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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
It $ucks but I NEVER would have said a word about it. Sorry, JMO!
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Posted 1/16/09 11:12 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I would be upset, but I would not have sent her an e-mail.
I would have just wrote her off in my mind..
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:16 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I have a very good friend who has two kids, 4 years apart. Before I had kids myself, whenever I would visit them I would always bring a little something over to the house for the older one, but would never think to bring anything for the baby. My friend teased me about it once. I think she was a little hurt for her son-though my thinking was he has no idea, he is 4 months so who is the gift really for?"
Of course, as he got older I brought him stuff too, but when he was little, my thinking was very much like your SIL.
However, I don't think that is the real issue here. It sounds like they don't have much interest in your child and that would bother me. However, like you said yourself, you can't control others you can only control your reaction to them.
I wouldn't have sent the email, but it seems like you needed to get some things off your chest.
I think by sending the email you are setting yourself up for a another episode next Christmas. I could see SIL saying something snarky and it setting off a whole thing again, and probably every Christmas from now on.
I would try to hash this out before then-maybe apologize for the email but tell her what's really going on and try to work through it. Or, maybe make alternate plans for the holidays-they can be stressful enough without adding a SIL like this into the mix.
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:24 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by CrankyPants
I have a very good friend who has two kids, 4 years apart. Before I had kids myself, whenever I would visit them I would always bring a little something over to the house for the older one, but would never think to bring anything for the baby. My friend teased me about it once. I think she was a little hurt for her son-though my thinking was he has no idea, he is 4 months so who is the gift really for?"
Of course, as he got older I brought him stuff too, but when he was little, my thinking was very much like your SIL.
However, I don't think that is the real issue here. It sounds like they don't have much interest in your child and that would bother me. However, like you said yourself, you can't control others you can only control your reaction to them.
I wouldn't have sent the email, but it seems like you needed to get some things off your chest.
I think by sending the email you are setting yourself up for a another episode next Christmas. I could see SIL saying something snarky and it setting off a whole thing again, and probably every Christmas from now on.
I would try to hash this out before then-maybe apologize for the email but tell her what's really going on and try to work through it. Or, maybe make alternate plans for the holidays-they can be stressful enough without adding a SIL like this into the mix.
I did email her back last night and said I was sorry she was hurt about the email BUT it wasn't about the gift and I did explain my feelings. Again, it was just the lack of interest in our baby. I don't even understand how she didn't feel stupid about it...........DH's other sister (her twin), his brother, his parents all got her something. I think even they were a little shocked but anyway, it was the lack of thought that bothered me. So like I said, I did apologize for the email however, I didn't apologize for how I felt about what happened and I explained why it bothered me.
Message edited 1/16/2009 11:36:04 AM.
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:35 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by Hofstra26
I've let it go now that I've said what I had to about it to her. What gets me is this......how come people get to be rude and selfish and thoughtless and get away with it?
Here's my take on it - she won't get away with it, unless she changes her ways. What I mean by that is yes, your daughter doesn't know now that she was forgotten, ignored, whatever. But your SIL is laying the foundation for being an uncaring, thoughless aunt and as your daughter gets older, she will realize that. As she develops a personality and a mind of her own, she isn't going to want to spend time with her aunt if that is the way she's being treated. Kids are pretty smart that way.
I am very close with my niece and nephew, partly because I have always remembered every birthday and Christmas. I send them cards for holidays and little gifts as well. I didn't have much money for many years when they were smaller, but they know that I don't forget them and they appreciate it. Money has been very tight for a certain family member this year, but DS still got a birthday gift and a Christmas gift from that person. More importantly, he received a special visit when his birthday gift was delivered. PPs are right, it's not about the gift, it's about her thinking about your DD and right now, she is showing that she is a very thoughtless person.
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:45 AM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
i would be sorta mad if my sister inlaw emailed me that. but i always try and give my nephews something but on chiristmas i didnt go crazy but i always get him something so he knows i love him..i think i buy him to much.lol
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:45 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Hofstra26
So now weeks have passed and I email her to remind her she got Emerson nothing because she had said something about getting her a gift later. Well she shoots back an email saying how hurt she was by my email and that she was going to get her something when money wasn't so tight and that she didn't really (and I quote) "consider her because she's so little". Is she for real????????
Sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't think I am bashing you with what I am saying to you. I maybe in the minority but if someone did not get my child a gift I would not send them an email to remind them about it. Knowing how I am I would not even bother myself about it. Sending an email to someone to remind them about not getting your DC a gift is just a bit too much IMO. If they want to get her something I would leave it up to them. I am too proud to let someone feel like I am hard up for a gift.
Just ignore her and don't mention it to her again.
I agree with you 100%!
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| Posted 1/16/09 11:53 AM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by 1stimemom
She was absolutely wrong. You have every right to feel hurt. I wouldn't have sent the e-mail either, honestly, but you did it and its done. However, you have said your peace at least twice now and I would leave it be and do whatever you feel is right now in regards to her upcoming things.
ITA with this. but yes, I would have been totally pizzed, insulted , hurt etc too if DD's aunt did this.
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| Posted 1/16/09 12:50 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I understand your hurt and disappointment in SIL completely. That being said I would have never sent her an email, I would have kept this incident in the back of my head, always, for the future.
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| Posted 1/16/09 12:58 PM |
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twiceasnice
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1126 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Wow! You definitely have your hands full with this family.
The way I look at it is you have the rest of your life with this family so no matter how hard it is don't let their thoughtlessness bother you. But I should try to follow my own advice.
You definitely had to be Peeved to send the email (which I have never done but wish I had the nerve to do). I have Almost the same problem but worse. I wish my SIL would not even BUY gifts for us! Next Xmas I am calling it quits. FOr some reason I am scared but for 10 years she has driven me nuts.
She will list all the items that her kids want ($60 video games, abercrombie, ugz, etc) Assumming we have at least a $100 budget for each kid but she will turn around (NO JOKE) and give DH a MUG, me-ULTA bath lotion and DS a truck. Now it may sound like she is financially hurting right - well she has NO problem saying how she got her sister a GPS system, her mom Spa treatments etc. Its like a slap in the face the way she brags. My brother gets so embarrassed at Christmas that I should not feel bad.
I always over do her family (because its my only brother) but I can't do it anymore (just the kids) it makes me sick. My mom gave her a g/c to Michaels..SHe gave it back to her and said "I don't shop there give it to your sister"..WHAT! Then for the next 6 months she kept telling her "You owe me a gift"! 
I completely understand where you are coming from and why you are upset because I have "one of those" too in my family. It doesn't go away so you have to expect nothing.
BTW Thanks for letting me vent...I don't normally do that
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| Posted 1/16/09 2:10 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by Kerie-is-so-very
Posted by Hofstra26
she goes "you don't have to buy them anything. I want them to know that Xmas isn't about gifts".
SAVE THAT E-MAIL. You will need to consult it someday.
Yeah, I'd be hurt. I'd be annoyed. I am not sure if I would have sent a reminder e-mail but if I didn't, I'd be stewing about my child not getting a gift. I'd be more passive aggressive and I'd remember this when wedding gift time comes along.
That's what I would do. When it's time for HER present. Put a copy of the email in an envelope and highlight that quote and give it to her. She might think she will get money  [EVIL LAUGH]
I personally would not have emailed her. I would have understood that she purposely did not want to buy a gift for my child. So be it!
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| Posted 1/16/09 2:19 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Thanks everyone for the input. I do appreciate all the comments.
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| Posted 1/16/09 2:44 PM |
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I'm sorry you are hurt - lord knows my family can be quite hurtful as well, but honestly, if someone doesn't get DC a gift, I don't say anything to them. I don't think someone needs a reminder that they didn't get a gift because they know - it's not something they forget, KWIM?
But, it blows all the same!!!
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| Posted 1/16/09 2:55 PM |
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momdal
LIF Infant
Member since 12/08 74 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I hate to say this but do we have the same in-laws! Something very similar happened to me last year at my son’s first Christmas. I don’t want to get into to much detail here I will FM you. It took me a while to come to grips with his family’s behavior. Now when things happen I try to remember that I can only control my & my family’s actions. It is their CHOICE to not to give birthday & Christmas gifts and participate in DS’s life. I’ve tried extending invitations and will continue to do so but it’s there choice. I hope things change before my son realizes what’s going on. Although I must admit a small part of me wants the day to come when it happens again and he asks then directly where is my gift, I know that’s cruel but I would love to see there face.
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| Posted 1/16/09 3:22 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
Posted by Leeners
Posted by CathyB
I'll be completely honest, if my brother's wife sent me that email I'd be REALLY pizzed and it would probably cause even bigger problems that whatever the underlying issue is between you guys. It would be very hard for me to move past.
Gifts are NEVER mandatory, as much as it may hurt your feelings that someone didn't get your child one.
ITA
It's been almost a month already - I think it'd be best for all of you if move on.
ITA. My sister lives in a very wealthy area leading a very weathy lifestyle. She never gave my son a third birthday gift and the gift she gave him and my dd the Christmas just before (a gift card to a museum) was never valid becasue they made a mistake with her credit card. My sister ppisses me off constantly, BUT I would never say anything. I mean reminding someone to give your child a gift is just not right in my opinion. Its true gifts are not mandatory.
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| Posted 1/16/09 7:45 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I crazy here?????? You tell me........(SIL rant)
I'm sorry you got upset about this. It sounds like it is beyond the gift.
My SIL didn't give DS a thing for Christmas either, or his birthday, or ever really. She has never held him, played with him, and barely acknowledges that he is alive. It is really the latter behavior that bothers me--not the gifts, and I'm sure you are probably upset for similar reasons. I do worry about how we will deal with this when he's old enough to notice and be hurt by her behavior. She has issues, but still, I would have expected a little more interest in him.
I don't know what's the answer, but I agree with a PP, the only thing you can really do is control your reactions to her. I wouldn't bring it up again. Talk to DH for some more insights if you are concerned about how she treats your DC.
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| Posted 1/16/09 8:09 PM |
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