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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I would give less of a tip because the hall put her is such a tight spot, but I would still feed!
Also, I would really fight the hall on this one and try to get it down to at least some kind of discount for the vendors plates.
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Posted 6/19/08 9:43 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by Tabitha
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
ditto.
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:52 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
IMO, that is wrong. She should feed them and tip them. I tell her to call the hall and try negotiating with them for a discount on vendor meals - most of the time they eat leftovers from the CH anyway, or she could ask if the can serve the vendors sandwiches or something less expensive than the regular meal.
We actually wound up paying full price for vendor meals because we were below our minimum so they were counted towards that number. Didn't mean I gave them any less of a tip.
ETA: I just saw it was Westbury Manor, I had my wedding there, and they did not charge full price for vendor meals - except for the situation I explained above.
Message edited 6/19/2008 9:59:17 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:57 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Honestly, I think the photographers and videographers are the only ones who should HAVE to be fed since they never leave your side for hours and hours- the DJ/band work for 4-5 hours and they are done. If they can't go without eating for 4-5 hours- it's pretty sad.
Another point you are missing....do you think that all involoved for a dj or band is 4-5 hours?
Not the case at all.....
For example, for a wedding beginning at 7, a band or DJ would have to arrive at their equipment location, load up their vehicle, GET to the hall, setup and then perform. They would generally arrive for their equipment at 5PM. If it's a band, most likely earlier. All this doesn't magically happen and they arrive, work for a few hours and go home.
Now they are working until mignight, and STILL have to breakdown, load up and unload, ending their "day" somewhere around 2AM.
A far cry from 4 or 5 hours.....
Message edited 6/19/2008 10:12:26 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:11 AM |
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pinkiegirl
Member since 7/07 2160 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Without question, any bride and groom should feed and tip their vendors.
They shouldn't be asked whether or not they will want to eat...I personally think it's rude to put them in that position to even ask. How embarrassing to have your photographer and videographer who are with you for 12 hours eating a brown bag lunch at the reception!!!!
The bride in question should find out if WM policy is correct...doesn't make sense to me at all. Most places will charge you less than what you're paying per person..
The last place you should be trying to cut corners is with your vendors..and their tip shouldn't suffer either because I'm pretty sure the bride's contract would reflect the price to feed vendors...so she knew this when she booked with them!!!
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:33 AM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
wow- I feed and tipped everyone (or my Dad did)
I got married at Flowerfield and it was $25 for a vendor on there list and i think $50 if they were not on there list
silly place to cut corners in my opinion
you want the people responsisble for the outcome of your day and pictures HAPPY
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:42 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I think it is ridiculous, tacky and cheap not to feed and tip your vendors, period
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:55 AM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by browneyedgirl
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
ummm, yes. that's why i asked. this is a business deal, not a personal one. there are no mind games to be played
i asked, they all declined. i did the right thing, and everyone was happy. they ate at cocktail hour, which is really the best food anyway.
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:57 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by browneyedgirl
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by browneyedgirl
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
ummm, yes. that's why i asked. this is a business deal, not a personal one. there are no mind games to be played
i asked, they all declined. i did the right thing, and everyone was happy. they ate at cocktail hour, which is really the best food anyway.
No mind games at all!
It is such a ridiculous question to even ask, any professional in their right mind isn't going to insult you!!!
Hopefully you translated that savings into their tip.........
Message edited 6/19/2008 11:09:38 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 10:59 AM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Got married in 06 in WM and vendors were 1/2 price.
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| Posted 6/19/08 11:31 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Honestly, I think the photographers and videographers are the only ones who should HAVE to be fed since they never leave your side for hours and hours- the DJ/band work for 4-5 hours and they are done. If they can't go without eating for 4-5 hours- it's pretty sad.
Another point you are missing....do you think that all involoved for a dj or band is 4-5 hours?
Not the case at all.....
For example, for a wedding beginning at 7, a band or DJ would have to arrive at their equipment location, load up their vehicle, GET to the hall, setup and then perform. They would generally arrive for their equipment at 5PM. If it's a band, most likely earlier. All this doesn't magically happen and they arrive, work for a few hours and go home.
Now they are working until mignight, and STILL have to breakdown, load up and unload, ending their "day" somewhere around 2AM.
A far cry from 4 or 5 hours.....
Whatever...you're right, I'm wrong. I get it. I was arguing MY point. Not missing yours.
Vendors aren't Gods...even if you do feed them and tip them well, they are likely to screw up.
Asking a question shouldn't guarantee shoddy service.
And even for 6 hours of work- they should be fine without a $70 meal.
JMHO. I have a right to that don't I?
ETA: I just want to point out again, that I am not saying vendors should have to choose between food or tip OR that they shouldn't be fed- I understand that it's industry standard. I'm just expressing my feelings that Industry is out of hand and a bride has to fear for the outcome at her wedding because basically the vendors CAN cause hell.
It's not fair- they're being paid to do their job, they should do it.
AGAIN- JMO.
Message edited 6/19/2008 11:40:03 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 11:33 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I dont think it should be a choice, you should do both. I liked all my vendors and couldnt imagine not feeding. JMO
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| Posted 6/19/08 11:37 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
We fed our vendors, and payed I believe 1/2 price for their plates. I was a little annoyed however that we paid for their plates and not one person from the band sat at the vendor table and ate anything. So, not only did we pay them alot of $$$$ and gave them a big tip, but also paid for plates which they didn't eat.
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| Posted 6/19/08 11:41 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by curliegirl
Honestly, I think the photographers and videographers are the only ones who should HAVE to be fed since they never leave your side for hours and hours- the DJ/band work for 4-5 hours and they are done. If they can't go without eating for 4-5 hours- it's pretty sad.
Another point you are missing....do you think that all involoved for a dj or band is 4-5 hours?
Not the case at all.....
For example, for a wedding beginning at 7, a band or DJ would have to arrive at their equipment location, load up their vehicle, GET to the hall, setup and then perform. They would generally arrive for their equipment at 5PM. If it's a band, most likely earlier. All this doesn't magically happen and they arrive, work for a few hours and go home.
Now they are working until mignight, and STILL have to breakdown, load up and unload, ending their "day" somewhere around 2AM.
A far cry from 4 or 5 hours.....
Whatever...you're right, I'm wrong. I get it. I was arguing MY point. Not missing yours.
Vendors aren't Gods...even if you do feed them and tip them well, they are likely to screw up.
Asking a question shouldn't guarantee shoddy service.
And even for 6 hours of work- they should be fine without a $70 meal.
JMHO. I have a right to that don't I?
ETA: I just want to point out again, that I am not saying vendors should have to choose between food or tip OR that they shouldn't be fed- I understand that it's industry standard. I'm just expressing my feelings that Industry is out of hand and a bride has to fear for the outcome at her wedding because basically the vendors CAN cause hell.
It's not fair- they're being paid to do their job, they should do it.
AGAIN- JMO.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I am only trying to show you how it's not as you see it, there is a lot more work involved for vendors than just 4 or 5 or even 6 hours. How would you feel if you ate nothing for
9 hours while you were working? You would likely complain that that's an unfair working condition. And then to be ASKED if you WANT to eat? 
Asking a question doesn't guarantee shoddy service whatsoever. Asking a question like THAT will certainly put a sour taste in your vendors mouth, which will more than likely make them unmotivated and less likely to bend over backward for you.
Vendors aren't gods.....
AND NEITHER ARE BRIDES!!!!
And just like you said a vendor can cause hell, which is VERY UNlikely because they can get themselves banned from a hall or lose "preferred" status, bride's are more likely to cause hell over something stupid than a vendor is because you didn't feed them.
Period!
Take a step back and think about the other side of the coin.
Message edited 6/19/2008 11:54:57 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 11:53 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Vendors aren't gods.....
AND NEITHER ARE BRIDES!!!!
But the bride is the paying customer.
AGAIN: not saying vendors shouldn't be fed.
With all the food that gets thrown away from cocktail hour- THAT'S what they should eat. AGAIN- IMO.
I don't work in the wedding industry directly BUT I have worked in catering- parties that are 6 hours or more- we don't get to sit down and eat AND the host isn't responsible for feeding us.
I've also worked 10 hour shifts waitressing without a break.
It can be done! Why can't they eat while they set up?
I just don't get it...and I suppose I never will (Well, I'll never 100% agree with your side of it) BUT that's ok.
Thankfully, I NEVER have to deal with Wedding Vendors again.
No hard feelings- I'm slightly bitter over a few of my own vendors...so I'm a bit sensitive as to what they deserve when there's no guarantee they'll do the job right either way.
I just don't see harm in asking if meals should be provided or if they will be making their own arrangements.
Message edited 6/19/2008 12:02:25 PM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:01 PM |
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CAMCaps
Live Laugh Love Run
Member since 6/07 4922 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I tipped AND fed mine. My photographer was working for 13 hours - what he wasn;t going to eat?
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:07 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I paid for my vendors to eat AND tipped them. Actually I think my hall threw in some sandwiches and drinks for the vendors.
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:10 PM |
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vegalady
Love my family
Member since 6/06 4546 total posts
Name:
SNV
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
She should only have to pay half for the vendors plate of food. It is proper etiquette to feed them. However, they dont get the same portions nor the same meal at times as the guests. As a wedding planner my clients always pay only half for my meals when I attend their wedding.
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:29 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by browneyedgirl
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by browneyedgirl
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
ummm, yes. that's why i asked. this is a business deal, not a personal one. there are no mind games to be played
i asked, they all declined. i did the right thing, and everyone was happy. they ate at cocktail hour, which is really the best food anyway.
No mind games at all!
It is such a ridiculous question to even ask, any professional in their right mind isn't going to insult you!!!
Hopefully you translated that savings into their tip.........
no, it's not ridiculous. that is your opinion.
i did not translate the "savings" into a tip. i tipped what i thought was proper for the service i got. there was no savings, they didn't want a meal!!!
as a matter of fact, i still speak with 2 of my vendors from that day. i just emailed my videographer a few days ago. i would never have been "insulted" if they said yes. i don't know why you can't realize everything isn't always black and white. not everyone feels the same way about things and that doesn't make it right or wrong. we all picked different vendors, who all have different opinions.
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:40 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by Tabitha
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
ITA
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| Posted 6/19/08 12:41 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I'm sure if she asks the hall to provide a lower cost alternative to the fancy meal, they can arrange sandwiches or perhaps serve some cocktail hour food to the vendors.
I would never ask my vendors about it, I would provide it either way. All of your vendors are there for many hours and are around food all of the time. It's a catering facility. They are human. To ask them if they want a meal or if they plan on taking care of it themselves to me sounds like you don't want to feed them. If someone asked me that question, I would tell them no thank you, because I would feel that they are trying to save some money and I wouldn't want to make them spend money on me. Weddings are expensive enough..they know that.
So even though the vendor may say no to the meal, they are probably doing it so they don't jack up the couples expenses. Part of pleasing the client.
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| Posted 6/19/08 1:03 PM |
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RadioLau
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2179 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
That's ridiculous that they don't at least make them half price. I would talk to the vendors though. Our band ended up being free because they were recommended but beforehand when we considered booking they told us they would be happy to pack a sandwich for themselves. Some of them do it anyway they said because they don't know if when the food comes they will have time to eat it at that moment. If they bring food they can eat it when they get a chance. Just an idea.
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| Posted 6/19/08 1:07 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
just a point that most catering facilities and restaurants prohibit outside food for board of health reasons.
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| Posted 6/19/08 1:13 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by vegalady
She should only have to pay half for the vendors plate of food. It is proper etiquette to feed them. However, they dont get the same portions nor the same meal at times as the guests. As a wedding planner my clients always pay only half for my meals when I attend their wedding.
I paid full price for my vendors....not all halls offer 1/2 priced meals
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| Posted 6/19/08 1:34 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by stephanief
Posted by vegalady
She should only have to pay half for the vendors plate of food. It is proper etiquette to feed them. However, they dont get the same portions nor the same meal at times as the guests. As a wedding planner my clients always pay only half for my meals when I attend their wedding.
I paid full price for my vendors....not all halls offer 1/2 priced meals
It should at least be 1/2 because your vendors aren't consuming the most $$ part of the night....ALCOHOL!!!!
But, to each his own.....
And Beth, as usual, more eloquent than I. 
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| Posted 6/19/08 1:45 PM |
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