just a vent - friends

Two of my closest friends have young kids. One has a little boy; the other has 2 little girls. Both are stay at home moms.

I get that they're busy. But does it take days on end to respond to a text or email? I also get that they don't want to go out and party anymore (and neither do i!) but is meeting for dinner and a drink THAT difficult? The excuse for everything and anything is the baby this, the kids that. The thing is, i believe that they are being honest - i mean, i truly don't think they are deliberately trying to end our friendship or anything. I think they are SO wrapped up in their own situations that they don't even care if they lose their friends along the way.

I'm really over it. There are moments when i'm sad about it, but the bottom line is that it's their problem if they want to lose all friends and have their ENTIRE life be about nothing but kids. I get that kids are #1 priority, but i imagine there's a way to find a balance.

I just cannot imagine letting children basically destroy relationships i've had with people for 10+ years. Guess i just don't get it.

Re: just a vent - friends

I would ask them to do take out at their house for dinner and bring a bottle of wine. It might be that getting a sitter is difficult/expensive. This way you can still see your friend but make it a little more budget friendly. The other thing is that they might be really tired. My kids are now 5 and 3 and I am finally at a point where I would want to go out.

Re: just a vent - friends

hang in there...all my friends have kids...when they first had them it was hard to get together for things...but now that they are older we pick a day a few weeks in advance & get together.

just a vent - friends

Thanks ladies. LSP2005, you are right, I should probably make more of an effort to visit them or do something that's easier for them. I have to say, the hanging out stuff bothers me, but actually i am WAY more bothered by the failure to return texts/emails. Because to me, that takes all of 90 seconds ya know? Sorry if i sounded too harsh towards people with kids, i didn't mean to.

Re: just a vent - friends

I agree with the meeting over their house. I have older kids but it is easier sometimes to have people over than to go out (and cheaper as the kids get bigger, the expenses get bigger lol).

I find that I have more friends and do more things now then I did when the kids were younger and same for my friends whose kids are a little older too. We never saw each other years ago when they were much younger.

Re: just a vent - friends

Pffft..preaching to the choir, my friend. I already wrote off 2 friends who had kids in the past 3 years..they constantly cancelled plans at the last minute, became no-shows at some events (one almost missed my wedding), and then when they try to reciprocate, its all about them, them, them and their kids. eff that. Let them wake up one day in 10 years and realize they no longer have friends from their single days.. I dont have time to deal w. their crap.

Re: just a vent - friends

Yes preaching to the choir. I basically wrote this same rant a while ago. I feel your pain.

I got an email in Jan from bff saying she missed me, we should hang, etc...she's free in March(!!!yes she actually said that). I replied with 'i'm free during the week after work are you available??' No response.

just a vent - friends

Thanks ladies. I'm trying to officially get to the "i don't care" point but I can't pretend it doesn't make me sad, when it does.

Last night, after writing this post, I texted one of them and said hey, how did you guys make out in the snow? Hope the girls are having fun. Let's try to get together soon!

No response. 24 hours later. Does it take THAT much effort to respond to a simple "hi" text??

Re: just a vent - friends

Re: just a vent - friends

Re: just a vent - friends

I had my son later in life & many of my friends had them early so I have myself convinced that I can relate on this board. Sorry if my posts aren't wanted.

When my friends were having kids before me I remember offering to get together with them and their children. If they never even made that work then I stopped trying. Years later, we are still acquaintances but are hardly ever in touch. It was mostly one person who just never tried no matter what I suggested. With the others we eventually figured out what worked for all of us.

I will say that the babysitting thing does get difficult. The price is one thing but the availability of babysitters also becomes an issue.

Re: just a vent - friends

Certainly the babysitter issue is definitely an issue.

But not responding to communication? And if I keep texting/emailing/leaving messages and no reply I feel like i'm starting to beg.

So now it's one message and done. If no reply I don't pursue.

Re: just a vent - friends

Message edited 2/25/2013 9:51:35 PM.

Re: just a vent - friends

What's the deal with not responding to a text?!?! The only time I don't is when my phone is in the other room charging. What the heck is their problem?!?!?

I get the it might be hard to find a sitter/expense thing but do these friends of yours not have dads? They can't watch the kids for a bit? It's nice when friends come over for dinner but it's nice to go out too. It's really not that hard to pick a date and stick to it. Yes I get that things come up but not alllllllllllll the time.
I'm so upset for you!!!

FTR- I'm a 37 year old FTWM who's also a FTM. I BF and pump cook clean etc. I always make time for my friends. Why wouldn't I? I love them like family!!!

Re: just a vent - friends

just a vent - friends

To me this sounds like it may have nothing to do with having kids or not. I have a certain friend who just sux at responding texts or messages. I would say hey lets hang out this sat night and no response. She has kids but they are older, can basically go out easily. I think its an effort thing because I have other frinds with smaller kids, work full time and they just as much effort as me and respond to me. I am starting to give up with that one friend who doesnt respond because to me its just obnoxious.

Im not saying her having small kids isnt part of the problem but either u are a friend who makes an effort or u dont.

Re: just a vent - friends

Crashing - I have a full time job in the city, two little boys (almost 4 and almost 2) and a husband who also works in the city and gets home at 8pm -

I MAKE the time for my friends b/c it's important to me. I friends w/ kids, I have married friends w/o kids, I have single friends - I make a point to keep in touch w/ all of them - Do I see them as often as I'd like? No - but I DO see them - And I do NOT expect that they come to my house b/c it's 'easier for me' ......

It takes 5 seconds to respond to a text message - EVEN if it's "Sorry can't talk now, the kids are insane" .......I probably typed that in 2 seconds.

Sorry, youir friends are jerks -

just a vent - friends

Thanks ladies. Like some of you have said, i cannot fathom being too busy to make SOME time for my friends, even if it's just responding to an email or text. So yea, i'm pretty much done at this point. Fortunately i have enough other stuff going on that i don't NEED these people in my life, ya know, but it still stinks.

Re: just a vent - friends

I'm a mom too but I wanted to tell you that is does cycle back around. I was the last of my family and friends to have kids. When my friends' kids were young, I didn't hear from them often or at all sometimes. As the kids got older, they had more time and energy to talk on the phone or get together. As your kids get older, you get more comfortable leaving them with sitters, when you can find one you trust.

If they are completely blowing you off, maybe they are just jerks, but my personality hasn't changed that much since I had my son. I never liked talking on the phone that much and don't really text, but email me and I respond within 24 hrs. Maybe there is one good way to get a hold of them - for me it's email.

Re: just a vent - friends

This thread has been on my mind. My friend will contact me via email/text randomly. Not in response to anything i initiate, but i'll reply and then crickets...nothing. promises to call...i don't hold my breath. I've kind of stopped initiating contact. I feel like an afterthought to her. Not a good feeling.

Re: just a vent - friends