5/6 year old behavior

Hi All,

I am trying to get some perspective on what is normal behavior and what is not. Debating whether I should take my son to see a behavioral specialist...

He started K this year. He is 5, turning 6 in a couple weeks. His teacher says his behavior at school is fine. He is a little shy but very respectful to adults and other children. For the most part out in public in stores and during sports he is well behaved.

He in general is a very sweet little boy, always showering us with love and affection, happy, friendly and funny.

Yet recently the behavior has become a little Jekyll and Hyde has been out of control at home on occasion. I dont even know what is always going to set him off...it could be the smallest thing like me moving something off his dresser and putting on another. a FULL on TANTRUM can ensue....screaming at the top of his lungs "Mommy I told you I didnt want anyone to touch that!!!" and he will literally break down screaming and crying and could take 15 minutes for him to calm down...its maddening. He will say things like, do you want me to move out of this family....I am so mad at you...whatever it is that comes to his mind I guess. He just seems so angry. he will kick his feet and move stuff...but I wouldnt say he is destructive or tries to cause harm to himself or anyone else.

I just dont understand it. We have a very loving home. My husband and I dont fight, we dont speak to each other that way and we show him nothing but attention and love...probably overkill...

I dont know what to do.. It just keeps getting worse over the past couple weeks. It could be 3-5 meltdowns a day over NOTHING.

Do I take him to see someone? Could this be a start of anger issues that I need to intervene so it doesnt get worse? Or do others experience similar behavior with their kids the same age?

Any suggestions/referrals/advice is greatly appreciated.

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

That does sound concerning. What else triggers it?

And at 5 or 6 years old, this behavior definitely sounds like something worth addressing, in my personal opinion.

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

We went through something similar with DD in Pre-K and K.. She was an angel at school and a little devil at home. I would drop her off at school in the morning and tell her to be a good girl (I didn't realize she wasn't a devil in school) and the teacher would say to me "Her? You don't have to tell her that. She is such a good girl", yada yada yada.
I chalked it up to her having to be SO good at school and then just kind of "relaxing" and "turning it off" when she got home.
She is in 1st grade now and is much better.
They are under so much pressure, even in the smaller grades.
I waited it out and it got better. Maybe wait it out a little and see what happens.

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

I think there is a wide range of what is normal or abnormal for a kid this age. I think the reaction can be normal, but not that many times a day. Have you talked to him when he calms down about what is making him upset or angry, and also about how you can't understand what he wants when he gets that angry? Maybe come up with some strategies with him of things he can do in the moments he feels that way? Where are you located? I know a behavior analyst who does group meetings, and also one on ones.

5/6 year old behavior

I work in psychiatry as a behavior analyst. I can’t give you 100% advice because I am not there to observe and obviously you described the scenario but will need more in-depth history. Anyway, based on the written description I would make an appointment immediately for a psychiatrist and a psychologist and see about getting a BCBA in home following a psych evaluation. He’s young and many disorders (and I’m in no way saying he has anything) start around this age and then again rear their heads in adolescence.
I’m very sorry you are going through this but working in this field I commend you for wanting to take action immediately because I rarely see parents recognize and then act quickly and the ones that do have more success with their child when they are proactive. If you need a referral let me know

5/6 year old behavior

Many of the things that you described sound typical in my house. We have ABA therapy at home. When I have discussed it with them, their answer is, that it is typical stuff for his age.
When my son asked me if I wanted him to move out, I asked him if he would like help finding a new family to live with. Later that day I told him I found him new family and pulled up in front of a random house. He asked me if I was joking. He apologized for what he had said and really has not ever done it again.
As for the moving things and him beig set off, it's more about control. He's at an age where he is gaining and learning about indepdendence.
He wants to have an impact and make choices about his life.

Now, my son is 7 and is ASD and ADHD. For us, it is hard to distinguish between typical and his special needs.

One of the things that I have found is to let him be more proactive in decisions. It helps him to feel like he is in some control. He has a daily routine and the routine is all choices like "make my bed" or "do the dishes" and he has to choose one. If he does not want to do them, there are reprucussions later. This was all put together with the help of our team. Getting an appointment for him could take a while. I would call and make an appointment, but in the meantime, I would look into making some small changes that could maybe help him feel like he has more choices and more control and see if that helps.

Hugs to you and know that it will get better.

5/6 year old behavior

My son has meltdowns when he’s overstimulated and feels out of control. It was really bad in ore-k and has gotten better as he’s gotten older although on vacation this time he’s been pretty difficult to deal with. Is there any time of day where you can discuss why he’s upset? My son is usually easy to talk to at bedtime. When I tell him how I feel based on what he says and he gives a little more detail as to why he says it.


Sometimes kids act out at home after having such a structured day in school - especially since at 5 it’s a big change starting kindergarten.

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

I'm a clinical psychologist and this is my perspective based on what you wrote -

at ages 5-6, children can experience very overwhelming emotions that they don't yet have the tools to handle "appropriately." I would give him positive reinforcement ("thank you for telling me how you feel.") for being able to share his feelings with you (eg "I'm so mad at you.") bc that alone is difficult for them and should be encouraged.

Start keeping track of when the outbursts happen. Day/time of day/things going on around him/what happens right before it. See if you can find a pattern. When children, or anyone really, feel out of control or anxious, they try to control. But at 5-6, he can't control much so if he's feeling anxious and feels that he has no control over the situation, he can feel overwhelmed and melt down. When he's having a meltdown, let him know that you are there for him and that you love him, and that once he calms down maybe you can figure out together how to make things better. In the middle of the meltdown, he's not rational, he's too overwhelmed, so problem-osolving or trying to reason with him or issuing consequences won't work. Just be a calm, reassuring presence for him. Offer to hug him and just hold him.

He may be feeling anxious about something at home or school, he may have developed fears he hasn't verbalized, he may work so hard to follow rules at school and be "good" that he just lets out everything at home, where he feels safe.

Give him some time, see what happens, talk about the outburts when he's calm, brainstorm ways to make things better, use "feelings" words so that he can effectively express his feelings andwork on providing him with some tools to deal with his big feelings. Let him know that it's always ok to feel whatever you feel, no one can tell you your feelings are wrong, but it's not ok to hurt others with words or actions bc of your feelings - if he's angry he can punch a pillow, squeeze a stuffed animal, etc

I wouldn't take it further yet, especially if he's not having difficulties at school. "Disordered behavior" doesn't generally discriminate and happen only in 1 specific environment, at home.

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

Re: 5/6 year old behavior

Thank you everyone for all your responses! I appreciate all your replies and suggestions!