I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I'm not really sure if I'm looking for advice or just hugs. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to listen. I had a difficult time getting pregnant. Amongst many things, they found a pituitary tumor. Chemo helped shrink it enough for the hopes of getting pregnant. Amazingly enough, we received our Christmas miracle last year of the BFP. I love my son!!!!

We knew that not going through chemo for a while would allow the tumor to increase, possibly too much. We knew that I might not be able to breastfeed for long, once they were able to check the tumor. I have swelling behind my left eye and the worst has been realized. The tumor has grown a lot. I have to choose when to begin chemo again. Now, I know we knew it would happen, but I was looking for another miracle.

Heres my dilemma: I want to keep breastfeeding because I know Michael might be my only child. But I want to choose chemo in hopes of having another child. I feel like I have to choose one possible child over my little angel. I know most of you would just say 'choose chemo' without blinking an eye. But if you've ever breastfed, I hope you understand why I'm devastated.

Thanks for reading this.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I'm so sorry to hear this!!
I am a breastfeeder as well and I know that it would be very hard for me to stop as well.
That being said, I think that YOU being HEALTHY is MUCH MUCH MUCH more important than continuing to breastfeed your son. You have already given him a wonderful start to his life and now it's time for you to make sure that you take care of your own health.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I totally understand. But I agree that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, and everything will thrive off of that. It's a very difficult decision (I got sick with kidney troubles after my DD was born and had to give up breastfeeding in order to take meds to get myself better).

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I can sort of relate re: BF. When we found out DD was allergic to dairy my ped wanted me to stop BF her for a week (just pump & dump)while I cut dairy out of my diet. I cried all that afternoon and only lasted 36hrs before I went back to BF her.

My advice have a really good cry over this then work on getting your little man a healthy momma

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by Cookiegobbler

I'm so sorry to hear this!!
I am a breastfeeder as well and I know that it would be very hard for me to stop as well.
That being said, I think that YOU being HEALTHY is MUCH MUCH MUCH more important than continuing to breastfeed your son. You have already given him a wonderful start to his life and now it's time for you to make sure that you take care of your own health.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I can understand. Although I only did it for 3 months there are times I wish I did it longer. You can only choose what is best for your family, what ever that may be.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by Disneygirl


My advice have a really good cry over this then work on getting your little man a healthy momma

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I'm going through something similar, as you may know. It is terrible. I am having trouble taking my own advice but if I could tell someone else what to do, it would be not to feel guilty about choices that you have to make. You already continued breasfeeding after having been hospitalized. I wish I had the strength to do what you have done. If you stopped right now, you should still be proud of the BM that your baby got!!!

ETA: When I have more energy, I will FM and explain what is happening with me and BFing.

Message edited 11/8/2007 12:01:34 AM.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I am so sorry to hear this!! You have given your Big Boy a great start in life, I would be thrilled with that. On a personal note, I pumped for 8 months and was miserable, but did it for sheer bloody mindedness. I was too stubborn to stop. You can still have a lovely close bond with your boy.

Like everyone says, happy mommy = happy baby!!!

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

What a horrible position to be in! I tried to breastfeed, and wanted so much to breastfeed, but my milk never came in, so it was literally impossible. So I can understand, somewhat, the disappointment you're feeling.

But really, you need to think about you. You can still be a great mom to your son. You can still bond with him and have wonderful feeding times together...but you need to make sure you're as healthy as you can be!

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

I agree wit hwhat everyone is saying. I struggled with breastfeeding myself and the day I stopped trying broke my heart.....but you have to think of your own health and make sure that you take care of it!

We'll be here to support you every step of the way!

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Oh Kelly I'm so sorry you are going through this. I BF for a bit in the beginning & just love that special bond you feel when DC is attached to you & being nourished through you so I can understand. I now pump exclusively but can relate.

Like the OP's said, you have to take care of Kelly first as a happy mommy=happy babies. I know its not easy. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

no advice but wanted to send some

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Since I am not a mom, I can't really relate to the entire breastfeeding. I wanted to wish you a lot of I think I would start chemo as soon as you can just in knowing you are working your way back to being a healthy mommy for your son...Your health is way more important ...

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

Posted by nymommy2be

I totally understand what you are feeling because I BF and I know how special it is. But, you need to put your health first. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else.

Re: I knew this day would come, but I'm still devastated (LONG)

You did a wonderful thing and each and everyday your little guy received your BM, what a great gift you gave him....but it doesn't come anywhere as close to having the gift of a happy, healthy mom.