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A Christmas related wwyd?
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
Posted by Jbone88
Yikes some of these replies are harsh and incredibly judgmental. You can be grateful for people's generosity while still wanting boundaries and your own nuclear family traditions. The Magic of Santa and Christmas morning is such a short window these days, I completely understand you and your Dh wanting to enjoy that! Your in-laws have already had the pleasure of raising kids and being Santa, it's your time it enjoy it.
If you're going to be seeing them on Christmas, I don't see anything wrong with wanting a quiet night at home on Christmas eve. What does your Dh say?
My DH also would prefer to start our own family tradition of a peaceful Xmas eve, but since both of us tend to always try to male everyone else happy even it we're not, we'll likely end up at ILs anyway.
That's the thing, it's like my ILs are purposely trying to take the experience of being Santa away from us. When DH expressed his feelings for the hundredth time to his dad, about how he wants to make Santa special for our dd, the response he got was "I'm Santa. You can be Santa when I'm dead"  which was a strange response, especially since he's likely to live until dd is well in to her 20s or 30s. So basically, we never get to be Santa for her?
Its totally like they're trying to create the xmas morning experience on Xmas eve. But you're right, they got to do all that with their kids. It should be our turn to do that for our own child.
Message edited 12/18/2015 9:30:19 PM.
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Posted 12/18/15 9:27 PM  |
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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
Name:
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
Posted by LiveItUp
Yes,I guess you could say this. I probably shouldn't have made my post at xmas or gifts at all. I should have just asked " What do you do when you feel strongly about something regarding your child, or how your child is raised, and people close to you choose to disregard your feelings or beliefs as a parent and just do whatever they want?"
Bingo. This is what I felt like you were really asking. Based on your last post about your FIL saying you only get to be Santa when he's dead, I would for sure be staying home Christmas Eve. You are literally seeing them a few hours later on Christmas Day. He is clearly disrespecting your feelings and you are going to resent being there. I know you said that you and DH usually try to just make others happy, but it's ok for one time to think of yourselves. That's JMO.
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| Posted 12/18/15 9:38 PM |
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
Posted by Jbone88
Yikes some of these replies are harsh and incredibly judgmental. You can be grateful for people's generosity while still wanting boundaries and your own nuclear family traditions. The Magic of Santa and Christmas morning is such a short window these days, I completely understand you and your Dh wanting to enjoy that! Your in-laws have already had the pleasure of raising kids and being Santa, it's your time it enjoy it.
I agree. People just don't get it until they are in your shoes. It's not about being ungrateful. There is typical grandparent spoiling and then there is complete excess and crossing of lines and wastefulness.
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| Posted 12/18/15 9:40 PM |
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Jbone88
LIF Zygote
Member since 9/08 35 total posts
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
That's a tough situation! IMO trying to make everyone else happy usually comes at the expense of your own happiness (and more often than not, ends up with resentment)
And for the record, I'm all about typical grandparents spoiling their grandkids. My daughter is beyond lucky to have my parents and their bond is incredible. I think the difference is that rather than try to take over our experience as parents, they are simply thrilled with being included. They come over for Christmas morning to see her open her gifts from Santa and are perfectly happy sitting back and letting us have that special moment.
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| Posted 12/18/15 9:58 PM |
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TheLorax
LOVE
Member since 2/06 5581 total posts
Name:
Suzanne / SuzBride
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
My parents also buy my kids an excessive amount of presents. Our kids, however, open them Christmas Day after they open their presents from Santa. I know this seems preferable, but it turns Christmas into hours and hours of just opening presents. The kids get so overwhelmed. Meltdowns have ensued (kids are 2 and 4 this year). We have a bunch of OOT relatives who mail presents, so this year we are having them open all of those on Christmas eve to try to spread out the opening a bit. Just food for thought!
If my parents gave their presents on Christmas Eve, I think I would have my children open half then and save half for the next day, so as not to get overwhelmed at any one time with opening gifts. That is a lot of stimulation for a little one to take in - especially for those under 5yo!
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| Posted 12/19/15 4:52 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Posted by Jbone88
Yikes some of these replies are harsh and incredibly judgmental. You can be grateful for people's generosity while still wanting boundaries and your own nuclear family traditions. The Magic of Santa and Christmas morning is such a short window these days, I completely understand you and your Dh wanting to enjoy that! Your in-laws have already had the pleasure of raising kids and being Santa, it's your time it enjoy it.
I agree. People just don't get it until they are in your shoes. It's not about being ungrateful. There is typical grandparent spoiling and then there is complete excess and crossing of lines and wastefulness.
exactly... wastefullness... Because little kids get presents Christmas morning from SANTA. They don't need many gifts from relatives outside of that. Kids could use money for their college savings, gift cards to clothing stores for when they reach the next clothing size before their next birthday or Christmas. so yes relatives , buy 3 or 4 presents for the kid and be practical with the rest of your budget.. It is wasteful to have a bunch of toys go dusty from not being used. It is stressful to have clutter because people won't be practical instead of outdoing Santa.
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| Posted 12/19/15 8:48 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: A Christmas related wwyd?
Posted by LiveItUp
Posted by Jbone88
Yikes some of these replies are harsh and incredibly judgmental. You can be grateful for people's generosity while still wanting boundaries and your own nuclear family traditions. The Magic of Santa and Christmas morning is such a short window these days, I completely understand you and your Dh wanting to enjoy that! Your in-laws have already had the pleasure of raising kids and being Santa, it's your time it enjoy it.
If you're going to be seeing them on Christmas, I don't see anything wrong with wanting a quiet night at home on Christmas eve. What does your Dh say?
My DH also would prefer to start our own family tradition of a peaceful Xmas eve, but since both of us tend to always try to male everyone else happy even it we're not, we'll likely end up at ILs anyway.
That's the thing, it's like my ILs are purposely trying to take the experience of being Santa away from us. When DH expressed his feelings for the hundredth time to his dad, about how he wants to make Santa special for our dd, the response he got was "I'm Santa. You can be Santa when I'm dead" which was a strange response, especially since he's likely to live until dd is well in to her 20s or 30s. So basically, we never get to be Santa for her?
Its totally like they're trying to create the xmas morning experience on Xmas eve. But you're right, they got to do all that with their kids. It should be our turn to do that for our own child.
Okay, now that's just crazy!!! You should've started with that nutty statement, every response would've been different. 
He actually said that?!?!? He's NOT Santa, in any way, shape or form. He's the grandpa and he had his turn to be Santa with his own kids. Now, it's your turn to enjoy that special, magical time with YOUR child. I'm all for grandparents being involved and even spoiling their grandkids but based on that comment, their motives are VERY questionable. It's like they are trying to hurt and spite you both as opposed to doing things out of a love for your DD.
That statement changes everything, after hearing that I change my stance. Stay home, enjoy your Xmas eve, have your special traditions and Santa time and they can see your DD on YOUR timetable. Don't let them steal your thunder. That's really a nasty thing he said. I'm so angry for you. 
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| Posted 12/19/15 9:45 PM |
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| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
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