Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

i take dd everywhere bc if im going to have someone watch her its got to be some thing where both dh and i will be able to enjoy ourselves as a free time out. if it just to do something where she can easily come no need to have someone watch her.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I feel as a sahm I need to get away from her sometimes.. If I was a ftwm I might feel different and want to take her everywhere..

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I'm a SAHM and I still hate leaving DD. For showers, weddings where DD is not invited, I have no problem having a family member watch her. DH and I hate leaving her overnight (I have only left her a handful of times w/ my parents who I trust 100%) We go out to dinner & have "date nights"..but we are usually home to pick her up in time for bed. Would I ever go away without her?? Never. I could never enjoy myself even if she was home with my parents. DH and I did "our" vacations before we had children. I have no desire to go away without her.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

We don't take our son EVERYWHERE, but when he can be included, I'd rather take him. My husband and I both work, and our son goes to daycare 4 days a week. He gets lots of socialization and separation from us, which I think is really healthy and important. I also want to include him in as much as possible that I do (or we do) because I want to expose him to everything possible. I want him to experience life to the fullest. I want him to learn about his world, and everything in it, and to be adaptable in all kinds of situations, around all kinds of people. He is also a very easygoing child who loves new experiences, and (for the most part) is really well behaved and interested in everything. I LOVE the looks on his sweet little face when he is experiencing something for the first time or learning something new. I can't get enough of that- I just soak it in. We wanted to have children so that we could bring them into our world and our life and to watch them learn to be a part of it.

ETA: If there is a function (wedding, shower, party, whatever) that he is not invited to, I am certainly not offended by it and have no issue getting a babysitter for him!

Message edited 6/3/2011 9:03:02 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I'm the original poster of the other thread. Every baby shower I have been to has had children. I thought it would be ok to bring a baby to a baby shower but obviously it was not ok to assume.

When I had just DS, I had a very demanding job and wanted to spend every free second I had with DS. DS had some heart problems that required two surgeries so I spent the entire maternity leave by his side. I constantly felt guilty whenever I was away from him.

Now that I have DS#2 and am on indefinite maternity leave, I feel absolute no guilt when I am away from the kids. Previously I spent more than half my time at work. Now I spend like 95% of my time with the kids. I welcome all opportunities to get a break. It's just more difficult to get away now that there are 2 kids. We have yet to use a non-family babysitter and don't feel comfortable using a stranger just yet. I'm sure when the kids are a little older, it will be different. Right now if DS woke up and a stranger greeted him and not us, I know he would be sooooooooo upset.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

For me, I just REALLY like spending time with my DD and I just cannot get enough of her..........even though I am a SAHM!! (And yes..........I do take her EVERYWHERE with me ALL of the time but I LOVE it that way!!.......it works for me!!)

My DD (just over 2 1/2) is just awesome, I just LOVE being with her. I really do!! She's amazingly well behaved (and always has been), she has wonderful manners, she's funny, sweet, playful, easygoing, and just a pleasure to be around. I never feel worn out or feel like I need a break because she just doesn't wear me out. She naps 2-3hrs every day still, she's in bed by 8 and sleeps till 7:30-8am so I have my nights alone with DH and I am recharged by the morning when she wakes up.

I guess I figure there will be so many years where she won't want to be with me all the time that I might as well enjoy all of this great quality time now while I can. And because I've always taken her everywhere whether it be out to eat, parties, showers, weddings, etc. so she's an old pro and knows how to behave at every event and really enjoys herself so it's easy for me to take her places with us. I just like it that way I guess.

As an aside - I had to go to a funeral mass today for my friend's mom and I don't have anyone during the week to watch my DD so I explained how we behave in church and took my DD with me. (no choice) She was AMAZING. She sat through the whole mass, didn't make a single peep, and stayed seated the whole time.

I guess my point in this is I tend to believe that the more things you do take your kids to the more commonplace it becomes to them and they just get use to behaving when they are out. At least that has been my experience. My DD is just so use to always being in tow that it's just second nature to her to be out with us all of the time no matter what the event. KWIM? Because of that, I like being with her all the time...........there is no stress!!

Message edited 6/3/2011 9:31:44 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I will start by saying that my kids are older than most of the moms on here right now. Almost 4 years old and 19 months.

I didn't go away with my husband for the first three years of my sons life. Just couldn't do it. I was super paranoid about babysitters in the beginning too. I only just hired a non-family member to watch my boys a month ago.

That being said, I always wanted to do things without my kids around. I wanted date nights with my husband. I wanted girls night out. I went to shower and wouldn't think of asking to bring my kid unless absolutely necessary.

I don't think it has anything to do with me being a stay at home mom. It has to do with me being a wife, a friend, an individual. As much as I love my kids, I LOVE me some alone time. If you don't get alone time you burn out - and really fast.

It's the way people talk to other people around here that start up the drama. To say that someone doesn't want to spend a single waking moment without their daughter - while I'm apparently frolicking around town - is RUDE and unncessary.

This is not a race to see who can be the better mother. I know I'm a good mom, and I know there are days when I could be a better mom - but I wouldn't put someone else down to make myself feel better.

Everyone has their own way of doing things which is fine - but to say that you don't care if a kid is on the invite and that they would bring them regardless is downright rude and I'm thankful that I'm not friends with anyone like that in real life.

Message edited 6/3/2011 9:49:29 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I have no issues whatsoever leaving my children home or with family when there are things I need to do and it would be easier to do without them. I have no issues NOT taking them places where they simply do not belong. They do not have separation issues. I never had them either. I want my kids to go to sleep away camp (assuming we can afford it) and I want them to go away to college (assuming we can afford that too). If that makes me a bad parent, then it made my mother a bad parent as well.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I never "expect" my kids to be invited to events, but if they were invited then I would take them. i would never take a vacation without my kids and DH would not be interested in this type of vacation either - we would just miss them so much and would spend the entire time worrying about them and missing them so all vacations will be taken with the kids until they start rebelling and saying they dont want to go

I do want to make one point made by northsgirl about kids who dont experience time away from their parents and being clingy and crying at school well from my experience this is not the case. DD ( our first child) was with me until she was 3 1/2 - she was never taken care of in a day care situation or at a carers home etc and the day she started pre school she gave me a kiss and walked off - never looked back and now she is about to start kindergarten in the fall and is a very independent child "despite" never spending time away from us her parents.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I would love to get a few hours to myself to do something, but at the same time, I really don't mind if my DD has to come with me.
I work FT and the only person who has watched DD is my mom or my BFF and I think I can count on one hand the number of times my DH and I have been out without our DD. I usually end up not going to things not bc I dont want to go, but bc I have no one to watch DD or feel bad asking

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I think it depends on the situation.

Vacations, dinners, etc... that only involve me, DH and friends and it is a "family" function. Yes, DS comes with us. ALL THE TIME! Unless specifically told that it's just adults.

Invited to specific function like wedding, bridal showel, baby shower, Tupperware party, etc.... NO, I do not bring DS. "I" am being invited or maybe me and DH.

It is the right of the host to not invite DS. It is my right also to decline if I cannot arrange babysitting for my child. I don't make a big deal of it. I understand their decision but they need to understand that I may not attend either. I am cool with that!

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I Love going places without my kids!! I have a great babysitter so I dont worry.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I have no problem doing things or going places without DS. I have a friend who is the COMPLETE opposite and takes her kids EVERYWHERE including the bathroom when she's over a friend's house. Needless to say, they are terrified to be without her. Her 5 year old is still not potty trained or even close to it and he's starting kindergarten in Sept. I think she's doing her kids a HUGE disservice. They need to learn to function in the world without their parents doing everything for them. She even spoon feeds her 3 yr old because, well, I don't know why.... just because! It's sad to watch, personally. I really feel bad for those kids.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

We just love being with our DS. We do go places without him but have to get a sitter and right now we leave him with family but there are just so many times you can ask. So I try to save those favors for things I really cannot take him to. If this in reference to the shower post. I have taken DS to a shower I called though and asked if it asked if it was ok and said i understand if you dont want children there. It was fine and there were other babies there too!

But I really enjoy taking DS to places.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Oh I see drama ensued...shocker. I didn't really read all the replies but it's basically a live and let live, yet again. Who cares if someone else does or doesnt think like you do, especially if it has no bearing on you? (collective you)

As far as my thoughts on the original Q

I love going out without my kids. I do. I don't do it all that much but I enjoy it. My mother's day gift for the past 3 years is a day and night to myself. I receive it in August when my DH takes them camping for not one but 3-4 straight. It is bliss. Pure bliss.

Should I restrain myself from assuring everyone that I think I am a good Mom and really do love them and being with them at other times? I could resist I guess.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I prefer to spend my weekends with DH and DD bc I work all week and don't spend enough time with them together. DD is very used to caregivers -- she has babysitters all week, or she is with DH without me. I think it is healthy for her to spend time with mommy and daddy at the same time. That being said, I have absolutely no problem with going out once she is asleep at 8 o'clock. After that-- it is our time to do what we want. I don't usually ask to bring DD to a party that she is not invited to unless I have no other choice and I have to go to the party, but it is hard for me to go to these parties bc I feel guilty that I haven't been home all week.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I am a SAHM and my daughter goes everywhere with me, most of the time. When my husband is off he watches her so I can go grocery shopping, shopping, and or to spend a few hours alone. My mom has watched her over night quite a few times and we go away for our anniversary once a year. She has never been with non-family and in some ways I feel is\t's a disservice to her. SHe's a happy, smart, funny 17month old and I love being with her. Last Saturday we had a wedding shower and a wedding to attend she stayed at home for the shower since my DH was off, but the 3 of us went to the wedding together. It was expected she wold come even though she wasn't listed on the invite. Most of our friends/family know our sched and understand if DD needs to come with us to something and nobody cares. For us, it's more about the neccesity of bringing her. SHe's a bit young to be home alone

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Posted by MaMaTeenie

Posted by nrthshgrl

I don't know if I should even answer because I do go plenty of places with my kids & without them so it's really not directed toward me.

However, I think it's healthier for a child to have time away from the parent & vice versa. As a BTDT, who has seen countess kids with separation anxiety in pre-school, kindergarten, hysterical sobbing in 1st grade & 2nd grade, I do think it's a disservice to your child to not expose them to other caregivers (whether it be daycare, aunts, uncles, grandparents).

Like you, this doesn't really pertain to me because I don't take my kids everywhere, but I agree I think its healthy to leave kids in the care of people you trust, but also want to add I have done all of that. DS was in daycare from 3mos til 18mos and has always stayed with grandparents, Uncles etc and STILL has terrible separation anxiety. He has gone to 3 year old pre-k twice a week, pre-k 5 1/2 days a week and has gone thru periods where he just has a melt down everyday for a few weeks. I know he is going to be hysterical for a while when he goes to kindergarten. All the leaving him with others didn't make one bit of difference. I wish it had! Its hard......it sux! Whoops, sorry for the tangent. This is something we are always working on, feel free to FM suggestions if anyone has any

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

We take DS on all vacations mainly because we don't have people we feel comfortable leaving DS with overnight, otherwise heck yes, we would have done an overnight trip together someplace by now. Our parents are elderly, it's too much for them to watch him more than a couple hours.

My son also has PDD-NOS, so it's also difficult to leave him with people who have kids his age also. He gets really wound up, and can be tough to manage. There are some things he does that would probably baffle parents who do not deal with this. I have had friends watch him for a few hours though (one has a son with Aspergers, one is a special education teacher), and we also have babysitters we call now and then so DH and I can have a night out.

As for barbeques and the like, it depends--if it's a family type event where I know there will be other children, DS comes. But if it's an event without other children, he does not. I really don't bring him to baby showers--he would hate it, and I would have a hard time enjoying myself too for that matter, so he stays home for events like that.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Well, I am not paying for a sitter.

People offer to watch them...but I don't think anyone REALLY wants to spend their day watching someone else's kid.

I feel they are my responsibility.

My sister has 2 jobs. She will come over one night every 2 weeks to watch kids while dh and i go out.
even then, dinner is done, kids are in bed. i won't leave before then.

wanted to add about seperation anxiety...my 4 year old has none. at all.
he will go anywhere, with anyone-was always like that. his first day of class where he was dropped off, he asked me not to leave the car, he knows where to go and he will see me later.

with that, i think every kid has a different make up about them. josh's bff is in daycare 5 days a week...he has really bad anxiety... almost crippling at times.