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IrishTracy
Believe!!
Member since 5/05 15167 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Hofstra26
So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????
Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.
Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.
I agree!!!!!
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Posted 1/16/09 8:57 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I don't think its the actual gift, I think you are bothered that she doesn't seem "into" your daughter, which is perfectly fine for you to feel.
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| Posted 1/16/09 8:57 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Maybe I'm in the minority here but I really don't care if family gives my kids gifts. I actually wish my inlaws would STOP giving them gifts. They live on a fixed income and could use the money themselves.
To me, holidays and birthdays are about being together. I don't keep track of who gave what to who.
However, I see your point that if you were at a gathering and she gave EVERYONE else presents except your dc, that would hurt me.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:02 AM |
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cluprncs3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 782 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I would be completely hurt. Both my family and Dh's family do stuff like this and it bothers me alot. However, I'm not the type of person that would have sent an email at all. Like other's said, I would prob. just drop it but store it away for the future!
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:03 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by saraH
I see how you are upset and I would be too, but I think at this point i'd let it go. She is selfish and nothing is going to change that.
I've let it go now that I've said what I had to about it to her. What gets me is this......how come people get to be rude and selfish and thoughtless and get away with it? I'm sorry she felt hurt about being called out on her behavior but truthfully........too bad. It's ok for her to hurt our feelings but then I have to worry about how she feels because I said something? Look, everyone has a right to behave however they want but your actions have consequences and IMO she has no right to be angry or hurt or mad, she brought this on herself. Did she think it wouldn't bother us? That it wouldn't hurt our feelings to have our daughter ignored?
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:08 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Octobermom
I don't understand why she shouldn't say something. Do you think it was completely unintentional that the SIL forgot to include Emerson? I don't think so. Bit@chy people like that know how to push people's buttons and treat them like garbage, but they don't like when someone calls them on it. If they are close enough to spend Christmas together than they are close enough to confront each other on nonsense like this! I think the ball is in the SIL's court. She can choose to behave the right way and treat everyone like family or she can choose to treat some members of the family like second-class citizens and reap the backlash.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby!
Not to sound mean or anything but NO One IS COMPELLED to get anyone a gift. The OP IMO should not have send the email reminding her SIL about not getting a gift for her child. JMHO
Agreed. It's not about the gift, it's about the behavior and the intent. I think that if someone acts rude and selfish you have every right to call them out on it. Why can't we hold people responsible for their behavior? I'm not the bad guy here, she should know we're hurt. She has no right to be hurt, she did this. You have to think about how you act towards people because there are consequences to how you treat people.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:10 AM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Octobermom
I don't understand why she shouldn't say something. Do you think it was completely unintentional that the SIL forgot to include Emerson? I don't think so. Bit@chy people like that know how to push people's buttons and treat them like garbage, but they don't like when someone calls them on it. If they are close enough to spend Christmas together than they are close enough to confront each other on nonsense like this! I think the ball is in the SIL's court. She can choose to behave the right way and treat everyone like family or she can choose to treat some members of the family like second-class citizens and reap the backlash.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby!
Not to sound mean or anything but NO One IS COMPELLED to get anyone a gift. The OP IMO should not have send the email reminding her SIL about not getting a gift for her child. JMHO
ITA. Obviously not knowing your entire history with SIL, my opinion is that you pushed it too far by emailing her. If she doesnt get your DD a gift, so be it, as you said its the thought that counts but she already lost that so whats the point now in her gettign her something. just keep it in the back of your head and move on.
Honestly this year, I told my brother and his fiancee (who dont have kids) to buy just for DS and not for DH or I. I dont know their financial position but they are planning on getting married / buying a house etc so I felt it wasnt necessary for them to spend their money in this way.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:14 AM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Octobermom
I don't understand why she shouldn't say something. Do you think it was completely unintentional that the SIL forgot to include Emerson? I don't think so. Bit@chy people like that know how to push people's buttons and treat them like garbage, but they don't like when someone calls them on it. If they are close enough to spend Christmas together than they are close enough to confront each other on nonsense like this! I think the ball is in the SIL's court. She can choose to behave the right way and treat everyone like family or she can choose to treat some members of the family like second-class citizens and reap the backlash.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby!
Not to sound mean or anything but NO One IS COMPELLED to get anyone a gift. The OP IMO should not have send the email reminding her SIL about not getting a gift for her child. JMHO
Again...I agree with Opal.
To be completely frank, this is obviously not about the gift, there are bigger issues here. TRUST me, I know, my MIL is a disaster as well.
It's their loss, just ignore the situation.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:20 AM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
She was absolutely wrong. You have every right to feel hurt. I wouldn't have sent the e-mail either, honestly, but you did it and its done. However, you have said your peace at least twice now and I would leave it be and do whatever you feel is right now in regards to her upcoming things.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:24 AM |
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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Yeah, it's not crazy to be hurt and/or FUMING about the way she's treating DD, but it's futile to think people lke that will change unfortunately  I think we all know someone like that, whether it was during our weddings, or now with kiddies... It sounds like there's a lot of 'history' there, I'd probably let DH handle it going forward since it's his family and I wouldn't want to put him in the middle of it.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:24 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I agree with PP about there being way bigger issues than lack of a gift. Would I feel a bit hurt? Probably. And reading the history of it all, you have every right to feel annoyed.
However where I don't agree is when you sent the email reminding her....I would not have done that. If someone doesn't give a gift, let it go. By reminding them it sets a whole other awkward tone...at that point, would you even WANT a gift from her for your DD?? I know I wouldn't.
Any maybe, just maybe she really was going to pick up something on her own time..you never know.
I have been in bad situations before where I wasn't able to buy presents for someone I really wanted to...and I felt awful. I know this situation is different (and she sounds like a b***!) but if someone reminded me about it, I'd feel awful. Just playing devils advocate!
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:25 AM |
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Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Hofstra26
So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????
Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.
Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.
I agree 100%! Yes, I would be hurt that my SIL didn't buy my child a gift, but I would never send a reminder email. Sorry your feelings were hurt
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:29 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by Kerie-is-so-very
Posted by Hofstra26
she goes "you don't have to buy them anything. I want them to know that Xmas isn't about gifts".
SAVE THAT E-MAIL. You will need to consult it someday.
Yeah, I'd be hurt. I'd be annoyed. I am not sure if I would have sent a reminder e-mail but if I didn't, I'd be stewing about my child not getting a gift. I'd be more passive aggressive and I'd remember this when wedding gift time comes along.
I agree 100%. I don't think sending a reminder email was the right thing to do, sorry.
Message edited 1/16/2009 9:32:58 AM.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:31 AM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I would feel really upset too But I Never would have mentioned it, not in a million years!!! I would most certainly cheap out on her next event whether it was a birthday, wedding, whatever.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:37 AM |
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trnity44
I hope you stay beautiful baby
Member since 5/05 8356 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I would definitely be hurt- but I wouldn't say anything.
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| Posted 1/16/09 9:57 AM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by saraH
I see how you are upset and I would be too, but I think at this point i'd let it go. She is selfish and nothing is going to change that.
I've let it go now that I've said what I had to about it to her. What gets me is this......how come people get to be rude and selfish and thoughtless and get away with it? I'm sorry she felt hurt about being called out on her behavior but truthfully........too bad. It's ok for her to hurt our feelings but then I have to worry about how she feels because I said something? Look, everyone has a right to behave however they want but your actions have consequences and IMO she has no right to be angry or hurt or mad, she brought this on herself. Did she think it wouldn't bother us? That it wouldn't hurt our feelings to have our daughter ignored?
Know what, you are 100% right. She has probably done this thinking you wil think "oh this is just the way she is" and leave it alone. but she deserves to be called out on this.
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:05 AM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I have learned after many years of generousity to EXPECT NOTHING AND THEN YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!
I was really hurt at my dcs baptism by some of my family, but I have since learned to just let it go and realize that it is their loss, not mine.
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:11 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by BigB
I have learned after many years of generousity to EXPECT NOTHING AND THEN YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!
I was really hurt at my dcs baptism by some of my family, but I have since learned to just let it go and realize that it is their loss, not mine.
I totally agree with you............I need to change my expectations so I won't be hurt. I can't change them but I can change myself. 
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:15 AM |
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NoStressMom
My Heart and Soul
Member since 5/05 11122 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
What does your husband think about this? It is his family correct?
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:26 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I look at it this way - she's right. Your daughter will never know she wasn't given a gift for her first Christmas. The only way she'll know is if someone tells her. A baby's 1st Christmas ornament would have been perfect.
I agree with the previous posters, it's sounds less about the gift than the treatment of your daughter & your fear that she'll be treated like a second class citizen going forward.
If your SIL was the person who came over, played with your daughter, called to see how things were going, etc., I don't think you would have cared about a gift. Don't make it about the gift.
You can't control her behavior. By writing her that email, it seems like you were trying to do that or at least call her out on not treating your daughter as an equal.
The only person you can control is you (ok, you can try to control your kid too but from experience that only works some of the time). You can control your reactions to it, you can control what, if anything, you get them next year. You can choose to invite them to Christmas, birthdays, etc or not. There are many things you can do.
However, starting a family war with your DH's sister over a christmas present isn't something I'd suggest. You have a very long time to live sharing holidays with these people. Pick & choose your battles for more important times.
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:33 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Your not crazy and I would be sooo mad and hurt if I was you!! Once she has her first baby she will see how she put her foot in her mouth BIG TIME!
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:33 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by NoStressBride
What does your husband think about this? It is his family correct?
He thought it was thoughtless but he's not one to ever say anything. He just lets things roll. I'm more the type to let my feelings be known. He just shrugs and says, "you know how they are". I do know how they are but I just thought with the baby they would be different but I guess I was wrong. I need to let it roll too I guess because they won't ever change.
Message edited 1/16/2009 10:47:41 AM.
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:47 AM |
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
1. Would I be annoyed...YEP!
2. Would I sent an email to remind her...no (sorry  )
3. I think what you need to do at this point is figure out how to make it right...some people are rude, plain and simple. But, this is family and your daughter's aunt who is going to be in her life, so you don't want tension in anyone's life, including yours.
why not tell her how you feel...swallow your pride (although I know that will feel like a cup of sand right now) and apologize for the email and tell her exactly why you sent it.
In the end you will feel better for making it right...it's always easier to do that than to hold a grudge...a grudge takes way more effort!
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| Posted 1/16/09 10:50 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by nrthshgrl
I look at it this way - she's right. Your daughter will never know she wasn't given a gift for her first Christmas. The only way she'll know is if someone tells her. A baby's 1st Christmas ornament would have been perfect.
Of course Emerson won't know but it's not about her knowing. It's about showing us that you gave a cr@p about our daughter and you thought of her at the holidays along with everyone else you found the time to buy gifts for. Look, I don't care one iota about the gift. It's not about the gift, that's just a thing....big deal, what I care about is the attitude and the action. To say to me that you didn't even consider her tells me you're a thoughtless, selfish person. She doesn't email me when I email her about the baby, she doesn't RSVP when we invite her over to see her, when she's here she has an opinion about everything we're doing with her as if she has a clue..........this advice coming from someone who is not married and has NO children. It's just a pattern of thoughtless behavior and coming to my house on Xmas Day when I busted my @ss making it nice for them by cooking all day and being generous enough to buy them all gifts including one for her fiancee who we never see I think entitles me to get bent when my daughter is shown no thought, no care, no anything.
Again, it's not about the gift. It was the attitude that day I couldn't stand. "Oh well she won't know so I got her nothing". Nice aunt. And let me tell you.......when our next kid is born and she isn't godmother (which has already been decided) and my BFF of 20 years is just wait...........we'll never hear the end of it!! I'll be happy to throw in her face how little interest she has shown in this baby's life and maybe then she'll get a clue. What gets me is in a million years I would never, ever think to show up to a holiday with nothing for my nieces and nephews or anyone else and if for some reason I did, financial hardship or otherwise, the last thing I would do is announce with a smile on my face that "I didn't consider them and they won't notice anyway". I'm glad I said something because she needs to know. If I let this go it would build up and build up because it wasn't the first incident of them pi$$ing me off and then it would've come out at a worse time in a worse way. Again, act however you want to in this world but your actions will cause reactions from those around you.
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:00 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by pharmcat2000
I would also be hurt, but don't think I'd say anything to her, and I know I wouldn't have sent a reminder email. I'd just keep it in the back of my head.
I agree
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:09 AM |
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