I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and UPDATED

I have no one to stay with my son. anyone who I would let him stay with will be there and I cannot miss it. neither can my husband. especially not my husband if her ex boyfriend is there (he will need a few friendly faces) so...

I have to bring my almost 5 month old son to this wake.

leaving him is not an option. neither is staying home myself. I simply cannot.

I guess I am just trying to figure out how his presence will make people feel. especially her mom.

trying to figure out if I should apologize to her for bringing him, or if he will be a welcome addition to the mourners.

I really cannot take being flamed right now, so if you are REALLY opposed and have nothing to say that could *help* me, please just don't respond. please.

thank you.

ETA:

I wanted to thank you all so much for your advice and support. deciding to take my son (b/c of how comfortable all of you made me feel about it) was the best thing I could have done.

everyone loved seeing him...he was such a good boy. and best of all, Natalie's father told me that seeing him was the first time he smiled since he learned of her death.

in fact, people were even asking me for him at her funeral yesterday.

and again, I just wanted to say thank you. This all has been extremely difficult for Nat's family and her "army of friends" as her brother put it.

your support, even virtually, has been a tremendous help.

thank you.

Message edited 3/17/2010 2:40:17 PM.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

My honest opinion is that I think that babies help lighten the mood a little - they give people something to smile about. I see nothing wrong with bringing him at all.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Can you bring him and have someone hang out with him in the back of the room?

We went to a wake recently, and it was for a family member's family member, and we were in your position (no one to watch DD, and any family member that would have watched her was there). We just took turns hanging out with DD in the back of the room. No one said anything to us- and it was just fine!

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I am so sorry for your loss.

IMO, you need to do what you need to do. Obviously if DS is acting up then you will need to leave, but I'm sure that your and DH's presence is needed at this time.

Also, I think babies make a lot of people feel better in general. I'm sure it will be fine

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I think it's okay to bring him.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I don't see anything wrong with it. DD was 5 months when DH's grandmother passed...we brought her to the wake...I was nervous about it, but people did actually welcome the burst of life in the midst of sadness....

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I would bring him and sling him. He will probably fall asleep

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I was in same situation...I would bring stroller or have dh sit in back of room with baby...that way dh is there, people can go and talk to him...baby is lo key.

Then you can feel out crowd.

Most of the times, babies are welcomed...but since this death is so tragic...I would have dh hang in back with baby.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I don't see it as a problem, you have no other choice in the matter. You can take turns being outside of the room if you are uncomfortable. & obviously if he starts to cry, you just exit the room.

It will give people something to smile about even if it's just for a minute.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I think young babies are especially welcome. Of course, you could explain to the family members why you brought him- but I can guarantee they'll tell you it's fine and they might even draw comfort from the distraction of seeing that sweet little face.

I understand why you don't want to bring him as you need this time to mourn the loss of your friend, but it will be OK.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

It's fine - hopefully it will lighten the mood a little for an otherwise gloomy day. If he acts up at all, which I'm sure he won't, just leave the room until he's calmed down.

At my father's funeral I left Alex at home, but that was only becuase she was older, about 4, and would have been deeply disturbed by the funeral, and there's no way a 4 year old can sit still and understand the gravity of the situation. It's a completely different situation with a baby though...

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I just went to a wake on Thursday for my bff's father. We were in the same situation and we brought my 4 month old dd. Everyone loved to see her and my friends mom (wife of the deceased) carried her around with her too! She was very happy we brought her. I actually think if she was older it would be more of an issue for people, ya know? Anyway, when she got hungry I fed her in another room and when they did the prayer I stepped outside 'just in case'. Sorry to hear about your friend

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I would bring him and probably offer a casual apology along the lines of you had no one to watch him but you loved your friend so much you had to be here and you hope you don't mind that you brought him. I am sure she will dismiss it.

I am sorry for your loss

Message edited 3/15/2010 10:41:39 AM.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I would bring him and hang out near the back, or even in the lobby after I went in to pay my respects. A lot of places have a lounge area near the bathrooms, too, where you could take turns being with the baby while the other one is at the wake.

So sorry for your loss.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I know for my father's wake and funeral, no one had a problem with babies/children at the wake.

I personally found it very uplifting to see a young child. And as much as a wake is for mourning, I also feel it is about celebrating one's life, and appreciating life in general.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

We had to bring DS to 2 wakes between 3mos and 9 mos. It was TOTALLY fine. Our local funeral home has a comfortable foyer, if yours does as well, perhaps you or DH could sit with DS there while the other pays respects then switch off (if he's awake or fussy). I had to attend a wake alone with DS also, and a friend of mine offered to sit with him while I went into the room for a bit, it was quite helpful, I'm sure one of your friends would do the same as well if you'd prefer to go in with DH. My sympathies on your loss; you should absolutely not hesitate to bring him.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

We would bring our DC

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Everyone loves a baby. I'm sure no one will have a problem with it. And if they do, efff them.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I think it's okay to bring him. If he get's a little fussy, maybe you and your DH can take turns sitting with him toward the back of the room. At my Mom's wake, both of my niece's were there as anyone who could watch them was at the wake. They were 6 and 2 yrs old at the time and their presence definitely helped, not hurt. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Message edited 3/15/2010 11:09:22 AM.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

As a death of a family member is looming near, I would not be upset at all to have a baby present. As other people have said, it may be a very welcomed distraction even for the family members of the loved one lost.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

It's fine. I had to bring DS to two wakes in the first 3 months of his life- there was no way around it. And it did give people something positive to focus on.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I don't think they will mind J.