A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I am 10.5 weeks post partum..yet I still don't feel physically "recovered" in my vaginally area (trying to be as tactful as possible...especially for me )

I am still sore even though my dr. said I was healed at my 6 week appointment, she did note that I was still sensitive.

I tore, had an episiotomy, and a lacerated cervix...plus birthed a ginormous hemmie that while it has since "gone back up" has been giving me some trouble as of late.

the worst part is...sex scares me. I keep having visions of being ripped open again...I cannot shake them and I don't know how to fix that. I think it's highly unfair to dh and could become a problem in my marriage if I don't get hold of it now.

it's not even something I feel that comfortable talking to him about b/c I don't like to remind him of the carnage of 10/20/09

this just seems LONG to me...almost 11 weeks and still being sore? still feeling like any false move could cause a major problem....

how long did it take you to get back to "business" with your husband if you've had a vaginal birth? how long did it take you before you didn't feel like you pushed a kid out of there?

Message edited 1/1/2010 3:24:09 PM.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I was still sore for about that amount of time, too. I had an episiotomy, as well. I felt like I was still open where they sewed me, but like you, the doc assured me I was well healed. I was terrified of having sex and waited until about 3.5 months pp to do so. We compensated in other ways until then- and DH fully understood. He will never know what that type of thing feels like- so he has no right to say otherwise!

I also had bad hemmerhoids, but they have absolved and I haven't had any issues since.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I had a c-section but I wanted to give you some . We DTD for the first time last night since I had the twins and I didn't like it very much

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

We probably waited about 10 weeks. I didn't feel 100% either, but the doc had told me all was well and I figured better to just go for it. It was "okay", but things feel different and with the baby exhausting us and the other pressures of life, we do the deed a LOT less frequently than we did.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I'm sure if I had a vaginal birth I would feel the same way too. We BD at 6 weeks but to be honest it was not pleasant. It wasn't pleasant until after the 3rd or 4th time. It takes time for healing to occur specially in a situation like yours. I would give it a few more weeks and see how you feel then.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I also had an episiotimy and tore alot. I got a TON of stitches!! My 6week appt is on 1/10 and although I feel good vaginally, my rear is a different story. Every time I do #2 I get very nervous. I still feel weird back there. Not all the skin has returned to normal yet and sometimes when I clean myself it feels like a burning sensation. I still use the dibucaine for relief but I don't have hemrhoids.

I don't think I will be ready to do the deed until my behind goes back to normal. Who knows when that will be. And even then, the thought of doing it freaks me out right now. I feel your pain. I've already told DH that we need to take it slow until I am fully ready. And who knows once we start he may not be ready either. He saw EVERYTHING! I wanted to kill him when he was describing the episiotimy in full detail.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I pushed for 2 hours and then had a c-section and I still wanted no part of sex after my 6 wk checkup even though dr said I was fine. I took one for the team at 8 weeks and to be honest did not do it often at all after that, DH understood. I only even really started to enjoy myself until about 6 months pp. It's hard but you get through it like anything else.

Also, since you're BFing you likely to be very very very dry down there, no matter how...ahem, talented , your DH is, so pick up some lube if you don't have any. DS is almost 11 months but even after this long, since i'm still BFing we need to use it. BFing also can zap your sex drive so keep that in mind as well.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

We made it about 5 weeks after I had DS. With delivery I had a small tear and I popped out like 4 hemeroids. To be honest, we had sex because I wanted too (in theory) but oin actuality it wasn't that great the first few times.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I did not have a vaginal delivery since I had a c-section but I can tell that I told the OB telling me to wait the 6 weeks PP to "do it again" that it would take some seriously big diamonds to mention the work S E X anytime soon.

I had a long recovery. It took longer than 6 weeks. I did not worry about my marriage. I just told DH that I was not ready physically. I was BFing too and I felt it did not help either. I actually was not completely up to intimacy (back to normal!) until I stopped BFing. We took it slow. DH understood it was either going to take time or there would be nothing at all for YEARS (j/k). We went back on track when we were "BOTH" ready... aka ME!

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

The dirty little secret of motherhood #13 - sex is absolutely TERRIFYING post-partum, whether you had a vaginal birth or c-section!

With BOTH pregnancies, sex post-partum was really, REALLY painful for me until about 3-4 months after. I got back on the horse, so to speak, after 6 weeks, because I knew that was the only way to break myself in, but I have to say, even with the c-section, everything moves and changes, and with that, it makes the experience scary and painful for the first few times. In my case, for the first month or two...

My advice - go as slow as you need, invest in some lubrication and only do what you feel you're ready for What you're feeling is totally normal and most women go through it....

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I gave birth 10/22. at my 6 week visit my stitches were almost gone. I still dont feel right either, but im not sore anymore. and actually the soreness went away not that long ago.

Dh and I still havent had sex yet..its been god knows how long and i feel bad..but with DS now in the house we're dead tired. Like you i have visions of being in terrible pain. I've always dealth with some pain during sex at times b/c of the way my cervix is positioned, im just worried that its going to be worse.

I havent gotten a real period yet either..im wondering if i need to call the dr. about that b/c i'd like to start birth control again and cant until AF shows up.

I guess you need to just give it time and start slowly with sex. If it hurts, stop and then try again another nite. Eventually it will feel better.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I felt the same as you. For a looooong time after giving birth, I was terrified of anything having to do with that area.
I'd suggest talking to your husband about it. Let him know your fears, as he might think it has something to do with him, and that's not what it is. I'm sure he'll be willing to work with you on this!

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

Ugh... it took a LONG time for me to feel normal and it was murder on our relationship! I had my DD in March and I didn't enjoy sex again until the end of the summer! It was horrendous!

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I had a c-section.

We waited the 6 weeks...our marriage was crazy strained at that point, so I knew I had to start doing it.

I had this insane fear of the friction ripping my incision open.

My boobs were killing me...milk just poured out.

I made myself do it twice a week in the beginning...eventually things got back to normal.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

See now I had something HORRIFYING happen to my body with Ryan (FM for details ) and then the wound reoccurred when I delivered Colin, yet I never had an issue really. I was a little sore the first time after both deliveries, but have been fine since then (and with Colin DTD 3 wks PP). So, I'm not sure but I'm going to say I'm NOT the norm or have such a high tolerance for pain (delivered both sans epi and didn't even feel this "injury" occur) that I don't know what's really hurting.

I would try some lube, go slow and do what your comfortable with. It will feel better with a little practice

Message edited 1/1/2010 4:25:18 PM.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I had a c-section and still had a very hard time with pain when getting back on the ol horse I say we had s e x10 times before it felt good. But It will feel good again. I would definitely tell your DH you are still sore but you want to try it (slowly) and let him know it may not be "completed." depending on how it feels. And as AP said use lube

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I remember the first time we DTD post-partum was awful. My DH was very gentle, we even used some lube and it still was painful. We just slowly eased back into it again. It took about a month or so until I felt like things were back to normal. You will enjoy DTD again it just takes some time.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

I had c section and experienced such PAIN the firs ttime we DTD and I was like 10 weeks PP. I asked my doc (I assumed since I had section I wouldn't have pain) and she said the pain is bc of hormones drying you out and changing things down there and to try KY or something like it. I tried it and it was much better still a little pain though. after a few times we were back to normal I'm sure your DH will be understanding if you explain how you are feeling

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

thanks everyone.

my dh would and does understand. hasn't pressured me or anything...*I* feel like it's unfair to him to not have had much of a sex life for the better part of a year. and even though he understands...I HOPE and would think he misses it, ya know

in my head I miss it too...until I clean myself in the shower...then I'm like HELLZ NO.

anyway, dh has been nothing short of awesome...it's not him, it's me.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

Posted by Ophelia

thanks everyone.

my dh would and does understand. hasn't pressured me or anything...*I* feel like it's unfair to him to not have had much of a sex life for the better part of a year. and even though he understands...I HOPE and would think he misses it, ya know

in my head I miss it too...until I clean myself in the shower...then I'm like HELLZ NO.

anyway, dh has been nothing short of awesome...it's not him, it's me.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

With my first son it took a good 3-4 months for things to feel right again. I was sore way past the 6 weeks. Also, breastfeeding can affect lubrication also which does not help matters.

Re: A bit of a touchy subject..regarding the birthing aftermath.

Posted by Ophelia

thanks everyone.

my dh would and does understand. hasn't pressured me or anything...*I* feel like it's unfair to him to not have had much of a sex life for the better part of a year. and even though he understands...I HOPE and would think he misses it, ya know

in my head I miss it too...until I clean myself in the shower...then I'm like HELLZ NO.

anyway, dh has been nothing short of awesome...it's not him, it's me.