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AngelaD1031
LIF Infant
Member since 11/09 219 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had kids in costumes at my wedding! I got married on Halloween and my wedding was much more fun than "elegant" - elegant is just not me.
I can understand people not wanting to pay for kids but the kids at my wedding had such a blast! One of my mom's favorite memories from my wedding was watching my 4 year old cousin in her Ariel mermaid costume dancing all by herself on the dance floor in her own world!
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Posted 1/21/10 9:36 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by KittyGags
Also, I had no fam from out of town with children. Is it possible that they could recommend a sitter for you??? (for your siblings)
This is what I am looking into. I hate that their big trip to NY may not happen because of a late night reception. I'm even seeing if my in-laws might want to take in a few extra kids for a few hours. 
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:00 PM |
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jps
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/09 435 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had a quasi adult-only reception. We were the first of our friends/generation of family to get married so there were no young kids to invite. No kids in the bridal party (would have loved some!), and the only guests we had under 21 were first cousins - ages 18, 17 (x3), 16 (a bridesmaid), 15, and then my step-cousin, who was 7 going on 40.
I'm relieved we didnt have to worry about having our wedding "overrun" with young children (my main concern would have been crying during the reception, although one cell phone went off so adults can be just as disruptive) but the 7 year old was a hilarious and entertaining guest - getting down on the dance floor, telling my mom she looked "marvelous" and complimenting the photographer on the way she arranged the bridal party for a formal shot.   We did have a Sunday afternoon wedding though. If it was an evening wedding, I think adult-only is even more appropriate.
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:39:26 PM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:38 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9923 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I will be in this situation in May when my brother gets married. FSIL does not want children at her wedding...she must be the center of attention and my brother agrees. My son will be 7 months old and anyone I would trust to watch him, will be at the wedding. On top of this it is going to be an all day affair starting before 2pm and ending at 1:30 a.m. so I would have to leave my son basically overnight which I am not prepared to do. I have expressed to my brother that because he would not make an exception for his only nephew, that DH, DS and I would go to the church to see him get married and then DH, DS and I would go home and have our own party. My mother is ****** off and thinks I should bring him anyway. My opinion is that people have a right to design the guest list any way they like but then I have the right to decline the invitation. Please look for future post coming in may on the Relationship board
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:56 PM |
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ChilisWife
God Bless America
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
A.K.
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Regarding the posts on this thread that say the bride doesn't want kids there because "she has to be the center of attention." That sounds a little disparaging and sarcastic, I mean, isn't the bride always the star of the wedding? Isn't it SUPPOSED to be "her" day? For most people, you only get one wedding and a lot of planning and money go into it, so what is so wrong with wanting attention? There are plenty of other "parties" the couple can throw where kids are invited.
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| Posted 1/22/10 9:13 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had an adult only affair. Anyone who couldn't make arrangements for their children to be watched just didn't come.
DH & I paid for our entire wedding. I didn't want it to be a daycare with all the children that are in our families (there are 35 children under the age of 10 between our families...DH comes from a large family where he is the youngest).
I had 2 of my close cousins only come to the reception because they couldn't arrange for sitters. So their DH's stayed home with their kids.
Did I feel bad that they came without their spouse, a little, but I wasn't going to cave and allow this person or that person to bring their child when another 9 couples were left to make other arrangements for their children.
If you choose not to come because you are upset that I wanted all the attention on me on my wedding day or because you feel that I should have made an "exception" to you, well than thats your choice. I'm not going to cry over it...thats life.
Message edited 1/22/2010 9:32:34 AM.
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| Posted 1/22/10 9:31 AM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had adults only. There was no kids menu with our caterer and I was not paying full price for kids. It was a late wedding, as well. Plus we have lot of kids on both sides. We got married in MD, so DH's side was all oot. Some didn't come due to childcare which is fine, some came with their kids, but left them with older siblings in the hotel rooms and checked on them. Also fine, but those that came w/o their kids had the best time b/c they could focus on dancing and drinking, and not worry about chasing their kids around.
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| Posted 1/22/10 12:18 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
we are having a cuttoff age of 13.... not that i dont like having kids there... we just have too many people already with 13 and up its 334... adding all the kids under 13 (ONLY FAMILY) would be another 25 people....
granted kids under 13 are half price... i still cant imagine any child under that age eating enough food to warrant paying even half of the full price plate!
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| Posted 1/22/10 12:22 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I assumed all weddings were adult only unless their were kids in the bridal party.
We told our family that they could bring our nieces/nephews but none of them wanted to since they wanted to enjoy themselves.
Our flowergirls/ring bearer did come but they were a bit older (5) at the time.
ETA: The LAST thing I would want to do at a wedding is chase after my toddler or take care of my infant. No way! That is my time with my DH!
Message edited 1/22/2010 12:44:32 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/10 12:43 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Ours was adult only because it was an evening wedding and I don't see any reason why a child should be there. The music is loud, the food is catered to adults, and it ended at 12. It's nice to have a night where adults can just relax and have a good time without taking care of children.
My sister wanted me to keep DD at her wedding reception and I was like "no way". I don't want to chase round a 18 month old all night.
I've been to out of town weddings and left DD home. It's just better that way, for everyone involved.
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| Posted 1/22/10 12:56 PM |
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JBmommy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/09 252 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
ETS that was the only wedding (swan club) I've ever been to that was adult only. My other cousin got married in Oheka castle and all the kids where there.
I think its rude to insist you bring your child, its is the couples event and they can host it as they see fit. I dont think you need to agree with it, but then you have the option to politely decline. Again, I have a child too.
Totally agree, honestly I just dont get people who dont go out without their kids on occassion... very unhealthy if you ask me!
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| Posted 1/22/10 2:52 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by JBmommy
Totally agree, honestly I just dont get people who dont go out without their kids on occassion... very unhealthy if you ask me!
I agree - it's important to go out sans children. BUT, I don't like to be told when and where to do that - I go out plenty without my kids, but by my own choosing.
Second, I think it's just as unhealthy to live in a society that is so unwelcoming of children. If you go to most European or Meditteranean cities, you'll find children EVERYWHERE at all hours of the day/night and at virtually all special occasions.
Personally, I think there's a mean between the extremes. Being attached to your children at the hip is definitely unhealthy, but so is the perspective that children have no place in our society other than school or at home with mom and dad (not saying that you said that, though I've seen this sentiment on here on occasion from others...)
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:00 PM |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I wasn't about to ask my parents to pay $120 for a "kid's meal" for all of our friends' children at our wedding. Not trying to be unfriendly towards kids, but we had to be realistic. It has nothing to do with our society being unwelcoming of children. My parents are not made of money.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:09 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by JBmommy
Totally agree, honestly I just dont get people who dont go out without their kids on occassion... very unhealthy if you ask me!
I agree - it's important to go out sans children. BUT, I don't like to be told when and where to do that - I go out plenty without my kids, but by my own choosing.
Beth, at the same time, people also don't like being told who they must and must not invite to THEIR parties.
You're not told you must come and don't bring your child. YOU are being invited. Your children are not. There's nothing wrong with that. You're free to not come, but there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to invite you (and not your children) somewhere.
BTW, I saw your earlier post about when your DD was very young. That was a totally different situation, and honestly, I can't believe an exception was not made for you. Your child was so young at the time and you were IN the BP. On a regular, every day level, though, I don't think adult only receptions are so bad.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:14 PM |
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JBmommy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/09 252 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by JBmommy
Totally agree, honestly I just dont get people who dont go out without their kids on occassion... very unhealthy if you ask me!
I agree - it's important to go out sans children. BUT, I don't like to be told when and where to do that - I go out plenty without my kids, but by my own choosing.
Second, I think it's just as unhealthy to live in a society that is so unwelcoming of children. If you go to most European or Meditteranean cities, you'll find children EVERYWHERE at all hours of the day/night and at virtually all special occasions.
Personally, I think there's a mean between the extremes. Being attached to your children at the hip is definitely unhealthy, but so is the perspective that children have no place in our society other than school or at home with mom and dad (not saying that you said that, though I've seen this sentiment on here on occasion from others...)
Yes I am not one of those people who think children have no place in our society other than school or home... in fact I rank that right up there with the extremists who wont go someplace unless their kids are invited. I do feel that there is a time and place for everything and IMO an evening wedding with drinking and very loud music isnt a place for children. A christening party, yes... evening wedding no.
I love going places with my kids, I love going places without them... I just dont get how people can get so offended when someone who is hosting and paying for an event decides to exclude them. If it bothers you that much decline and stay home with your kids but to demand otherwise is rude and obnoxious.
Message edited 1/22/2010 3:19:14 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:15 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had an 'adults only' wedding. It didn't say so on the invitation, but it did say "black tie." We were getting married after sunset (per religious reasons) in the Spring on a Sat night. The ceremony started at 8:30 PM. Didn't end till about 2AM. I think that's way to late for children.
My niece and nephews were in the ceremony and at the cocktail hour. The babysitter had them at the hotel after and to be honest... they wanted to go to sleep.
Nothing to do with attention on me at all... just a late night wedding that I wanted the adults to enjoy. Funny thing is 3 of my bridesmaids were pregnant so I guess in a way babies were there.
No one complained... they enjoyed themselves and found babysitters. Most of the guests were local though.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:21 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Kara
Beth, at the same time, people also don't like being told who they must and must not invite to THEIR parties.
You're not told you must come and don't bring your child. YOU are being invited. Your children are not. There's nothing wrong with that. You're free to not come, but there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to invite you (and not your children) somewhere.
BTW, I saw your earlier post about when your DD was very young. That was a totally different situation, and honestly, I can't believe an exception was not made for you. Your child was so young at the time and you were IN the BP. On a regular, every day level, though, I don't think adult only receptions are so bad.
I totally get that - I respect adult only receptions, even though I don't always understand the philosophy (i.e. I have to admit, I BALKED when my friend told me the only reason why children were not invited was because she didn't want the attention detracted from her). I have no problem with being invited to an adult only event, and at that point, it's my choice as to whether to go or not. But, what irks me is when I'm actually told by someone who is inviting me to an event that they want me to enjoy my night or weekend without my kids (which is what this particular bride said to me).
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:34 PM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had an adult only reception. The only kids who attended were in my bridal party. I have never been to a wedding where kids were invited and money was not the reason why either. If my family were to invite kids to weddings...it would be one big free for all!! I come from a large italian family. In my family, our kids come EVERYWHERE with us. They are invited to ALL parties....EXCEPT weddings.
Think about 1st birthday parties or birthday parties in general....now picture that at your wedding.
Message edited 1/22/2010 3:45:24 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:36 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had an adult wedding too. I did this so that there would be more room and less rowdy. I found it very hard to assign people to tables and the room I had wasn't that big to begin with so this worked for us. It's just the type of atmosphere the bride and groom want at their wedding. I had a few families not come because of this and I understood completely, there was nothing to be upset about.
I have a wedding coming up this summer and honestly I don't want to bring my kids ( 2 years old and 7 months) I want to enjoy the evening with my husband, have a warm meal and dance. I'll be calling the sitter
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:39 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had to share this story on here of what I went through with my adult party only...
I had sent out an ivitation to a couple who have 4 kids. The invitation were adressed to Mr. and Mrs. only. They sent the response card back with 7 PEOPLE attending. I had to call them about this and do you know who the 7th person was??? The sitter!!! People are so unbelievable!!!
Oh and the outcome was they were very upset about this and told me they weren't coming. (my husband's side of the family)
Message edited 1/22/2010 3:47:10 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:45 PM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by adeline27
I had to share this story on here of what I went through with my adult party only...
I had sent out an ivitation to a couple who have 4 kids. The invitation were adressed to Mr. and Mrs. only. They sent the response card back with 7 PEOPLE attending. I had to call them about this and do you know who the 7th person was??? The sitter!!! People are so unbelievable!!!
Oh and the outcome was they were very upset about this and told me they weren't coming. (my husband's side of the family)
To me... It seems as if they were upset that their kids were not invited, and really had no intentions of going in the first place. And to spite you, they intentionaly put "7" on the reply because they knew you were going to call them about it.
There are people in my own family that would totally do this.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:58 PM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by adeline27
I had to share this story on here of what I went through with my adult party only...
I had sent out an ivitation to a couple who have 4 kids. The invitation were adressed to Mr. and Mrs. only. They sent the response card back with 7 PEOPLE attending. I had to call them about this and do you know who the 7th person was??? The sitter!!! People are so unbelievable!!!
Oh and the outcome was they were very upset about this and told me they weren't coming. (my husband's side of the family)
I would have went ape sh!t
I would have called them and said they can bring 7 if they like- but I would be billing them for the 5 extra guests that weren't invited and where should I send the bill?
That is B@LLS and very immature if you ask me. I agree with the PP- sounds like they were being spiteful.
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| Posted 1/22/10 3:59 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
i dont understand why family still couldnt come into town, hang out with the family outside of the wedding, go to the ceremony part then for the reception the spouse could watch the kids back at the hotel.
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| Posted 1/22/10 11:53 PM |
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by skinny
I wasn't about to ask my parents to pay $120 for a "kid's meal" for all of our friends' children at our wedding. Not trying to be unfriendly towards kids, but we had to be realistic. It has nothing to do with our society being unwelcoming of children. My parents are not made of money.
I felt the same exact way. At my wedding, adults only was not an option because I have 3 sibs that were 11 and under and DH had at the time 6 nieces and nephews who were in the BP as well as two other kids. We had one of DH's cousins from OOT who brought an infant. I was not happy about it, but he was well behaved, so it was not a big deal. MIL paid a big portion so I didn't have say in that or the fact that she had my BIL's nanny there.
As for anyone else-nope. It was 60pp for children-those are some damn expensive chicken fingers. Weddings are expensive enough-I would also never expect my parents or DH's parents, let alone ourselves to pay that type of money for kids to come. Truth be told, the cost to feed a child at a reception is exorbitant considering what they serve children and what the children wind up actually eating. It really does come down to dollars!
I believe DH and I will have a few weddings coming up after DD is born. If we go, I would not want to bring her, even if she was invited. I want to enjoy myself, and I don't think I can do that with a baby in tow-but that is just me.
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| Posted 1/23/10 1:55 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by adeline27
I had to share this story on here of what I went through with my adult party only...
I had sent out an ivitation to a couple who have 4 kids. The invitation were adressed to Mr. and Mrs. only. They sent the response card back with 7 PEOPLE attending. I had to call them about this and do you know who the 7th person was??? The sitter!!! People are so unbelievable!!!
Oh and the outcome was they were very upset about this and told me they weren't coming. (my husband's side of the family)
I seriously could have wrote this.word.ford.word.
We put on our invites, KNOWING that some people would try and be shady and add in their kids, "___ places have been reserved in your honor' and they had to just fill out their name and a "yes or no" response.
My BIL's wife crossed out the 2 and put 7 instead.
Yeah--they wound up not coming. 
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| Posted 1/23/10 2:01 AM |
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