Today did not go like I expected

So, I had my second DS just after midnight. He is beautiful and healthy and I am so in love. My older DS is 22 months. He slept over my parents house last night, today they brought him up to the hospital to meet his little brother. What a NIGHTMARE. He saw me and screamed. Clung to my mother, my stepfather, my husband, even my best friend who was here visiting at the same time. He kept shouting NO MAMA NO MAMA. And when DH lifted him up to look at DS # 2 in the bassinet he SCREAMED in the baby's face. DH just left to go home and get DS and bring him home for the night and I am beside myself. I LOVE my new son, I am so overjoyed that he is here. But now I just keep thinking, what did I do to Jameson? For the last 22 months we have been a great little family unit, and I just rocked his little world. Baby Callum and I are going home on Wednesday morning, and I am petrified that Jameson is going to flip when we walk into the house. I know I am his mommy and he loves me, but he was just so angry today. Even my mother was shocked at his reaction. This just stinks.

Today did not go like I expected

i don't have any advice, because i only have one, but i feel your pain, i hope it gets better and i would try not to worry while you are still in the hospital

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice either, but wanted to wish you luck. I am going through something similar - my DS and DD are 22.5 months apart. I had my DD about 3 weeks ago. My DS is very, very jealous and doesn't want much, if anything, to do with my DD. He's been acting out a lot and it's been a nightmare. Hope that it passes soon. It's difficult to tell what's triggering it - is it all because of our DD or because he's fast approaching 2 years of age?

Re: Today did not go like I expected

I don't have any advice but can tell you that maybe ds seeing you in the hospital was a little overwhelming to begin with and the fact there's a buzz a hot a new baby just put him over the edge. My nephew said to my sister in law that if the new baby (his sister) kept crying they couldn't take her home. We'll be was the king for four years. So he didn't acknowledge that she was around for a few. Months unless she cried. I hope when you get home it is better than you think and congrats on your second baby.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

I just had DS a week ago. My twins are 26 months. My twins did not react so great in the hospital either. They were very stand off ish and DD kept crying off and on. I too was sad.

But when we got home it was an entirely different story. They were napping when we got home so I got the baby settled and when they woke up it was like any other day. We played for a little bit and then we showed them the baby. They were great (and have been since then). They LOVE their new brother and things have gone smoothly.

I think the hospital may have scared them a bit. Like why are mommy and daddy staying here with the new baby? They were confined to a little room etc

Hoping this is the case for you too

Re: Today did not go like I expected

When we had DS, DD was also about 22 months. In the hospital she was very cautious about going near me and the baby. She showed a bit of curiosity, but was really more interested in the toys my MIL had brought into the room for her or the milkshake DH was drinking. She really wouldn't come near me or the hospital bed... By the time we came home she was fine and now the two of them are BFFs!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

i promise you that once you are home in your normal surroundings and things are back to normal (just add a baby) he will be MUCH better. Its tough seeing you out of what is "normal"... in a strange place with lots of strange people. I can almost promise that it wasn't the baby, just everything else new and different.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

He was probably just reacting, as in this was the first time you were away from him, and he missed you, as hard as it is for him, of course is it hard for you too, to be away from him. His routine was changed a little, and that is to be expected..I am certain that once you are home, and has you home and back to normality for him, he will be fine! Congrats, those boys will be BFF's for life!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

ugh, I am SO SORRY you had to go through that while dealing with recovery and hormones after birth etc. I have no experience but reading your post made me a little emotional. DS and I have been thick as thieves these past almost 21 months. We are going to try for baby #2 and while I think he will do well with a sibling I sometimes worry if he will feel like a new baby is taking away from our special bond. My only advice would be to take DS out somewhere just the 2 of you. So he knows that he has not been forgotten and that he still holds a special place. Even if it's just breakfast or the park for a short while.

Today did not go like I expected

Things will get much better, trust me. I just had ds in january. dd was 16 months old. she was at the hospital when I had the baby via csection but I didnt see her til I came home. when I got to my parents' house, I went I. and sat with dd for a bit and played with her. we showed her the baby but dhe just ignored him. within a few days, she was all about him. she will help hold his bottle, loves playing with him on his playmat, yells baby whenever he cries, etc. just give it time. soon, they will be best friends.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

What you just did to him was give him a best friend for life

Everything is just going to take a little getting used to, but your new life will become normal very soon!!

Congrats!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Don't worry, it is natural!! And it will get better!!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

It will get better! I promise! This is a big adjustment for him. It probably scared him not to see you and then to have to go see you in the hospital. I'm sorry that it didn't go as you planned. You're all going to have an adjustment but it will get better.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

First, congratulations!

Second, there will be jealousy forever... but there will be bonding too. DS looks for DD as soon as he wakes up & visa versa (they are 18 months apart). They play together ALL DAY LONG. I want to have a third (but need more time in between for my own sanity) & think it's a shame the third won't be as close as these two!

That being said, my one year old is jealous of my 2 year old too! She cries when I hug him. I really have 2 babies... welcome to the club!

I didn't bring DS to hospital because he would have done exactly this & I didn't need the drama.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

I am sorry he acted like that but he was probably overwhelmed and missed you and probably confused. I was told by my Pediatrician when I have the new baby to get my DD a present and tell her its from the new baby. Make him feel really special. When You get home it will be much easier for him to adapt. Have him help you as much as possible and keep telling him what a big helper he is. I also agree with a PP when all settles down just the 2 of you go to a park or walk. This way he sees you still love him and can have one on one time. In the end you gave him a best friend that he will love to grow up with!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

I'm sorry that this happened to you. My boys are five years apart so I had a totally different reaction, but I think at any age you will have some adjustment issues whether its right away or days later. But no matter what, it does get better and before you know it they will adore each other. Good luck!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

PLEASE READ THIS:
It helped me when I had DC #2

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as youve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I havent taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know youll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.

I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown

Today did not go like I expected

I think that is very normal at this age. DD is 22 mo older than DS and reacted similarly. DS is now 8 weeks and while she loves him and treats him like "her baby", she still shows signs of jealousy at times. I've heard SO MANY other people tell similar stories too.

I'd discuss it with your ped when they come to check on the new baby. I know mine was very reassuring and had some good tips for dealing with it.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Thank you everyone so much for all of your support and advice. We opted to not have DS come to the hospital today, he will see us tomorrow when we go home. My parents made a big deal out of today, took him to LICM, took him out to lunch, and let him pick out a toy at Toys R Us. My mom showed him a picture of me & Callum on her phone and he leaned in and kissed the phone. I know there will be jealousy, and the new baby will be a huge adjustment for all of us, I just didn't expect him to be so angry! So, thanks again, you all really helped. I can't wait to go home tomorrow and be with all of my boys!!

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Mine are 14 months apart and I remember DD1 freaking out at the hospital screaming and not wanting to go near the baby. My advice is not to pressure the older to accept the change. When you go home have someone else mind the baby a bit and you dote on the older child. Put the baby in a neutral spot and let your older child check the baby out in his own time.

Re: Today did not go like I expected

Give it time. My boys are 22 months apart. Believe me in a few months things will be better. The kids will love each other and have constant playmates.

Keep your 22 month schedule the same. Spend extra time with him. The baby's needs will be met but be even more conscious with #1

It will be great. The biggest gift to give him is a siblling.