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nataliea623
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/10 405 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Family upset about Christening.... (long)
I need impartial opinions here as I had an issue with my mother in law last night regarding the DD's christening (which is in 2 weeks) and my husband thinks I am over reacting
My Husband has a huge family - about 25 first cousins and out of those a total of 19 second cousins. Normally we have large parties and invite everyone (i.e. I had almost 70 ladies at my baby shower) however with having the baby, me being out of work unpaid for 12 weeks and my husband purchasing a company less then a year ago we are financially tapped and opted not to stretch ourselves any thinner. So we only invited about 50 people (parents, siblings, aunt, uncles and close friends) for a dinner type party at a small restaurant we rented out. Last night I called my MIL to ask her if she knew if a few people that didn't RSVP yet are coming and she proceeds to give me a list of cousins that mentioned they didn't get an invitation yet. I told her that we are keeping it small and didn't invite cousins and she went on a rant about how we cant pick and choose the family we invite so I told her if she wants to invite more people be my guest but I will give her the bill. Am I wrong for being upset that she thinks we should but having a big party because everyone else in the family does?
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Posted 9/22/10 10:43 AM  |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You have to do what is right for you and your immediate family.
At some point cuts need to be made, tell her to get over it
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:46 AM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You have every right to be upset  Like you said, if she wants to invite all those people let her pay the bill. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people think things have to be a certain way for the sake of appearance.
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:46 AM |
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Maybe-baby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/07 774 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You are 100% right and ITA that she should help if she wanted additional people invited.
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:47 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You are doing what is right for you.
We also cannot afford to invite everyone to christenings, so for both children we kept it to immediate aunts and uncles and none of my mom's cousins. If we invited one, then we'd have to invite all, and then the party would be well over 100 people.
I asked my mom beforehand though, and when we figured it out, we had to decide not to invite anyone extra. We are having a party of 20 people.
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:48 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
you are not wrong!!
It gets out of hand.
we had just immediate family and like 2 friends and it was nearly 70 people. DH and I said we are never doing that again. it is too much work, too much money and im sure most people dont even want to really come (yet they get insulted- too bad)
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:50 AM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You are right. You do what you have to do. You shouldn't go into debt because of possibly hurting people's feelings!
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:50 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
I think you were right on.
You want the world, then you need to pay for it. You werent doing it out of spite you were doing it because you had to. heck I'd be ticked too. At least youre even TRYING for 50!
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:54 AM |
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LoveyQ
Stalkers, get a life.
Member since 11/07 12820 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Something very similar happened to me, only our families aren't quite as large as yours. I wanted to invite JUST the godparents (with their immediate families), our parents and siblings, my grandparents - total of about 25 people for a dinner at a restaurant after the baptism. I wanted it to be a nice day where I wouldn't have to organize anything or clean up, etc. Just show up to a restaurant, have a great meal, great time with our closest and dearest. Things are also really tight with us being that we have a LOT of new expenses and I was not getting paid for some of my time off when I had the baby.
Instead my mom mentioned it to my grandmother and it created drama that I wasn't inviting my aunts, uncles, and cousins. So to avoid the drama, I rented out a small hall and am ordering food, have to get decorations, decorate, clean up after etc. 
But, turns out now my family is NOT going to DS's baptism. After all that, and now all the extra work I have to do, they're not going. Too late to switch back to a restaurant so we're going to keep it as is.
In your case, I don't think you're wrong at all. You are being responsible and like you said, if they want to invite people, let her pay for it. It's not fair to you guys! I feel you!
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| Posted 9/22/10 10:54 AM |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
I don't think u r wrong at all. Even a small BBQ at our house is costing us a lot of money. If she wants them invited, she can pay for it.
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:05 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Don't let them upset you... you can't invite everyone... if it bothers her that much then SHE should pay!
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:10 AM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
if she has a problem with it she can pay for it! Don't feel bad at all !!
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:13 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
The *only* reason either of my children get to have big christenings is because someone else pays for them, and even so, I invite 987239847289 family members and maybe 4 friends.
If it weren't for that I'd only invite maybe 20-25 people.
Family has to understand.
Message edited 9/22/2010 11:26:19 AM.
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:26 AM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Posted by nataliea623
Am I wrong for being upset that she thinks we should but having a big party because everyone else in the family does?
Absolutely not. I can't believe your MIL is stepping over the line in telling you who you and your dh can invite. Just a bit of advice I would have left it with "we are choosing to keep the christening small". You always want to look like the better person. Now that she knows why she will not hold back in telling other family members why they weren't invited. I mean who cares if she does but just not needed to have talk behind your back...as far as your DH he should have been more understanding to how you felt after your MIL talked to you like that. He needs to understand that both of you chose a smaller (& 50 is ALOT of people BTW) gathering not just you. If you are doing seating just leave the people that didn't rsvp out and let them look lost when they can't find their placecards. Waiters can always throw in a table and chairs for these people...Good Luck!
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:34 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Nope - your party, your guest list. I think it's considerate to include her in the planning - so I would have told her the cut off point ahead of time.
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:40 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Posted by azoodie
You have every right to be upset Like you said, if she wants to invite all those people let her pay the bill. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people think things have to be a certain way for the sake of appearance.
ITA!
I have also learned to mention certain things before invites go out to some family members if we are keeping things small or doing something different from how my family is used to it. Keeps the backlash and uproar to a bit of a minimum as there are fewer surprises
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:41 AM |
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VTTG0609
My loves <3
Member since 8/09 3294 total posts
Name:
V
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Posted by azoodie
You have every right to be upset Like you said, if she wants to invite all those people let her pay the bill. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people think things have to be a certain way for the sake of appearance.
ITA!
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| Posted 9/22/10 11:48 AM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
No, you're absolutely right!
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:06 PM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
BTDT. I've learned to do things that are right for me and my immediate family. If others can't understand your decisions too bad.
You are not wrong, you do what you need to do for your reasons not others'.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:10 PM |
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mom2mgn
Love my family
Member since 2/08 2267 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
You are definatley not wrong!!!!
We were in a similar situation. I was out of work for 6 months with the twins. DH's hours at work were reduced to part time. We told MIL that we were going to have a very small dinner with just the Godparents and Grandparents. I have to say that my MIL was very understanding and happy that we were actually being smart with our finances so, she offered to pay for a bigger party and we had one.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:14 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
you are right. if she is paying for the party, then she can have her say...
otherwise, she has to stay out of it.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:30 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Honestly, yes........you do get to choose who to invite and who not to invite because YOU are paying the bill. In an ideal world it would be great to invite everyone and anyone but in reality it's not always possible. I would tell your MIL to mind her own business. It's NOT her party and it's NOT her concern who you do or don't invite and like you said, if she wants to make a federal case out of it then tell her to start coughing up the cash to pay for all the extra people she wants there.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:47 PM |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
I know exactly about the kind of thing you are talking about, I have a gigantic family. I flat out tell my mom, and mil I don't have the money or attention span for these things, if you want to invite half of the tri state area please organize, pay and do it yourself.
I find that if I come up front and say it, they often will take on the whole bill for whatever it is and I'm not a bad guy.
I think if they aren't too pi$$ed at your comment, you handled it well. My family would be pi$$ed, that I invited some and not others. I would have a very big headache on my hands.
I already warned them about 1st birthday party, I honestly don't think DS is going to care about it, so if they want to do it, its all on them. My mother single handedly organized my sons bris, she invited 100 people, she said where all relatives, 80 more showed up. She said she thought they might, but wasn't sure because it was a Thursday afternoon
So yeah, I don't bother with this stuff anymore. I give up.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:53 PM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Posted by eroxgirl
The *only* reason either of my children get to have big christenings is because someone else pays for them, and even so, I invite 987239847289 family members and maybe 4 friends.
If it weren't for that I'd only invite maybe 20-25 people.
Family has to understand.
Same here. We were trying to do a small party at a restaurant for immediate family & godparents. DH's parents chose to pay so everyone they wanted could be invited. They were in our shoes when they first had kids and a family member helped them out with things like this, so they are glad to help us out. They are extremely generous in that respect.
If they aren't willing to foot the bill then they have no right to say anything about who's invited and who's not.
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| Posted 9/22/10 2:01 PM |
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nataliea623
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/10 405 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: Family upset about Christening.... (long)
Thanks girls! I felt guilty, but i shouldn't. Especially since my family is TINY we only invited 8 people from my family (parents included)
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| Posted 9/22/10 2:09 PM |
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