Is everyone having kids ?!?

Hi, I can’t talk to my friends about it so I was hoping you guys would understand & give me some perspective ?

Most of our friends either have kids, are currently pregnant or trying to get pregnant. So soon DH & I will be the only couple in our group without children.

He says “who cares, when we’re travelling & they’re changing diapers it won’t matter” but I feel like I’m in mourning for how things used to be.

I am very happy for our friends because I know they’re happy and I love buying them gifts for their babies but I can’t help but feel a little bummed everytime the next person announces they’re expecting.

I think part of the problem is I’m not a kid person at all. I’m the last person that will go play with the kids so I’m definitely not looking forward to all the baby conversations & kid events where my friends are distracted and I'm just sitting there by myself.

I often wonder if it’d just be easier if we just had kids too…..but I know that’s not the solution. Although now I’m starting to realize how some people become pressured into going with the crowd.

I told DH I need to make more childree friends and if we’re going to be childfree we need to enjoy it, start doing more things since we can ! Cause isn’t that part of the point ?

Someone once told me life is pointless without having kids and it makes me mad people think that way & have the nerve to say it to you !!

But these days I definitely do feel like I’m the odd one.

Thanks for listening

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

My husband and I are not having children. We have chosen to be childfree.

Most of our friends have children, and we have a niece and 2 nephews that we love to spoil then give back to their parents.



I know exactly how you feel that each time we make a childfree friend couple, they then announce they are having a child. We are always very happy for them but then we know we will not have the same friendship with them as we did.

My husband and I do alot of things by ourselves. We have learned to just enjoy each other and not rely on others....

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

I agree with you wholeheartedly that peer pressure is the WORST reason for anyone to be a parent. DH and I are in the same boat, and DH more so because he is older (early 40s) so practically 90% of his friends/co-workers/extended relatives have kids already.

I happen to work in a company that is very family friendly - my office has 80% women (and of those, at least 75% are already young moms or currently pregnant) - every Monday I hear office convos about "oh how did your kids like so and so.." or planning family vacations, etc. I don't let it affect me since I think parenting in general sucks the big one (esp the costs of daycare, raising a kid in an expensive place like NYC/LI, college savings accts, etc) so I know in several years, they may look at me and DH and secretly wish they had the balls to forgo kids - but thats their choice.

What I found helpful is finding Meetup.com groups of other Child-Free Couples (there is one for LI called "South Shore Couples and they have a restaurant outing on 5/26 in Freeport) and to surround myself with other CF minded people. One of my good friends just got divorced, has a step-son (from her ex-DH's former marriage) but she has slowly come to appreciate how great single life really is. We have a lot of fun together.

It also helps to plan trips, even short weekend get-aways to Boston, PA or upstate to just enjoy being with DH. As long as you don't dwell on other people or what they choose to do in THEIR lives, you should be fine!!

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

We've always had a large group of friends and a very active social calendar so I wasn't prepared for that to change either.

My friends with kids occasionally hang-out sans kids so I appreciate that time more !

Message edited 5/22/2012 9:54:02 AM.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

we find as our friends have kids we have less and less contact with them. they have no time for us so we just hang with each other! my brother and his gf don't have kids so we often do stuff with them.

we feel no pressure to have kids. we can tolerate about an hour with kids.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Your not alone...Everytime I find out a friend or someone I knew is preggo i think "another one bites the dust" because I know its going to strain our relationship.

Then I think.."hey if Im still talking to them through the years...they will be back to hanging out all the time when their kids are old enough to not have to be babysat."

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

I have the same situation. I genuinely miss some of my friends, and how things used to be.

What used to be fun bbqs or parties are now kid-friendly and end at 8pm so everyone can get to bed on time. I am no crazy party girl, but I hate that no one can ever be carefree anymore. Even planning a lunch or mani with a mom is nearly impossible


I feel a pang every time i heard another pregnancy announcement. I do feel pressure to have them, but would never cave for that reason when i know it's not what i want for my life.

It's tough, but hopefully will pass in a few more years.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Posted by shadows

I have the same situation. I genuinely miss some of my friends, and how things used to be.

What used to be fun bbqs or parties are now kid-friendly and end at 8pm so everyone can get to bed on time. I am no crazy party girl, but I hate that no one can ever be carefree anymore. Even planning a lunch or mani with a mom is nearly impossible


I feel a pang every time i heard another pregnancy announcement. I do feel pressure to have them, but would never cave for that reason when i know it's not what i want for my life.

It's tough, but hopefully will pass in a few more years.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Posted by Mushesgirl

Posted by shadows

I have the same situation. I genuinely miss some of my friends, and how things used to be.

What used to be fun bbqs or parties are now kid-friendly and end at 8pm so everyone can get to bed on time. I am no crazy party girl, but I hate that no one can ever be carefree anymore. Even planning a lunch or mani with a mom is nearly impossible


I feel a pang every time i heard another pregnancy announcement. I do feel pressure to have them, but would never cave for that reason when i know it's not what i want for my life.

It's tough, but hopefully will pass in a few more years.

i just left a vm for my bff who i haven't talked to in WEEKS. I leave her messages/texts/emails and she will respond days later to the texts/emails but rarely returns my calls. Rarely. So then I won't call for a long while because i'm frustrated and think 'what's the point? she wont' call back anyway!'

The message i just left went "hey hope the weekend was great; hope to talk to you sometime this century"

I get a text back saying its a good thing we'll see each other at an event coming up so we can talk.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Posted by shadows

I have the same situation. I genuinely miss some of my friends, and how things used to be.

What used to be fun bbqs or parties are now kid-friendly and end at 8pm so everyone can get to bed on time. I am no crazy party girl, but I hate that no one can ever be carefree anymore. Even planning a lunch or mani with a mom is nearly impossible


I feel a pang every time i heard another pregnancy announcement. I do feel pressure to have them, but would never cave for that reason when i know it's not what i want for my life.

It's tough, but hopefully will pass in a few more years.

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Posted by southerncross

Posted by Mushesgirl

Posted by shadows

I have the same situation. I genuinely miss some of my friends, and how things used to be.

What used to be fun bbqs or parties are now kid-friendly and end at 8pm so everyone can get to bed on time. I am no crazy party girl, but I hate that no one can ever be carefree anymore. Even planning a lunch or mani with a mom is nearly impossible


I feel a pang every time i heard another pregnancy announcement. I do feel pressure to have them, but would never cave for that reason when i know it's not what i want for my life.

It's tough, but hopefully will pass in a few more years.

i just left a vm for my bff who i haven't talked to in WEEKS. I leave her messages/texts/emails and she will respond days later to the texts/emails but rarely returns my calls. Rarely. So then I won't call for a long while because i'm frustrated and think 'what's the point? she wont' call back anyway!'

The message i just left went "hey hope the weekend was great; hope to talk to you sometime this century"

I get a text back saying its a good thing we'll see each other at an event coming up so we can talk.

Aaww that sucks !

I have friends without kids that are the same way with keeping in touch & hanging-out !! But then there are friends with multiple kids that always respond to my e-mails, texts & who are very reliable about making plans ?!?! So I think it depends on the person, i can't blame it on them having kids.

It comes down to priorities because no one is THAT busy ! I once was so mad at a single friend for never responding to anything that I started yelling "you could send me a quick text from the toilet ! I know you have time for that !" lol

Re: Is everyone having kids ?!?

Yeah, I'm not really a kid person either.
The whole idea kind of overwhelms me.
I don't know a lot of CF couples.
I feel a little pressure to have kids, more from myself than from anyone else.
It's true that friendships change once people have kids, it's like they're at a different place in life & it's hard to relate as much anymore, at least it's been that way in my experience. And also they're so busy of course that they don't really have time just to BS or get together anymore. It's understandable but still hard.
I too have wondered if we should just have kids. Maybe we'd like that life. I don't know.