How has having a baby changed your marriage?

When DS was first born, I didn't think Dh and I could get any closer. We were so happy. Now, 7 1/2 months later we have been arguing alot. He feels that he works alot (which he does) and does alot at home and I feel like I do too much and get NO time for myself. I feel almost like we have lost a piece of us or more so, I lost myself (if that makes sense!) He has made comments recently that I'm not fun like I used to be. My response, "how can I have fun when I dont get the chance to do anything?" I would never change having DS, I love him more than anything. He was the best thing to ever happen to me. I just feel that my relationship with DH isnt at the same place it was before having DS. I feel like we're not that close anymore, we barely go out and do anything together. Sometimes I feel like we're roommates more than husband and wife. I have thought about maybe going to marriage counseling but honestly, we have no time unless they see people on Sundays which is the only day DH and I are both home with nothing else to do or 9 at night Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal? Does it get better?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Uh. Im sorry your going through this. I could have written this myself....things are the same over here, especially the comment about being more like roomates than husband and wife. DD is 17 mths, this started around 9 mths and hasnt gotten any better. Id like to see other peoples responses....maybe it gets better when they grow up a bit?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Things have definitely changed for dh and I as well, we are working on getting things back to the way they used to be

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

i can relate. things are so different after having the twins. i hope it picks up soon!

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

I am going through the exact same thing. I feel that i have lost myself a little bit too especially now that i am not working. DH and i have felt like just roommates for the longest time. Please, someone, tell me it gets better....

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

After struggling with infertility which brought us soooo much closer together, we now are finding ourselves very much apart and having a LOT of issues that we never expected after being blessed with our son.

Its a huge struggle and very scary at times

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Its very different but mostly because of exhaustion. I miss DH and I having private time.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Posted by CkGm

Its very different but mostly because of exhaustion. I miss DH and I having private time.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

It's definitely changed, both for the better and not so great. I don't think either of us had any clue just how difficult it would be. We're exhausted all the time and there never seems to be enough hours in the day to get done everything we want to get done. However, we're both aware of it and talk about it so we're working on making things better. I think it's important to make time for each other and for yourselves individually as well, even if it's just an hour per week. Make it a priority, just like anything else really worthwhile in your life, and you should see some changes sooner rather than later. It really is how you approach it. You're definitely not alone.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

i have recentley posted about be and DH FIGHTING all the time
I guess we all go thru something similar
haveing a baby changes your life
you just have to stick together

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

DH and I have changed since having DD but we decided to take a marriage course at a local church and it has really helped. There are a wide range of couples from newly married thru one married 36 years. Here's a link to find a course nere you, if you are interested: Marriage course

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

It has changed but for the better. Things are getting easier now that DS is starting to communicate with pointing and crawling over for what he wants.

It also is good for us since DS is asleep by 7pm every night so we still have adult time alone (when we're not working). Like right now...DS is in bed and DH is making dinner while I "work" on a presentation for work...

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

I think that what you are experiencing is VERY common. Sometimes, we get into phases like that. Everything about me has changed when I became a mother. Now, when deciding what to do for the day, I ALWAYS think of DD first. DH thinks he is doing things "for me", when in reality, the only reason I am suggesting them is for DD. We definitley bicker more and DH says I "nag" him more- because now we need to plan what we are doing because of DD (getting a babysitter in advanced, figuring out activies for her, etc...) and DH is NOT a planner.

But at the same time, our bond has gotten much deeper. Watching him take care of Jordana and being such a good dad makes me love him more. And I know that he loves me more for being such a good mom to her.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

It changed a lot. There was a period about a month after she was born when I resented him, was exhausted and felt like nothing more than a caregiver. He didn't get it. We talked, he agreed to help more in the evenings and give me a chance to catch a break, even if it was to surf the internet/watch a couple episodes on tivo without interruption or just get out to a store by myself. Things were much better after that. The funks are few and far in between now. We value our alone time at night after DD goes to bed. We encourage each other to go out once in a while with our friends or by ourselves. We got the "planning" thing down a little better now so that we can go out at least once a month without baby in tow.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

I think because in the beginning, a baby is so cute and you bond that you "made" that child. Once a couple of months go by and you realize that parenting is HARD, the marriage gets harder.
It WILL get better and while we are stressed out alot with the chaos of 2 kids, 2 jobs and a house, at the end of the night when it is just the 2 of us, we really enjoy each other and have fun, just being together, quietly, being able to be like we were BEFORE the kids!!

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Somedays I truely believe that if one of us cheated on the other, it would not have disturbed my marriage as much as bringing Josh into the mix.

I believe we were together for too many years pre-baby. The first 7 months were sooooo rough. Fighting. We never fought before. Best friends. Worked a second job together, did everything together. Those 7 months, I swear, I would dread his days off of work.

Still, we bicker about twice a week. Its a terrible thing, but we both agree, we love Josh, but I totally understand why some couples chose to remain childfree.

Leo believes that Josh runs me into the ground. Things are getting better. I napped today, when I woke up, Leo had taken Josh to the store, cooked, fed him, gave him a bath. He has also been putting him to sleep as well.

The only thing that has gotten better is the sex. Now, its sneaky and fun, not rountine at all because it only happens when Josh is napping or entertained.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Posted by dm24angel

After struggling with infertility which brought us soooo much closer together, we now are finding ourselves very much apart and having a LOT of issues that we never expected after being blessed with our son.

Its a huge struggle and very scary at times

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

I completely understand... Scott and I do go out but its with our friends separately.... But I know it will get better!!

If you need me I am here

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

I am soo happy to see that everyone was soo honest. I was afraid to see the responses because on some of the other boards, it seems like a lot of people paint a better picture of their own reality.

I was expecting to see...Our marraige is soo amazing since DC, My husband is a stud, we get busy 7 days a week, he cooks, he cleans, he takes care of all the baby's needs and takes me out on a date night 2 nights a week....

It's nice that all of us "normal" people can share our feelings.

I had DD three years ago, and it has been hard. She is an absolute blessing, but taking care of her and being married are a lot of work.

Message edited 11/24/2007 10:38:10 PM.

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

It has definitely caused stressed..esp on myself. I am trying to take care of the baby, clean the house, cook dinner, do the bills, be the social coordinator of our familly, do the laundry, and I went back to work...also, i want to look hot doing this.....HA!!!

I resent DH, esp when he is sitting on the couch and I am running around like a chix w/o a head.

I learned to get some sanity I need to get up and go get a mani/pedi once in a while and go eat dinner with my friends....(of course he gets off easy b/c the baby is sleeping at this time!)

For our marriages sake, we are doing date nights at least once a month...I want my son to grow up with happy parents...he will remember this more than he will remember dustballs

Re: How has having a baby changed your marriage?

Both my DH and myself have been married before and have children from these marriages..So we went into having OUR child truly knowing what having a baby was all about. For us our marriage has gotten stronger since the birth of our son.

I would love to be able to pin point why we are able to make things work when things have failed in the past...I guess its b/c we have learned what doesnt work....

In my mind what it really boils down to is that we know our spouse as a husband and they know us as a wife...as a friend..as a lover...but our role is about to change and we are about to become someone new. We need to allow each other to evolve into this new person..whether it be Mommy or Daddy. This all takes time.