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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by ChilisWife
i guess I am in the minority but I think it's weird that she responded that way. It's a weekend brunch, I can't imagine a restaurant not "allowing children" to be at a private party. If she didn't want the baby there she could have said "unfortunately, we would prefer not to have any children at the shower." I also don't think you said anything wrong to the mother in law. You were simply stating a fact.
I am NOT one of those people that thinks kids need to be everywhere. Generally I don't think they belong at certain weddings and I would never NOT go to something because my kids weren't invited. However, this is a weekend brunch. I was just at a shower with several babies and it was fine. You barely knew they were there. I assume she doesn't want them there because it may take attention away from herself.
my guess is that since it's a destination wedding and all families, kids, babies, etc were invited to that, maybe she wanted her shower to be adults-only?
I will never know, and it really doesn't matter. It's her and her family's decision what they want to do, but like I stated earlier: I am really just upset that the sister had to lie like that. I flat out said in my original e-mail to her that if she would rather not have children there that I understand and will get a sitter. She could have simply said "unfortunately, the shower is going to be adults-only" and I truly would have understood.
I have to say, though: at my bridal and baby shower, all the invites were addressed to just the adults, but i had many friends and family show up with their kids without even asking. Alot of people don't even think they need to ask and they just show up with their kid. I thought I was doing the appropriate thing by specifically asking. I am sure there will be people who come with their kids anyway, though
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Posted 3/23/17 8:04 PM  |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by NicoleF219
Posted by bunnyluck
And also, a baby is a BABy. It's not like he's going to be running around causing trouble. It's kind of pathetic that someone would care if an innocent little 7 month old was at their shower. Even more pathetic if they think he or she will take their spotlight.
I have to disagree with this. A baby might not be running around and destroying things but they could be crying or screaming. And yes the day is about the bride if they don't want kids there shouldn't be any. Looks like they were using the whole restaurant thing as an excuse to not cause more issue. I went to my stepsister's bridal shower when my son was a few months old and I never thought of asking if he could come. Not everything has to be about you and your daughter. It's her day and how she wants it.
If they start to fuss, you take them out for a moment and calm them down. I just really don't see the big deal at all. Whatever i guess i am just way laid back about this stuff. And the OP said she was happy to leave her daughter home was just taken back by the sisters reponse.. I don't think she thinks everything is about her and her dd.
Message edited 3/24/2017 8:45:16 AM.
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| Posted 3/24/17 8:40 AM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
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Jib
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
In my opinion, it's the bride's right to decide if she wants kids there or not- including babies. You don't know her reasons. Maybe there are lots of guests with babies and young toddlers and just made the broad rule of "no kids allowed" to not offend anyone. Maybe she said it was the restataunt's policy so nobody would give her crap for it. Regardless, it's her day, her rules, and it's not for you or anyone else to judge.
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| Posted 3/24/17 8:55 AM |
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Wow, tough crowd here.
This poor woman asks a question and somehow becomes the most selfish person to walk the planet...sheesh.
I don't think it's out of line to ask to bring an infant anywhere with you. From a simple evolutionary stand point, babies stay with their moms, usually for feeding purposes, but whatever. I think it's out of line to LIE to someone, especially with such a stupid, hard to believe, lie. Just say no kids - no big deal, some events are no kids, whatever. Lying is juvenile.
I never thought of bridal showers being all about the bride, I thought it was all about celebrating the next chapter in someones life surrounded by family and friends....silly me.
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| Posted 3/24/17 8:58 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by LiveForMoments
Wow, tough crowd here.
This poor woman asks a question and somehow becomes the most selfish person to walk the planet...sheesh.
I don't think it's out of line to ask to bring an infant anywhere with you. From a simple evolutionary stand point, babies stay with their moms, usually for feeding purposes, but whatever. I think it's out of line to LIE to someone, especially with such a stupid, hard to believe, lie. Just say no kids - no big deal, some events are no kids, whatever. Lying is juvenile.
I never thought of bridal showers being all about the bride, I thought it was all about celebrating the next chapter in someones life surrounded by family and friends....silly me.
thank you
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| Posted 3/24/17 9:19 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by bunnyluck
If they start to fuss, you take them out for a moment and calm them down. .
LOL if i had to take my baby out to calm her when she "fussed" (read: screamed bloody murder) I would miss the whole shower.
I wish I had a baby I could have brought to events. Or the supermarket. Or on a walk around the block.
But that's a whole other thread! 
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| Posted 3/24/17 9:26 AM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I have mixed feelings. One the one hand, I believe that whoever is on the invitation is invited. I do not advocate asking if I can bring kids, a guest etc. I would just decline the invitation if I felt it was unreasonable not include to someone. That said, as a host, I would never expect someone not to bring a months-old baby to a shower. What if she is EBF? It's not reasonable and it's mean spirited. Also, a shower is essentially asking for guests to bring gifts. The sole purpose of the party is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If I am asking someone to buy my close family member a present, and give up 4 hours to watch her open presents, as a host I would be as gracious and accommodating as possible. And that certainly includes allowing someone to bring their infant. Honestly when I was getting married I never virwed the events as being "my" day. I was always gracious and accommodating to my generous guests.
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| Posted 3/24/17 10:44 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I don't think the OP is the rudest person on the planet, as a PP accused people of saying, but I do think asking if you can bring your child is presumptuous and putting the host in a very awkward position.
I would never do that, not even with family. We received a wedding invite from DH's cousin addressed to just me and DH, no kids. I assume the kids are not invited to the wedding, even though the groom's young nieces and nephews attended. That's the host's decision, and I would never ask the question.
So the bride or host do not want children at the shower. That is their right. Maybe she told the restaurant there would be no children, so now she's saying no kids allowed at the restaurant.
Bottom line to me- you asked a forward question. She maybe fibbed or stretched the truth. So you are even in my book. I would try to have no hard feelings and move on if I were you.
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| Posted 3/24/17 11:26 AM |
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luvbuffet
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 6470 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
what part of a bridal shower makes it not a place for babies or children?? is everyone concentrating on bridal bingo? Maybe the child will get in the way of designing bridal gowns with toilet paper? or maybe everyone will get basic b!tch wasted with the sh!tty house wine.
Unless the even is at night, I do not see a reason why children are not invited unless your child is [email protected] you should know better not to bring him/her
Message edited 3/24/2017 11:47:32 AM.
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| Posted 3/24/17 11:46 AM |
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Dani
Life is about choices.
Member since 5/05 6532 total posts
Name:
Dani
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I have mixed feelings too.
I had no kids at my showers. If we had included kids it would have expanded the guest list by about 25!
I also feel like it is ok to want a kid-free celebration, and, yes I do have a DD of my own.
If I was invited and it would be hard to get a sitter I would decline. Sometimes that comes with the territory. I also breastfed and worked around it or declined if needed.
A good friend asked if she could being her DD to my shower if she couldn't find someone. I told her very nicely why I couldn't have her and she understood and it ended up that she came for part of the time.
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| Posted 3/24/17 12:16 PM |
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NicoleF219
LIF Infant
Member since 5/12 232 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by luvbuffet
what part of a bridal shower makes it not a place for babies or children?? is everyone concentrating on bridal bingo? Maybe the child will get in the way of designing bridal gowns with toilet paper? or maybe everyone will get basic b!tch wasted with the sh!tty house wine.
Unless the even is at night, I do not see a reason why children are not invited unless your child is [email protected] you should know better not to bring him/her
The part of a bridal shower that makes it not a place for children is that the bride or whoever is throwing the party doesn't want them there. It's forward to ask if the invitation is not addressed to the family. It might be a monetary reason or maybe then they would have to invite a million little cousins but whatever the case they aren't invited.
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| Posted 3/24/17 1:57 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I have been told on more than one occasion that my child is not welcome at a shower or event. That is just the way some people are. Especially people who do not have children. And sometimes even though children, even a baby, is welcome, the restaurant may not be conducive for children. In a small space a stroller or even a car seat can be a burden. Children don't need to be brought everywhere.
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| Posted 3/24/17 2:01 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1217 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I personally think young girls or babies are totally fine (and appropriate) at bridal or baby showers. I think it wasn't a big deal to ask. If they don't want the baby there, fine also not a big deal. Showers are usually low key and casual, but some girls make it into an upscale event. 
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| Posted 3/26/17 9:43 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
of course she could have responded differently, but IMO you should not have (not the worst you did but why?) Even in your email stating "if no its ok my husband can take off" if he can take off then why ask.
I know and can see why you felt her reply was rude, but maybe she thought it was rude and ballsy of to even ask. I agree, questions like this put the invitee in an odd position. I throw a party and was asked if someone can bring their baby, I told them this was an adults only party, she was so pissed at me. Our friendship didn't last long after that
Message edited 3/26/2017 10:10:08 PM.
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| Posted 3/26/17 10:04 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I think it's weird that she lied about the restaurant not allowing children but I don't think it's weird that she doesn't want kids there.
I brought my DD to my bff (her godmother's) baby shower when she was around 10 months because my friend asked me to. She was actually pretty well behaved, all things considered, but a 10 month old cannot sit still at anything for 4 hours. At least mine couldn't (and she definitely couldn't now at 15 months). So, I don't know, maybe you ladies who absolutely cannot part with your kids for 4 hours (I don't mean you, OP) have magical children who don't cry or whine. The average kid cannot sit through something like that.
I don't blame the bride who wants to avoid a whiny baby and I can't wrap my head around the mother who would enjoy being in such a situation.
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| Posted 3/26/17 10:50 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
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Katherine
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
You bring them if they're invited.
You don't bring them if they're not.
Easy as that!
I didn't have babies/kids at my showers bc it's a slippery slope. You say yes to one, you end up having to say yes to all. Some party rooms aren't very roomy and a stroller, carseat, running toddler could get in the way of the wait staff trying to work.
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| Posted 3/27/17 6:01 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
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Momma <3
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I think asking was fine. I was in a similar predicament a few months ago when my brother was getting married. My nieces were invited but my toddler son wasn't. I was driving 3 hours and wanted to make a weekend out of it so I wanted to bring my DS with me, but my DH had a lot to do around the house. In the end I didn't ask and DH and DS came with me to LI, but not to the showe. I get to the shower and everyone is like where is DS including the host.
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| Posted 3/27/17 6:25 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by PitterPatter11
I think asking was fine. I was in a similar predicament a few months ago when my brother was getting married. My nieces were invited but my toddler son wasn't. I was driving 3 hours and wanted to make a weekend out of it so I wanted to bring my DS with me, but my DH had a lot to do around the house. In the end I didn't ask and DH and DS came with me to LI, but not to the showe. I get to the shower and everyone is like where is DS including the host.
This is actually why I asked. I know alot of people don't put a baby's name on an invite, and usually just the adult's name. That's what my whole family does anyway. So, I wasn't sure if the invite was truly just for me, or if it was for me and baby and it just wasn't stated. At my baby shower, we had 5 babies there and none were specifically on the invite. And none of them asked to bring their kids with them. I think they just assumed it would be OK.
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| Posted 3/27/17 7:46 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I don't think babies need to be at any shower or wedding. I do not bring my kids even if they are invited unless the honoree insist I bring them and even then I am hesitant too.
Though I do get why your upset you were lied too. I don't like being lied to especially over small things that there is no need to lie about. So for this situation if it happened to me I would be annoyed rolled my eyes to myself and just move on
My guess though is you were lied to so they didn't feel awkward or bad telling you kids are not allowed. So instead of it being their fault they could just blame the restaurant.
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| Posted 3/27/17 8:42 AM |
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autumnmoon
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Member since 12/16 58 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by MrsT809
I think you put yourself in the middle of a potentially touchy situation unnecessarily. It is completely up to the hosts who to include or not include. I don't think the way you asked was that big a deal but you did put them in the position of having to defend their choice so maybe they felt that would be a less controversial answer than that they just didn't want babies there. You probably should have just left it at that but now you may end up on the middle of bad feelings between the bride and groom's families.
I agree. And the grooms mom can be upset all she wants- it's not her choice.
It's the bride's choice- or the choice of those throwing the party on her behalf.
A bridal shower is about the bride- not about people wanting to see other people's babies.
IMO a bridal shower is no place for children.
this and this!
Get a sitter and call it a day. Welcome the opportunity to sit and chat with other adults uninterrupted.
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| Posted 3/27/17 10:00 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I think the way you went about asking was perfectly fine, appropriate and considerate.
My instinct about her response being that the restaurant didn't allow children is that she wanted to say no without having to be the bad guy. Maybe she was getting a lot of heat for having a no kid rule so maybe she just decided she should just say it was the restaurant. That was just my initial thought. Whatever. Now you can go and have a few extra champagne punches guilt free. LOL
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| Posted 3/27/17 2:39 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
It was a rude, unfriendly response. Period.
As for babies at a shower, I don't see the big deal. In fact, most showers I've been to have had AT LEAST 1 baby there. When my DD was an infant I took her with me to 3-4 showers that year. Having actual kids run around is one thing but a baby that's a few months old is different IMO.
If she doesn't want ANY babies or kids there that's fine however, she could've responded in a MUCH nicer manner.
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| Posted 3/27/17 3:40 PM |
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Cacarina
Two girls!
Member since 12/09 2971 total posts
Name:
Cari
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bringing baby girl to bridal shower
I dont understand why babies are such a touchy subject when it comes to parties and invites. It's like babies are pariahs and are going to ruin everything if you bring one. Come on! What's the big effing deal? I think the sister sounds rude and weird. Like you were going to buy that babies are not allowed at a restaurant. If they don't want babies, fine. I think it's silly - but it's their right, but she could have been nicer about it.
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| Posted 3/27/17 4:32 PM |
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Cacarina
Two girls!
Member since 12/09 2971 total posts
Name:
Cari
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by luvbuffet
what part of a bridal shower makes it not a place for babies or children?? is everyone concentrating on bridal bingo? Maybe the child will get in the way of designing bridal gowns with toilet paper? or maybe everyone will get basic b!tch wasted with the sh!tty house wine.
Unless the even is at night, I do not see a reason why children are not invited unless your child is [email protected] you should know better not to bring him/her
This response made me LOL. Seriously - it is bizarre to me that people are SO adverse to having little people at a friggen bridal shower.
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| Posted 3/27/17 4:33 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
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Re: bringing baby girl to bridal shower
Posted by Cacarina
Posted by luvbuffet
what part of a bridal shower makes it not a place for babies or children?? is everyone concentrating on bridal bingo? Maybe the child will get in the way of designing bridal gowns with toilet paper? or maybe everyone will get basic b!tch wasted with the sh!tty house wine.
Unless the even is at night, I do not see a reason why children are not invited unless your child is [email protected] you should know better not to bring him/her
This response made me LOL. Seriously - it is bizarre to me that people are SO adverse to having little people at a friggen bridal shower.
It just changes the atmosphere.
I have no problem if someone doesn't invite my kids. Their party, their rules. If it's totally annoying or inconvenient for you, decline the invite. It seems pretty simple IMO.
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| Posted 3/27/17 9:12 PM |
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