Re: Do you tell your child No..

I say "NO" way too much. But with two very active boys I need to!

I have no problem when family tells them "no" as well and disciplines them. And in turn I will tell my nieces "no" when they are about to do something dangerous or hurtful...

One time DH pulled my niece aside and said "It is not nice to hit, please don't hit Johnny, he didn't do anything to you". My niece screamed and then her mom doted on her I don't think SIL likes anyone disciplining her child, but if she does something out of line I don't hold back. I would want her to tell Johnny no if that were the case with him!

Re: Do you tell your child No..

"No" is used for safety and to prevent utter distruction in my home.

HOWEVER, I work in a clinical setting with severely emotionally disturbed children. We use techniques at home with Abby that we use with our younger children at school simply because I feel it is good parenting. These are techniques, years in the making that were designed to be used for children between the ages of 2 and 7.

It has a lot to do with desired outcomes and how you talk to kids to get them to do what you want to do. More like getting bees with honey versus vinegar. For example, if Abby has a baseball bat in her hand (mind you we don't own one) and I know she is going to swing it, I'd say "Show me your toy Abby" rather than screaming "NO PUT THAT DOWN!" It works much of the time and reduces our stress levels.

I use a lot of "If then" and "When/then" statements that basically state her consequences (positive OR negative) for each behavior.

"If you hit again, then no stickers."
"When you listen to Mommy, you get stickers."

It ain't fool-proof, but I don't want to run around screaming at her.

I don't mind an occasional "no" from others, but I often find myself cringing at how other people talk to her. I know Im at an advantage (probably DISadvantage) with my background in child development, but most people have used very sophisticated language around her expecting her to understand. I prefer using simple and direct language and I try to model it (without being obvious of course) when I am in the room.

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Re: Do you tell your child No..

I say no all the time, and other people in our life are absolutely allowed to say no also.

(Grandma and Grandpa pretty much never say no to the kids, but that's their own choice lol!!!)

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Yes, and I dont mind others doing it either. I say No to my neices and nephews also if I have to. I don't yell at them (I save that for my own kids ) but will give them a firm no if I see them doing something they shouldnt be.

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Re: Do you tell your child No..

I think Ethan's middle name should have been "no" lol.

Re: Do you tell your child No..

I can make "No" an ENTIRE conversation!!!

Mommy, can I have (something I cannot eat right now)

No

Please?

No

Please? But I SAID PLEASE!!!

No

But....

No

But MOMMMM

No

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Posted by Hofstra26

We try not to say "no" unless DD is doing something dangerous and we want to really grab her attention. (That's not to say we don't ever say "no" but we do try and not say it all the time) Otherwise we try to say things like, "We don't hit the dog" or "We don't throw food". I feel like calling out the specific behavior that you want to change is more useful then just saying "no". So far it seems to be working with our DD.........she's 2.

As far as other people correcting her behavior, usually we don't mind because if someone sees her doing something wrong like hitting the dog then I don't have a problem with someone stopping her.

Re: Do you tell your child No..

Yes, of course. And when it come to explaining, my peditrician gave me some good advice--he said you use the number of words to match their age. So at 1, you use one word- "no". At 2, you use 2- "no throwing". Otherwise, he said, the message gets lost. however, i dont abide by that so strictly because my older daughter is not quite 2 and has understood enough for awhile that I use at least 2 words since she was about 17 or 18 months.

ETA- when it comes to other people telling my kid no, for me, it depends on the situation. For safety reasons, anyone can tell them no. When we are at my parents' they can tell them no according to the rules of their house, plus my rules. (ie--if there is something they dont want my girls to play with, they can say no. if there is something they are fine with them doing, but they know i dont want them doing that, and im not around, i like for them to tell them no.) the nanny can tell them no according to her rules plus my rules.

Message edited 11/9/2010 8:44:34 AM.