So we did make a big fuss when he did something positive, and I think this helped too. He also got stickers if he did a good job with something and refrained from behaviors we were trying to get rid of. She also made up social stories for him which worked, but he was 3 at the time, not sure if they would have the same effect on a 2 year old. There is a series of books that are pretty simple though, "Hands are Not for Hitting," "Teeth are Not for Biting," etc.

Some of it is the age frankly, and I think this is a hard age when a child has any kind of delays. Good luck!

Re: disciplining

Thank you so much for the responce
I also meant to say he's going to be 3. Not 2
He still doesn't understand, but we did start using the stickers. We were away last week and the few days b4 that we didn't reinforce them b/c it was so crazy at the house packing and I WFT. I'll go back to the stickers. I'll also really try the positive reinforcement.
He does like cheers.
Although new toys and snacks or food don't do it for him so I'll let him play with his Leap Pad or do a puzzle
he's always thinking and into that stuff b/c he doesn't have to talk.

Thanks again

Re: disciplining

Oh, I don't think my son got time outs until 3.5. His hitting was out of control then, and we were at our wits end (had not really worked with his SEIT yet). So he started going in time out every time he hit us.

Overall, I like positive reinforcement better, but it does take longer to work IMO, or it did with my child anyway. But you feel better about your role as a parent, and it helps to save the negative reinforcement for bigger things.

Good luck!