Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

I yell and raise my voice...ALOT. When I get angry...mad...upset...aggrivated I yell. I'm not a raging lunatic when I do but it's enough that I see it affecting Rylan. When I raise my voice to him or even if it's outloud to myself he gives me a sad look and yells back. I know it's upsetting him and I need to change. I can't help it when I do and I ALWAYS feel horrible afterwards. I don't want to be this kind of mom...the mom I always swore I would never be.

Has anyone been a yeller and changed their ways? Aside from walking away what can I try to do. We had a horrific day here yesterday and i'm devastated today because of it. What made it worse was that Rylan had his first real temper tantrum. It was horrible and because of the day I was having I don't think I handled it well at all. I now wonder if I caused it???

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Ooh, that is a tough one because I am a yeller too.

I am going to ask my therapist because that is a good question. I try to count down backwards when I am really worked up. That helps sometimes.

Maybe wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it every time you feel like you are going to yell could remind you not to.

When I think of more, I will let you know!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Message edited 7/22/2010 1:30:16 PM.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Ugg, I know that feeling all too well.
I used to be a yeller with Ava and then what really helped me curb it is that I realized that I'm not a yeller at anyone else, so why in the world should I be to her? I was doing it because I felt like I could. Instead now, I try to recognize when I'm getting to that boiling point and take a time out for myself and walk away from her or just communicate with her how I'm feeling. There's nothing wrong with saying to your kid, "I'm getting really upset right now because you're not listening." I mean, that's a bit mild, but I'll tell Ava when she's irritating me by misbehaving, and I've found that she usually stops by me telling her it's bothering me. Granted she's older than Rylan, but maybe just voicing how you're feeling rather than waiting till you get so mad you yell will help. I've noticed that it's helped her start to voice her feelings, too.
And don't get me wrong, there are days where I still yell at her because I'm overwhelmed, etc., but for the most part, I just try to be more conscious of the fact that she's just a kid and that I'm an adult and I should know better.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by pinkandblue

Posted by DmarieK



Has anyone been a yeller and changed their ways?

me, it is still a work in progress

I knew it was an issue when miki began yelling back and me and telling me "mommy, you are always yelling at me, it makes me sad"

I stopped yelling (I still will raise my voice when I need to but it is MUCH less frequent)

I have PPD and I was put on meds for that which has been helping tremendously, I would speak to your OB, especially if this is out of character for you

The thing I find works best with miki is to take toys and her lovies away when she does not listen - that and spanking which I do not want to do on a regular basis

she has been much better lately

hang in there and FM me if you want to chat, I know exactly how you feel

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by prncsslehcar

Ugg, I know that feeling all too well.
I used to be a yeller with Ava and then what really helped me curb it is that I realized that I'm not a yeller at anyone else, so why in the world should I be to her? I was doing it because I felt like I could. Instead now, I try to recognize when I'm getting to that boiling point and take a time out for myself and walk away from her or just communicate with her how I'm feeling. There's nothing wrong with saying to your kid, "I'm getting really upset right now because you're not listening." I mean, that's a bit mild, but I'll tell Ava when she's irritating me by misbehaving, and I've found that she usually stops by me telling her it's bothering me. Granted she's older than Rylan, but maybe just voicing how you're feeling rather than waiting till you get so mad you yell will help. I've noticed that it's helped her start to voice her feelings, too.
And don't get me wrong, there are days where I still yell at her because I'm overwhelmed, etc., but for the most part, I just try to be more conscious of the fact that she's just a kid and that I'm an adult and I should know better.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

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Message edited 7/23/2010 11:43:58 AM.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Im a yeller too and I hate it.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

im definitely a yeller by nature. and i know its something i have to work on. when DH gets mad/upset he starts cleaning. i have all this pent up energy that i want to hit (but i would NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

so someone suggested i start doing push ups when im mad. lol i just got the suggestion last week and havent gotten mad lately. so the next time i get mad i may try some crunches. if my anger's gonna do anything, its gonna get me a wash board stomach!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

I'm a yeller and have been working on not yelling so much.

I found that I was yelling at Jack so much that he was literally yelling and screaming right back at me. It was very very ugly here for a few weeks. His tone was so horribly nasty, and I realized that he was mirroring what he heard from me.

I still lose my cool plenty of times but things I have been doing that help:

WALK AWAY. This is the biggest thing for me. He can have his freak out, tantrum, kick, scream, throw, I leave him alone. He eventually calms down and I explain to him why he can't do that...that he needs to say sorry, and then we go clean up whatever mess that he caused.

His new thing is "I AM MAD!" and he will yell it over and over again. I get down to his level and ask why he is mad and how I can make him happy.

Then, there are still times where we have all out brawls if he does something really really bad (like hit me)

It's def. a work in progress and I have noticed that it is such hard work to not lose my cool. You are not alone!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

i am not a yeller, but my mother said it helped her stop when we were little to have the windows opened

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by QTDimps23

im definitely a yeller by nature. and i know its something i have to work on. when DH gets mad/upset he starts cleaning. i have all this pent up energy that i want to hit (but i would NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

so someone suggested i start doing push ups when im mad. lol i just got the suggestion last week and havent gotten mad lately. so the next time i get mad i may try some crunches. if my anger's gonna do anything, its gonna get me a wash board stomach!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Dawn, do not beat yourself up over this. We all have moments where we say (or even do) things that we wish we could take back. There have been times where I yelled so loud at Jack that I made myself cry when all was said and done. We all do the best that we can. This is truly the hardest job in the world. You are a great mom, so don't think any differently after one really bad day!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by DmarieK

Posted by QTDimps23

im definitely a yeller by nature. and i know its something i have to work on. when DH gets mad/upset he starts cleaning. i have all this pent up energy that i want to hit (but i would NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

so someone suggested i start doing push ups when im mad. lol i just got the suggestion last week and havent gotten mad lately. so the next time i get mad i may try some crunches. if my anger's gonna do anything, its gonna get me a wash board stomach!

Yesterday I felt this way. I felt like I wanted to hit Rylan. I wrote in another post for the first time ever I wanted to beat my child. I would never do it and that I am 100% sure of but I felt it big time and actually said it to him in a not so nice way. I just wanted to die after I said what I did.

Crunches wouldn't work for me because 99% of teh time i'm holding Xavier...lol.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by Diana1215

I'm a yeller and have been working on not yelling so much.

I found that I was yelling at Jack so much that he was literally yelling and screaming right back at me. It was very very ugly here for a few weeks. His tone was so horribly nasty, and I realized that he was mirroring what he heard from me.

I still lose my cool plenty of times but things I have been doing that help:

WALK AWAY. This is the biggest thing for me. He can have his freak out, tantrum, kick, scream, throw, I leave him alone. He eventually calms down and I explain to him why he can't do that...that he needs to say sorry, and then we go clean up whatever mess that he caused.

His new thing is "I AM MAD!" and he will yell it over and over again. I get down to his level and ask why he is mad and how I can make him happy.

Then, there are still times where we have all out brawls if he does something really really bad (like hit me)

It's def. a work in progress and I have noticed that it is such hard work to not lose my cool. You are not alone!

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

i am terrible. i could have beaten him while potty training. i just could not handle it.

and then i would feel terrible because he wasn't even causing it.

it is a hard job. a long job.
i honestly don't think i have the energy to yell since i am always on a damn diet with very little left in me i normally just pick him up, drag him upstairs and close his door.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

i am a yeller and I am really trying to stop. Esp since now my 3 yr old will get real upset and say "momma---please dont yell"


i really make a conscious effort when I feel a yell coming on to STOP, Breathe and speak to myself and say This too shall pass

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

I wish I had the answers.....I try to walk away, I try to not yell and count, but Im seriously one of the least patient people you will ever meet and I lose my cool easily, always have.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by DmarieK

Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....

I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.

Message edited 7/22/2010 2:33:54 PM.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

I'm a yeller, but am trying to change that.

I hate to say it but what affected me the most was this.

My Dh told me that he told DD that mommys on her way home from work and she better clean up. and DD's answer was "before she yells at me."

broke.my.heart.

she knows I love her, but I don't want to be always yelling at her.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by pinkandblue

Posted by DmarieK

Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....

I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.

I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way

it sounds like PPD, to be honest

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by pinkandblue

Posted by DmarieK

Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....

I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.

I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way

it sounds like PPD, to be honest

Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.

Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?

I'm so glad you posted this, because I feel like the worst mom sometimes

I feel like all I ever do is yell, and it's not fun.