Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

I am at a point where I don't know what to do anymore. My 5 year old DS has been acting out so much the last 2 weeks. I am exhausted and hoping to get some advice.

DS is a good student. He goes to a Montessori school and is starting to read, do math, can tell time. He excels in school. He is friendly with all the kids in school... get frequent requests for playdates. I say he is an old soul....he understands way more than a 5 year old should....and I really am not just saying it because I am his mom.

He turned 5 at the end of February and some kid of switch went off. I get he wants more independence but he has been acting out at school and at home. He needs a nap but is insistent that he doesn't...but if he doesn't get one, he has a melt down. He gets angry....like a match...it's so fast and then I dies down. So the thing that bothers me the most (and makes me cry) is that when he gets angry, he tells me that we don't love him...that he doesn't feel it. Today, when he pushed a classmate his teacher asked him to apologize. He said no and then threatened to thrown something. His teacher was stern and sat him down for rest....when she did, he started to bite his hand. I was in tears when she called me....and I wen and picked him early. He was sorry as soon as he got home and asked if he could play. I was working from home so I had him is with me all afternoon and practice his letters and numbers.

I know a lot is manipulation, and part of it is jealousy of his 2.5 yo sister. I have had every thought from mental illnesses, to ADHD. Hs teachers and ped think I am off base...that he doesn't show signs. I just want my sweet boy back. We changed our discipline method to 123 Magic. I left a message with a child therapist to talk to them........I feel like a failure as a mom..I an exhausted every night....I want to cry....I'll take any advice.

Message edited 3/25/2013 10:02:56 PM.

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

It is hard!!! My son is 4 .5 and sounds very similar. I have even had him evaluated two times. I ignore the words. Ds says I hate you a lot and then ten seconds later will be kissing and loving on me!! Then we use a behavior chart for listening and kind words. We catch him being good at different times and he earns a predetermined reinforcer. It works sometimes and sometimes he is just so impulsive he needs to calm down. I feel that each stage had its challenges and it gets worse and worse. The only thing I would advise against is you drilling letters and numbers as a punishment. You want to make that fun and enjoyable and if u pair that with punishment it could become aversive. Hth

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

I am sorry this is happening .

My older son turned 5 in January. We also had a rough period a few months back. My son's personality sounds a lot like yours.

My son didn't act out at school, but he did at home. He had outbursts and would say mean, hurtful things to us and his 2.5 year old brother. He would say " I don't love you", things along those lines.

I talked to the ped and I suspected it was due to him not getting enough sleep. He seemed tired and grumpy in the afternoons, which was when he would act out.

So we put him to bed an hour earlier, and also gave him Claritin, because we thought his allergies were affecting his sleep.

It made a big difference!!! His short fuse is gone. I try to get him to nap, but he won't. So, an early bedtime is best. If he gets 11-12 hours a night, we are good. If not - then the irritability returns.

I would see if maybe he is tired, or feeling off for some reason. Maybe the therapist can help pinpoint the issue. Good luck and don't feel badly- you cate about him, this is not your fault!!

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

Im not sure if I read your post right but it seems like all of this just started within the last couple of weeks? Before that you didnt have any of these issues? To me it seems like something may be going on with him that u may not realize....maybe something happened with his teacher or a fellow student? A brand new 5 yr old (my dd just turned 5 also) really wont express this in the right way. He could just be acting out in response to something going on. I dont think you just develop mental illness or ADHD overnight like that especially if its only going on for a few weeks. Good luck and I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

Most times when kids start acting out out of nowehere there is always a reason, may nt be a big deal to you but it is to him.
Did something happen at home? Any changes? At school? Maybe another kid or kids bothering him? I would try and talk to him, he is 5 he should be able to express his feelings and tell you if anything is going on that's making him feel like he needs to act out .
We went through a similar situation with my DD for a few months, in the fall/winter, DD is also a ver smart kid, she is in a special advanced program at school, always very sweet, polite, such a good girl, never had issues with her , but she started acting out when she turned 5 , not at school, but at home, she started talking back , hitting, not listening. She was like a different child, it was kinda scary to be honest. I actually thought ther was something wrong with her and went to a ped, neurologist, phsychologist , just for a consult, in the end it was just all the changes : my pregnancy, new baby, new school, new teacher , new friends. We changed few things, had a talk with her and it has gotten so much better the past couple of months, she still has her moments, but nothing too bad, she is just a regular 5 yo going on 13 once in a while

Good luck, hang in there and I hope things get better soon

Message edited 3/26/2013 10:17:16 AM.

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

I think this all sounds pretty normal.

When you yell at him, you can reinforce that you love HIM (and always will), not the things he DOES. This may answer the "I don't feel like you love me" thing. Don't say that he doesn't feel like your sweet boy within ear shot of him (I see people do this & the kids listen).

He DEFINITELY doesn't sound like he has any type of disorder.

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

Re: Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

We had a bump in the road with our 5 year old a few months back. He had been in daycare since 4 months old so when his teacher told us about bad behavior in school we were floored.

Looking back there were a lot of changes going on (new sister, grandparents in hospital, hurricane sandy, school shootings) but I was glad the teacher made us aware

Like a PP said I made sure he got sleep and I was even more in tune to him--giving him attention and making sure he was ok

a few months later he was star of the week in school

I happen to think that 5 year olds just may act out. We just have to reinforce the good behavior

Feel like a failure - 5 yo issues...long

No experience with a 5 year old, but if you say he is as smart as he is, and I believe you, do you think he could maybe be bored at school? Maybe he is acting up all of the sudden because he is not challeged enough? Also, I would set some time aside with him a few hours a week and take him out for some special time with just you, no little sisiter. Honestly, I think a lot of the actions you mention are probably quite normal. Good luck

Message edited 3/27/2013 8:38:52 AM.