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mommy2be716
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Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Dh's good friend is getting married, and I was invited to his fiance's bridal shower. It is on a Sat morning for brunch, and DH works OT on Saturday's. He can skip it of course, but I decided to e-mailed the bride's older sister to RSVP and ask if it would be OK if I brought 8th month old DD because Dh would be working. I also said in the e-mail that if she preferred not to have babies there, that I would arrange for a babysitter. I got an e-mail back saying "the restaurant does not allow children." and that was it! didn't even sign her name at the bottom. I have never met her sister before, and just thought that was kind of rude.
I was at the groom's house a few days later, and was talking with his mother at the table over lunch. I told her something like "As you probably already know, I will be going to the shower, but DD wasn't coming because there's no kids allowed." I assumed she knew because she is the groom's mother and probably was involved in the shower in some way. She had NO idea, and was upset because she wasn't included in much of the planning of the shower, despite offering to help pay for it. The bride's family declined her help, and she was really upset that they were e-mailing people saying no kids allowed. She also told me she'd been to many showers there, and kids are absolutely allowed. She even pulled up a children's menu off of their website. She said she was kind of bummed because alot of the family on her side wanted to see the baby, as well as some other babies on her side. Oh well.
It's not my day, and if they don't want kids that is fine, but I am just a little upset that they didn't just say in the e-mail that they preferred no kids to be there. Not sure why they had to lie and say it was the restaurant's decision not to allow kids...For my bridal shower, we addressed the invites to just the adults, but anyone who asked to bring kids were allowed. I guess that's just my family?
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Posted 3/23/17 7:44 AM  |
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WannaBeAMom11
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Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Very strange. Personally, I don't like bringing older kids to showers and such but babies are always welcome because most everyone loves seeing them. Older sister sounds like a gem.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:08 AM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:12 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
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Me
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
The sister sounds like a real a-hole.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:16 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
I agree. And the grooms mom can be upset all she wants- it's not her choice.
It's the bride's choice- or the choice of those throwing the party on her behalf.
A bridal shower is about the bride- not about people wanting to see other people's babies.
IMO a bridal shower is no place for children.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:17 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
I completely agree with this. I wouldn't have said anything to mother of the groom unless it specifically came up and you were asked if dd would be there. It seems kinda of passive by bringing it up like I'm sure you have heard. There's obviously tension there already between the families and this made it worse.
I do think the sister should have just said the bride prefers to not have children there. Why lie and say the restaurant doesn't allow kids when you can easily see they do when you go to their website and have children's menus?
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:22 AM |
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nycgirl
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
It's a bridal shower... unfortunately, it's about the bride (not the groom). Sounds like they are keeping tradition by having only females (vs Jack and Jill). The bride and her family are perfectly entitled not to have kids... even if the restaurant allows it. Many people think a long formal meal does not go well with babies.
In your shoes, I would not go (my hubby does OT on weekends sometimes too), but would give a gift.
Don't get involved in weddings, that always are a source of drama. This is a friend of your husband's... not your BFF (if it were, I'd say double check with bride... certainly getting the mother in law to be involved is just going to stir bad feelings). Don't feel insulted... they just don't want any babies (it's nothing against yours).
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:29 AM |
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BargainMama
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Who cares if they lied...they don't want children there, the end. It's no place for children IMO, and I personally wouldn't have even asked. Who wants to listen to a squealing baby when they are supposed to be celebrating the bride to be? I would have your husband nix his OT that day and go. Or get a sitter.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:43 AM |
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mommy2be716
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Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
Yeah that is a good point and I can see that side of it. Just to clarify to the other poster, it did come up before I told her DD was going to come with me. She had asked if I saw the invitation, and said something about how her daughter (one of the bridesmaids) was asked to make the invites because she is a graphic designer. She was designing them, and then the invites came in the mail and nobody notified her that they decided to just buy their own invites instead. That's when I made the comment about how they said I couldn't bring DD because the restaurant was adults-only. Didnt add all the detail in the OP because I didn't want to make an overly long post
Message edited 3/23/2017 9:14:48 AM.
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| Posted 3/23/17 9:09 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I am not annoyed about not being able to bring the baby. Dh is going to stay home and I am going to go to the shower. I was just weirded out by the sister's response, and the fact that they blamed it on the restaurant even though I said in the e-mail if they prefer I don't bring the baby it would not be a problem to get a sitter
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| Posted 3/23/17 9:11 AM |
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star444
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
She probably just didn't feel comfortable saying that they didn't want kids there. I wouldn't really read too much into it. I would feel weird asking to begin with, because I was asked by a friend if she could bring her kids to my shower and I had to tell her no. It's an awkward position to be in to have to tell someone no. I don't think kids at a shower are appropriate unless it's like, the flower girl, and she was specifically asked to come and be part of it.
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| Posted 3/23/17 9:16 AM |
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mommy2be716
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by star444
She probably just didn't feel comfortable saying that they didn't want kids there. I wouldn't really read too much into it. I would feel weird asking to begin with, because I was asked by a friend if she could bring her kids to my shower and I had to tell her no. It's an awkward position to be in to have to tell someone no. I don't think kids at a shower are appropriate unless it's like, the flower girl, and she was specifically asked to come and be part of it.
I understand... The wedding is in the Caribbean and the whole family was invited, so I didn't think it was odd to ask for the shower. Maybe they want adults to be there for that very reason, though
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| Posted 3/23/17 9:35 AM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by star444
She probably just didn't feel comfortable saying that they didn't want kids there. I wouldn't really read too much into it. I would feel weird asking to begin with, because I was asked by a friend if she could bring her kids to my shower and I had to tell her no. It's an awkward position to be in to have to tell someone no. I don't think kids at a shower are appropriate unless it's like, the flower girl, and she was specifically asked to come and be part of it.
This. When I got the invite to my sil's baby shower it was only addressed to me, not my 2 yo dd also, and I didn't even ask to bring her-I actually made arrangements to leave her home. It ended up that they just didn't think to put her name on the invite and told me to bring her despite me not saying anything about it, but still.
Also, you may not have been the first to ask about kids, and maybe somebody already gave her a hard time. It's easier to just say it's a rule the restaurant has.
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| Posted 3/23/17 9:43 AM |
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M514
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Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by star444
She probably just didn't feel comfortable saying that they didn't want kids there. I wouldn't really read too much into it. I would feel weird asking to begin with, because I was asked by a friend if she could bring her kids to my shower and I had to tell her no. It's an awkward position to be in to have to tell someone no. I don't think kids at a shower are appropriate unless it's like, the flower girl, and she was specifically asked to come and be part of it.
This is how I see it too. I also think that if they say yes to one person bringing a child, then if someone else asks, they'll have to say yes....and it will just get out of hand.
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| Posted 3/23/17 10:11 AM |
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Salason
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
Yeah that is a good point and I can see that side of it. Just to clarify to the other poster, it did come up before I told her DD was going to come with me. She had asked if I saw the invitation, and said something about how her daughter (one of the bridesmaids) was asked to make the invites because she is a graphic designer. She was designing them, and then the invites came in the mail and nobody notified her that they decided to just buy their own invites instead. That's when I made the comment about how they said I couldn't bring DD because the restaurant was adults-only. Didnt add all the detail in the OP because I didn't want to make an overly long post
Eek. I've seen enough wedding family drama to realize that by bringing it up at that point, you probably added fuel to the fire when she was probably pissed about the invitations already. Nothing to be weirded out or upset about... it wasn't personal. They just didn't want kids there. They didn't invite her and it was easier to just blame it on the restaurant. I would definitely leave this situation alone at this point.
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| Posted 3/23/17 10:58 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
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| Posted 3/23/17 12:28 PM |
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DiamondGirl
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
My sis in law just had her bridal shower, a co worker texted me a few days prior and asked if she could bring her 4 yr old son bc her babysitter fell through, I said of course, as a mom I totally understood.
I get if someone does not want children there but her response was rude and also not true so you are right to feel she was rude, bc SHE WAS.
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| Posted 3/23/17 12:43 PM |
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gina409
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
I agree
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| Posted 3/23/17 1:05 PM |
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ali120206
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I probably wouldn't have said anything.
And it could be that they didn't want DD to come because they said no to others with children.
I was upset a couple of years ago - my husband had to work for my cousin's fiance's shower. I had responded yes (he wasn't working at the time) and then things changed. I said I couldn't go because I didn't have anyone to watch my kids and nobody mentioned the possibility of bringing them but, then my cousin's wife brought their daughter and others brought kids (I would've just brought my younger son who is well behaved at those types of events and left the older one with my father - he couldn't have taken both of them)...
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| Posted 3/23/17 1:11 PM |
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mrsdukes
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Liz
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I'm in the minority, but I don't think it was terrible that you asked if you could bring DD. It was ok for them to say no, though, but I think saying the restaurant was adults only is odd. Although the shower is for the bride, I understand why the groom's mother is upset about not being involved in the planning. I am currently the mother of a groom, and my daughter and I are the ones hosting my future-daughter-in-laws shower. Many people don't want kids at showers, and it's their perogoative to not have any there. In my case, the family is all out of town and coming here for the shower, so the kids are included, but they usually are in my family.
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| Posted 3/23/17 1:47 PM |
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lightblue
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
The sister sounds like a real a-hole.
This. she could have just said they prefer not to have kids at the event.
Message edited 3/23/2017 4:54:58 PM.
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| Posted 3/23/17 4:53 PM |
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bunnyluck
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Sister sounds like she has social issues or is just plain rude. Who responds like that??? No class at all.
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| Posted 3/23/17 6:17 PM |
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bunnyluck
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
And also, a baby is a BABy. It's not like he's going to be running around causing trouble. It's kind of pathetic that someone would care if an innocent little 7 month old was at their shower. Even more pathetic if they think he or she will take their spotlight.
Message edited 3/23/2017 6:21:10 PM.
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| Posted 3/23/17 6:20 PM |
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ChilisWife
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
i guess I am in the minority but I think it's weird that she responded that way. It's a weekend brunch, I can't imagine a restaurant not "allowing children" to be at a private party. If she didn't want the baby there she could have said "unfortunately, we would prefer not to have any children at the shower." I also don't think you said anything wrong to the mother in law. You were simply stating a fact.
I am NOT one of those people that thinks kids need to be everywhere. Generally I don't think they belong at certain weddings and I would never NOT go to something because my kids weren't invited. However, this is a weekend brunch. I was just at a shower with several babies and it was fine. You barely knew they were there. I assume she doesn't want them there because it may take attention away from herself.
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| Posted 3/23/17 7:10 PM |
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NicoleF219
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by bunnyluck
And also, a baby is a BABy. It's not like he's going to be running around causing trouble. It's kind of pathetic that someone would care if an innocent little 7 month old was at their shower. Even more pathetic if they think he or she will take their spotlight.
I have to disagree with this. A baby might not be running around and destroying things but they could be crying or screaming. And yes the day is about the bride if they don't want kids there shouldn't be any. Looks like they were using the whole restaurant thing as an excuse to not cause more issue. I went to my stepsister's bridal shower when my son was a few months old and I never thought of asking if he could come. Not everything has to be about you and your daughter. It's her day and how she wants it.
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| Posted 3/23/17 8:00 PM |
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