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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by gni1125
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by gni1125
Posted by Goobster
I think you have every reason to be upset. IMO, many grandparents are too old to be watching newborns, babies and young kids. Their judgement is off. One time my mom watched DD, and was given strict orders on how much "juice" she could have. Within 3 hrs, she wound up letting my DD drink half of the container b/c "she was thirsty". I told her she would drink constantly if I allowed her! I told her that for a reason and that was because that juice was mixed with water and too much water can harm a child. I wound up calling the ped and he even said, that's a LOT of water for a child to drink. DD was ok but it just confirmed to me that grandparents watching my DC are only for absolute emergencies! I just think they are too old, lack in judgement and sometimes too stubborn.
Amen! Sometimes I see 75+ yo people pushing strollers with little babies and I just scratch my head. I understand some ppl don't have a choice but I would be so worried all day. I need peace of mind.
Not to single your post out but my in laws are older and watch DS during the day. An outsider may see them and think this way too but I can assure you they have more energy and gusto than I do!  My FIL even says he is in the best shape he has been in in a long time. I think DS keeps them young in a way.
If it was an honest mistake, I would probably give her another shot. If you feel like she was intentionally going against your wishes I would say maybe she shouldnt watch LO for a while.
Everyone's situation is different. I totally get it...my mom is 68 and can literally do laps around people less than half her age. Age is just a number but some people seriously should not be left to care for energetic, mischievous young kids. My husband's grandmother has asked us to babysit my boys on numerous occasions. She's 83 and seriously needs a sitter herself but she's convinced she can take care of 2 crazy toddlers ;)
ITA. I have less than 60 yr old relatives I wouldnt trust DS alone with due to shaky hands or mobility issues but my ils are 65 and 72 and they are some of the few people I do trust with DS!
On a side note I feel like granparents get a bad rap. I know rules and regulations have changed but they did raise us so they must have some idea of what they are doing right? I am very lucky in that both sides are very respectful of our wishes and how we choose to care for DS. Its sad that more people cant be that way. It seems they are the only ones who lose out because then they dont get the 1 on 1 time with their grandkids.
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Posted 2/24/13 11:04 PM  |
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gni1125
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 246 total posts
Name:
Irene
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by gni1125
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by gni1125
Posted by Goobster
I think you have every reason to be upset. IMO, many grandparents are too old to be watching newborns, babies and young kids. Their judgement is off. One time my mom watched DD, and was given strict orders on how much "juice" she could have. Within 3 hrs, she wound up letting my DD drink half of the container b/c "she was thirsty". I told her she would drink constantly if I allowed her! I told her that for a reason and that was because that juice was mixed with water and too much water can harm a child. I wound up calling the ped and he even said, that's a LOT of water for a child to drink. DD was ok but it just confirmed to me that grandparents watching my DC are only for absolute emergencies! I just think they are too old, lack in judgement and sometimes too stubborn.
Amen! Sometimes I see 75+ yo people pushing strollers with little babies and I just scratch my head. I understand some ppl don't have a choice but I would be so worried all day. I need peace of mind.
Not to single your post out but my in laws are older and watch DS during the day. An outsider may see them and think this way too but I can assure you they have more energy and gusto than I do! My FIL even says he is in the best shape he has been in in a long time. I think DS keeps them young in a way.
If it was an honest mistake, I would probably give her another shot. If you feel like she was intentionally going against your wishes I would say maybe she shouldnt watch LO for a while.
Everyone's situation is different. I totally get it...my mom is 68 and can literally do laps around people less than half her age. Age is just a number but some people seriously should not be left to care for energetic, mischievous young kids. My husband's grandmother has asked us to babysit my boys on numerous occasions. She's 83 and seriously needs a sitter herself but she's convinced she can take care of 2 crazy toddlers ;)
ITA. I have less than 60 yr old relatives I wouldnt trust DS alone with due to shaky hands or mobility issues but my ils are 65 and 72 and they are some of the few people I do trust with DS!
On a side note I feel like granparents get a bad rap. I know rules and regulations have changed but they did raise us so they must have some idea of what they are doing right? I am very lucky in that both sides are very respectful of our wishes and how we choose to care for DS. Its sad that more people cant be that way. It seems they are the only ones who lose out because then they dont get the 1 on 1 time with their grandkids.
Totally agree!! I think grandparents are usually more than capable...it's probably more of a power struggle that messes everything up..."I know better I'm the mom" "I know better I raised 8 kids" lol My MIL does not listen to a thing I say when I'm there in front of her with the kids I can only imagine what she does went I'm not around. But like you said...it's their loss. There's nothing more important than trusting who cares for your child. You're very lucky to have your ILs as I am to have my mom 
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| Posted 2/25/13 9:50 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by alli3131
Write out directions.
This, always write out directions!!!
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| Posted 2/25/13 10:06 AM |
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dianadrw
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 2092 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by alli3131
Write out directions.
This exactly. When my dad first started watching DD I would give him a typed sheet of everything he needed to know for the week. This was a good reference sheet for him. I would update it every week as things changed (i.e. solids being introduced, new foods, etc.).
Anytime meds were involved, I would put the dosing instructions on the sheet, plus I would follow up with a phone call to make sure he understood the instructions.
Now that DD is 15 months I don't give written instructions anymore unless DD is sick and has to get meds regularly. But even then I usually just call him at the time she needs the meds. He's so in tune to her schedule, he often knows what she needs better than me!
Grandma may be overwhelmed with all the instructions you are giving her. Write it down for her and see if anything changes. Good luck!
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| Posted 2/25/13 10:23 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
Name:
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by neener1211
Posted by alli3131
Write out directions.
This, always write out directions!!!
Exactly. I do this all the time for ILs when they babysit. My mom knows the drill so I don't have to do it as much for her.
It will pass and your DC will be fine. I've been there, my MIL overdosed DS 2 on thrush medicine by 4x the dosage and it really upset his stomach and we didn't sleep for a few days.
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| Posted 2/25/13 10:34 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by alli3131
Write out directions.
Yes!
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| Posted 2/25/13 12:09 PM |
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JRsMaMa
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 2044 total posts
Name:
Jake's Mama
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by alli3131
Write out directions.
I agree with this. My dad watches DS 5 days a week from 6:30-5:30 and any instructions I give him he asks me to write them down.
I think the PP who said grandparents are too old to watch kids, that is a very broad statement. Also to add my dad is 69. Does he make mistakes, yes as do I but nothing that has put DS is any harm.
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| Posted 2/25/13 12:27 PM |
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jennielee15
Let's try this again....
Member since 7/11 2269 total posts
Name:
Jennie
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by gni1125
Amen! Sometimes I see 75+ yo people pushing strollers with little babies and I just scratch my head. I understand some ppl don't have a choice but I would be so worried all day. I need peace of mind.
There are some 75+ people who are just fine watching children. My mom unfortunately lives in Alaska and her health isn't the best. But if her mobility was better I would have her watching my kids all the time!! She id it for a living until I left for college so I would trust her whole heartedly! As for my MIL, It's going to be hard for me, but I know she is really good with kids, and to be honest, she is much more vigilant and worrier than I am. I'm extremely laid back! I'm still pregnant so maybe that will change once i pop this boy out! haha!
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| Posted 2/25/13 12:39 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
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| Posted 2/25/13 2:36 PM |
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gni1125
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 246 total posts
Name:
Irene
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by jennielee15
Posted by gni1125
Amen! Sometimes I see 75+ yo people pushing strollers with little babies and I just scratch my head. I understand some ppl don't have a choice but I would be so worried all day. I need peace of mind.
There are some 75+ people who are just fine watching children. My mom unfortunately lives in Alaska and her health isn't the best. But if her mobility was better I would have her watching my kids all the time!! She id it for a living until I left for college so I would trust her whole heartedly! As for my MIL, It's going to be hard for me, but I know she is really good with kids, and to be honest, she is much more vigilant and worrier than I am. I'm extremely laid back! I'm still pregnant so maybe that will change once i pop this boy out! haha!
lol congrats! Hopefully you stay laid back ;) I'm sure there are elderly people who are just fine with babies as I'm sure there are 40 year olds who aren't fit to. I meant it in more of the sense of people who clearly shouldn't be watching energetic babies and toddlers. Some of them just can't keep up.
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| Posted 2/25/13 4:33 PM |
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gni1125
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 246 total posts
Name:
Irene
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Saphire01
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
Good point. I guess for the most part it must bring them A LOT of joy.
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| Posted 2/25/13 4:34 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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:)
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Saphire01
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
And if she is NOT in good health, should not be obligated to tend to baby or worse, toddler. I know someone whose parent had a heart attack while watching their DC.
I think you bring up a very very valid point. I know my mom was NOT interested by babysitting full or part time, every week. She stayed home with us for years and likes her freedom now, plus she does not have the energy to watch a child weekly. I know she has a hard time expressing this....but thankfully, I didn't need her to. I know of other grandparents that have grandchildren to watch and frankly they are not up for it, but their kids still need them or expect them to do it. They do it, but only b/c they feel obligated and don't know how to say no. or feel bad for their kids. I can think of at least 2 other sets of grandparents that I know feel this way.
Message edited 2/25/2013 4:46:28 PM.
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| Posted 2/25/13 4:42 PM |
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drwifettc
LIF Adult
Member since 6/10 2348 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Saphire01
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
I think it depends on the grandparent and depends on the situation. I'm a SAHM and my mom doesn't work ( she hasn't worked in over 20 years). She's also 56, but she BEGS to babysit. She stops over even if I don't need to go anywhere just to hang out with my kids. She was a NICU nurse and babies are just her thing. She could sit all day and hold my kids or play with them. A few of my friends moms are like her too. I don't think they fell any guilt, but just get a ton of joy from being a grandparent.
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:07 PM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Saphire01
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
I think it depends on the parents and the situation. My ILs offered to watch DS and I think they would be so upset if we told them we didn't want them to watch DS. He is their only grandchild and the light of their life. I did cut my working hours to 4 days a week with a day off on Wednesday so they arent over burdened with watching him 4 days in a row though.
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:17 PM |
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cantwait84
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 106 total posts
Name:
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grandma babysitting
You can try writing stuff down, but as another responder pointed out she said that you give to many orders already. Maybe take some time to figure out what you want to do in the future. I had a similar issue with my mil who would ask over and over again if she could give peanut butter. She didnt give it to her, but she asked so much, that it seemed like she didnt agree. She hasn't babysat, but that's mostly bc they live out of town, but also bc I don't trust her and I feel that she would circumvent my authority and do what she wants.
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:18 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: grandma babysitting
I think some just dont want to listen! No matter how many times i tell my MIL to only do 1/3 juice and the rest water (literally 1-2 splashes even) she squeezes a Whole box of juice into a sippy and the adds water (which is nothing) its so annoying!!!!
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:28 PM |
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Vecker12
LIF Infant
Member since 2/13 152 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
I told my mother not to give DS diet soda because she was drinking some and DS wanted what was in her cup. I said, Mom, no. I turn around to get something in the kitchen and come back and DS is wiping his lips... my mother laughs
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:36 PM |
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smooney
Hidey Ho!
Member since 2/10 1669 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Goobster
Posted by lismik
I am so angry esp since she has yet to apologize and just said you never toldme and when i said i did she said well i didnt hear you because you give too many orders.
This is what would concern me the most. You give too many orders? Red flag goes up for me when I hear a grandparent say that.
I agree. This is the part I would be most concerned with too. Mistakes happen with raising kids every so often, even to the best of us. Not taking responsibility for it and apologizing is really frustrating, but I would be more worried that it sounds like she is going on the defense and not taking it seriously and won't be careful about something like this happening again. 
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| Posted 2/25/13 7:42 PM |
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Vecker12
LIF Infant
Member since 2/13 152 total posts
Name:
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Re: grandma babysitting
I wrote out directions for my parents and they told me they "lost them." Then my mother gets all haughty and tells me that she raised three kids and knows what she is doing.
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| Posted 2/26/13 11:30 AM |
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BeachMom
Love my 4 kiddos!
Member since 11/08 8346 total posts
Name:
Kristie
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Re: grandma babysitting
We went through a similar situation when my DD was younger with my MIL. What worked for me was we premade all bottles, juice, food etc. and only left out or brought over what was needed. So there was no way for her to over feed our child or to not feed her the proper stuff since my DD was on a special diet.
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| Posted 2/26/13 1:53 PM |
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cantwait84
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 106 total posts
Name:
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grandma babysitting
I think a lot depends on the person your dealing with. Some parents will respond to writing out directions and others want to do what they want to do.
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| Posted 2/26/13 4:27 PM |
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Saphire01
I wonder if a lot of these grandma's want to babysit or feel guilty saying no. Does a 75-plus woman want that responsibility? If she is in good health I imagine she wants her daily freedom.
My MIL was deeply insulted when I had anyone else babysit. She wanted to do it but people need to admit their limitations. That put me in a very uncomfortable position.
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| Posted 2/26/13 4:52 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1217 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
I depend on my parents and ILs ALL the time to watch my kids. I would be upset, too, but moreso at the lack of remorse. You cannot fully control what the caregiver is going to do EVER when you are not around, and that is why I would rather my children be with a family member who loves and cherishes them than a total stranger. It would devastate my parents and ILs if I told them I did not want them watching my children.
Just my 2 cents, it sounds like there is a power struggle between you and her. You were angry and accused her of wrongdoing (maybe justifiably) but then she reacted with her negative comments. I think it will severely jeopardize your relationship with your MIL if you tell her you do not want her watching your daughter ever again.
Message edited 2/26/2013 8:02:08 PM.
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| Posted 2/26/13 8:00 PM |
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LadyH
April Baby Girl is Here!
Member since 12/07 1077 total posts
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Re: grandma babysitting
Posted by Budjeg11
I am clearly in the minority here but I dont think I would take the position that the grandparent should no longer watch my DC. Give it another chance and maybe start writing things down as PP mentioned. I used to write things down for my mom when she watched DD but she found it easier to have written directions, just as anyone would. .[/
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| Posted 2/26/13 9:12 PM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: grandma babysitting
I think my children are lucky that they are able to have a grandparent watch them and not have to be in daycare. My inlaws watch them 2 days a week. Do they do everything exactly the way I would? No, but neither would someone in daycare (my son used to be in daycare, now we have a nanny 3 days and my inlaws two days.
I think it's a stretch to say no grandparents should be allowed to watch kids.
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| Posted 2/26/13 9:47 PM |
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