How did you get over the fears....

Hi all,

I found out on Wednesday night that I had miscarried-- we had seen a HB at 6.5 weeks at the first sonogram, and when we went back at 8.5 weeks the baby had barely grown and there was no HB. I had a d&c on Friday. It has been a devastating couple of days....was my first time being pregnant and it had taken probably nearly a year to get there (I'm 35). I'm trying to distract myself, but I had every image in my head of holding my baby in my arms in July, and I was so excited that the baby was all I could really think about once I found out I was pregnant. Part of me even feels betrayed by my own body since I've still had pregnancy symptoms -- sore boobs etc (and still do). It just seems to unfair. My mother says I need to try to distract myself, but that's hard.....and I know that there are women who suffer losses at a later stage than I did, so I guess I should feel lucky that it happened relatively early on....but, having seen a HB, the baby was real, it was mine.

So, I'm writing because I need some support from those who have gone through this (and I'm so sorry for your loss as well)....mostly, how did you get over the fear of trying again-- I desperately want a child, but I'm afraid of another miscarriage, of getting my hopes and excitement up in the future.....I'm even afraid of have sex again! (havent had sex since we found out we were pregnant - I wanted to wait a bit because I was afraid LOL.) Any tips for how you got over the fear, or moved on, or took a deep breath? I dont know if I'm making much sense and appreciate if you've read this far.......any ways in which you built up your courage, or did you just push the fear aside....

Thanks to all.

Re: How did you get over the fears....

im so sorry.

i just miscarried 2 weeks ago, at 6 weeks. it was awful.

i am 37 and really thought i would have a hard time getting pregnant. luckily, it didn't take that long, but what a devastation losing it so soon.

on the other hand, i TRULY feel like life will take its course. you have to really get into that mindset and belief. not that anyone wants to hear it, but miscarriages are extremely common, and usually go on to healthy pregnancies. another thing is that miscarriages are natures way of handling what it feels is an non-viable pregnancy. we just have to trust our bodies to do the right thing.

try and look at the positive.. you DID get pregnant which means your body knows what to do. i know that when i get pregnant again, unfortunately i will be nervous for a while too. but i will try my best to put it in the hands of mother nature and just keep myself healthy and positive.

a lot of us have gone through this and some have had even bigger losses and i think we can learn a lot from them and certainly lean on each other for support.

if you need anything, this is the place to be!

good luck and stay healthy and happy and look forward to a beautiful future!

How did you get over the fears....

I am so sorry for your loss, it's definitely tough no matter how far along you are. I miscarried in April at just about 6 weeks and I was absolutely devastated. The best advice I received was it's ok to mourn. When we lost the baby, was the was the first, last and only time I've seen my husband cry. No matter how far along you were, it is your baby and you already had a plan in mind. It was extremely tough and I wouldn't have sex with dh for over a month. Luckily he was very understanding. It took about 6 months to get over the initial fear and allow myself to get back into the game. I am now 13 weeks and baby is doing well. I'm still fearful every minute that something will go wrong and I don't think that fear will go away until my baby is in my arms. It's scary, but having a support group is definitely helpful. For me, my sister in law went though the same thing and she and her hubby were there for us every step of the way. Feel free to fm me if you ever want to talk. All I can say for now, from somebody who has been there, you'll never forget it but it will get easier with each day that passes. It will be scary and it's ok to cry. Take your time, we all cope differently and however you choose, just try to remember it will get better.

How did you get over the fears....

I'm so sorry for your loss. Like a pp said, the best advice I can give is to grieve. I miscarried at 11 weeks and at first, I tried to pretend like I was ok. I think I was just in shock. Then, I allowed myself to grieve. I cried, screamed, threw things, etc. It was therapeutic.

The fear never really goes away, but it does get less and less with time. Take it day by day. Give yourself a chance to grieve for your loss. And we are all here for you. I can't tell you how much these ladies helped me when I miscarried. I really don't know what I would've done without them.

And when you get pregnant again, of course you'll be scared. But, the fear goes away a little more each sonogram, doc appt., etc.

How did you get over the fears....

Thank you all so much, and I am so sorry for your losses. It does help to know that I'm not alone, that others have felt what I am or that I'm not crazy for feeling as badly as I do. I can barely open my mouth the last few days without crying. It's just SO scary because I know that I have absolutely NO control over what happens, and if the pregnancy is healthy or not. I want to go forward in a positive way but the fear really will be hard. Strangely, even with this pregnancy I was overly nervous -- were my symptoms normal, were they enough, will it be ok (probably because it felt like it took us a while to get pregnant)-- and it turned out NOT to be ok.....I'm going to be an absolute nervous wreck when we get pregnant again. Do you know if having a miscarriage means, generally, that you are more likely to have another? Again, I really appreciate your support :(

Re: How did you get over the fears....

statistics say that 85% of women go on to have a healthy pregnancy next.

the fact is, we won't know until we are there.

i know it's hard, but try not to stress. stress doesn't actually help anything...in fact, it can make things worse.

every day, just picture yourself pregnant and happy and healthy. do what you can to enjoy yourself and take care of your body and mind and be happy with your husband. that's your number one priority. i know how you feel, being in our mid 30s, me even older, it makes the "clock" tick even louder. but i had a nice talk with myself, lol, and i realized that i need to take that out of my head. pretend there's no clock.

cope with your emotions and as i've said a zillion times (im sorry lol!).. just focus on being happy and healthy. it'll happen for you!

Re: How did you get over the fears....

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through it twice in the first 8 weeks after using an RE to get pregnant. Like a lot of the girls have said, you need to grieve and mourn. It is normal to feel alone and sad but know you are not alone. It is a pain that lessens, but never fully goes away. As a dear friend of mine told me, the minute you find out your pregnant, no matter how hard you try, you picture its entire life. She also told me you can only push yourself as far as you feel you can go. I wrestle with the "when to try again" every single day. I am the same age as you and I put pressure on myself when I shouldn't so I am the last person to give advice about when the right time is. However, the bottom line is, you want a baby. When you feel comfortable, and at some point you will, you will again. Statistics are on your side that you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. I do recommend, if you wish to ease your mind a little bit, speak to your doctor about your concerns. Best of luck to you

Re: How did you get over the fears....

Re: How did you get over the fears....

I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks back in November after my 3rd IUI. For about a month afterwards I would cry everyday. Afterwards each day got a little easier, but I ocassionally still get upset. I am finding that moving on has helped me a lot. I went back to my RE and I'm going to start trying again with my next cycle. I think I am always going to fear it happening again but I am trying to remain optimistic.

Re: How did you get over the fears....

I had 3 back to back losses in 2013. It was horrible but I wasn't ready to give up, I knew to continue was the only way to make it happen. So I did, and I am holding a sleeping baby right now. I was a nervous wreck, had panic attacks before Sonos for the longest time but with the support of some great friends and family I made it through

Re: How did you get over the fears....

Re: How did you get over the fears....

I recently went through this and then got pregnant and miscarried again. My insight may sound odd, but because I had been through it before it didn't hit me as hard and wasn't the same kind of pain that I felt the first time. Last time I felt more mournful and this time I was sad but mostly angry. Maybe because the two pregnancies couldn't have both been "meant to be" because they overlapped within 9 months. But oddly this time I am kind of just forward thinking as though I'm still expecting a baby in the future, its coming, it's just a matter of how long it will take me to get there. Maybe that's a form of denial lol but so far it's allowed me to deal. We're somehow tougher and built to handle these things more than we think.