Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

You are doing all that you can for your DD and you are a wonderful mother!! Many to you!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Maria do me a favor sweetie and take a deep breath You are an AMAZING mom!! Lexi is incredibly fortunate to have you as her mommy! I know the past 3 weeks have been rough but tomorrow you will go to the Drs and they will help you take care of Lexi and soon enough she'll be a perfect little angel with no problems...okay, okay, that's unrealistic, but you know what I mean. I know its easier for me to hand out the advice since I'm not in your shoes but trust me - we all know what its like to freak out over one thing or another when it comes to our DCs...that's what it means to be a mom! I know I've complained to everyone and their mother about how Allison won't sleep more than 2 hours at a time, but the two nights she slept from 9pm-3am without waking up you think I slept a wink? I was petrified she was dead, I think I purposely woke her up at 3am cause I was just too freaked out , but my point is, your feelings are normal! You'll learn what positions she likes to be held in, what she hates, what she loves, pretty soon you'll be the only person that "gets" her and it'll feel awesome, trust me-it will happen. We love you and admire you for all that you went thru and don't think for a moment we'd agree that you're a failure...you're one of the bravest people I "know" . The girls here are all experts at talking us off the ledge, don't be afraid of venting and letting us help you when possible. You are an amazing mom!! Now go give lexi a smooch on my behalf!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

LIF liked my post so much it got posted twice

Message edited 3/9/2009 8:32:02 PM.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Just wanted to offer some more

hang in there sweetie

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

i am SO sorry you are going through this, it sounds truly awful i have no advice but i hope you get some answers VERY soon. best of luck to you and your sweet baby

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time! Stay strong! Things will get better.

Lots of hugs and prayers for you and baby!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I am so sorry for everything you are going through, don't blame yourself for anything, you are doing the best you can and it really sounds like you are doing an incredible job holding up in a terrifying and very stressful situation.

The difficulties you are having with your daughter sound very similar to what my sister went through her daughter, I remember being at her house one day and having to call 911 because Julia was chocking on her vomit and stopped breathing. She had severe reflux as well. They ended up putting her on an in-home breathing monitor. My sister ended up not being able to nurse; between the stress and the diet restrictions she had issues with her milk. Her daughter went on the pre-digested formula and it did wonders for her.


Good Luck tomorrow, I hope you get some answers and can start to turn things around.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Maria, please don't beat yourself up. I bet from all your passion you are a great mommy-look at all the sacrifices you make daily to keep Lexi well!

I know for my nephew there is a monitor with an alarm if something goes wrong (he has sleep apnea)-would something like that help?

Yale will be great-the docs are all super competent and just give that gorgeous girl a hug and keep being the great mommy you are. They will help you with the rest!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Wow- you have been through soooo much, I am so sorry!

I am so glad to hear you are following your instincts and taking her to see a specialist. I am sure your quetions will be answered and you and your little girl can relax, feel better, and start enjoying yourselves more. Good luck tomorrow I am sure everything will be fine!

On a side note- the stress, worry, and feeling like a failure would be present regardless of the circumstances so please don't be too hard on yourself. Also, I had a lot of problems BFing, pumping and with my supply and while I am a HUGE supporter of BFing and wanted to do it for a year I will say that when I finally gave in and started supplementing all of that weight was lifted off my shoulders. You need to do what is best for you two. Best of luck with everything. Don't worry, you are doing a GREAT job!!!!! It will get better, I promise!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

i'm sorry. I dont have any advice but want to give you

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Sending you lots and lots and lots of and that things will only get better from here.

I think there is such a misconception out there about what happens after you have a baby. When I was pregnant I always heard how hard it was being pg and giving birth but it always sounded blissful after the baby comes. I find not many people (and no one really in my life) prepared me for how difficult it would be AFTER DS was here. I had an amazing pregnancy and a relatively good delivery neither with any complications but, my pp recover was VERY difficult. From the pushing (which I did w/o an epidural - the whole way so i know how that is ) I tore and developed a fissure and let me tell you it was NOT fun recovering from either. Then I had a VERY rough time with BF - cracking, bleeding and eventually developed mastitis. DS had reflux and was ONLY happy and would ONLY sleep when I held him and i was feeding him constantly so I never slept. I was miserable and felt like SUCH A LOSER b/c i felt like i was the only woman on earth to have such a rough recovery - like i didn't know what i was doing or something.

But, by about 8 wks pp everything miraculously changed and things were MUCH better. Not perfect, not everything was resolved but MUCH better. And, I realize now that I was not to blame AT ALL. This is life - having a baby doesn't always go smoothly. So my point is with all of this and the reason why i am sharing is b/c you are doing a GREAT job - you are going to get through this and one day you will look back on this with a much better perspective. Sending u lots of that DD is fine and will get through this rough spot soon!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

oh honey-
i'm so sorry you are going through this. everything you are feeling is so completely normal- I remember when I had maddie, my birth plan also got thrown out the window.. things went from great to horrible and I wound up being put under and missing her birth- she was also in the Nicu for the whole time we were in the hospital.. so I understand that it's very hard to recover from a traumatic experience.

What you need to do is maybe try and make things a little easier for yourself. For me- it was giving up on breastfeeding. It took me three long weeks of trying to pump (supply started to deplete and my DD was too tiny to latch properly) before I just knew for my own sanity I had to give in.... after i stopped, it seemed all my emotional issues went away!

I'm not saying this is for you, but what I guess I'm trying to say is sometimes what we WANT to do and what we CAN do are two totally different things. What I've learned most of all about having a child is to not plan or expect things to go the way I want them to, because quite often they don't.

many prayers for you!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

maria, i dont even know what to say, i feel terrible..i had such a hard time with my ds when i had him, and i was so afraid when i got pregnant this time that id have the same issues..
all i can say is that this wil pass, and it WILL get better...
FM me if you need to talk..youre in my prayers...good luck tomorrow!!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

You poor thing... I feel so heartbroken for you just reading your post... I am so sorry for everything you have been and are going through

I know that I often felt on the verge of a breakdown after I had my DS and he could not be consoled (he was colic and had reflux). It sounds like your DD is suffering worse than the norm, though, so I can't even imagine how you feel. You are not a bad Mommy, don't even allow yourself to entertain those thoughts... far from it, you are doing everything you can to help your daughter and she WILL be diagnosed and given the help she needs ,this I know

Hang in there and I hope that all goes well at your DDs doc's appointment

Message edited 3/9/2009 9:32:40 PM.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I am so sorry. I have no advice, but, want to offer and

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

You are obviously a WONDERFUL mother. I'm so sorry that you had such an awful birth experience and are having such a tough time. I think once you get some answers from the specialists, things will get so much better. Try to stop being so hard on yourself. You have to give yourself a break at some point, I know it's hard, but let DH take over for a couple of hours one day soon and get out to do something for yourself. Just give him very specific instructions and he'll do fine, I bet. Happy mommy = happy family. I really hope you get some answers from the specialists.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

dont blame yourself!!!

i cant imagine how you are feeling, but you are an amazing mom for noticing all the symptoms and calling the dcotors and doing all you have done so far!!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

Nothing is more obvious from your post than your amazing love for your child and what a great mommy you are already.

I'm sorry she's have a rough time, many hugs that it will get better soon
(And we're here when you need to vent)

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

This is not your fault!!! Any new mom would be a nervous wreck! My god I know I would be!!Im sure she will be fine!! Your doing a great job...

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I don't have much to say other than you are NOT a terrible mother!!! You are a mother who is going through a rough patch with your beautiful baby girl. Just remember that this is temporary and things will get better. Good luck at th GI dr. tomorrow and please keep us updated.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't have any additional advice, but I think it is great that you are seeking help at Yale. have you tried the stroller? sometimes, that works - or can someone drive your car while you sit in the back with her in the carseat? You are a great mom. No one has control over her delivery process - you are doing great! good luck!

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I can't even imagine the stress you are going through.

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

omg, I feel so bad for you, you must be soo terrified for your little girl! all I can do is send some prayers your way

Re: Help.... I'm going to have a nervous breakdown (LONG)...

I don't have any advice, but I want to offer some . You are not a bad mom.