Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Long story short...........my DH's sister showed up to Xmas Day with NOTHING for Emerson. NOTHING!! She flippantly says on Xmas Day, "well it's not like she will know anyway". Ummmm...........yeah, but I know. So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

First off, I don't care how little she is, Emerson is family and her ONLY niece...how can she not get her something???? Everyone we know, family friends, etc. bought her gifts. And I don't mean to sound shallow here but it's Xmas and NOTHING????? You don't have to spend a ton of money, an effing rattle would have been fine because it would at least show that she thought of her. On top of that she managed to find money to buy for everyone else under the sun. I'm strapped, I'm home with Emerson now but yet I managed to buy for everyone including her fiancee who wasn't even at Xmas. It's not about what you spend, it's the thought that counts. I just don't understand how you come to Xmas, accept gifts for yourself and your fiancee and have the nerve to show up empty handed for my daughter. I am so irritated.

And then to email me that she's hurt????? She completely and purposely chose to forget my daughter on Xmas. Talk about hurt. I said I would never do that to her kids when she has them and get this, she goes "you don't have to buy them anything. I want them to know that Xmas isn't about gifts". Oh spare me, this coming from the girl who comes over on Xmas and the first thing out of her mouth is "where is my present?".

So tell me..............am being a b!@ch here or what? How would you feel if your DC aunt didn't get them a single thing for Xmas? Wouldn't you find that hurtful and thoughtless? I was just so taken aback, her first Xmas, her only niece and NOTHING!! I just think that is so wrong.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I would also be hurt, but don't think I'd say anything to her, and I know I wouldn't have sent a reminder email. I'd just keep it in the back of my head.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

It funny that you are asking about this. The other day I was on the phone with my brother who forgot to get James something for is 1st Christmas last year. And he was asking me if he made up for it this year. I didnt let him live it down all year.

I was not made at him, but I can understand how you can me.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

I totally agree with Opal.

Honestly, she TOLD you money was tight, this economy BLOWS and IMO, you shouldn't press the topic.

Hopefully, this was a one time deal and she will totally make up for in in years to come by spoiling her niece

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

I totally agree with Opal.

Honestly, she TOLD you money was tight, this economy BLOWS and IMO, you shouldn't press the topic.

Hopefully, this was a one time deal and she will totally make up for in in years to come by spoiling her niece

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

I totally agree with Opal.

Honestly, she TOLD you money was tight, this economy BLOWS and IMO, you shouldn't press the topic.

Hopefully, this was a one time deal and she will totally make up for in in years to come by spoiling her niece

See, here's the thing............she is full of cr@p with the no money thing. She spent a ton of money on everyone this year. It was a cop out to justify what she did and that I know for a fact. And I get financial hardship but when you show up with gifts for everyone on Xmas Day EXCEPT Emerson that's not because you didn't have the money it's because you're thoughtless. If the tables were turned she would carry on about us not getting her kids something. Again, it's not what you spend......it's the thought. Times are tight here too but we made sure everyone got something at Xmas. We didn't selectively leave anyone out.

FYI- I sent the email truly out of pure resentment and maybe it was mean but I've had enough. Since Emerson has been born his family has made no effort to ever see her, they don't ask about her........I could go on. This was like the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. I'm sick of my child being virtually ignored by her own family. To not even consider the baby at Xmas, to not even think of her is pure thoughtlessness and I will remember this when her shower and wedding roll around this year. What goes around comes around.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I'll be completely honest, if my brother's wife sent me that email I'd be REALLY pizzed and it would probably cause even bigger problems that whatever the underlying issue is between you guys. It would be very hard for me to move past.

Gifts are NEVER mandatory, as much as it may hurt your feelings that someone didn't get your child one.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Message edited 1/16/2009 7:43:06 AM.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I would be bummed and disappointed but wouldn't send an email mentioning it, even if she said she was going to get something after the fact.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

i feel for you. i had my BIL ignore my son for 3.5 years after he was born. didn't come see him (he lives out of town) but still, the kid almost died at birth. we had major medical issues, and it was a miracle he was home and healthy, and this guy totally ignored him. now that we have been out near where he lives (in-laws are there too) he's suddenly turned around, but the damage has been done. i won't speak to him at all. i have no use for someone like that.

and my SIL... not married to BIL... different one, my DD's 1st birthday and i got a card with an IOU... its now been 3 months, and we've seen her twice since then, and all we have is still an iou with stupid excuses.. (and they are not hurting for money) but its the same principal, show some effort for the family, don't treat them like garbage. and its not like we haven't been through this nonsense before, SIL has a couple of kids, we do too, and things have never been good, but if you're going to come to the party, bring something, i don't care what it is. make a token effort. and nada....

so i can totally related to your feelings. ignore her, try not to think about her, if she's like this, you're better off, just writing her off now instead of getting upset. thats what i had to do, can't get hurt if you don't expect anything.

hth

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

How old is she --- twelve!!!

You have right to be upset --- why can't she go to CVS and pick up a few things. I bought my little baby the cutest little binkies, water toys and teething rings. Even that kind of stuff would make a cute little gift for a baby that is tooo little to "get" Christmas. I think that when she has a baby you can do the same. She set the pattern and the expectations

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I understand what everyone is saying but I guess for me it's just years and years of cr@p and disappointment with his family and it's one thing when it was just directed at my DH or I but with Emerson who is just a baby it really gets to me. It's not about the gift because truthfully we can take care of our child and we don't need anything per se but it's the thoughtlessness of the whole thing. I just cannot believe how thoughtless she was and that's what bothers me more than anything. And I know that this year she will expect my DH and I to travel out of state for her wedding, she will expect a gift, she will expect us to be thoughtful and consider her this year during her special time but our daughter was not thought of at all and it just gets me.

It probably wasn't right to send a reminder email, I should've just let her know we were upset and why because again, it's not about the gift.....it's the lack of thought and consideration she showed our daughter. I don't think it's wrong to let someone know you have been hurt because for me if I just let it go it would fester and make me more resentful. I could've presented it differently for sure but I've been stewing. Anyway, what's done is done and like I said before.........what goes around will come around. If this is how it's going to be with her that's fine but she has to understand and not be surprised when the "favor" is returned. I'm not bending over backwards anymore doing and getting nice things for his family if this is how it's going to be. I guess for me I would just never be so thoughtless..............maybe this is just me but you go to a birthday party you bring a gift, you go to a wedding you bring a gift, you come to Xmas Day with gifts for your family then you get a gift for everyone. To me that's just proper etiquette. Anyway, it's done and she knows how we feel about it. It just is what it is at this point.

Message edited 1/16/2009 8:25:58 AM.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Posted by GaryElla

Posted by Hofstra26

So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????

Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.

Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I don't understand why she shouldn't say something. Do you think it was completely unintentional that the SIL forgot to include Emerson? I don't think so. Bit@chy people like that know how to push people's buttons and treat them like garbage, but they don't like when someone calls them on it. If they are close enough to spend Christmas together than they are close enough to confront each other on nonsense like this! I think the ball is in the SIL's court. She can choose to behave the right way and treat everyone like family or she can choose to treat some members of the family like second-class citizens and reap the backlash.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby!

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I see how you are upset and I would be too, but I think at this point i'd let it go. She is selfish and nothing is going to change that.

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)

I do understand you're upset and I would be too.
Me, Personally, would not have sent an email though.
Like other posters said, its pushing it more.
Im sorry this happened.