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LoveBeingMrsT
Love my Boys!
Member since 12/05 4648 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
Posted by jellybean1420
Posted by Diana1215
ITA!!!! When I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time, part of me wanted a girl because I wanted to experience that close mother/daughter relationship I had with my own mother but part of me wanted DS to have a brother and a best friend for life.
When I found out it was a boy, a part of me cried because DS would have a brother and part of me cried because I wouldnt have a daughter.
i could've written this exactly! you get over it. i'm thrilled with my 2 boys and think it's a perfect fit but i'm still sad that i will never have a girl to plan a wedding etc.. i also worry about the whole mil issue later on but life is what you make iit...
just tell her you understand and keeep listening.
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Posted 4/11/10 11:35 AM  |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
you are doing the right thing by supporting her. that's what she needs right now. she is in "mourning" and will eventually get over it. but she needs to do it in her own way, at her own pace.
it's very easy for someone outside of the situation, who is happy with their current situation, to say "get over it, the baby is healthy and that's all that matters". while that's true, it's not always such an easy thing to do. you're helping her by being there when she needs you. that's really all you can do
i cried my eyes out when i found out DS was a boy. i was SURE i was having a girl, and several members of my family were also disappointed at first. it took me time, but i got over it and couldn't imagine not having him! when i was pregnant with #2, i was hoping for a girl, but deep down would have loved another boy. i was excited that she was a girl, but also sad that i'd never have another baby boy.
sometimes our minds don't make sense. and we always want what it seems we can't have. but i would say 99% of us eventually realize things happened for a reason, and we got the babies we were supposed to have. i hope the same happens for your friend
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| Posted 4/11/10 12:13 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
this was me when I found out I was having DS 2 and would never have a little girl  noone could really make me feel better , but my family would just listen and not say anything, not judge me. This really helped. also everyone told me how great it will be for DS 1 to have a little bro which made me happy! now that the end is getting closer, I'm much happier than I was most of the pregnancy.
If this makes any sense, I felt like I lost my chances of ever having a little girl. It's not that having a boy was so terrible, it was just how I felt.
one thing NOT to say is try for a third so she can have a girl  that drives me insane!!
Message edited 4/11/2010 8:58:15 PM.
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| Posted 4/11/10 8:54 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
I just went through this with my best friend from college.She had 2 boys and was expecting her 3rd child..she decided not to find out because she wanted a girl so badly she felt that having a baby handed to her at delivery would be great and it didn't matter..
I supported her through her pregnancy. Listened to her all the time, assured her that it would be ok no matter what...
Needless to say she had a third boy. She loves him very much of course...but I have honestly never ever knew someone express so much emotion over not having a girl. I just don't know what to say anymore.
I think I just a very old school mindset about it. We all know that when we have children it is never a guarantee of what you'll have. And i think that is the BEST PART!! I wouldn't trade my boys for anything. If I were able to wave a magic wand and had chosen a girl for my second baby I wouldn't have this amazing and wonderful little boy..who is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Johnny adores him..they will get to do everything brothers do. I actually prayed for another boy, i just wanted so badly for Johnny to have a brother. (Although I NEVER cared about gender..healthy was all that ever mattered).
Most people get over their "disappointment" upon having their baby. Just be there for your friend..you are doing the right thing. Hopefully she will appreciate the blessings she has and move on..
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| Posted 4/11/10 10:28 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
I don't think there's really anything you can say. Just act excited for the baby and try to get her excited about things too. For me, redecorating the nursery helped, rather than using DS1's things, gave it some more excitement.
Her feelings will go away when she sees the baby, she just needs some time to get over it. You are a very good friend not to judge her!
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| Posted 4/11/10 10:34 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
Posted by KateDevine
I think this is one of the best reasons to find out the sex earlier, b/c she can "mourn" all of her ideas and get over it (and she will)
I disagree. We were Team  . One of the reasons I didn't want to find out was b/c I didn't want the possibility of being disappointed halfway through my pregnancy. I had always wanted and imagined having a girl. For me, disappointment never even crossed my mind in the delivery room. I cried tears of happiness when DH told me we had a boy. At that moment, it didn't matter at all whether we had a boy or girl. I really love having a boy.
Some people need time to get over the disappointment. Just be there for your friend and offer support.
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| Posted 4/12/10 10:15 AM |
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haylies
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/10 3 total posts
Name:
Haylie
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
I guess I just don't understand this need women have for girls. Sometime I feel bad I can't empathize. I always wanted whatever was "supposed" to be and feel so blessed to have 2 healthy children (boys!). I know little girls are sweet but having 2 boys are so much fun and they will always have a buddy and a playmate. I hope your friend feels better soon and realizes that even though she feels a loss, her son is getting a very special gift of a brother. She will love it when she sees them bond; it warms my heart every day to see my boys hug or wrestle on the floor!
All the best to her!
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| Posted 4/13/10 3:17 PM |
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antoinette
boy mamma
Member since 5/05 2975 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Re: Gender Disappointment ?
Posted by maybesoon
this was me when I found out I was having DS 2 and would never have a little girl noone could really make me feel better , but my family would just listen and not say anything, not judge me. This really helped. also everyone told me how great it will be for DS 1 to have a little bro which made me happy! now that the end is getting closer, I'm much happier than I was most of the pregnancy.
If this makes any sense, I felt like I lost my chances of ever having a little girl. It's not that having a boy was so terrible, it was just how I felt.
one thing NOT to say is try for a third so she can have a girl that drives me insane!!
I went throught the same thing, I now have mty baby boy and he is a dream!!! But a part of me always and still wants a girl.
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| Posted 4/13/10 3:20 PM |
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