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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by DmarieK
Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....
I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.
I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way
it sounds like PPD, to be honest 
Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.
I dont know either way about the PPD. I definitely dont think it has to be, and it can certainly be that you are just a yeller. Were you raised in a home with a yeller? My mom was a yeller, a great mom, but a yeller nonetheless. I swore Id never be like that but I am. I think you are what you learn sometimes too and you dont know anything else, so yellers need to learn a whole new set of behaviors and coping skills. I also think some people (like myself) just gets pushed over the edge easier than others.
Message edited 7/22/2010 2:42:53 PM.
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Posted 7/22/10 2:41 PM  |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by DmarieK
Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....
I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.
I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way
it sounds like PPD, to be honest
Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.
I dont know either way about the PPD. I definitely dont think it has to be, and it can certainly be that you are just a yeller. Were you raised in a home with a yeller? My mom was a yeller, a great mom, but a yeller nonetheless. I swore Id never be like that but I am, I think you are what you learn sometimes too and I also think some people (like myself) just gets pushed over the edge easier than others.
I was not diagnosing her as having it, just trying to share my experience
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| Posted 7/22/10 2:42 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by DmarieK
Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....
I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.
I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way
it sounds like PPD, to be honest
Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.
I dont know either way about the PPD. I definitely dont think it has to be, and it can certainly be that you are just a yeller. Were you raised in a home with a yeller? My mom was a yeller, a great mom, but a yeller nonetheless. I swore Id never be like that but I am, I think you are what you learn sometimes too and I also think some people (like myself) just gets pushed over the edge easier than others.
I was not diagnosing her as having it, just trying to share my experience
I know, thats why I said I dont know either way, just sharing my experience from the other side though
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| Posted 7/22/10 2:43 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by DmarieK
Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....
I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.
I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way
it sounds like PPD, to be honest
Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.
I feel like if you are acting out of character and getting REALLY upset over minor infractions, then, yes, it may be a medical thing...speaking from experience
when I first thought I had PPD, I did not even recognize myself, I was yelling about totally insignificant things that to me, at the time, were the end of the world
If your child does something terrible, and you yell, that is one thing
but for me, I was yelling and stressing out (I could feel my heart racing, etc) over nothing and I was NOT myself, I knew I needed help
I def. totally get that. But I think in the case of where you have a child who is starting to act out (hit the terrible 2's if you will) who was normally an easy child. Kids Rylan's age like to test the waters with us. I just get flashbacks to all of the HORRIBLE times I had to deal with Jack when he was crazy and irrational. It made me feel like I was losing control of everything. I would sit on the floor of his room and just cry because I didn't know how I would survive...and then 20 minutes later he was back to his cute and cuddly self.
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| Posted 7/22/10 2:44 PM |
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lmnscc
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/07 598 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
It stinks, doesn't it? I have never been a yeller, yet after having my last baby (10 m/o now), I found that I was yelling at my now 2 y/o twins a lot. It is mostly because all three are sooooo needy and I am a SAHM. I'm alone with them often.
When my 2 y/o DD started yelling I realized I had to get help only to find out I had a bad case of PPD. I am on meds, which has helped with the out of control feeling, but I find daily it's a challenge for me not to lose my mind. I have stopped yelling mostly, but still am not what I thought I'd be. Parenting is soooo hard.
I would go to your OB and see if you do have PPD. If you do or don't, you just have to practice not yelling. Literally take a deep breath before you speak/yell. I do that alllllllll day long. Walking away never works for me because they just follow...grrrrrrr!!!
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| Posted 7/22/10 2:59 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by Janice
i am not a yeller, but my mother said it helped her stop when we were little to have the windows opened
Is that so the idea of neighbors hearing you will make you stop? LOL
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| Posted 7/22/10 9:13 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by JenBenMen
i am a yeller and I am really trying to stop. Esp since now my 3 yr old will get real upset and say "momma---please dont yell"
i really make a conscious effort when I feel a yell coming on to STOP, Breathe and speak to myself and say This too shall pass
These are the words I am dreading hearing one day.
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| Posted 7/22/10 9:16 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by pinkandblue
it sounds like PPD, to be honest
I don't think it could possibly be when i'm ok most of the time. I'm obviously not a Dr though.
I only get like this when he is ignoring what I say to do or not to do. I'm also usually in a bad mood already due to issues with Xavier. It's not an all day everyday thing.
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| Posted 7/22/10 9:21 PM |
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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
I know it can be very hard not to yell. What I tell myself to curb my yelling is
"Would I want another adult (teacher, babysitter, etc) to speak to my child that way?"
It helps me keep things in perspective.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:01 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by Diana1215
I def. totally get that. But I think in the case of where you have a child who is starting to act out (hit the terrible 2's if you will) who was normally an easy child. Kids Rylan's age like to test the waters with us. I just get flashbacks to all of the HORRIBLE times I had to deal with Jack when he was crazy and irrational. It made me feel like I was losing control of everything. I would sit on the floor of his room and just cry because I didn't know how I would survive...and then 20 minutes later he was back to his cute and cuddly self.
When I talk about Rylans reaction to things it's so hard to tell what is an actual reaction to raising my voice or yelling or if it's the terrible twos. Rylan was very difficult up until about 1 1/2...from there until recently he has been an angel...I mean pretty much perfect in my eyes. Lately things have changed. He's not bad as far as hitting others or breaking things he just doesn't listen for sh*t if he doesn't want to and has a major attitude if you say or do something he doesn't like.
I don't know if it's just the gulit I feel about yelling that is causing me to put all of the blame on me and not just normal 2 1/2 year old boy behavior.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:10 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by lmnscc
It stinks, doesn't it? I have never been a yeller, yet after having my last baby (10 m/o now), I found that I was yelling at my now 2 y/o twins a lot. It is mostly because all three are sooooo needy and I am a SAHM. I'm alone with them often.
When my 2 y/o DD started yelling I realized I had to get help only to find out I had a bad case of PPD. I am on meds, which has helped with the out of control feeling, but I find daily it's a challenge for me not to lose my mind. I have stopped yelling mostly, but still am not what I thought I'd be. Parenting is soooo hard.
I would go to your OB and see if you do have PPD. If you do or don't, you just have to practice not yelling. Literally take a deep breath before you speak/yell. I do that alllllllll day long. Walking away never works for me because they just follow...grrrrrrr!!!
The neediness is one of my issues. Xavier needs to be held and entertained pretty much all day long. Somedays i'm ok with it and other i'm just misserable and that's when I yell more. It's def getting easier...motre good than bad but my bad days are BAD.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:14 AM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
I yell sometimes, but I try to keep itin check. I heard someone (can't remember who) say think of what you say to your child and ask yourself if you would say that to an employee or co-worker and that made a big impression on me. Children deserve our respect too and I don't want to be barking orders at him. I also find I'm most irritated and quick to yell when DD(3mos old) is being difficult and DS isntlistening or is giving me a hard time, but now that I recognize that as a trigger I am much more aware and can think before scolding him. Its not easy being a mom, we do the best we can and that will always be a work in progress.
Message edited 7/23/2010 12:20:27 AM.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:19 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by avamamma
I know it can be very hard not to yell. What I tell myself to curb my yelling is
"Would I want another adult (teacher, babysitter, etc) to speak to my child that way?"
It helps me keep things in perspective.
Your right...if it was his father or someone else yelling at them the way I have I would lose my sh*t. The double standard is just not ok. If I don't want someone else treating them that way then I can't either.
Just the fact that I don't want him to fear me or be hurt(upset) by me is enough that I will change. My boys deserve better.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:20 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by MaMaTeenie
I also find I'm most irritated and quick to yell when DD(3mos old) is being difficult and DS isntlistening or is giving me a hard time, but now that I recognize that as a trigger I am much more aware and can think before scolding him. Its not easy being a mom, we do the best we can and that will always be a work in progress.
This is exactly what i'm going through. It's usually on Xaviers bad days that I get like this. It makes anything bad Rylan does seem that much worse.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:23 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
I don't want anyone thinking i'm some psyco screaming at my boys all day long. It's not an everyday thing. It's just when it does get bad I feel so bad about myself afterwards.
Today was a good day. Anytime I felt myself want to yell I went to his level and tried to talk and reason with him...as much as you can with a 2 year old...lol. It didn't work as far as stopping him but it helped big time with me.
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| Posted 7/23/10 12:31 AM |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
My mom always used to count to 10 outloud.
She would look ready to scream and you would hear "1,2,3,...."
They say those 10 seconds can make a difference, help you stop yourself from screaming & gain control again.
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| Posted 7/23/10 6:54 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Dawn, all kids that age are hard. They are starting to really become their own person and are testing their boundaries. I can't imagine dealing with that, on top of holding a baby 24/7. Give yourself some credit, you are an amazing mom and doing an unbelievable job. Being a SAHM really really tests you!
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| Posted 7/23/10 8:08 AM |
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by Janice
i am not a yeller, but my mother said it helped her stop when we were little to have the windows opened
OMg your mom is not joking. If my windows are open I'm a different person. I am a yeller. I am.
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| Posted 7/23/10 8:16 AM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by MaMaTeenie
I yell sometimes, but I try to keep itin check. I heard someone (can't remember who) say think of what you say to your child and ask yourself if you would say that to an employee or co-worker and that made a big impression on me. Children deserve our respect too and I don't want to be barking orders at him. I also find I'm most irritated and quick to yell when DD(3mos old) is being difficult and DS isntlistening or is giving me a hard time, but now that I recognize that as a trigger I am much more aware and can think before scolding him. Its not easy being a mom, we do the best we can and that will always be a work in progress.
That's a very good point. I'm a teacher and I have to remind myself that I would never yell at one of my students the way I have yelled at dd the last few weeks. It's so hard to keep control when she's hitting me or throwing a fit!
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| Posted 7/23/10 8:23 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by DmarieK
Posted by pinkandblue
I definitely think you should talk to your doctor.....
I know that makes me seem like a horrible monster but i'm just trying to be honest with my feelings. I would never in a million years do anything like that. I am 10000000000% sure of that...no doubt in my mind. I just hit my all time low yesterday. I totally understand why your sayng it though.
I know, I have felt similar in the past. I think that what you are feeling is normal due to hormone changes and trying to care for 2 young children. I was not suggesting you see a doctor due to what you said about the hitting, it is more to let you know that I have been there and there is help...you do not have to feel this way
it sounds like PPD, to be honest
Stef, I have to disagree here. I know that there have been plenty of times that I freaked out on Jack when he was being so fresh. I don't think it was that I was depressed, or had PPD, it was that I was reacting to his irrational behavior. I was feeding off of his craziness. Thankfully those days are few and far between but there are times when he makes me feel like I'm going crazy when he acts the way he does. I have to walk away from him because sometimes it does get to be too much.
I agree with Diana, I dont think its PPD at all. I think sooo many of us have felt this way, look at the responses, we all dont have PPD. Of course a Dr. might help, but I think its normal.
I'm a yeller too and I hate it. Sometimes I will snap and yell so loud, I see Noah jump in his skin and then I feel horrible all day.
Liek Diana said earlier, I walk away now. I even let go what was happening if I know I cannot handle it appropriately. But I'm working on this and it is so hard.
I wish I didnt rush to yell, it just comes out.
Noah told me to shut up the other day and I was more hurt then mad. I dont tell him that, dont know where he got it from, but that he answered me with such anger.
I think its great you admitted this, I think we can all help each other!
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| Posted 7/23/10 8:56 AM |
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Annie91606
Brotherly love
Member since 12/07 1816 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Dawn-
You are going through a really hard time, it is perfectly understandable that you are losing your cool due to the stress.
I think a LOT of it has to do with Xavier being high-maintenance. You are using so much energy constantly tending to his needs all day, holding him, etc. So you are just so drained that you have little patience left for Rylan. Even alone, a 2 year old is very challenging. Liam was a doll and a few months after his 2nd b-day, he would start acting out more and it really threw me.
A few things that have helped me:
- taking deep breaths and walking away and giving yourself a "time-out".
-make sure you are eating/snacking regularly. If I go too long without eating, my blood sugar dips and I get moody/irritable and find that I have a shorter fuse.
-See if you can get a sitter to watch the baby for a few hours and get out with Rylan alone. maybe he is looking for more attention and you two can bond more.
FM if you ever need to vent. I get how you are feeling right now
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| Posted 7/23/10 8:56 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by dm24angel
I agree with Diana, I dont think its PPD at all. I think sooo many of us have felt this way, look at the responses, we all dont have PPD. Of course a Dr. might help, but I think its normal.
:
again, I was not diagnosing her. I was sharing MY experience. I am not sure how anyone can diagnose her but a doctor. What she is feeling IS a normal part of being post partum AND dealing with a toddler. All I was saying is that she does not need to feel this way and maybe a doctor can help, that's all
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| Posted 7/23/10 9:49 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by dm24angel
I agree with Diana, I dont think its PPD at all. I think sooo many of us have felt this way, look at the responses, we all dont have PPD. Of course a Dr. might help, but I think its normal.
:
again, I was not diagnosing her. I was sharing MY experience. I am not sure how anyone can diagnose her but a doctor. What she is feeling IS a normal part of being post partum AND dealing with a toddler. All I was saying is that she does not need to feel this way and maybe a doctor can help, that's all
I don't think it ever hurts to talk to a doctor about this kind of stuff to see if they can help.
At the least they may have some tips for you. At the most, they may have some insight on PPD and if this "qualifies".
I think Rachel hit it on the head for me - I would never act the way with other people that I do with DS when I'm mad at him.
I had the horrifying realization the other day that I do it because HE doesn't know any better, not because I don't.
I decided the other day that that isn't an excuse for me anymore.
So I try to pretend I'm in a room full of people everytime he does something that makes me want to yell or freak out.
It's helping. Plus this last week I haven't been able to use my voice, so I've had to communicate through other means.
It's amazing how the point gets across with a look instead of yelling.
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| Posted 7/23/10 10:17 AM |
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sami
So very blessed!! Thank u !!
Member since 8/06 6524 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
I feel like Im yelling alllllllllll day long........I HATE MYSELF for it...I really do...But Peter is just so bad....I think it has alot to do with the fact that Im pregnant and Im just so at my wits end that anything he does just throws me over the edge! It also does not help that my husband has the worst schedule in the world so Im with him all day and night alone... I really do think that after #2 gets here I want the Dr to put me on something...just so I can deal with Peter and a newborn as a "single mother"
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| Posted 7/23/10 11:23 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Does anyone have any advice/tips on how I can make a change with myself?
Dawn, I'm glad you posted this. I am the same way and I have found that my yelling is so ineffective, it's a useless waste of energy.
I don't really think it's PPD either - well, at least, for me it's not. It's just frustration at not having enough time in the day coupled with a baby who always wants to be held and a clingy toddler!
Getting down on his level will really help... any other advice, I'm willing to take!
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| Posted 7/23/10 11:28 AM |
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