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Baby before marriage?
I am a regular poster. But I have lurkers so I don't want to post under my name. Without giving up too much of who I am, I am divorced and I have a child. I am in a serious relationship. We've been talking about marriage and engagement is coming soon. He's never been married. Planning and paying for a wedding (which will have to be rather large or various reasons) will take time to save for. BF would like to get married in about a year, possibly 18 months. In the meantime, we are getting older. He wants to start a family. But, I'm caught up on feeling like we should be married before. Am I wrong? Am I thinking "old school"?
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Posted 2/28/13 1:10 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Re: Baby before marriage?
There is no right or wrong here. . if marriage first is important to you would you consider doing a courthouse ceremony and planning for a wedding later, or doing a smaller wedding first and big one later . having a baby first though will make it way harder to plan for a wedding too. . I don't think there is a right order, just a right order for you.
Message edited 2/28/2013 1:15:38 PM.
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:14 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Posted by pteradactylmama
There is no right or wrong here. . if marriage first is important to you would you consider doing a courthouse ceremony and planning for a wedding later, or doing a smaller wedding first and big one later . having a baby first though will make it way harder to plan for a wedding too. . I don't think there is a right order, just a right order for you.
Couldn't have said it better.
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:15 PM |
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Posted by pteradactylmama
There is no right or wrong here. . if marriage first is important to you would you consider doing a courthouse ceremony and planning for a wedding later, or doing a smaller wedding first and big one later . having a baby first though will make it way harder to plan for a wedding too. . I don't think there is a right order, just a right order for you.
We've talked about a small wedding. I don't feel comfortable going to the JOP at the courthouse. And to do anything larger than that would create issues with family, who would need to be invited. Especially since its BFs first wedding.
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:17 PM |
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tryin4baby3
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/12 425 total posts
Name:
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Baby before marriage?
As others said...there is no right or wrong. We had two kids before we officially got married. Our two kids were at our wedding at it was perfect. We are having our third now. We felt married, wore wedding bands and called eachother husband and wife before we were legally married. To us,it was what was in our hearts and not a piece of paper that mattered. I had been married before. He hadn't.
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:27 PM |
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Re: Baby before marriage?
I think I'm really caught up on what people would say if I had a baby first. Why does that matter? I don't know. It's something I've really been working on. I think I'm afraid of the judgement of others. I want more children desperately! And I want them with BF! I wish I could just do what makes me happy without thinking of other people.
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:30 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Posted by SecretShopper
I think I'm really caught up on what people would say if I had a baby first. Why does that matter? I don't know. It's something I've really been working on. I think I'm afraid of the judgement of others. I want more children desperately! And I want them with BF! I wish I could just do what makes me happy without thinking of other people.
Consider this. No matter WHAT you do, you will be judged for one thing or another ... (decisions you make as a parent.. the house you buy.. the career choices you make .. whether or not you choose to breastfeed)
People will always judge because everyone thinks they're entitled to know what's best for other peoples lives, when most of the time these people cant make decisions for their own selves! 
You will be judged at some point no matter what so just do what makes you happy! 
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:38 PM |
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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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Re: Baby before marriage?
I agree with PP who said there's not right or wrong here. Everyone's situation is different. Do what's right for you
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| Posted 2/28/13 1:52 PM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Baby before marriage?
I agree that there's no right or wrong answer, but I really wonder how the relationship would change once the baby comes and you are planning a wedding. Babies can test even the strongest marriages. Just food for thought.
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| Posted 2/28/13 2:05 PM |
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Jbon630
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 1340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Posted by PennyCat
Posted by SecretShopper
I think I'm really caught up on what people would say if I had a baby first. Why does that matter? I don't know. It's something I've really been working on. I think I'm afraid of the judgement of others. I want more children desperately! And I want them with BF! I wish I could just do what makes me happy without thinking of other people.
Consider this. No matter WHAT you do, you will be judged for one thing or another ... (decisions you make as a parent.. the house you buy.. the career choices you make .. whether or not you choose to breastfeed)
People will always judge because everyone thinks they're entitled to know what's best for other peoples lives, when most of the time these people cant make decisions for their own selves!
You will be judged at some point no matter what so just do what makes you happy!
ITA! Some of our family commented on how soon we conceived after getting married. If we would've waited 5 years, I'm sure they would have commented on that too!
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| Posted 2/28/13 5:51 PM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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Baby before marriage?
It's 2013, do what makes you happy!!!
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| Posted 2/28/13 7:38 PM |
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luvmyReese
Hello Kitty
Member since 1/08 7542 total posts
Name:
Catt
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Baby before marriage?
Im not married & expecting my 3rd. I do what I want to do when I want to do it.period. Good Luck sounds like you have an exciting future.
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| Posted 2/28/13 8:18 PM |
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cantbelieveit
Love these kids!
Member since 10/05 4708 total posts
Name:
Tammy
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Re: Baby before marriage?
I know this is not really what your asking but I have a little experience with it. FH (now DH) and I decided to have a baby before marriage. We were engaged and living together. I don't regret it, but it did however make planning a wedding soooooo much harder. Dragging a newborn to photographers, florists, blah blah blah. But moraly, you have to do what you feel is right. Good luck with whatever you decide 
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| Posted 2/28/13 8:42 PM |
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GlowSuarez
Baby Marz is here!
Member since 12/10 1494 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Baby before marriage?
there are no rules when it comes to building a family. Do what makes both of you happy!! and good luck!!!
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| Posted 2/28/13 8:43 PM |
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Dude... do what you want.
A piece of paper makes you LEGALLY married. If you guys wanna spend the rest of your lives together and you guys both want to make babies -- make babies.
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| Posted 2/28/13 9:39 PM |
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Re: Baby before marriage?
Thanks girls. I think I'd feel more comfortable if we were at least engaged, which is what his plan is. It's just something that people in my family "don't Do.". However, so is divorce, lol. Time is ticking and doing things like I did 10 years ago won't work this time (dating for years, engaged for years then married and kids.)
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| Posted 2/28/13 10:07 PM |
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