Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

As I was rocking Tyler to bed just now I got to thinking and there are all of these timelines, that either society, or we as parents put on ourselves (or each other)

Examples:
Expecting a newborn (or young infant) to sleep through the night.

Taking away a pacifier

Taking away the bottle

Starting on table food

Having them transition out of their crib

Potty training

These are just a few big things that come to mind. I feel that so many people rush things (myself included) and almost push children to grow up faster then they really need to.

I'm wondering if we do it more for ourselves, to be able to say "Yea, my kid was potty trained at 15 months" or if the child is actually ready.

Any thoughts?

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I think some parents do. I try very hard not to. DD wasnt off the bottle til 13 mths. was in a crib til a little over age 3. Had a binky til a few weeks ago (she is almost 4) In my opnion, most things dont need to be rushed.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Yes, I feel some people definitely do, though it's probably not done intentionally to make time fly quickly, KWIM? People are just eager to start new things with their babies/kids.

I feel like I posted something similar to this a few years ago...but I'm on the opposite end. I soooo don't rush wanting DD to do anything. I started solids late, took bottles away on the later side, wasn't in a hurry for her to crawl or walk, etc...I just wanted to enjoy every moment as it was an not "wish" for her to be doing something else...I wanted (still want!) to keep her my baby forever.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

In my situation, no. Given your examples, I started Landon on table food and took away his bottle based on what his pediatrician recommended. He transitioned out of his crib into a bed just last week because he was climbing out of his crib and I was worried about him getting hurt. I was willing to let him stay in his crib forever as long as he didn't climb. Potty training is not happening yet for us either. Landon has a potty and sits on it, but its just to get him used to it. I DON'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

This is def. me. It's not everything, but I always say that I can't wait for DS to talk, so its easier to communicate etc., and when he was a newborn I couldn't wait for him to smile and this and that. I need to learn to TAKE IN what is happening in the moment and love that moment, instead of wishing for other ones. It doesn't happen all the time, but it def. has happened, and I'm thankful I've taken soo many pictures!

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Yes, I am so anxious to see them move onto the next thing...whether it's a milestone, table food, clap, etc...but, not really to brag how early they have done it...I just love to see them do new things.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Yes and I think it goes on until they are much older, about 10 or so, with various things that we want to teach them. I'm guilty of it, though.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

This is a hard one to answer. I have seen it both ways parents pushing to hard for a 6 month old to WALK because one of their friends kids did it at that age. But I have also seen the side of people trying to hold on to the baby and suffocating the child. This is why I follow the listen to your child. They will tell you when they are ready. Weather it be quick or slow.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I am in the middle with it.

He was in a big boy bed at 12 mos...but it was because he threw himself out of crib, and we noticed crib bars were kicked out. there was no way I was putting him back in.

Potty training...i started early. my EI lady talked me into it. I do feel what she has to say is true though. 10 years ago, kids were trained so much earlier then now. I guess it is no big deal...but if every kid is in diapers an extra year, that is so many more diapers in landfills then ever before. That was my main motivation.

I had him on the boob till 18 mos though, the whole world was trying to rush him off

School for young toddlers, I kind of don't understand. They are still so young...I think they get the same socialization from mom groups, library classes. To each their own, but I am in zero rush to send him off. at 3, he goes to class for 1.5 hours a week. That's fine for us.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Since my DD was born 17 1/2 months ago my DH and I have always had the attitude that we will follow her lead and let her do things in her own time. So far, it works great! We're not stressing over every little milestone and habit and she is learning to do things at her own pace in her own time.

I do think people try to rush everything with their kids. I think some parenst put a lot of stress on their children to do everything early even if they aren't developmentally ready whether it be walking, talking, writing, reading, etc. I don't know any adults that can't walk, talk, read, crawl, roll over, use a fork, use a potty, etc. I always keep that in mind when I watch my DD develop because the reality is whether she walked at 9 months or 15 months or gets potty trained at 2 or 4 years old she will eventually do it all and be a fully functioning adult.

Again, everything in her own time at her own pace. We don't stress over any of it and we don't push her in any way. If we see she is showing an interest in something or starting to develop or focus on a certain skill we encourage her and praise her but we never push her. I really think that is important.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I think a lot of people do...but I also think it all has to do with personalities, and it's not always a bad thing. Certain things like "your baby can read" annoy me when taken to the extreme.....

Me, personally....I like to watch Lily's cues for things. She took herself off the pacifier, let us know when she was done with certain bottles, showed us when she was ready for table food, and we're totally letting her call the shots on potty training. We only recently put her in a bed....on a whim because we got a free bed....and it worked beautifully. She loved it and adjusted really well.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

This is my DH. He has said a few times that he can't wait for DD#1 to walk and talk. I always tell him, "Don't rush it!." Other family members have made comments about DD#1 not walking and how I should buy her shoes to 'help' her along. At 17 months, she finally decided she wanted to walk, which was just fine for me! She was a late roller and crawler but I could care less. I cherish her being my baby and I just let her do her own thing. Now that DD#2 is here I will do the same thing with her. I try to remind myself that time flies and to drink it all in.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I think so. We don't, but that might because he is our only child.

I think sometimes, even though I think LIF is wonderful, it totally contributes to it as well. Like all of the STTN posts, babies are NOT supposed to STTN, but people post that their baby does as a newborn, and then everyone worries b/c theirs doesn't, KWIM?

I also think once DC is over like, 12-18 months, and most of the milestones have evened out, it kind of levels out too...

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I don;t think I, personally do. But I do know people IRL that do. I wanted to move my kids to table food because baby food IMO is NASTY. I will keep them in their cribs as long as possible. I still give them bottles and binkies to comfort or sleeping or in the car.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Yes, I think we do.

I see it a lot on here how early their kid was sttn, or eating solids. I feel some moms are n competition with one another.

I also just think there are moms out there that need to have things done by a certain age.

DD is doing her own things, in her own time and she is a hapy, healthy baby.

But I do have to say, I never thought that I'd send DD to school, 3 days a week for 2.5 hours a day at 2. She took to it beautifully so we knew she was ready. I'm sure other moms would consider that rushing her.

Message edited 3/16/2010 8:18:44 AM.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I am guilty of this. I expect my 5 year old to act and do things that are beyond his years. I'm trying to remember that he is still really only 5 years old...he's not 10. He walked at 9 months, did everthing early....so its hard to keep remembering he is still only 5.

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I agree with you- I never rush anything with Cailen - and he does everything on his own time.

We as a society never stop rushing people....

In HS - you think of college

College - you plan for grad school (some do)

In your 20's - getting married

Marriage - having babies

It never ends. A comedienne said the funniest thing once - Her standup was her grandmother asking her when she was going to have kids, what's the wait, all her friends are doing it, etc.

The comedienne said she asked grandma, "Hey, grandma - when you gonna break your hip already? Come on, what's the wait? All your friends are doing it!"

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

I think society puts the pressure on and we do it to ourselves and our kids....

my almost 3 yr old is still in a crib and diapers....i am holding on to my baby forever!!!! lol.....the teenage yrs are what scares me the most so I want to delay

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

It's a matter of opinion, like anything else. But for the things you listed, no, ME personally, call me a mean mommy, but I don't think he NEEDS the bottle after he's capable of drinking from a cup, he doesn't AHVE TO wear diapers if he can walk/talk and be poty trained, he doesn't NEED the pacifier when he's old enough to understand other ways to soothe himself etc etc. (and obviously, based on opinion, people might feel 'old enough' is 4 years old, while I think it's a year or a year and 1/2 ........)

I am not an advocate of 'when HE's ready' - for certain things, like potty training - I have a friend who's in a panic b/c she can't send her son to preschool b/c he's not potty trained - b/c she never bothered to try 'b/c he wasn't ready and she didn't want to upset him' ........that's not my parenting style at all. -

However, I was reading an article in the Times the other day about 'structured recess' really? STRUCTURED recess? You have to control THAT too?? These poor kids are going to be completely stressed out about school and getting into college and getting a JOB when they're 8 years old !! in THAT sense, I think we force them to grow up too fast. - A 3 year old does not have to know how to read just so *I* as a parent can feel acomplished ........KWIM?

Re: Do you think we, as parents, rush our kids to grow up

Yes I do.

DD is 27 months old and still drinks her milk in a bottle and uses her paci.

At first I felt like OMG she's too big but honestly she's advanced in everything else...has been talking since 13 months old, speaks in full sentences, counts in english and spanish, ABCs blah blah blah so the way I see it if she drinks milk from a bottle or uses the paci for comfort who cares. I'm pretty sure she won't be graduating HS with a paci in her mouth or a baby bottle in her hand.