Re: FTWM vs SAHM

This old thing again.


Being a mom is hard, SAHM, or FTWM. BOTH hard.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I agree being a mom in general is hard work, that said, as someone who has done both for me being a SAHM was easier.

I have great hours, no commute and am off all summer--so at times I am still a SAHM and when I am I find my life more managable and easier all around.

I feel that those moms who work longer hours and with longer commutes have it harder than I do, for sure.

This is a matter of opinion and experience, right? My opinion is SAHM is easier.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I was a SAHM for a year and almost went nuts so I became a PTWM but I personally think FTWM have it harder.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Being a mom is hard and like many said there are so many variables that affect an individual's situation.

I was a SAHM for a year and have been a FTWM for the last 7 years. I found both challenging at times for different reasons. For me and my family, I'm a better wife and mother when I work because I'm at my best, mentally and emotionally.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I'm just back to work after maternity leave & being home w the kids. This week has been strange; I feel like I'm on vacation during the day & it's making me realize how hard it was to be home w them. But I've never been as tired as I am now & I have NO time to get anything done; I'm not even sure how we all left the house today wearing clean clothes. Both are so incredibly hard, I'm seeing this fact in full focus this week.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

They are both hard as hell. I've done both and I'm not sure which I prefer.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

ITA that both are hard in their own ways. I wish I could be a PTWM though, to get the best of both worlds. I am the type of person that needs a routine but I also miss my DS so much. Unfortunately we need two FT salaries to afford living here.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I'm sure this has been said but I didn't read through this whole thing. Both are so hard in different ways. I don't think there is any comparing the 2!

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I've been both and being a SAHM is harder for me. With work, I felt I could breathe on my own and think for myself for a little bit. I have mommy guilt no matter what. When I was working, it was guilt over not being there but my house stayed clean and now it's guilt that I'm not doing enough to stimulate them with all the housework and constant messes to deal with. Again, this is how it is for me.

FTWM vs SAHM

There is no option for me, I am a WAHM. I work 40 hours a week with my child from home. It's hard as can be ! I have a demanding job. Being a mom is hard regardless in my opinion, there are constant needs/wants from life, your child, your s/o, youself etc. It's just hard work.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I agree with others that this is difficult to generalize. There are easy kids and difficult kids. There are jobs that are relatively easy and ones that are very stressful or challenging.

That said I have been FTWM a SAHM and now am a WAHM and for ME because of the nature of my career being a SAHM was easiest. I didn't have the stress of deadlines or unrealistic demands when I was a SAHM. Being a WAHM is challenging because I have to juggle everything but I feel like I have more time. I can put in a load of laundry then do some work etc.

FTWM have all the responsibilities of a SAHM with the additional demands of a job and less time in which to do it all. It is a HUGE challenge!

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I don't think this is a real valid question because there are SO many variables that come into play. I know FTWM who get lots of help, go out many nights for mommy time and spend a lot of time with their kids have a great balance...then know others who work crazy hours have little to know help and see their kids very little and no personal time.

Just as I know SAHMs who have a part time nanny..have tons of help, tons of free time and see their kids a ton when they want. Just as I know SAHMS who never get personal time, never have help bc their spouses work very long hours and weekends,

Every situation is different so it is hard to compare...also I think whether you work or stay home you give up/lose out in someway or another. No matter what you choose or have to do...there are pluses and minuses.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Posted by melbalalala

I'm a PTWM so I get to be both (I go into the office two days a week) and I think both FTWM and SAHM are ridiculously hard.

I don't know how SAHM's do it without having "me time". I get to go to work two days a week, chat with adults, pee alone, read a book on the train. My days at home with the kids are HARD and demanding. I don't know how they do it day after day after day without clawing at the front door waiting for DH to come home... it's HARD!

I also don't know how FTWM do it..how they coordinate the logistics of their family's weekday lives and how they don't spend the entire evening coordinating everything for childcare the next day, creating a life/work balance that works for them, cramming as much quality time with their LO's as possible on weekends, missing daytime activities or having to use vacation time to do it.. it's HARD!!!

Us PTWM.. THEY are the ones you should direct your judgement on... we have it made

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I think it completely depends on the individual.

FTWM vs SAHM

For me, Staying at home is easier.
At 7... I am free. They are asleep. I am not really preparing for the next day.
Everything is known...no surprises.
I give it my all during the day. I say I am the busiest unpaid person I know. I have zero help. So as long as I can have kids with me, I can do whatever I want. Beach 7 days a week. I do not live for weekends.
It is a gift. It brings me sanity.
I have to say working is harder, because I want no part. I never wish to become a working mom. I live in an area you cannot even imagine...but that is okay, because I am staying at home.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

I am a SAHM who owns a small business...have no help nearby and a traveling husband and it's hard at times but not so bad either. I only have 1 have know it will get harder when I have another. I think a FTWM has to be harder IMHO. Getting the kids up, dressed, food prepped, bottles ready etc. and then when the work day is over cooking dinner, cleaning up, baths or extracurricular activities at night after working all day has to be exhausting. When do you food shop or get errands done? Also what about babies or kids who don't sleep through the night? Those FTWM still have to get up and work where as a SAHM may be able to sneak a nap in. My DD is a great sleeper but still has her moments, especially when teething or sick and I am thankful to be able to take a quick nap if need be. Also I think it would be hard if I were working and had to constantly ask for time off for my kids dr appt or if they were sick or what if you want to just go to their school play or luncheon. I know some bosses and some jobs are not flexible or understanding and that can be hard on a FTWM.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

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Message edited 1/11/2014 10:52:41 PM.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

Both are hard! I sometimes envy SAHMs bc I still have a ton to do after coming home from work. But when you have a baby or toddler at home, you don't get too much done except at nap time. And if you have more than one, nap times don't always overlap. Now SAHMs who's kids go to school, ah I envy them!

ETA: I'm beyond sleep deprived. It has just become a way of life.

Message edited 1/10/2014 6:51:58 AM.

FTWM vs SAHM

I work in a job in which I'm off for 3 months straight (July, August and September) so for those 3 months I'm a SAHM.
I personally find being a FTWM much more difficult. In addition to working and taking care of my DS, I have to come home and do all the chores that I was able to do when I was at home all day being a SAHM.

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

It will depend on alot of factors...your job, the amount of kids you have and their ages.

That being said for me now...it is way easier to work than stay at home. But I have 3 kids under 3 and a job that follows a school calendar.

Ask me when they are all in school that's a whole different ball game

Re: FTWM vs SAHM

totally depends on the person -


everyone is different. Everyone has a different threshold for stress, everyone has different priorities and expectations -
Some people never stop moving, some people are lazy - some people can do 15 things totally on their own, some can't get out of the house w/ an entourage of help - Every individual person is different

There is absolutely no way to compare simply by SAH vs. FTW .......at all

FTWM vs SAHM

I work Part time 2 days a week stay home the other 5, its hard. I could never imagine doing in all and working, but there are some days i hate being home all day with 2 kids

FTWM vs SAHM

think it depends on so many factors....

i think SAHM's with more than one child and none are in school full time have it HARD!

i think FTWM's with school aged kids have it HARD! trying to balance your home, kids school work and activities all while working seems difficult.

ideally, i would love to be a SAHM with a nanny, housekeeper, and chef haha

FTWM vs SAHM

I have to kids, ages 4 and 2. I also am 9 months pregnant. I work 10 hours a week for family. I think FTMW have a much harder job. I think my job is def hard, but FTWM have a lot less time to do all the things I do in one day. I give every mom credit but i def think FTWM are superheroes.