(ADDED EXPLANATION AT BOTTOM) This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

I'm not sure if this bothering me because I'm not sure how I feel about her or if this is really the issue.

On day 1 my nanny told me that I provide breakfast and lunch for her. So I asked her what she likes and I have to make sure we are stocked.

For some reason it just really annoys me that she is going through the fridge and fruit/veggie bowl everyday....two meals a day. I now have to buy a gallan of milk and double the amount of fruit and veggies, coldcuts, bread, cereal etc. Is this normal for a nanny? I just expected that she would bring her own food just as I take care of my own meals when I am at work. Is this unreasonable of me? My DH says I have to consider her part of the family and this is just part of it.

Ughhh I don't know, I'm really frustrated and hate that I now have to worry that another person is taken care of.

Thoughts? I am so conflicted about nanny vs. daycare. I'm just not loving this and not sure what to do. I do want to add that she is fine with my DD. She loves her, and nurtures her and I am starting to trust her.



ETA:

Thanks for the all the responses!!!

I needed to hear all sides. To answer a few questions she works 7am-5pm, M-F...so she is not a live in.

I was NOT aware I was providing her 2 meals a day when we negotiated salary, hours and responsibilities. I only found out about this when she showed up on day one with a list of a few things to get for her in the house. She said when the children are bigger (my DD is 3.5 months) she eats what they do but in this case she likes XYZ. I would never not let her eat something if she was hungry but to make sure she has coffee and creamer etc is just really annoying and to be honest adds up for us. When I think about it just annoys me when I see her cutting up bananas, and strawberries for her cereal and then using the avocados and tomatos to the point where I now have to go to the food store 2-3x a week. I just feel like my home is a fancy deli for her. My DH and eat clean, no processed foods or anything like that so we spend more on food because it's our choice. Now our nanny is getting this benefit of eating our produce at our expense and it just doesnt feel right and the burden is just stressing me out.

We are paying $750/week, and it just doesn't feel right that I am now in the situation to either shop for her and worry that she has food to eat or give her more money. I am having to buy her special foods and it almost feels like I work for her.

It sounds like this can be typical for some and not for others. I guess I learned a lesson. I'm so frustrated and really have to figure this out. I don't know if I'm just not loving having a nanny or if she is just not the right fit for our family.

Thanks again for the input!

Message edited 3/23/2011 10:34:07 AM.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

If it were me in this situation, she would be welcome to finding something to eat in my house, but I would not go out of my way to buy things she likes. If she wants x, y and z, then she can buy it.

I think it would tick me off more that she told me on day one that I would be providing her meals. Uh no. My employer doesn't provide MY meals.

Message edited 3/22/2011 4:33:03 PM.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

When I was a nanny the parents always had extra food in the house and told me to help myself to whatever, whenever. I obviously didnt eat them out of house and home but I would eat at least one meal a day there. Sometimes they would actually make me a plate and leave me leftovers from the night before if they thought I would like it. Sometimes I would bring my food from home if there were leftovers or something else I wanted.

ETA: I would be annoyed that she told YOU that you had to provide her meals but if that is what you agreed to, that is what is expected.

I would talk to her about it and maybe ask her to start bringing her own food but I doubt she will react well given she told you to provide her food.

Message edited 3/22/2011 4:43:23 PM.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

I can see the frustration in that - that you have to worry if she goes thru something, you then have to run out to replace it.
I do see your husband's point about treating her like family though and think it's pretty normal to provide food for the nanny.
What types of things does she request? Is she putting you out by having you get the extra food? Can you give her a drawer or shelf in the fridge for her stuff and maybe a food stipend if it's too annoying for you to have to shop for her?
I provided food for my MIL when she watched the kids, which I was happy to do - but it got stressful b/c she didn't ask for much, and pretty basic stuff, but I could never find her brands at Target where I do the majority of my shopping so I'd have to make a special trip for her food. I just tried to get a lot of it when I went. And then it would frustrate me b/c she felt bad asking for stuff so she didn't add it to my grocery list but would tell DH AFTER we were out of her stuff.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

food is a huge expense and this would totally bother me.

I have a nannny watch my DD two days a week. She is so nice and respectful. She brings her own food and never excepts anything when i offer it to her...including coffee and water.

My MIL watches her 3 days a week. She doesnt expect anything but she does help herself when she is hungry. And i am glad she does because we arent paying her to watch DD.

I just feel that your nanny may be taking advantage of the situation. You might as well just pay her a little more and then not feed her. it will eliminate the worrry about stocking your fridge with food she likes.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

Our sitter is only here part-time (~1 day per week on average) but I try to always keep a certain green tea she likes, and I encourage her to help herself to anything in the fridge/cabinets.

With that said, she would NEVER ask me specifically for anything. Even when she's done overnights/weekends for us and we've left her extra cash for meals -- she always leaves the $ on the counter and reminds me -- 'You don't need to pay for my meals'.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

We feed our nanny, she is at the home with DS 5 long days a week.

I think anytime you add a mouth to the "family" you can expect your grocery bill to go up.

Are you buying her anything you wouldn't buy your family? That would probably be where I drew up some boundaries.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

When we had a nanny, we provided her meals too. She would cook for the baby and herself. We bought her a particular cereal only she liked and the rest of the food, she would just eat whatever we had in the fridge. I always made sure I had deli, eggs, chicken, etc in the house. Yes, it added to the grocery bill each week but, like your DH says, it is another member of the household!

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

My sister has a live-in nanny so yes all meals and room and board are provided

A live-out nanny, as far as i know of, gets a much high salary to compensate for not getting room and board (meals)

Example Live in 7 day a week nanny, childcare for 3 kids runs her 400 a week

A live-out would run her around 600-800 a week depending on the person

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

we have a live-out nanny who watches DD 5 days a week. when we hired her we wanted to make her feel apart of our family and we told her to let us know what she likes for lunch/snacks and we will buy it for her. since she likes the same stuff we do - lunch meat, leftovers, smart ones its pretty easy. i have also asked her to let me know if she likes something and we don't have it i will buy it. i also make sure to make extra coffee in the mornings and stock the house with breakfast food in case she doesn't get to have it at home one morning. she is a great nanny and goes above and beyond for us so i have no problem going out of my way for her. even when my in laws come over they make sure to make enough food so that there will be left overs for the nanny during the week.

now if she had TOLD me i was to provide food for her that would annoy me.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

This would totally bother me! It would also stress me out!!

When I go to work I make my lunch the night before and bring it. Also, many times I dont have time to eat breakfast and dont. If i do, its a banana. IMO why cant she do the same? It would make me crazy because im detailed and specific and Id start worrying that what I bought wasnt what she wanted to eat that day or stress the night before if I didnt have what she liked. I dont need that added stress!!!

She is costing you a lot more $$$ and saving herself a lot of $$$. What job provides breakfast and lunch??

I would have NO issue with providing some things for snacking. If she wanted some pretzels or cookies or a drink, I wouldnt mind her taking those. I would mind keeping a fridge full of meals for her abd fruit (thats expensive)!!

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

That is ridiculous. If she wants you to pay her part of her salary in food then fine, but over and above? No. I had a nanny for years and she was welcome to snacks if she wanted but she never really did. She always brought her own food.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

It is a little different for me because my babysitter comes 9:30-12:30 leaves and then comes back 2:30-5 so she gets to have lunch. I also don;t have to pay for the times my kids are sleeping and I work from home so if need be I can tend to them. On the days I have appts she stays. I always tell her to help herself but I don't think she does. I use dto have a full time live out nanny and I offered to buy her food but she usually brought her own.

I feel like the nanny is there all day and its not like she can leave for breakfast or lunch...I don't think it such a big deal. What I might do is just give her an extra $50 and tel her to buy what she wants to leave at your house...

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

I am a part time nanny for a little girl 3 days a week. Situation is a little different because I bring my 1.5 year old with me. We bring our own lunch and snacks but the family always tells me to help myself to anything I want. I feel weird doing it but I have done it on occasion. I would never ever ask them to buy me something specific or tell them I expected meals to be provided.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

this would bother me.
My MIL watches DD and she brings lunch everyday. In the beginning I told her we would get things she likes, but she told us that s she doesn't want to bother us.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

Hmmmmm it would bother me, but at least she was up front to start. If she's not asking for anything crazy I would do it, but I have a help yourself let me cook you something polish thing in my blood My busia ALWAYS had all 13 of us grandkids favorite drinks and snacks and all 4 kids of hers favorite drinks alcoholic and not snacks, lunchmeats, soups and so no. Her house looked and smelled like a sam's club and polish bakery. I loved it......Back on topic......I think a lot of it depends on the situation, her pay, and what she expects. Cereal no problem, fresh made bread and bagels....ummm no thanks, deli meats and fruits/veggies you eat no problem, only organic local produce you have to drive oot to get ummm no way. Also if she is preparing it with your dc's meals it's more then likely easier for her to do both and if she eats healthy you can look at it as a good healthy eating example for your dc

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

She should have mentioned such a requirement during the interview process. It's part of the expense of hiring her!

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

I was a nanny to 4 kids during my college summers---I ate breakfast at home before I went, but I cooked/made lunch every day and was more then welcome to eat out of their fridge as well. They never went out of their way to buy special food for me and I would never have asked. Some evenings if I was there later I would cook and eat dinner with the kids as well. I guess I never really thought about it, but they figured since I was preparing a meal (I usually made a hot lunch) I was welcome to eat it as well. HTH!

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

Is this a live in or live out nanny? Live in, yes part of the family. Live out...no, not part of the family and no need to purchase her food. She should bring her own breakfast and lunch.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

I'll be honest, it would NEVER occur to me to NOT provide my nanny with food. However, I think that's because I have one... I really don't know how I would have felt before she started working for us.

Now, if she was demanding special food for her only, I'd have an issue with that. But my nanny is here allllll day long, why wouldn't she eat my food that is right here?

I do make sure to ask her what she likes to have in the house but she is not picky at all and eats pretty much anything

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

i was never a full time nany....... But when I babysat and it was lunch or dinner, the family always made sure there was enough for me......

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

We have a nanny 3 days a week and she brings her own food. We tell her to help herself to anything but she rarely does. I would be annoyed if I was told to provide meals. I think if that is your agreement her pay should reflect that. I don't think I could pay my nanny what I do plus provide 2 meals a day. That just gets $$. Was this something discussed before she started or did she spring it on you?

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

our nanny made no requests of us, but I told her to help herself and I pay attention to what we run out of more quickly now and re-stock for her. I also now know some of her favorite things and get them special for her. I think it's nice to do, but it's not required and she never asked us to do it. in fact, she often asks me for permission, which is not necessary.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

i BEG my nanny to tell me what she wants to eat and she never does. then i'll find a bag of chips in the cabinet or a certain kind of tea and i yell at her because she didn't let me buy it for her! but i think i would have felt differently if she walked in on day 1 and insisted on being fed two meals a day. that's ridiculous. if she tells you what she likes and you choose to buy it for her that's one thing- but to be told that you're expected to feed your employee is a bit much.

Re: This is bothering me! Re: Nanny!

Why don't you tell her that it is getting stressful worrying about her meals so instead you will provide her with a meal allowance each week?