Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Hi.. I am an old user (in hiding) looking for advice, experience, a verbal lashing whatever you've got. My husband and I have 2 beautiful healthy boys and I love them more than life. However, I have this terrible longing for a daughter. I would never trade my sons for a girl, but I long for a daughter like nothing else. We always planned to try for a third baby, regardless of the gender of the first 2, so I know there is a chance of a daughter in my life. I know that I could easily be blessed with another boy, who I know I would love as intensely as I love my previous sons.

For those who have all boys and longed for a daughter, how do you cope with these feelings? Will I always feel tightness in my chest when I hear someone is having/had a daughter? I KNOW there are much bigger problems in the world, trust me, we've had our fair share of heartbreak. I just so badly want to raise a daughter, bring some estrogen into this house and experience a child of the opposite gender.

For those who had 2 boys, did you do anything in particular to try to sway for a girl? I've looked at the websites devoted to this topic but I'm not sure I believe "swaying" works.
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Lastly, I'd like to apologize in advance if anyone is offended by this. Please know that is not my intent. I am struggling so much with this and am too ashamed to bring it to those close to me.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I desperately wanted a girl. I also got a 10+ page LIF lashing because I posted that I was disappointed after coming back from my Level 2 ultrasound when I was pregnant with DS#1.

Now I have 2 boys and love them so much that I am no longer upset that I do not have daughters. We are still undecided if we want to go for a 3rd. However, if we went for a 3rd and got a 3rd boy, I would be totally ok with it.

There are some great benefits about having 2 boys. They play well together and we have playdates with other boys and can play altogether.

I do wish I had a little girl to buy pretty dresses for but I'm totally satisfied seeing my boys get dressed up.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I don't have that crazy longing for a daughter honestly...I had two baby sisters growing up and witnessed a LOT of estrogen, lol! I just found out i'm pg with my third and would love another boy...or girl..doesn't matter to me.

With that being said, your feelings are your feelings. I understand that and won't lash out at you, lol. My friend went through a VERY VERY bad time after having her third boy. She wanted a girl so badly that she convinced herself it was a girl. Out popped a boy. She of course loves her son, but we all had to knock some sense into her.

The way i look at it is this....there are no guarantees in life. You get what you get. I have witnessed people have very very sick children, people who cannot get pregnant etc...they would give anything for a healthy kid. Try to look at your blessings and think about the things to come. It may not be the same, but maybe your boys will marry wonderful girls who you can share a bond with. Or maybe you'll have some granddaughters someday you can spoil with "girly" things. Or maybe you just will have your own daughter. But don't allow it to overtake your thoughts. Whats meant to happen will!!

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

ps-TWO sets of friends tried for a girl for their third, using shettles method. Both had their third boy. I honestly think its 50/50.

And Dh's cousin desperately tried for a son. They had two girls. You just never know

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I wanted a boy.. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad! ha

I am done. So having a boy is not an option. Do I regret it? Sure a little (not trying for a boy that is) but I'm content and happy with AJ.

I think no matter what you'll learn to live with what you get and be very happy but will you always wish for a girl if you have a boy? Sure maybe, but theres no shame in that. Least none that I can see.

Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I applaud you for being honest with your feelings. Yes some people would love to just be pregnant, some would love to just have a healthy baby, and some would give anything to have 2 healthy boys. A post like this isn't about being fair it's about how YOU feel and THAT IS OK. I have one of each, but when I was pg with #2 I was convinced it was another girl and was just beyond excited! When the level 2 came I never even entertained the idea it was a boy, and guess what...Sawyer was born 11/16/2011. I love him dearly, but I do wonder what if I had 2 girls. It's not about trading them, or wanting a different child, but about wanting that child AND another. I don't have much help to offer except that you are not wrong in how you feel because it's how YOU feel. Try to think about the future.....in 20-25 years from now you will have 2 DIL's :) It's like getting 2 daughters without the teenage years ;) Did that help?

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I was disappointed when I found out ds2 was a boy to the point that I cried on the way home and was sort of depressed for a few days. I had this thing built up in my head that I "knew it was a girl" lol so dumb, right?

For me it's a little different though b/c idk why but the feeling just faded. I don't want 3dc period- even if I was miraculously promised a girl. For whatever reason it just popped out of my head- and I am overly content with my two boys being it. But if I wanted a third child I bet those feelings would come back.

Anyway, roll your eyes at anyone that flames you for a feeling. I can understand someone with fertility issues being like oh you ungrateful jerk- I just want ANY baby- but you can't take that kind of comment personally. Anyone can say that about ANYTHING. I hate my job- other people have no jobs. I like turkey better than ham- other people have no sandwiches etc.

Message edited 11/26/2012 3:14:35 PM.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Like PP said, your feelings are your feelings and don't apologize for them!

I have two amazing little girls and would love to try for a third. Boy or girl it TRULY doesn't matter to me, but like you said, I'd love to experience raising another gender. PLUS I have the added stress of passing down my husband's first AND last name.

DH says he is D.O.N.E and could care less about having a boy. I think he's probably done because he's just scared of the thought of 3 girls! lol.

What you're feeling is very normal and a LOT of my friends have gone through it. If you'd like to switch for a day...a girl for a boy, we can both try out the other gender.

Message edited 11/26/2012 2:28:20 PM.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

What you are feeling is totally Normal! I am currently PG with number 2. I want it to be a boy. But will be ok with a girl. I just wanted to be able to pass on my DH last name. But we are done after 2 so if its another girl than it is what it is. My DH is hoping for another girl..LOL. But I am hoping its a boy and keeping my fingers crossed. I will be blessed either way.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I completely understand you. I'm on the opposite side. I have 3 girls and am 31 weeks pregnant with yet another girl. My DH wants a boy so bad which makes me even feel worst but realistically there's nothing I can do. When we got pregnant with DD#3, we stayed on team hoping it would be a boy. I even went out and bought boy clothes because the desire of wanting a boy was so big. When we saw come out, we were in love the minute we saw her. I was concern my DH would be disappointed but he was the total opposite. He actually feels a stronger bond with DD#3.
This pregnancy wasn't easy on us because we didn't want any more kids. More me then my DH because he has always longed for a boy. I was very upset with the news especially because I was using BC and made sure to take the pill every night. It took me about 12 weeks to accept the pregnancy and thought that maybe, just maybe God was sending us the little boy we wanted. When we heard it was another girl, I thought I would be upset but I wasn't. I actually fell in love with her and I dream of the day that I can have her in my arms. DH still hopes the doctors are wrong with the gender but he's also very excited with what ever it it.
Don't feel guilty for your feelings because it's totally normal. Just know that God has a plan for all of us and we have no control of it. I'm happy for all the blessing he is sending my way and although I know it's going to be a challenge, I accept it with open arms and with all the love in the world.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I have 3 boys and am pregnant with my 4th baby. I am not going to find out what I am having either.

While I would really like a girl, I dont neccesarily have a longing for one. I think maybe it is because I am so used to having boys at this point I would be shocked if I had a girl.

I think I will probably long for a girl more as my boys get older. I am so close with my mom, I do get sad when I think that there is a chance I may never have that with a daughter some day... but then I remember there isnt much I can do about it so I try not to think/dwell.

So I think your feelings are totally normal if that helps!

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Editing bc I posted wihtout getting emotions in check.

Everything is relative.. All I can say is be happy your children are healthy and alive.

Message edited 11/26/2012 2:52:13 PM.

Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I know how you feel. I love my boys more than life itself. But I want t alittle girl so bad. I didn't find out the sex of ds2. But the week he was due, the sono tech accidently slipped and talked about his scrotum. I went in my car and cried and cried. I honestly was more upset that it was another boy than over the fact that i waited this long and the stupid girl told me. But once i met my baby, i knew he was meant for me.

You are not alone, and it is totally normal

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I also have 2 boys. I cant imagine life with out my little buddies. But It is depressing when I think, we'll never have a daughter. I also feel like you, when I hear someone I know is having a girl. I can't control how I feel about this, so I don't have much advice. We did try to sway ( only for 1 month) then I stopped trying. This is going to sound awful, but I see a lot of moms with 3 boys and I feel bad for them, they look exhausted. we stopped trying bc I am being honest with myself about my feelings.

And don't apologize!

Message edited 11/26/2012 3:14:28 PM.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I have 2 beautiful boys & we are officially done but did always want a daughter. After my second DS was born, i realuzed that no matter what I had no control over having a son or daughter. I was disappointed when ee found out #2 was another boy & we had fertility issues but it just went away after a couple days. I am so happy to have boys & honestly would not know what to do with a girl at this point. Looking at my boys interact, its great knowing they will have each other throughout life & I think being the same sex helps them to stay closer

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Crashing but I get it. I have always wanted a baby girl. I've always had a feeling that I needed a girl but at this rate I'll take anything lol. But you are entitled to your feelings. It reminds me of a story that I heard from an acquaintance. Her parents had 3 girls and decided to try one more time to get a boy. They had twin girls instead. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I always wanted a little girl. Always. When I found out I was pregnant I longed for it to be a little girl. I tried to get myself hyped in case it was a boy (I bought a few boy things, etc)...and I got lashed at by everyone I know about having a "preference". I got my little girl.

Now that DD is 19 months....when the possibility of baby number two comes up....I tell everyone that I would love another little girl because I have such beautiful things to hand down and I get the lashings all over again

If I had a little boy, I would love him to pieces...and my number one concern is to have a healthy baby, but I can't help that I have a girls name picked out and the image of little girls in matching dresses in my head!

I do know some people get really depressed about the sex of their baby and I don't think anything is wrong with it. Different people get upset about different things, it doesn't make them ungrateful for what they have, it makes them human.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I would never flame you for your feelings, they are pretty much unavoidable, and I have felt similarly in the past...

that being said, there was a woman on here who recently lost her baby girl at 31 weeks. Just a little reminder to try and keep things in perspective, that's all I think it's great that you are addressing these feelings, but it's a good idea to keep them in check and not let them get out of control.

Even if you had 3 more kids and they were all boys, they would still bring you as much joy as a girl would.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

i have 2 boys. We are going for the 3rd baby one day.

I don't care in the least bit about having a daughter.

But i also have 4 nieces. I have 3 older brothers.

I don't even know how to accessorize myself, much less a little girl.

So i'm okay with all boys.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

Posted by Eireann

Posted by maybesoon

I see a lot of moms with 3 boys and I feel bad for them, they look exhausted.

I think that's true, but not because they have three boys...it's because they have three KIDS!

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

My cousin sounds very similar to you. She has 3 boys. She waited 6 years to have her third and was team green. She admitted she cried when the dr said "it's a boy". She went out a brought girl clothes because she had convinced herself she was finally having a girl. She was depressed for a while but of course he loves her ds. She wanted tO try for a 4th but her dh said no way and had a vasectomy. For her I don't think the desire will ever be gone. When we found out we were having our second dd she told me I was so lucky and I could see she was sad for herself. They recently told the family they are thinking of becoming foster parents. My guess is because she wants to foster a girl. Her sister recently had twin boys so now the grandparents are really dying for a girl too.

Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day

I think it's totally normal to desire either a boy or a girl and anyone who says otherwise if so full of it. So many people have a preference and have their reasons for why they want one over another. It's doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. And everyone will tell you, just be thankful, it doesn't matter........blah blah blah. And while that's ALL true, your feelings are your feelings and there isn't anything wrong with feeling the way you do.

When I had my DD all along I was hoping for a DS. I always wanted a boy first, for whatever reason. But when she was born and they said GIRL it did not matter one bit and I could not have happier or more in love..........INSTANTLY.

Now, I am 24.5 weeks pregnant with a little and while I am very excited NOW I won't lie, it took me a few days to wrap my head around the idea of raising a little .........which was weird for me since I always wanted a son!!!

Up until my Level II sono I was CONVINCED I was having a little because my pregnancies, right down to the babies HB's, were identical. I just figured it must be another so I really got attached to the idea of having another DD and I didn't even entertain the possibility of this baby being a . When they said BOY at the sono I was taken aback, I just wasn't expecting it. And I admit, I felt a little letdown. And then I felt awful for feeling letdown and cried all night because I felt like a terrible mom for not being excited about her son. I just had a whirlwind of emotions. It was hard.

But then something just clicked and I was excited to have a son. It will be a whole new experience and challenge and I am looking forward to it. And to have one of each, that's cool too. Now I am enjoying shopping for things and preparing to meet our son in March. And as much as I wanted another DD I am thrilled to be having a DS. At first it was a little hard for me but in the end, I am happy........SO happy. And after our struggles with IF this baby has been nothing short of a miracle so or we already felt blessed and thankful. Once we found out we were having a son, my head just had to catch up a little with my heart.

I understand how you feel, completely. It's so common to feel the way you do. My sister was also aching for a DD and she had a son. She was disappointed
at her sono but she too quickly got use to the idea and now that her son is here, she can't imagine things being any other way. She is desperately in love with him and never ever mentions wishing she had a . Whether you have another DS or you are blessed with the DD you long for either way you will be happy and love that baby more than anything in the world. Don't beat yourself up over feeling the way you do, you're only human and your feelings are normal.