Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

To start off, I live in Queens. My family is from Long Island and my husband's family is from Staten Island. My MIL, who I never have any problems with, EVER, is throwing me my baby shower. My mother is deceased and my father and his wife couldn't give less of a crap, as seen when she threw me my bridal shower with a loosely put together party with the least amount effort possible. I had my initials on the cake, not a lie... not showers of happiness or something nice like that.

Getting back to my shower, because it is convenient for her, she decided that she would throw me my shower on Staten Island. While it's great that she is giving me a shower without traffic, Staten Island is 40 minutes away from Queens. This is also because my bridal shower was on Long Island and and inconvenient for the 8... yes, 8 people she had invited from her side. The rest of the people were from my side of the family. I am livid. I don't think the people that came to my bridal shower will come to my baby shower because it's so far away. Just my immediate family will show.

My husband thinks I'm being spoiled but at almost 9 months pregnant, I do not want to travel all the way there. He tells me that I should treat it like a gift and be happy that I'm being thrown anything. It was a hassle getting the gifts from the shower the last time and now I can't even help. This would be so much easier if my mother was alive because she would have taken charge of the situation... oh and had it in Queens where it was convenient for the pregnant lady.

I cried last night and argued with my husband because of it. I just feel like I don't even want a shower at this point.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

She was wrong, IMO

the baby shower should be closest and most convenient for the prego lady and her family, I feel.

Can she move it closer?

I'm sorry.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Is the shower going to be at her home?

If it is not going to be at her home, I would ask her to change the location. She should totally have consulted with you. At the same time, I don't think your guests will not come because it is too far. You will be surprised how far your friends and loved ones will travel for you.

eta: Don't worry at all about getting the gifts to your home. EVERYONE will offer to help you and you will not have to lift a finger. Whether the gifts need to travel 5 minutes or 2 hours, they are going to get home.

Message edited 10/28/2010 3:56:03 PM.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Um, sorry but I'm w/ your DH on this one.
SHE is throwing you a party - SHE is paying for, planning, preparing etc everything FOR YOU -
All you have to do is show up.
Staten Island is NOT that far from Queens.
If I were throwing the party and taking full responsibility for everything, I'd want to be somewhere I was comfortable with the food/service etc being up to my standards, someplace I could bring all of the gifts/decorations/favors etc to easily that day ...........and so on -

And why does it have to be convenient for your family? What about HER family?

I"m going to a shower this weekend, my cousin's - and I'm driving 45 minutes to get there - Not convenient, but what does that have to do w/ my showing up for my cousin?

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

aww I'm sorry you feel this way. Where else could they throw the party if your MIL is hosting? Can you suggest they do it at your house?

If not, is someone at least driving you to Staten Island? As for the presents, you shouldn't have to help. Have DH pick you and the presents up.

My family is throwing my shower (when I'll be 34wks) in long island, which is an hour (no traffic) from my place (westchester).

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I feel like she should've just stuck to having the shower in Queens.

I mean you guys live there and its kinda the center point for LI family and SI family...plus you'll have so much stuff to bring home it would just make sense to have it closer to you

sorry you're going through the stress but at least you're getting a well deserved shower

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I hate to pull the hormone card but in the case, I think that your MIL is in the right and you might be overreacting just a touch. She is throwing the shower so she gets to pick the locale. Yes, it would be nice if it was in Queens, but it's not, and it's not like it's in a different state I can promise you that if a good friend of mine was having a shower in SI, I'd be there, even though I live in Suffolk, because I want to be there for her!

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

I bet your friends and family will be happy to go wherever your shower will be

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Message edited 10/28/2010 3:46:20 PM.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this!!!

Is there any way she can have the shower sooner so you won't be quite as pregnant for it? You'll be so much more comfortable and will be able to wrap your head around the idea of traveling there.

If she does it on a weekend, the traffic shouldn't be TOO bad... maybe you can even stay over the night before at her house so you won't have to travel both there and back home in the same day?

Another thing you can do is have some members of your family meet you at your home that morning and ride together as a group there. Then you won't have to worry about driving, and you KNOW they'll be with you! It might be the kind of support you need and you can feel good about, even if everything else is out of your control.

I know you'll come up with a solution. Sorry you guys had a fight about it... maybe write out your concerns in an email or letter to your MIL so she can see why this is overwhelming to you, while still being appreciative that she wants to do this for you?

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I'm sorry you're feeling so aggravated about your shower, the guest of honor should never feel that way!!

Try not to worry too much, those that want to be there will be there no matter where it is. I'm on LI and happily drove to SI for my cousin's shower last year. Sure it's a bit of a drive with traffic, but I doubt it would stop most people from coming.

As for the gifts, let your MIL figure out how to get them to Queens. Maybe rent a small u-haul to get them there in one trip.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I am sorry you are not happy with the situation Is the shower at her house? If not maybe you can see if she can switch it to somewhere half way between so it is easy for everyone? Or even just tell her you would prefer it in Queens?

If not then just try and enjoy it! It might be a pain but its still your shower and I am sure in the end you will have a blast & get so much great stuff! Also, 40 minutes isn't bad at all, I am sure your family & friends will show up for you! My mom had my shower at her house and about 95% of the my guests that came had to drive at least 30 min.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Sorry to hear about the shower aggravation -- but just remember that if people want to be there, they will come. It's as simple as that. if someone uses the location of the shower as an excuse not to come, well then I'd rather they not be there in the first place.

Your MIL probably should have made the shower closer to you, but it's done and if she already is planning (and paying for it I assume), then it's best to just be grateful and move on. No sense in fighting with your DH about it, it's only going to upset you and him more and you don't need that.

Try to just look past it and think about the wonderful party I'm sure she will throw and being able to celebrate with family & friends from both sides.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Posted by speakthetruth

Posted by MarisaK

Um, sorry but I'm w/ your DH on this one.
SHE is throwing you a party - SHE is paying for, planning, preparing etc everything FOR YOU -
All you have to do is show up.
Staten Island is NOT that far from Queens.
If I were throwing the party and taking full responsibility for everything, I'd want to be somewhere I was comfortable with the food/service etc being up to my standards, someplace I could bring all of the gifts/decorations/favors etc to easily that day ...........and so on -

And why does it have to be convenient for your family? What about HER family?

I"m going to a shower this weekend, my cousin's - and I'm driving 45 minutes to get there - Not convenient, but what does that have to do w/ my showing up for my cousin?

Listen, try understand that the OP's mother has passed and is no longer in the picture. I am sure she would rather her mother be throwing the shower for her instead of her MIL. So, there is probably a lot of sadness and frustration that has to do with that. Second, nowhere in the OP did she say that the MIL was paying for anything or planning anything. She may be picking the spot, and other people may be helping out/paying for other things - you don't know. You are assuming.

Third, remember pregnancy hormones? They can make things a lot harder to deal with . OP is at the end of her pregnancy. Let's be kind and give a break. And just because you are sweet enough to not mind the long drive for your cousin, the OP also said she fears many of her family members will not make the trip out to see her due to the location - and also that the MIL's family is smaller.

And yes, everything in the world should be made easier for the pregnant lady - that is who the party is for. Without her, there would be no baby.

Lastly, this was a VENT. She didn't ask WWYD or how you would feel about it. Sometimes it's better if people can just vent freely and come to some sort of conclusion for themselves. Maybe the OP just needed a hug.


OP,

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

it sounds like she recently decided it would be in SI......I would see if she could change it - and I'd explain why. Forget what DH says. Let him be pregnant for 5 minutes.

Your shower is so important - and it's important to have a good one and have it done your way. You're not asking for a pony, KWIM?

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by speakthetruth

Posted by MarisaK

Um, sorry but I'm w/ your DH on this one.
SHE is throwing you a party - SHE is paying for, planning, preparing etc everything FOR YOU -
All you have to do is show up.
Staten Island is NOT that far from Queens.
If I were throwing the party and taking full responsibility for everything, I'd want to be somewhere I was comfortable with the food/service etc being up to my standards, someplace I could bring all of the gifts/decorations/favors etc to easily that day ...........and so on -

And why does it have to be convenient for your family? What about HER family?

I"m going to a shower this weekend, my cousin's - and I'm driving 45 minutes to get there - Not convenient, but what does that have to do w/ my showing up for my cousin?

Listen, try understand that the OP's mother has passed and is no longer in the picture. I am sure she would rather her mother be throwing the shower for her instead of her MIL. So, there is probably a lot of sadness and frustration that has to do with that. Second, nowhere in the OP did she say that the MIL was paying for anything or planning anything. She may be picking the spot, and other people may be helping out/paying for other things - you don't know. You are assuming.

Third, remember pregnancy hormones? They can make things a lot harder to deal with . OP is at the end of her pregnancy. Let's be kind and give a break. And just because you are sweet enough to not mind the long drive for your cousin, the OP also said she fears many of her family members will not make the trip out to see her due to the location - and also that the MIL's family is smaller.

And yes, everything in the world should be made easier for the pregnant lady - that is who the party is for. Without her, there would be no baby.

Lastly, this was a VENT. She didn't ask WWYD or how you would feel about it. Sometimes it's better if people can just vent freely and come to some sort of conclusion for themselves. Maybe the OP just needed a hug.


OP,

I think she's being unreasonable - I don't think I was nasty about it.

I'm pregnant - I get the hormonal thing.

Sooooooooo, unless you're telling someone "Oh poor you, you're SO right" you basically can't respond to a post ..... ?? I'll keep that in mind going forward.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

I'm sorry that you are frustrated about your shower- yes, its nice that your mil has planned it for you- but I can see how it would be inconvenient to go to SI- so I sympathesize

I do agree with a pp- the people that matter will be there no matter where it is

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

MrsJakob I am sorry you are feeling aggravated and I wanted to give you some

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Hmm, I kind of think that its nice for her to throw you a shower. If it was a surprise would you be upset once you go there. I think people will come if they want to be there!

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by speakthetruth

Posted by MarisaK

Um, sorry but I'm w/ your DH on this one.
SHE is throwing you a party - SHE is paying for, planning, preparing etc everything FOR YOU -
All you have to do is show up.
Staten Island is NOT that far from Queens.
If I were throwing the party and taking full responsibility for everything, I'd want to be somewhere I was comfortable with the food/service etc being up to my standards, someplace I could bring all of the gifts/decorations/favors etc to easily that day ...........and so on -

And why does it have to be convenient for your family? What about HER family?

I"m going to a shower this weekend, my cousin's - and I'm driving 45 minutes to get there - Not convenient, but what does that have to do w/ my showing up for my cousin?

Listen, try understand that the OP's mother has passed and is no longer in the picture. I am sure she would rather her mother be throwing the shower for her instead of her MIL. So, there is probably a lot of sadness and frustration that has to do with that. Second, nowhere in the OP did she say that the MIL was paying for anything or planning anything. She may be picking the spot, and other people may be helping out/paying for other things - you don't know. You are assuming.

Third, remember pregnancy hormones? They can make things a lot harder to deal with . OP is at the end of her pregnancy. Let's be kind and give a break. And just because you are sweet enough to not mind the long drive for your cousin, the OP also said she fears many of her family members will not make the trip out to see her due to the location - and also that the MIL's family is smaller.

And yes, everything in the world should be made easier for the pregnant lady - that is who the party is for. Without her, there would be no baby.

Lastly, this was a VENT. She didn't ask WWYD or how you would feel about it. Sometimes it's better if people can just vent freely and come to some sort of conclusion for themselves. Maybe the OP just needed a hug.


OP,

I think she's being unreasonable - I don't think I was nasty about it.

I'm pregnant - I get the hormonal thing.

Sooooooooo, unless you're telling someone "Oh poor you, you're SO right" you basically can't respond to a post ..... ?? I'll keep that in mind going forward.

Message edited 10/28/2010 4:17:57 PM.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Message edited 10/28/2010 4:18:20 PM.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

While it is frustrating, and I am certain you are extra upset because you wish your mom could be doing this with you - Your loved ones will all be there and you will have an amazing day to celebrate your baby.

BTW- I DO get it. My shower was in queens when most of the people who attended were from LI (also a 45 min drive) and on a holiday weekend.

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

i would be upset too.

she should have made it in a central place

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

OMG i completely feel for you! Firstly this isnt a surprise, right so why couldnt she ask you what YOU would like? Secondly im sorry but u r completely in the right. She should have thought of u. Im so sorry u have to deal with this but of course there could be worse things. Ur mom will look down and make sure u have a perfect day!!! Xoxo

Re: Aggravated about my baby shower... long vent.

Blame it on the Dr. Say you're so sorry but you just went to the Dr and he said at this point he doesn;t want you driving too far.

And Marisa- your post DID have a nasty undertone because of all the CAPS.... maybe you didn't mean it that way BUT that's the way it comes off.

Message edited 10/28/2010 5:10:31 PM.