Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

MIL and I have a LONG history together. She is very attached to my DH and has major boundary issues. Just recently we had to "clear the air" about how she has been acting since DS was born.

DS is old and the first grandchild on both sides. For thanksgiving, we stopped by my parents house and had dinner at MIL's. MIL's b-day is Christmas eve and my parents always celebrate Christmas, so it has never been a problem and I didn't anticipate one this year.

We go over Christmas eve and of course she is happy to see DS, BUT every time I tried to put him down to nap, she kept on about how "but it's Christmas. He wants to be up."

No. He is 4 mos old. He wants to sleep. She kept coming in and saying "Oh are you napping? How cute! You're napping!!"

He WAS napping, until her loud mouth came in. You can imagine.

I can't even do it justice here. I mean, at one point, her and FIL came in with cameras and video cameras WHILE HE was SLEEPING.

DH was no help. He was just as bad, trying to make the baby laugh when I was putting him to sleep. I kept telling him to talk to his parents, but he wouldn't. Finally, he said, "Don't worry, if he is a pain tonight, I'll take care of it."

Needless to say, he got no sleep. He finally passed out at around 10. He woke up briefly at 5, but slept until 11 am Christmas day. This is so out of the ordinary. We missed 10:30 mass and our whole schedule was thrown off.

We got to my parents house at 2. DS held it together for about 1/2 hr, then he cried on and off for about 2 hours and then he cried NON STOP for almost 2 hours.

DH knew I was ******. He was like, "What, do you feel like you got robbed of Christmas because of my mom yesterday? That's ridiculous."

He couldn't open presents with my family. We couldn't get any pictures of him with my family. My parents never even got a chance to hold him. I missed Christmas dinner with my family because I was trying to soothe him in the other room. Finally we had to leave.

I was crying, and actually I could cry now thinking about it.

I feel SO BAD. My family was so looking forward to spending the day with him, taking pictures with him and playing with his toys. I DO feel robbed. I don't have ONE picture with my DS from his first Christmas. I really feel like it was ruined and I am FURIOUS at DH for not standing up for his son and telling his parents to back off so he could sleep. DS is not a toy, he is a BABY. His needs shouldn't have been compromised so that they could be entertained.

It was supposed to be the best Christmas ever and it was a disaster. On top of it, I can't help but feel like "My MIL strikes AGAIN." We spent an HOUR taking pictures of her and DS in front of the tree (mind you, she wouldn't let me burp him so she could take the pictures) and there is not ONE of me or DH with DS. I REALLY cannot stand this woman.

Thanks for listening! I am feeling really rotten right now.....

Message edited 12/26/2007 12:27:56 PM.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

OMG! i think you have ever right to be pizzed at your MIL and your DH too!! i can't even imagine how you feel...and your poor DS!

she was WAY out of line. no ifs, ands, or buts. SHe was WRONG. this is YOUR baby and the poor little guy needed to nap! and then to have it affect your family's christmas...

i think you need to have a serious talk with DH about this - and explain it to him exactly the way you explained it to us. i wouldn't tell him that his mother ruined christmas (although you should certainly think it ) because that will automatically put him on the defensive. instead, make it all about you and your family and how you're upset that they missed out on time with DS because of her UNACCEPTABLE behavior.

i hope it all works out!

Message edited 12/26/2007 12:30:52 PM.

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Message edited 3/3/2010 11:00:00 PM.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

That stinks that you feel this way! My only advice is to make sure you get lots of New Year's Eve pics with DS and try not to think of your Christmas as ruined. It is so hard to blend families!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I'm sorry things didn't go well.

I can definitely understand the excitement of your MIL and FIL. Do they not see the baby often? It's been my experience that naps and sleeping schedules are pretty much out the window on holidays. If I were in that situation, I would've put the baby in the infant seat and went to church anyway. Hopefully you will get a lot of great pictures today

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I'm sorry you're so upset .....i would be too -
You are absolutely not wrong -
And you made a PERFECT point by saying your DS is NOT a toy, he's a baby - He was not put on this earth for your MIL (or anyone else's) amusement -

I'd be more upset w/ my DH for allowing that to go on, and then telling me I was "ridiculous" for being upset. -

YOU are this baby's mother. The same way your MIL is ALL about your DH b/c he is HER son, well, your DS is YOU son and YOU are now a mother. -
Aside from the fact that you're upset that your side of the family was robbed of him on Christmas, you and your DH were jipped - but the baby was miserable all day and that could have been avoided if he had napped and such the day before - He's only 4 months old ...........

Spend New Years Eve home !!!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I'm so sorry. That seems like something my MIL would do! I would have KILLED Dh!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Ladies, thank you so much for your support! It means so much. I feel so bad about the whole thing...

I'll tell you one thing, DS is having Easter dinner with my family. This is two holidays they've been jipped out of!

I'm going to talk to DH when he gets home.
Maybe he'll "get it" now that he had all night to think about it!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I am so sorry! I would be pizzed at them all, including your DH.
It's so hard when they are thrown off schedule.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

ugh, they sound like fun

I would be so mad, at DH as well, he needs to stand up for you guys

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

You definitely have every right to be angry...
I'm sorry that happened on Christmas!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I would be pizzed with my DH. He needs to be our his new families side (you and DS) not his Mom. I would talk to him about his loyalty to you and your DS. You will not be able to change your MIL or her behavior so I would get DH on the same team as you.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

You need to have a long talk with your MIL, or it will get worse.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

omg! even I am p issed at your MIL! she sounds like a control freak

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I would be so mad too, I understand how upset you are. You need to talk to your husband about being a united front. It was not necessarily because you were going to be at a another function the next day, its so frustrating to throw a baby off their schedule.

It turned out ruining your Christmas, not just your parents.

You should talk to your DH and then maybe talk to MIL. This is your child and you should be able to put him down or burp him when you want to, you are his mother.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I'm sorry- I would be very upset.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

My parents have some boundary issues. You've inspired me to nip our issues in the bud before we have children. I'm so sorry your MIL ruined you and DH's first christmas with your DS.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Thanks girls. I am going to talk to her.

I know schedules get thrown off during the holidays, but when I've gotten the baby to sleep, to come in with cameras and flashes and video cameras and crawling on the bed going "Is someone taking a nap???" 60 times just seems like a total lack of consideration for the baby and for me and DH.

I don't know who said it - but you are right - she is a control freak..... I have to nip this in the butt immediately. I just wanted to get it out because I'm so sad about it....

Thanks for listening girls!!!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

omg! I would be livid!! MIL needs to back off!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

I would be pi$sed to!!! Sorry your Christmas wasn't what you wanted!

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Wow...so sorry!!

I would be totally upset as well and you definitely need to sit down with DH and talk about what happened.

Re: Christmas was ruined. I hate my MIL - Am I wrong?

Wow. I would be really burnt about the entire thing. Before next year's even, make sure you and DH sit down and tAlk about a plan of action for the evening. You are going to need something to combat MIL's selfishness!!!