Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

First of all, sorry for your loss

My opinion is that, in this circumstance, since this was a very tragic death, he probably doesn't belong. That being said, you have no one to watch him and you have to be there, so you have to do what you have to do.

That's not to say that all wakes aren't sad, but, in my opinion, in SOME cases, there's a difference between the level of sadness at a wake where the person is elderly or sick for a long time, and a wake where the death was sudden or tragic. Please note that I said SOME cases - this isn't a steadfast rule and everyone grieves differently.

What I would do is simply gauge the room. Hang out near the back at first, see if and how people react to him being there. If it's neutral or positive and he serves to lighten the mood, it's good. If it's an environment where it just doesn't work to have a baby there, I'd stay near the back and pay my respects. Obviously, if the baby acts up, you leave.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I've attended plenty of wakes where there were babies present...always hanging out with a parent in the back of the room. Luce is so beautiful...he will defilitenly lighten the mood

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Posted by Janice

I was in same situation...I would bring stroller or have dh sit in back of room with baby...that way dh is there, people can go and talk to him...baby is lo key.

Then you can feel out crowd.

Most of the times, babies are welcomed...but since this death is so tragic...I would have dh hang in back with baby.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Jess, it is completely up to you but if you want I can take Luce for awhile, you know where I am!!!

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Jess-
Matthew was 4 days old when DH's cousin passed suddenly at 35 . I took the baby at 1 week old upstate to the wake/funeral. Having him there really did bring a smile to people's faces & nobody frowned upon it.

There was simply noway around it....I HAD to be there.

I'm sorry for your loss

Message edited 3/15/2010 12:25:03 PM.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Honestly-at my grandparents wake, somoene brought their babies, and it REALLY helped me deal better at the wake..it really did

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I am so sorry for your loss!

I think it is absolutely fine to bring him. DH's father passed away this summer and we had a few kids/ babies there. If they got fussy- one of the parents would take them into the hall. Otherwise, they just sat with them/ held them. I would suggest bringing a lovey/ toy if you are going to be there awhile. Even if he's asleep (falls asleep in car) I see nothing wrong with bringing his infant seat in and one of you stay with him while he rests. HTH & good luck!

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Bring him, we just had my FIL's wake last week, someone brought a 7 month old little baby, and it was a welcome relief for even my MIL.

I know the circumstances are not the same, but I think you would be fine bringing him.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I did not read alll the answers but I thought I would give u my opinion quick.
My moms wake, they had a downstairs play area-the both of u can rotate if u feel weird if u are not both in there together, if not the heated car?
ttruth be told noone will mind, nor does anyone remember. You tend to block those horrendous things out.
If you bring him they for sure will not go home and think omg she brought the baby.
Do not worrrrrrry.
I am sooooooooooo soooooo sorry for your loss!

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Absolutely bring him and do not feel uneasy about it. Im so sorry for your loss.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

thanks everyone.

my hesitance was mainly b/c of what Don wrote...sudden, tragic, and many of her family are extremely hurt and angry at her ex-bf for breaking her heart etc. so I am was really nervous.

dh said my bil and his wife may be able to watch him so we are finding out now.

truth be told, my anxiety is so high that I think I would prefer him with me for selfish reasons...but I want to do the right thing all around.

thanks for the offer Kathleen. that was really sweet of you.

thank you all for your advice and making me feel better also.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I have a similar dilemma, tomorrow I have a wake to go to, and would have to take my 18 month old. he is kind of wild, most ppl would be happy to see him, some would not I'm curious to read the answers. I could leave him w/ inlaws but it s such a hassle to bring him there just for an hour or so

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Ive been in a similiar situation where i had to take my babies-and i had 2. My DH & i took turns sitting with the kids in the waiting parlour while the other went to offer their condolences to the family. Completely acceptable. No apologies needed.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I have been in similar situations several times actually. I felt the same way you did. I left the baby with DH in the greeting areas and then we switched going in to the actual wake.

No one thought it was bad...and people loved seeing a baby.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I just recently brought my DD to a wake and there were many many other children there so I bet you will see the same situation.. Children do go to wakes.. Bring him and mourn.. I am sorry for your loss

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

i had to take my son to a wake as well - he was less than 8 weeks, but it was a member of DH's family and we couldn't miss it. I brought his stroller and he slept the whole time.

There was a 6 month old there as well - her mother had her in a babybjorn the whole time and she was an angel.

Go.
I was iffy too, but I had several people - including the widower - tell me that it was a breath of fresh air to see new life at that difficult time.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I agree with all of the other ladies and just wanted to offer a

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I would bring him. I've found that babies tend to help people get thru times like this. If he acts up, which is very hard for an infant to do, then just bring him to the lobby. I think you will find people will appreciate his pressence.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

i think its fine. i bet he will be a bright spot in an otherwise very hard day.

Re: I am trying to gauge something here...tonight is my friend's wake and

I brought my son to my sister's wake. My mother clung to him most of the time.. she said he reminded her that life continues.

We had babies at my dad's wake, my sister's and my mother's. I was just grateful that the people who loved my family were able to be there. It meant everything to me and it was wonderful to have that lightness at such a somber occasion. They helped bring forth more happy memories in my opinion.

I will also mention that each funeral home I've been to has had separate rooms for children as well (a few places had toys/videos in the room even).. so there were a lot of parents in there with their small children/babies and cycling in and out with their partners so if the kids did get loud there was a place to go.]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Message edited 3/15/2010 3:07:10 PM.