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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
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Losing my mind
Please dont quote. If you've seen my posts in the past you know that I have a very headstrong DS. He just turned 4 and started PreK. He was previously in a nursery school program and did a lot of growing there.
I thought this transition to PreK would be easy being that he already had nursery school under his belt.
Well it has been awful. Ever since school started i now get "mommy dont go to work, dont leave me" and all of that type of breakdown every morning. Then i leave, the sitter says he is fine, and he goes into school in a good mood.
The teacher has been telling me he is handsy with some of the other kids, he sometimes crumples up his work, throws toys, etc. This is all new to me. She said he is still adjusting and wants to give him more time to see if things improve and put him on a behavior plan, but again he got handsy with someone during centers today. Ive been telling him every day that we keep our hands to yourself, and have been reinforcing all the rules. When he has a bad day at school he doesnt get to go to the playground, get dessert or watch TV. I dont know what else to do. At such a loss and am heartbroken. I hate to think of him putting his hands on another child :( He never has done this in my presence and is always a "good kid" when playing with other friends cousins etc.
Anyone been through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Anything else i can be doing to help the transition?
Message edited 9/28/2017 2:55:59 PM.
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Posted 9/28/17 2:51 PM  |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
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Re: Losing my mind
I think it is normal, even thought he was in nursery school, this is still an adjustment. I am guessing he is in a new school, with new kids?
My kids occasionally still whine that they dont want me to go to work, but once I go they are totally fine. I would not worry about that part at all.
Him getting handsy with others, I do understand why you are upset by it. But I think the teacher is great and has the right mindset telling you that he is still adjusting. I would think she sees it most (assuming this is her first year teaching), perhaps speak to her on the best way to handle it? I noticed with my kids, a punishment of no treats, or toys etc does not do much. However, this year school implemented a red, yellow, green light chart for the kids and it has done wonders for DS. He gets SO excited to start the day on green and end the day on green too! Maybe speak to the teacher and ask her if she has any suggestions on handling it during school hours (instead of when you are with him later in the day). Maybe the immediate consequence/action would help prevent it in the future. Or even a reward? If he has 5 good days of school in a row he can go to the store to pick out a toy (we do this and go to the dollar store loL)
Message edited 9/28/2017 3:33:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/28/17 3:31 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by jams92
I think it is normal, even thought he was in nursery school, this is still an adjustment. I am guessing he is in a new school, with new kids?
My kids occasionally still whine that they dont want me to go to work, but once I go they are totally fine. I would not worry about that part at all.
Him getting handsy with others, I do understand why you are upset by it. But I think the teacher is great and has the right mindset telling you that he is still adjusting. I would think she sees it most (assuming this is her first year teaching), perhaps speak to her on the best way to handle it? I noticed with my kids, a punishment of no treats, or toys etc does not do much. However, this year school implemented a red, yellow, green light chart for the kids and it has done wonders for DS. He gets SO excited to start the day on green and end the day on green too! Maybe speak to the teacher and ask her if she has any suggestions on handling it during school hours (instead of when you are with him later in the day). Maybe the immediate consequence/action would help prevent it in the future. Or even a reward? If he has 5 good days of school in a row he can go to the store to pick out a toy (we do this and go to the dollar store loL)
Thank you so much for answering. Ever since I heard about todays incident I have been beside myself at work. I cant focus and am so upset. I just feel so out of control. Thank you for these good suggestions. And for the comfort.
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| Posted 9/28/17 3:36 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Losing my mind
My DS whines every day if it's not a "home" day - especially after spending almost everyday over the summer with me. He's 3.5.
DS also went through a handsy period at daycare. He was trying to imitate some of the older boys in his daycare class. His teacher does a sticker as a reward for a good day. If he didn't get a sticker, he didn't get to watch TV. This worked for us since he loves TV. Once the older kids moved to another class, he has only had 1 "bad" day. I'd have the Yeager tell you when he acts out so maybe she can be careful about assigning center groups and seeing what triggers his behavior.
Message edited 9/29/2017 4:10:07 AM.
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| Posted 9/28/17 8:09 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Losing my mind
I think you're doing everything right. It's rough!
My son is very similar to yours and very recently a lot of these behaviors are starting to just fade away as he matures.
Also use trial and error with reinforcements to see what works to encourage him to behave better.
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| Posted 9/28/17 9:50 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Losing my mind
My son had a hard transition from preschool to K. I think part of it is normal. But one thing we discovered with my son was that if we tied bad behavior at school to punishment at home, it backfired. If he got a sad face at school and knew it would mean no tv time at home, his attitude pretty much turned for the worse. And the whole day was shot. We had to make it separate. He is not allowed to know how he is doing in school and has to use his own judgement and bad behavior at school, stays at school. We will talk about it at home, but there is no punishment.
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| Posted 9/29/17 8:56 AM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by drpepper318
I think you're doing everything right. It's rough!
My son is very similar to yours and very recently a lot of these behaviors are starting to just fade away as he matures.
Also use trial and error with reinforcements to see what works to encourage him to behave better.
Thank you!! How old was your son when you saw these changes?
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| Posted 9/29/17 10:03 AM |
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LInMI
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1800 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
You're not alone! It's a big adjust for kids. I think it's a phase and he'll eventually grow out of it. The teacher was right for letting you know and for giving DS some time. I think as he gets more acclimated to his routine, setting, etc he'll settle down. Plus, 4 is a tough age in general!
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| Posted 9/29/17 10:39 AM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by LInMI
You're not alone! It's a big adjust for kids. I think it's a phase and he'll eventually grow out of it. The teacher was right for letting you know and for giving DS some time. I think as he gets more acclimated to his routine, setting, etc he'll settle down. Plus, 4 is a tough age in general!
It really is. Just last night he asked me if i was going to work today and had a bit of a breakdown when i said yes. I have been working his whole life-- no change there, so it is odd to me how this is suddenly mattering to him :( Breaks my heart of course.
I reminded him of all his friends who also have babysitters and he seemed to calm down from that.
SIGHHHHH
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| Posted 10/2/17 3:19 PM |
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phoenix913
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3034 total posts
Name:
V
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by jamnmore
My son had a hard transition from preschool to K. I think part of it is normal. But one thing we discovered with my son was that if we tied bad behavior at school to punishment at home, it backfired. If he got a sad face at school and knew it would mean no tv time at home, his attitude pretty much turned for the worse. And the whole day was shot. We had to make it separate. He is not allowed to know how he is doing in school and has to use his own judgement and bad behavior at school, stays at school. We will talk about it at home, but there is no punishment.
This was true for us too. Also the pressure to be "good" all day is too much for my son. It gives him anxiety because he's sure he'll fail so then he stops trying. Just keep talking to him about and eventually he'll outgrow. My DS just started 1st and his teacher says he's doing great and hasn't seen of the behaviors from last year (I had a conversation with her about his troubles last year).
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| Posted 10/3/17 3:19 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Losing my mind
This is my oldest. even at almost 7... he is a complete handful!!! just BEYOND energetic ( i'm not exaggerating when i say he doesn't stop moving! literally he does cartwheels to the bathroom when we're getting ready to leave the house!!!) and headstrong and just has trouble getting along with other kids sometimes. I think he can be a lot for them to handle. he would get in trouble in preschool a decent amount for things like pushing other kids (not really on purpose- he was playing Ninja...) , he once cut another kid's shirt with scissors... all kinds of fun stuff. i lose my mind with him daily. HOWEVER, its starting to get a little bit better. His teachers at school tel me he does great, focuses on his work, he's smart and learning what he's supposed to. I think he just loses it at home after keeping it together all day. I honestly just take deep breaths and try to find as many things as i can to get his energy out- boys gymnastics class, we bought a trampoline for our yard, swimming lessons... we're constantly at playgrounds when its nice out. anything to get him out and moving. SOOOO i definitely feel for you though!!! there were many days in preschool that i would cry after i heard he had a bad day there, wasn't nice to one of the other kids. I'm a SAHM- we have no family anywhere close by that helps out. So i literally pour EVERYTHING i have into this kid all day (and now his younger brother) so it definitely stings when you hear they can't keep it together. But honestly, i'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and he gets older--- and i'm sure you will too! until then, LOTS of wine!!!!!
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| Posted 10/3/17 5:49 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Losing my mind
These post have kept me sane -- so thank you, each and every one of you for your support. We have had a few great days... i saw his attitude improve, he was bringing home completed work, and seemed so much happier. Then today i get a note that he pinched someone at the end of a very good day. I dont get it and im just so at a loss. It breaks my heart more than anything that he would put his hands on someone. We never put our hands on him at home so i just dont know where this is coming from. I guess ill be drinking a big glass of wine tonight!!!!!! :(
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| Posted 10/4/17 12:35 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Losing my mind
I went through the same thing with my 5 year old when he started pre-K. He was one of the youngest in the class, so that didn't help either. 4 years old was a tough year for him. He struggled socially because of his highs and lows, whining every morning not to go to school, wouldn't participate, struggling to stay in the "green" on the behavior chart, etc. We decided to keep him in pre-k for an additional year before going to K and it did wonders for him. He matured so much and is doing great. Even his second year of pre-k was awesome. VERY few days where he didn't want to go, lots of friends, his behavior improved so much.
I think you're doing great. Stay consistent with him. I honestly think a lot of it is a maturity thing, especially with boys.
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| Posted 10/5/17 11:45 AM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by BlueDiamonds
I went through the same thing with my 5 year old when he started pre-K. He was one of the youngest in the class, so that didn't help either. 4 years old was a tough year for him. He struggled socially because of his highs and lows, whining every morning not to go to school, wouldn't participate, struggling to stay in the "green" on the behavior chart, etc. We decided to keep him in pre-k for an additional year before going to K and it did wonders for him. He matured so much and is doing great. Even his second year of pre-k was awesome. VERY few days where he didn't want to go, lots of friends, his behavior improved so much.
I think you're doing great. Stay consistent with him. I honestly think a lot of it is a maturity thing, especially with boys.
Thank you so much. I have considered this as well. He just celebrated his 4th bday last week so he is one of the youngest in the class. There are more kids approaching 5 in December than on the young side. Makes me worry!
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| Posted 10/5/17 11:54 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by BlueDiamonds
I went through the same thing with my 5 year old when he started pre-K. He was one of the youngest in the class, so that didn't help either. 4 years old was a tough year for him. He struggled socially because of his highs and lows, whining every morning not to go to school, wouldn't participate, struggling to stay in the "green" on the behavior chart, etc. We decided to keep him in pre-k for an additional year before going to K and it did wonders for him. He matured so much and is doing great. Even his second year of pre-k was awesome. VERY few days where he didn't want to go, lots of friends, his behavior improved so much.
I think you're doing great. Stay consistent with him. I honestly think a lot of it is a maturity thing, especially with boys.
oooh yeah- this, too!! My son has a november birthday. so he was the youngest in his class the first 2 years at preschool. like 6-8 months younger than most of the kids, which is a big difference at this age. so i think that was a big part of the issues he had, too.
he did an extra year of pre-k bc he missed the kindergarten cut-off. and that last year was a lot better-- he was the oldest in the class then, and that extra year just helped him a lot...
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| Posted 10/5/17 12:51 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by b2b777
When he has a bad day at school he doesnt get to go to the playground, get dessert or watch TV.
I haven't read over all the comments but wanted to specifically address this. Don't punish him at home for things that have happened in school. First, he's 4, whatever happened in school was hours before the punishment and he likely can't really link what he did to the punishment. Doesn't matter how smart he is, etc, it's a developmental thing. Second, he was already reprimanded/got in trouble in school for whatever he did- by you punishing him again, he's in essence getting in trouble twice for the same thing. And, taking away playground, dessert AND TV is really a lot. These punishments are not curtailing his behavior at school. Consequences, especially at that age need to be immediate.
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| Posted 10/5/17 9:01 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by pnbplus1
Posted by b2b777
When he has a bad day at school he doesnt get to go to the playground, get dessert or watch TV.
I haven't read over all the comments but wanted to specifically address this. Don't punish him at home for things that have happened in school. First, he's 4, whatever happened in school was hours before the punishment and he likely can't really link what he did to the punishment. Doesn't matter how smart he is, etc, it's a developmental thing. Second, he was already reprimanded/got in trouble in school for whatever he did- by you punishing him again, he's in essence getting in trouble twice for the same thing. And, taking away playground, dessert AND TV is really a lot. These punishments are not curtailing his behavior at school. Consequences, especially at that age need to be immediate.
I totally agree and since posting this have decided to keep home and school separate but to talk to him briefly if there is an incident at school.
I was told Friday he had a great day at school.
Didnt hear anything Monday or tuesday. Today i hear that he opened and spilled his water bottle onto his pants on purpose. The teacher sent home a note :( This sucks!!!!
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| Posted 10/11/17 4:13 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by b2b777
Posted by BlueDiamonds
I went through the same thing with my 5 year old when he started pre-K. He was one of the youngest in the class, so that didn't help either. 4 years old was a tough year for him. He struggled socially because of his highs and lows, whining every morning not to go to school, wouldn't participate, struggling to stay in the "green" on the behavior chart, etc. We decided to keep him in pre-k for an additional year before going to K and it did wonders for him. He matured so much and is doing great. Even his second year of pre-k was awesome. VERY few days where he didn't want to go, lots of friends, his behavior improved so much.
I think you're doing great. Stay consistent with him. I honestly think a lot of it is a maturity thing, especially with boys.
Thank you so much. I have considered this as well. He just celebrated his 4th bday last week so he is one of the youngest in the class. There are more kids approaching 5 in December than on the young side. Makes me worry!
His age could be part of the issue. He just might not be ready for the demands of preK and could be feeling overwhelmed emotionally. I say this as a mom of an October boy who we held out. It was the best thing we could have done for him. He was just not ready to start preK at 3, almost 4. When he started it at 4, almost 5 it was completely different.
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| Posted 10/12/17 9:12 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Losing my mind
Posted by DaisyGirl
Posted by b2b777
Posted by BlueDiamonds
I went through the same thing with my 5 year old when he started pre-K. He was one of the youngest in the class, so that didn't help either. 4 years old was a tough year for him. He struggled socially because of his highs and lows, whining every morning not to go to school, wouldn't participate, struggling to stay in the "green" on the behavior chart, etc. We decided to keep him in pre-k for an additional year before going to K and it did wonders for him. He matured so much and is doing great. Even his second year of pre-k was awesome. VERY few days where he didn't want to go, lots of friends, his behavior improved so much.
I think you're doing great. Stay consistent with him. I honestly think a lot of it is a maturity thing, especially with boys.
Thank you so much. I have considered this as well. He just celebrated his 4th bday last week so he is one of the youngest in the class. There are more kids approaching 5 in December than on the young side. Makes me worry!
His age could be part of the issue. He just might not be ready for the demands of preK and could be feeling overwhelmed emotionally. I say this as a mom of an October boy who we held out. It was the best thing we could have done for him. He was just not ready to start preK at 3, almost 4. When he started it at 4, almost 5 it was completely different.
Thank you so much for the support. I have felt so alone in this as I see all the other kids doing it all and my kid seems to be odd man out. Not sure I should pull him out at this point. Seems too late...but maybe if things dont get better it is something to consider. UGH!!
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| Posted 10/16/17 11:22 AM |
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