Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I really hate this time of year. There's field day, concerts, performances, graduations, field trips, picnics, teas and also my kids' birthdays so they are star of the week...and everything is during the work day. I feel bad having to miss so much. My son is always so disappointed. We were on vacation last week (I planned it a long time ago without even giving any thought to the timing of it) and it's hard for me to take off now. I was able to sneak out to field day (which, BTW, is it really necessary for that to be a thing parents attend? I don't remember my parents going to that. And it boggles my mind how many parents are there! Moms AND dads! with lawn chairs and tents and coolers. WTF) but I had my mom come to be there for the remainder of it because he was distraught he would be the only kid without family there to cheer him on.

Sometimes I wish I could just take off June-September just so I could handle all this stuff with my kids and not have to feel so bad about missing things.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

My son is only in preschool, but I anticipate this problem once he's in elementary school and it already makes me sad. Summers in general make me a little sad because my kids will always have to rush out the door to get to camp and won't have the laid back summer experience that other kids get.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I feel more guilty at work, honestly. DD is only 3 and I’ve had to take days off recently for activity related things. I know it will get worse as she gets older. I’m already freaking out about what I’ll do during elementary school breaks.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

My son is older...so I am going to say this, embrace your village.

My parents help me events at school, my SO goes to events at school. I pick the most important and use my days for that. I also feel less guilt because my son was getting good memories with other people as well.

And honestly, I lived this too. My mom worked, when I was in second grade, I was in a reader challenge and my mom couldn't commit to going every week since she was a teacher as well. My grandma did it with me and I am SO happy I have that memory with my grandmother. And we won the challenge

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Yep.
And I'm also angry because everything is so goddamn expensive that DH & I both need to work to make ends meet.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

It is hard. No doubt. But like a PP said, if you have support from grandparents, babysitters, whomever, take it. My mom worked when i was growing up and i think it made me a tougher person. She was there for many things, but not everything. I saw her getting up at 530 every morning rushing to work, and then rushing come at 5pm to get dinner on the table for us every single night. She did it all. Now I strive to do the same for my kids and set the same example for them. They will remember the great times you went up to school but they will also see you as an example of someone who is doing it all. I always say there is no better satisfaction than doing it all and doing it well. Just take pride that you are when you do the best you can. XO

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Not everyone has a village. For those parents, they’re always going to miss the important meeting or skip the conference because if they don’t attend their child’s event no one else will.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I don’t know how people make these things. If I went to mother’s day, school trips, bake with mom’s, teacher appreciation, Halloween parade, last day of school parade (seriously!!!), first day of school... I’d lose my job!

I like working. It makes me whole and happy (seriously, working parents are happier than non working parents). I take pictures and tell stories about my days. I tell them what I’m doing is special. I want them to truly see that they can be anything and getting a career is amazing! My coworkers all have well grounded, successful children. They all had guilt leaving a sick kid to go to work. I do too. But the kids will be fine.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Yes, it sucks. My parents missed a lot when I was growing up—and I hated it— so I really hate disappointing my kids. Luckily my parents are now able to go to some things that I have to miss, but like pp said, I have to pick and choose because I can’t expect them to drive 45 minutes to attend everything.
My daughter definitely comes home sad when nobody was there to support her, but I’m hoping as she gets older she understands that we need to work.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Message edited 5/30/2019 9:21:18 PM.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

The last month of school is the hardest, there are so many things, and of course right in the middle of the day. I work right by my kids schools thankfully so I try and attend most things, if I can't my DH does.

I am thankful for a flexible schedule and a fantastic boss.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

DD is in first grade and there are certain things that i go to. I am fortunate that my boss is flexible and i can run out to a school event and come back when it is over (I am away from my job for maybe 90 mins max) I pick the most important things, like sing along and star student and the others, my parents fill in for me. She knows that I can't attend every single thing and she's good with that.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guil

I have always worked and it’s all my kids know. I do my best to attend everything, but it’s not always possible.
I let my kids know from day one that some mommies don’t work, but theirs does. I will try, but I can’t always be there. If I can, I send another family member or ask a friend’s mom to help my kid not feel left out.
I think that because I’ve always handled things so matter of factly they get it and aren’t overly upset if I can’t be there for an event.
I feel almost zero guilt because this is our life and it is what it is.

Message edited 5/30/2019 6:21:42 PM.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I don’t have that much guilt about it. Maybe it’s becuase it’s all we have ever known. He’s been at daycare since 4 months old. We have no family nearby so he would only expect to see me or DH at an event and he realizes that we need to work.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Yes. Especially since I wasn’t working last spring and volunteered for everything to keep myself busy. And before that even though I worked in NYC I had flexibility and tons of PTO.

I now work close to home with no flexibility - and I can’t use vacation days until I accrue them even though I get 26/year... so I’m going to be missing a lot.

Message edited 5/30/2019 10:39:08 PM.

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

if it helps any, i'm a SAHM mom and STILL have guilt that my kids can't function without me, since i've always been right there for every little thing.... LOL
So, i don't think we can "win" either way... we just all do what works for us, and try our best

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I am class mom, and I take photos for the parents of the kids in our class of things like field day so the parents have them and so they can go into the yearbook.

Parents volunteer to run activities. For the smaller children, some parents do sit and watch, but for the most part the parents are the ones running the activities.

As for the end of year things, they are only with the class parents, other parents are not invited.

So in my mind, the only activity you would miss is field day, but most kids understand their parents are not there for it.

As for star of the week, since you knew in advance when their birthday is, I would plan for those days.

But even as class mom, I missed the field trip because of a scheduling conflict. A working parents happily took my place. You can't be there for everything, and that is ok.

Message edited 5/31/2019 12:59:58 PM.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I’ve never been to field day. DH usually goes for part of it. He also attended a fairytale ball for our first grader recently. He noticed that one of DS2’s classmates didn’t have a parent there so DH asked him to read his story. I thought that was really nice of him to make DS2’s friend feel included.

I’ve definitely missed a lot of daytime school events and at times I feel bad, but I’m grateful that DH can usually attend. I do wish some things were scheduled with either a little more notice or consideration for working parents.

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

At our school parents aren't even allowed at field day- thank god

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Yes- was just discussing this at work today. My son is in a UPK program this year at our elementary school and there are so many things. I agree about the field day- I totally don't get it. When I was kid, parents did not come to field day. I don't remember having so many things at school where parents were invited. It seems like there is always something. The PTA pumpkin patch, come and help your kid pick out a pumpkin, while their class is only scheduled for 15 minutes. I'm not taking off a whole day for 15 minutes. My son is the type to be upset if one of us doesn't come. I'm so happy my school doesn't do a Pre-K graduation or moving up. One less thing to go to!

Re: Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

Anyone else suffering from working mom guilt?

I have a pretty flexible job and work 4 miles from his school but even with that I pick and choose what I go to. We don’t need to be there for every little class party. And never have I seen every parent. We put the guilt on ourselves so I learned long ago it’s both worth it. My son will be fine if I miss something. I manage his expectations.