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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I have a 3 year old DS and I am pregnant with twins...I had my 12 week sono and as a guess the tech said 2 more boys...well of course I'd like at least one little girl BUT the fact that I am having 2 more babies is amazing to me. But when I told my DH, my mom, his mom what the tech said they were like "Oh, really?" Sort of disappointed it seems like. And then other people I've told are like OMG 3 boys...how will you deal? I don't know but whatever God gives me is fine (though yes deep down if one is a boy and one is a girl I would be thrilled!) 
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Posted 11/26/12 4:50 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I just want to offer you  and say that even though I am not in your shoes, I can imagine what you feel and don't blame you for feeling what you feel at all.
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| Posted 11/26/12 4:59 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by Goobster
I just want to offer you and say that even though I am not in your shoes, I can imagine what you feel and don't blame you for feeling what you feel at all.
Same here. You can't control your feelings. It's easy to flame something like this and say that you're being ungrateful for what you have, etc etc... but really, in some form or another haven't we all done that? Wished desparately for something we might not be able to achieve even though in our heart we really are thankful for the blessings we have?
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| Posted 11/26/12 5:11 PM |
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Danamz
LIF Adult
Member since 6/06 1978 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Eireann
Posted by maybesoon
I see a lot of moms with 3 boys and I feel bad for them, they look exhausted.
I think that's true, but not because they have three boys...it's because they have three KIDS! 
Oh ain't that the truth!
Trust me when I tell you- I sometimes wish DD was a boy.
The drama, the tantrums,etc
It's not a girl vs boy thing. It's an individual child thing.
It's all about their temperment.
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So true. I have 2 and 2 and my girls so far are each 10xs harder than my boys. Since they were born my boys were laid back and the girls high strung
I do understand though hoping for one or the other for various reasons. Of course it goes without saying we all want our children to be healthy, first and foremost
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| Posted 11/26/12 5:17 PM |
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Annie91606
Brotherly love
Member since 12/07 1816 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
You have a right to feel the way you do. I know others who have gone through gender disappointment, it is common.
My only advice- is if you go for a third, make sure it is because you really want a third child- not just a girl. Because there really isn't any way to guarantee conceiving one gender over another. If you have your heart set on a girl, you are setting yourself up for sadness if you don't get one.
My BIL and SIL had two boys and REALLY wanted a girl- so they had a third. They are both attorneys with very demanding careers- they were up to their eyeballs as it was with two. Well, they had a third boy. The kid is six years old now, and they STILL talk about the crushing disappointment they felt at his Level 2 Ultrasound.
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| Posted 11/26/12 5:30 PM |
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bettybcafe
Big brother in the making
Member since 7/07 8611 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I love DS with all my heart and soul and wouldnt change him for the world. I plan on going for #2 soon and Im afraid of feeling disappointed if its a boy again. Dont get me wrong, if it is I will be very happy especially since DS will have a baby brother but a part of me wants a girl soooo bad. I dont know how I will cope if its a boy again but I just try to see the bright side of having two boys, yknow. Its hard, I know..
Message edited 11/26/2012 7:05:03 PM.
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| Posted 11/26/12 7:04 PM |
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myBoys
LIF Zygote
Member since 11/12 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Thank you so much everyone, for your posts, fms, advice, experiences and more than anything, your sensitivity.
I cannot express enough that this is NOT about my boys, who are the loves of my life. It is a separate emotion. I wouldn't trade them for a million girls and part of the reason I cant express these feelings to ppl I know, is I would never want this to get back to them and to think they werent wanted/or were a 2nd choice. To be clear. we always wanted 3, regardless of gender.. so even if the first 2 were one of each, we would be trying for a 3rd. I would never treat a child differently or love a baby less bc of gender.
Posting about this and reading everyones responses has been more therapeutic than I ever couldve imagined. Thank you for making me feel like less of a terrible person.
We are able to control so much of the important decisions in our lives.. where we will live, who we will marry, what we will do for a living. Having a crack at mother/daughter relationship, esp once I lose my mother one day, is something I so badly want in my life but unfortunately there is basically nothing I can do to make it happen. Feel free to post your tricks if you conceived a girl after 2 boys though ;)
I know I am blessed to have created life twice already. Like I said, I am not a new poster and I am well aware of some of the heart-wrenching journeys women have been on here in the hope of having a child. This is part of the reason I hesitated before posting. I know that if conceiving #3 happens for us, I will be filled with joy regardless of gender. I think will always yearn for a daughter.. I guess we have no choice but wait to see how our family makeup turns out!
Thank you again. Its so nice to know I am not alone.
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| Posted 11/26/12 7:06 PM |
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myBoys
LIF Zygote
Member since 11/12 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I would like to add, with some shame, that one of the worst parts of this is the jealousy I feel when someone is expecting a girl or has a girl. Jealousy is such an UGLY emotion. When someone announces a pregnancy, my mind immediately goes to the gender of that baby. What is wrong with me?? HOW do I turn this off in my mind?? 
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| Posted 11/26/12 7:11 PM |
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Jan1975
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Member since 8/09 3846 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by myBoys
I would like to add, with some shame, that one of the worst parts of this is the jealousy I feel when someone is expecting a girl or has a girl. Jealousy is such an UGLY emotion. When someone announces a pregnancy, my mind immediately goes to the gender of that baby. What is wrong with me?? HOW do I turn this off in my mind??
This is a tough one, I guess just remind yourself that your babies are all healthy and happy.
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| Posted 11/26/12 7:29 PM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
No verbal lashing from me. I can honestly understand and share the same feelings. I love my son more than anything. I just want a girl so badly.
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| Posted 11/26/12 7:31 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I've totally been in your shoes. I always envisioned myself having a daughter, doing girly things together, dressing her in pretty outfits, braiding her hair. I had one boy and then another. I love them tremendously and became more of a boy mom than I ever thought I would be, but I would still - almost beyond my control - become totally envious of those who were pregnant with girls or had daughters.
This was not taking away from the love I had for my boys. I love having two boys, they play together, they fight together, but it is so great that they have each other. I don't have a sister or girl cousins, and don't have one of those relationships with my mom where I share my deepest hopes and fears. I wanted to have my chance at a female family relationship the way I want it to be.
We ended up going for a third and had our daughter. She is awesome. I don't love her any more or less than my sons. She can drive me just as crazy as they do.
I think the point is you become the mom you need to be for whatever kids you end up with. While many will think it's selfish or wrong to care about gender, your feelings are valid and you are allowed to have them as long as you love your kids they way they need to be loved.
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| Posted 11/26/12 11:30 PM |
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myBoys
LIF Zygote
Member since 11/12 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by laurabora
We ended up going for a third and had our daughter. She is awesome. I don't love her any more or less than my sons. She can drive me just as crazy as they do.
laurabora- thank you for your post.. If you don't mind me asking, did you do anything different when you conceived your daughter as compared to your sons?
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| Posted 11/27/12 1:19 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by computergirl
Posted by Goobster
I just want to offer you and say that even though I am not in your shoes, I can imagine what you feel and don't blame you for feeling what you feel at all.
Same here. You can't control your feelings. It's easy to flame something like this and say that you're being ungrateful for what you have, etc etc... but really, in some form or another haven't we all done that? Wished desparately for something we might not be able to achieve even though in our heart we really are thankful for the blessings we have?
I agree.
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| Posted 11/27/12 1:41 PM |
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bluekat16
My boys :-)
Member since 3/09 6659 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I have 2 boys and when i found our DS #2 was a boy i felt disappointed. I'm human and always thought I'd have a girl. Nonetheless, I now only have two boys and will only ever have two boys. I love them with all my heart. I had my tubes tied and for me it became a question of 'Can I handle a 3rd child' regardless of the sex of that child. I could not. I knew that a 3rd was not for me or my husband. While I wanted a girl, I wasn't guaranteed a girl and a girl wasn't enough reason for me to have a 3rd child.
Every so often when I hear of someone I know is having a girl there is a little twang of envy. I know I will never be the 'mother of the bride', etc. You're human....I'm human of course we'll have these feelings.
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| Posted 11/27/12 3:36 PM |
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ME75
Member since 10/06 4563 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by Hofstra26
I think it's totally normal to desire either a boy or a girl and anyone who says otherwise if so full of it. So many people have a preference and have their reasons for why they want one over another. It's doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. And everyone will tell you, just be thankful, it doesn't matter........blah blah blah. And while that's ALL true, your feelings are your feelings and there isn't anything wrong with feeling the way you do.
When I had my DD all along I was hoping for a DS. I always wanted a boy first, for whatever reason. But when she was born and they said GIRL it did not matter one bit and I could not have happier or more in love..........INSTANTLY.
Now, I am 24.5 weeks pregnant with a little  and while I am very excited NOW I won't lie, it took me a few days to wrap my head around the idea of raising a little .........which was weird for me since I always wanted a son!!!
Up until my Level II sono I was CONVINCED I was having a little  because my pregnancies, right down to the babies HB's, were identical. I just figured it must be another so I really got attached to the idea of having another DD and I didn't even entertain the possibility of this baby being a . When they said BOY at the sono I was taken aback, I just wasn't expecting it. And I admit, I felt a little letdown. And then I felt awful for feeling letdown and cried all night because I felt like a terrible mom for not being excited about her son. I just had a whirlwind of emotions. It was hard.
But then something just clicked and I was excited to have a son. It will be a whole new experience and challenge and I am looking forward to it. And to have one of each, that's cool too. Now I am enjoying shopping for things and preparing to meet our son in March. And as much as I wanted another DD I am thrilled to be having a DS. At first it was a little hard for me but in the end, I am happy........SO happy. And after our struggles with IF this baby has been nothing short of a miracle so or we already felt blessed and thankful. Once we found out we were having a son, my head just had to catch up a little with my heart.
I understand how you feel, completely. It's so common to feel the way you do. My sister was also aching for a DD and she had a son. She was disappointed
at her sono but she too quickly got use to the idea and now that her son is here, she can't imagine things being any other way. She is desperately in love with him and never ever mentions wishing she had a . Whether you have another DS or you are blessed with the DD you long for either way you will be happy and love that baby more than anything in the world. Don't beat yourself up over feeling the way you do, you're only human and your feelings are normal.
this was exactly my situation and feeling when i found out i was having a DS after having a DD....i wanted another girl so bad. i wanted DD to have a sister. i was not over the moon about having a boy  and to be honest until he arrived i didn't fully embrace it! was i ever wrong! this little boy is the keeper of my heart  it blows my mind how much i love love having a boy!!
to the OP...what you are feeling is OK and normal for some people. not everyone can just say they are fine and don't have a longing for a girl or boy. i was embarrassed of the way i felt about having a son. i wish i had advice about how to deal with possibility of not having the gender you dream about. i think simply putting all of your focus on the children you have and letting it go will be the only way, if you don't have a DD...
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| Posted 11/27/12 8:44 PM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I went thru YEARS of infertility. Lossed 3 babies. Tons of money and half my sanity. I finally had twin boys. and I will tell you honestly, I still WANT A GIRL !!!!!! Feelings are not mutually exclusive. Of course you are happy you have healthy children, AND you would also love to have a healthy GIRL.
I am pregnant with #3 now, we are team green. Everyone is wishing us a girl. I answer honestly. "i will have three kids under two, the only thing other than health i am wishing for with this one, is that it will like to SLEEP" and I swear its the truth. YES it would be great if it liked to sleep, was healthy AND had a vagina
Either way we are done. 3 kids is A LOT and im tired!!!! so i think that saves me, bc i KNOW no matter what comes out, it WILL HAVE to be ok I am sure there will always be a little part of me that will "miss" having a girl, but a bigger part of me will be busy appreciating and keeping up with THREE healthy children.
PLUS - boys LOVE their momma.
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| Posted 11/27/12 9:23 PM |
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luckyinlove
I love my baby girls!
Member since 12/06 2441 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I have two girls and love them more than anything. I would love to have a boy though too. I think that everyone always thinks that the grass is greener on the other side. Girls are very dramatic- well, at least mine are!
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| Posted 11/27/12 10:50 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
FM
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| Posted 11/27/12 11:32 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I have two boys and I'm still sometimes taken aback that I really have two boys! I always envisioned myself with a little girl. I feel I won't be complete until I have my girl, but I know we really can not handle more than three kids. It's very difficult.
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| Posted 11/27/12 11:33 PM |
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Katie111806
Team Pink!
Member since 12/06 5349 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I can relate to how you feel, as having a DD was always a dream of mine as well. Just wanted to send you hugs and understanding.
When I found out DS was a boy I was disappointed. Every woman in my family prior to me had a DD first and I just always assumed I would too. Having a DS messed with my plan and it shook me and took me awhile to adjust to the idea. It wasn't even the fact that he was a boy, but that I had "planned" for something different. When I had DC 2 I again prayed for a girl. When i found out she was in fact a girl, I didn't believe it and instantly felt terribly that DS wasn't getting a brother. Our minds and emotions are what they are- and what you are experiencing is totally normal!
(On a side note, at 4 my DS is this amazingly sweet little man and the apple of my eye. I adore my DD too but at 2.5 she is giving me an ever-growing ulcer and if this continues I'm going to trade her for 10 more boys,lol. She's definitely a bit rougher around the edges than I ever imagined she'd be when I was dreaming of a dd!)
Hugs to you.
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| Posted 11/28/12 1:30 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I love my boys more than anything and I like that I have 2 of the same sex. We were Team Green with both and I was thrilled each time when DH announced the sex. I've always wanted to have a daughter though.
We planned on having 3 kids regardless of the sex. I do wonder whether I'll be disaapointed at all if I have another boy. I've always imagined having a daughter so I know that will be hard to let go of if I never have a girl. DH's sister has a DD and my brother recently had a DD. I can totally relate to how you're feeling when others have a daughter. I'm happy for them, but also hope to experience that some day.
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| Posted 11/28/12 1:56 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
I wanted a girl so much with my first! It was my best reason to get told the sex at the ultrasound! (knew I would be disappointed)
I was disappointed to hear it was a boy. God put that in perspective when some screening came back with a high chance of a syndrome. Then I prayed for any baby. (had a hard time getting pregnant)... Just a healthy one. I got my perfect, crazy son!
I think as girls, we always pretended to have baby girls (think baby dolls) and look forward to THAT.
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| Posted 11/28/12 6:43 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Posted by nycgirl
I wanted a girl so much with my first! It was my best reason to get told the sex at the ultrasound! (knew I would be disappointed)
I was disappointed to hear it was a boy. God put that in perspective when some screening came back with a high chance of a syndrome. Then I prayed for any baby. (had a hard time getting pregnant)... Just a healthy one. I got my perfect, crazy son!
I think as girls, we always pretended to have baby girls (think baby dolls) and look forward to THAT.
I think this is part of it..and WE are girls so we think that having a girl will be easier or more fun etc..i don't know.
It's funny though, i feel that so many women have this notion in their head that having a boy is difficult or they won't know what they're doing. But little boys are so sweet. There's just something about them, lol.
I'm not referring to anyone in particular here, but there is certainly something to be said for just being happy for a healthy baby. Thats fine to have a preference or some idealized notion of what one gender would be like...but at the end of the day there ARE tons of people who are experiencing devastating news or who will never have a child of their own. And Yes it IS ok to point this out...because sometimes we as humans need a reality check. I have a friend with a son with cystic fibrosis, another with a son with lissencephaly (his brain didn't completley develop) etc...watching them dedicate their lives to the care of these children is astounding and honestly should make anyone step back and feel thankful for healthy kids.
I'm not saying anything harshly, and again, I'm not saying human feelings aren't valid. I get it. But we are all extremely lucky to be blessed with healthy children. There is nothing wrong with sending out that reminder once in a while.
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| Posted 11/28/12 7:40 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Your feelings are yours and you have a right to have them. I can relate to you when you say that you would hate to lose out on the mother/daughter relationship/ My mother and I are very close, I would hate not to have that bond. I love my DS dearly and honestly have never had a gender preference but when I put it into the scope of not having a DD to have the mother/daughter bond with I can totally see myself longing for that should DH and I never have a girl
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| Posted 11/28/12 9:05 AM |
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tmarie
LIF Infant
Member since 12/08 260 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Having a hard time.. Hoping for a daughter one day
Ok, so I am not sure what I more shocked about...people lashing out at you because you expressed your feelings of wanting a little girl. Or that there are so many moms on this thread that are going for number 3 or 4. LOL! I am exhausted with 2. I applaud all of you. I will say if I win Powerball, I would consider #3 and a nanny! LOL
I think there is a little piece of "most" of us women who would like one sex over the other. I have one of each and am blessed to have had the experience of the two different sides of the table. When I was preganant with #2, i really didn't mind if it was a another boy or girl. But for many, there is this little thing in you that wants that girl or boy. It doesn't mean that you love the other less.
What I love about this thread is that it is a place for us to chat about how we feel. Your feelings are welcomed here. Don't feel bad.
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| Posted 11/28/12 9:05 AM |
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