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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Something happened this weekend and I just can't shake it.
DH had a card game at our house. We had the baby sleep out - so I went to bed at 10.
At 1:30 I wake to see who is still playing and all the guys are leaving. One of the guys - who lives about 4 minutes away is obviously drunk and going to drive his car home (with a beer in his hand nonetheless)
Their other friend was INSISTING on taking him home - and he refused. he basically tried everything to get him in the car - and he would not go. I said I would pick him up in the morning and take him back here for his car - to go home with the other guy. He still refused.
The guy who drove drunk was a cop - and I know that he does this ALL THE TIME. I am sick to my stomach over it. How could a cop - of all people drive drunk? He is a father. He has a child - and still he gets behind the wheel like this. I called him to make sure he got home and he swore to me that he was not really drunk. I think he was.
I really laid into him. This is the same cop who yells at me for talking on my cell phone. SOOOO - talking on my cell phone is harmful to others - but getting behind the wheel drunk is not?
I have had this talk with him before -and it really really distubs me now. Maybe because I'm a mom now - I am so scared for my child's future with idiots like this on the road.
I should also state that I did get arrested for a DUI over ten years ago when I was 21 - and it was the best wake up call to ever happen to me. I was so young and stupid - and selfish. I never thought about others. I think that when you are a father - and almost 35 years old - AND a cop - this would be the last thing you would do.
What do you do in this type of situation. I can guarantee this guy drinks and drives almost every weekend. 
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Posted 9/29/08 12:09 PM  |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
So sad, good thing he did not kill anyone. I'm not sure there is much you can do though. I think you did all you could, he needs to wake the eff up and act responsibly.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:15 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
We have a friend like this...He's not a cop but he is an alcoholic.
Most recently he showed up to a family party for MY family drunk out of his mind. That time he took a cab but nonetheless was out of control. My husband with his brother had to PHYSICALLY remove him from the party and drive him home.
That was back in June. From that point on I've requested that DH not invite him to our house. I have nothing to say to this person until he starts caring about people and NOT the drink.
Before that, we used to refuse to serve him any kind of alcohol. He knew when he came to our house he was getting soda. No ifs, ands or buts.
Also, when the guys do get together for poker night, they try to do it at his house so he won't have to drive.
Unfortunately, his family will do nothing about it.
It's a sad but extreme situation that I've felt needs extreme action.
Maybe if your friend knew there were bigger ramifications to his actions (other than the OBVIOUS!!!) like losing your friendship he *might* change his mind.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:23 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
See - we never really see this person - maybe once every 6 months - if that. He doesn't play cards with the guys - just stopped by for drinks (of course)
I just don't understand - how as a cop - after all that you must see - how you can physically get behind the wheel of a car drunk!
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:26 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:27 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Diana1215
See - we never really see this person - maybe once every 6 months - if that. He doesn't play cards with the guys - just stopped by for drinks (of course)
I just don't understand - how as a cop - after all that you must see - how you can physically get behind the wheel of a car drunk!
Because some people think "it will never happen to them" and that they're above the law.
Next time he does this call 911. Maybe then he'll get the hint. 
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:27 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
That's a great idea!
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:28 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
Great idea 
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:29 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
Great idea
I agree...
But what if someone refuses to hand over their keys? Do you kick them out? I'm asking in all seriousness...
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:30 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
this is a great idea on something I will INSIST on at our new home (no public transport or taxis back to they city!)
as for the hows and whys??? who knows. you can only "control" to a certain extent what he does when he leaves YOUR house (or enters it really) I hope to God he never hurts anyone.
ETA:
to Jennie..I would. in a heartbeat. if you are a "friend" you'd understand and respect what I was trying to do. I will embarras ANYONE and not welcome them into my home. I don't care what they think of me for "being like that" at that point.
Message edited 9/29/2008 12:32:58 PM.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:31 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Something similar happened at my company Christmas Party last year, there was one guy who was obviously drunk, trying to leave to go home, a bunch of the guys tried to get him to take a cab, telling him he was too drunk to drive. He got belligerent and tried to push his way out, that's when a group of guys had to forcibly stop him from leaving. One guy who is 6'6" actually took a suit coat from a guy who is 5'10 and started doing "fat man in a little coat" from Tommy Boy in front of the drunk guy, distracting him and blocking him from going anywhere while the other guys got his keys. The drunk guy continued to fight, but they just called him a cab and threw him in it.
I think the PP who said take all keys in the beginning of the night has a great idea, just make sure the key master doesn't have too much to drink as well  
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:36 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
That's a great idea!
I totally agree with this.
It is more shocking being that he is a cop but there are bad apples in every bunch and no matter if they are jobless or a congressman - irresponsible behavior does not discriminate - it comes from ALL kinds and is really terrible... just wrong.
On a positive note - I'm so glad to hear that you learned so much from your "wake up call" and have been responsible since then. That is what I hope happens to everyone who gets arrested... but, more often than not it isn't like that. It is so nice to hear, however, that it was in your case!
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:37 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Ophelia
this is a great idea on something I will INSIST on at our new home (no public transport or taxis back to they city!)
as for the hows and whys??? who knows. you can only "control" to a certain extent what he does when he leaves YOUR house (or enters it really) I hope to God he never hurts anyone.
ETA:
to Jennie..I would. in a heartbeat. if you are a "friend" you'd understand and respect what I was trying to do. I will embarras ANYONE and not welcome them into my home. I don't care what they think of me for "being like that" at that point.
To your point Jess - you are liable for anyone who does leave your house and drives while intoxicated and gets into an accident.
So there's a pretty DAMN good reason to not let anyone leave your house who's not in any shape to drive.
In respose to your direct response to me, Jess, I COMPLETELY agree with you, word for word. Hence, I refuse to let one of our friends in our house anymore... This is someone my DH has known for 30 years but until he has more affinity for US and not the DRINK, he's no longer welcome.
Message edited 9/29/2008 12:38:31 PM.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:37 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
I do this too. You can yell kick and scream but if you are drunk you are not getting your keys back. I'lll even pay for the cab if you do not live too far. This is something I will not tolerate and I never have. Even when I was bartending I always had a hook-up with a local cab company for my customers that could not drive home. Luckily most of the groups would have a DD, so it was not as much of an issue as you'd think.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:39 PM |
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:45 PM |
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DanandNette
Love my baby boy!
Member since 9/08 2830 total posts
Name:
Jennette
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
I know this won't help keep him off the road, but I would stop inviting him. Once he gets the hint I would have a serious "sit-down" with him and say that his behavior really makes you and DH uncomfortable and he can't come over if he is going to drive drunk. If someone approaches him to offer him a ride he should know that they are serious about him not driving. He shouldn't be other people's responsibility and he needs to shape up before he can be invited back to your place.
Its a difficult position to be in, but just think how much a danger he could be on the road, he'll thank you one day.
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| Posted 9/29/08 12:54 PM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
Great idea
I agree...
But what if someone refuses to hand over their keys? Do you kick them out? I'm asking in all seriousness...
then they are not permitted to enter. it's that simple....no keys in the bowl (to be hidden later) - no coming into the house to play cards.
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| Posted 9/29/08 1:07 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
I would have called 911, given them his name, address, make, model, and license plate number.
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| Posted 9/29/08 1:24 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
I would do everything in my power to stop him from driving, including calling the police if he did get into his car (even if he IS a cop).
You might also want to do some research on your potential liability as a host (dependent on your state). In some jurisdictions, a host can be held partially liable if they allow their guest to drive home drunk and that guest injures a person or damages property... I would be especially concerned about this if you entertain him frequently and he does this...
I'm sorry you have to deal with this - it's not an easy situation to deal with at all... but it's not something I would tolerate at all.
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| Posted 9/29/08 1:55 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Kara
I would do everything in my power to stop him from driving, including calling the police if he did get into his car (even if he IS a cop).
You might also want to do some research on your potential liability as a host (dependent on your state). In some jurisdictions, a host can be held partially liable if they allow their guest to drive home drunk and that guest injures a person or damages property... I would be especially concerned about this if you entertain him frequently and he does this...
I'm sorry you have to deal with this - it's not an easy situation to deal with at all... but it's not something I would tolerate at all.
I didn't even think of this!  
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| Posted 9/29/08 2:02 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
This is really the first card game my husband has had here in about a year - and this guy isn't part of their group - so in all honesty he probably won't be here for another year.
That being said, I am still concerned for his safety, and especially the safety of others on the road with him.
I'm at the point where I don't know what to say to him - making him realize that he could take someone else's life (Not that you would think I would NEED to say this - being his line of work)
ETA: Flame me if you want - but I truly truly don't think I could ever call the cops on a friend who did this. Even if it would be the right thing to do - I just don't think I could do it.
Message edited 9/29/2008 2:03:17 PM.
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| Posted 9/29/08 2:02 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Diana1215
ETA: Flame me if you want - but I truly truly don't think I could ever call the cops on a friend who did this. Even if it would be the right thing to do - I just don't think I could do it.
I could - I could call the cops on a family member if they did this. I could much more easily live with a loved one getting a DWI than I could live with him killing someone else. I would feel partially responsible for any life he took and I couldn't carry that burden on me.
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| Posted 9/29/08 2:09 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
No one is allowed to leave my house drunk and drive. Not only am I legally responsible for them drinking, but I could not, in good conscious, let them drive. DH is a copy, I have cops to my house and some of them drive drunk, but not from my house. They know I am a big pain the butt about it and I have made some of them sleep over my house b/c of it. So now, they either bring a designated driver or don't come.
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| Posted 9/29/08 2:41 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
Posted by Kara
Posted by Diana1215
ETA: Flame me if you want - but I truly truly don't think I could ever call the cops on a friend who did this. Even if it would be the right thing to do - I just don't think I could do it.
I could - I could call the cops on a family member if they did this. I could much more easily live with a loved one getting a DWI than I could live with him killing someone else. I would feel partially responsible for any life he took and I couldn't carry that burden on me.
I know this - and I feel the same way - I just don't know if it came down to it if I could ever dial the numbers.
I'm hoping not to be put in this position again with him - but it still doesn't stop him from drinking and driving every weekend he is out unfortunately. 
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| Posted 9/29/08 3:10 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends who drink and drive - WWYD?
I live in Manhattan, so it not too much of an issue.
Posted by MarisaK
I take everyone's keys as they come in the door ..........
If you're wasted, you don't get them back - I don't care if you call me every 4 letter word in the book ...........
I like this idea!! If someone doesn't want to give you the keys, you say "goodbye". Its your house, your rules.
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| Posted 9/29/08 3:27 PM |
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