Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted By

Message

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by MarisaK

While I agree, her writing style is obnoxious and abrasive.

I don't completely disagree with her message. The WAY she said it is awful, and it's coming off as the perspective of a bitter spinster ........but as a woman with a husband, and children - I CAN see some of her points.

Would anyone argue that doing laundry is an accomplishment on par with performing heart surgery?

I'd spin it differently though - I think a lot of the time, since getting married and having children while not "easy" as she put it, IS the socially acceptable and expected norm - Young women who have not hit those 'milestones' are looked down on by those who have with a sort of pity -
And they also, feel about themselves that their lives aren't as important or they haven't accomplished as much -

I had this exact conversation with my best friend the other day - We're childhood friends, and planning to celebrate out 35th togather - I told her 35 bothered me this year. I don't know why, I just felt like, "GOD!! 35, there's so much more I wanted to accomplish at this point in my life" - her response?
"are you kidding me? at least you're a REAL grown up" When I questioned it she said "You know, the husband, the house, the kids .........." - no where in there was any mention of my education or professional accomplishements, as if all that matters as a woman is your husband, your house and your kids -

This infuriates me. I wasn't mad at her - I was mad FOR her, and for myself.
I was mad b/c she feel that at 35 she 'has no life' and is a failure and is embarassed if we bump into people from HS b/c she is single and childless - as if it's some diesease. As if her professional and educational and personal accomplishments don't matter at all - and mad for myself b/c since I AM married with children, the rest of my OWN prodessional or personal accomplishements for the rest of my life will have little to no significance b/c the only thing that really 'matters' is how well I raise my kids, and clean my house and keep my husband from cheating on me -

I do agree though, that promotions, and major life events SHOULD be celebrated for ALL women - NOT just those who aren't married, as if it's some kind of consolation prize - "Oh well, she didn't get married or have babies, so let's go out and celebrate her new VP promotion" .........

This mentality and judgement keeps us ALL on the defense, and at each other's throats constantly -

but it will never change - b/c women, are AWFUL to each other.

ITA.

I don't disagree with her on several of her points. She said something about not having the time, flexibility and energy to be exceptional if you have a DH and kids and you know what? I pretty much agree with that (as I sit home from work today because my DS was sick). I know there are exceptions, who I admire with envy, but most moms I know are not at the top of their game because they are too busy supporting everyone else to get to the top of their game. Myself included. Why isn't DH home today instead? He's up for a promotion; that's why.

As a professional with a doctorate, I find it very hard to move up the corporate ladder with all of my personal obligations. I know I can say "forget it all" and just do me but that's not fair to DH or my DS who I voluntarily brought into this world. And let's face it, her point about travelling, taking a really exciting , luxurious, adventurous vacation with small kids is really not feasible. I mean, you CAN do it but will it be the vacation you hoped it would be? Probably not. I would love the ability to just worry about me and pick up and go as I please but that's not my reality now. And I certainly didn't appreciate that reality when I had it either. I was too busy dreaming of meeting my Prince Charming and living happily ever after.

What would really make me happy ever after is if I had the nerve enough and the motivation to stop making excuses for my lack of being "exceptional" (in my mind) and just do it. There are plenty of women who get it all done and I totally admire that. Then I can write my own blog proving her wrong.

Yes yes yes yes
i totally hear you on what you wrote above

And I've said it before - you will rarely find men battling over being a sahd vs working dad or who does more

I feel like when anyone is so dead set on proving their way is best - it's because deep down they are insecure with their own choices. It applies to everything.

I'm a ftwm. I intend to always be one. I don't give a hoot who does what. I only care about myself and what works for me. Chat Icon

I must admit one thing - the comments saying how she's bitter and that's why she's single. I don't find that fair. Not having a man does not define who you are or aren't. No one should have their worth defined by having a man. I hear that all the time - women saying haha so and so is single because she's bitter/cold/etc. I don't like it. jMO.

Posted 1/24/14 5:44 PM