BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

DH's parents live about 7 hours away & want to come visit the day I come home from the hospital and stay for 3 days.

They did the same thing when I had DS #1, but it was a little bit of a different circumstance: DH was away with the military and missed the birth of DS #1 & they insisted on coming to "help". Needless to say\, they weren't much help and I SWORE that for DC #2 I would put my foot down and not allow them to come. Ha.

This time I HAVE to have a CSection because I have Placenta Previa (didn't have one with my 1st). MIL and FIL want to arrive the day I come home from the hospital and leave 3 days later.

DS #1 will be 18 mos old.

Am I crazy for entertaining the idea of "allowing" them to come and stay?

As far as the CSection recovery goes, will I be able to walk up and down 17 steps (2nd floor to 1st floor of my house)? What about carrying DS #1 who weighs about 30 lbs?

Thanks in advance...................

Message edited 8/20/2010 10:19:11 PM.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I think it would be great for them to stay with you in the beginning especially since you have an 18 month old. The 3 days they are there with you will seem like a blur and if they are helpful, you can get some rest.

I had no problem walking up/down stairs, but I only have 12 total. I also had a 30lber at the time and I really tried to limit picking her up so I really only did it to get her on the changing table and to get her into her car seat.

Everyone heals differently. I've had 2 c-sections with 2 great recoveries, feeling great after 2 weeks.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I don't think you should have them stay with you -- can they stay with other family or at a hotel?

You will be in pain from the surgery and taking painkillers and adjusting to a new baby. A short visit is fine but you will want to be comfortable in your own house. I think they are a little rude to assume you would want visitors staying over right after major surgery.

Maybe tell them to visit with you once the baby is a little older -- 2 or three weeks after you get home -- that way you will have had enough time to recover and get organized.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I would not be up for that. I had a csection, but even if I didnt, I want my space and privacy, esp after having a baby, from anyone other than DH. I would NOT go for it!!!

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

Its totally up to you

I wouldn't because I'd want to breastfeed and feel comfortable (I had a C section and it wasn't because of that I didn't want people around...it was more the breastfeeding)

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

If it wasn't for my Mom who was with us for 2 weeks after DS was born, I never would have survived. I healed great from my c/s, but I was so anemic and swollen for days after I got home that I physically couldn't take care of DS. She took the night feedings and I had DS with me in the living room during the day. I couldn't get off of the couch for days. I had my privacy when I wanted it. I was more uncomfortable with hubby around then I was with my Mom...Unfortunately you aren't going to know how you are feeling until the day of the c/s. Maybe you can see how you are feeling before they come to you. You will be in the hospital for at least 3 days...

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I think it's different when it's your own parents vs. your IL's. I would be totally comfortable with my own parents after having major surgery because I know they would actually be a HUGE help (my mom was here for 10 days and was great, even though I had v-birth). I thought my IL's would help but their idea of helping was holding the baby while I did laundry, dishes, and cooked for myself. I would've rather had them not come over at all than have their version of "help".

So it's really what you're comfortable with. If you don't think she's going to actually help you, then I would say no.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

Message edited 9/26/2010 6:47:59 AM.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I think it is depends on how much help they actually are going to give you. When a friend of mine had a baby, her mom stayed over for a week to help and she HELPED. She cooked she cleaned she watched her son. When I had DS MY mom came over and within 20 minutes I wanted her to leave. She caused me anxiety, stress and while she "claimed" to be helping it waS no kind of "help" I needed. Made me wish I had my friend's mom

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I had a section and my mom stayed with us for about 5 days or so. My mom was a huge help and I would never have been able to do it without her but I am VERY close with my mom....to b honest it was my first child and I was nervous and tired and I was in pain......I think that it all depends if they r really going to help with the house stuff and ur 18 month old that may be helpful the 1st 3 days so u can take care of the baby and also rest but only if u r comfortable with that.....one thing I have learned is u really have to do what u want and is good for u....good luck

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I had a c-section last August and my aunt (who raised me) came and stayed with me for a week when i got home and stayed at the hospital with me for the entire week i was hospitalized which i appreciated, mostly because i have a severe staph infection too. It ws a great help especially since it was out first baby and i was so sick after. They stayed in a camper in the drivewway (we lived on a private road). I hope they plan to do the same with #2

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

If you don't think they will be helpful, then don't let them stay with you. Or maybe ask your DH to make it clear to them that he/you expect them to help out with dishes, taking care of DC #1, preparing food, laundry, etc.

My MIL was actually more helpful than my mom post-partum so the whole in-law vs. parents thing doesn't apply in all situations.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

If they can at least entertain your 18 month old, that's enough for me!! Is there a bit of a strain between you and them? I've had 3 c sections and I was lucky to have family (MIL and my mom) come over for the first week to help me clean and cook and entertain my older kids. They were family not anybody. You know I didn't like the way she shaped my burgers or folded my clothes but I appreciated every little thing she did for me. It really did help having others around straight out of the hospital.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I did not have a c-section but for both of my sons, my mom stayed with us for about a week each time. She actually helped though. She cooked, cleaned and really did a lot for me.

If your IL's are NOT going to help then I would nix the idea of them staying with you. Maybe that can come at a later date? If they are set on coming, I would have DH talk to them and explain that you will need help.

As far as stairs, my SIL had a c-section and she wasn't allowed to climb stairs for a week and no heavy lifting for 2 weeks I think.

Best of luck to you and a speedy recovery!

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I'm not sure. After my c-section I choose to stay with MIL/FIL b/c I live on the second floor and due to complications I couldn't go up and down the stairs more than once a day.

I have a good relationship with my ILs so it wouldnt bother me if they came to stay.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

Keep in mind we don't know your inlaws, but, I would have loved to have family stay for three days when I first got home. You will be in a decent amount of pain and you will need help with your older DC. They will be huge with that I think.

As for the steps, I used to pack a bag in the morning with everything I thought I needed for the day. I only had to go up maybe one other time a day. You should not be walking up and down all the time.

Also, you shouldn't pick up your older DC either. I didn't pick up my son (who was 35lbs at the time) for about 4 weeks. It was really hard but you figure it out!

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I would not be comfortable with that. Especially if DH was home this time around.

I had a c-section with DS and my DH was a really big help with DD who was 2. I think having people over, especially ones that you feel aren't going to help you at all would cause more work for you.

I'd tell them to come when you are back on your feet and not in so much pain.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

No way for me! DH has OOT family and when I had DD I put my foot down for having them stay after the baby. I will do the same for DC #2 whenever he/ she comes. There is too much stress and entertaining guests just makes it worse!

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

Not a chance for me. No way. No how.

Fortunately, everyone in my family lives close enough where they can go home.

I didnt want constant visitors when I had only a baby to care for after a c-section. I am going to need to allow Abby to adjust to all of the changes without people coming in and out all the time.

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

My mom was going to stay over and honestly, I didnt want her to. Me and DH wanted to be by ourselves. I am glad we were alone. I wanted to do everything myself.

I only have 1 child so I didnt have to carry another DC and I also don't have stairs in my house, but I would imagine it would be difficult to do both of those things the first couple of days.

I dont think your crazy for having them stay if you are ok with that. I just wanted the house to myself. lol. I didnt want to share DD

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

If you think they are going to help, then sure. I had 2 c-sections, but the c from my DS1, which was a Complete Previa, took longer because the surgery was longer than with DS2. I am not trying to scare you, and everyone heals differently, but it took me a while to be able to move properly, so someone who is there actually helping might be a good thing.

If you truly feel like you are not going to be helped, or worse that if you will be excpected to entertain them or care for them in anywa, I'd politely decline, and ask them to come later. Even if their intentions are good, they could definitely complicate things.

BOL

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

If you can't get around them coming I would at least have them come like the 3rd or 4th day that you're home just so everyone could get settled.....

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I had family come to visit for about 2-3 days in a row after coming home. I could barely sit at the table to eat w/o being in pain. I was soooo tired and just wanted to lay in bed. I think if your ILs are coming, they should be expected to help with your 18mo old and not really expect you to entertain them. If they're ok with that - it'll be a help. I didn't cook, didn't do anything other than sleep and rest for the first week. Just let them know what to expect.

As far as picking up your 30lb-er.... I was told to not pick up anything heavier than my baby and he was only 8lbs. You won't be able to the first few weeks at least anyway. By 4 weeks pp, I went shopping at Costco and could barely push the shopping cart. It hurt a lot. Just take it easy!

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

depends on ur IL's. when my MIL came after ds was born (she parked her but on my couch) for 6 weeks right after ds was born (i was told she was going to stay at her sisters but that didnt happen) she did absolutely nothing. asked me to cook and clean so she can hold her grandson bc she live d far away and wasnt going to see him for a long time.

needless to say we got into a BIG fight. i pretty much sent her packing to her sisters house after 5 weeks of high stress. my milk supply completly dried up and i was forced to stop bfing.

If it was my mother in law NO WAY. Our relationship is completly different now. She actually told dh she regrets staying that long and she wished she only came for a week. She has come back and has stayed with her sister (we dont have a big house - so no place for her to sleep anyway)

Re: BTDT Moms - People Visiting and Staying With You Right After You Come Home from Hospital (Esp if you had a CSection)

I would do whatever you want to do, and not feel bad about it at all! I know easier said than done. Personally I wouldn't want them staying at my house. You have DH, and you guys need time to bond and for your DS to adjust. I would have them come visit, but stay in a hotel. That way they can spend time with you guys, but leave too. KWIM? It will give you a break, and make things easier. Then you won't feel like they are up your butt all the time.