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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
i feel like i am getting kicked to the ground on a constant basis.... i am so hurt right now, words cannot even describe....
backround story.... my good friend and I pretty much got PG together.. it was such a happy time.. i was due in Oct, and she is due in Nov..
SO .. fast forward to yesterday.....
i got her baby shower invitation and its Oct. 26th ... only 5 days after my due date... and i just cried  so hurt, and upset by this.... i dont even know HOW i would get through this.. yes its a happy time for her..but i can just see myself crying at the party.. and i am VERY happy for her, dont get me wrong.. but just knowing that i should've had my baby by then..
this is not a suprise party , in which she helped pick a date... i cant understand why it would be the week of my supposed due date..
and i dont want to sound selfish, i suppose she had no choice and could not worry about me, and i kind of understand...
should i go? mentally and physically i dont think i can would that make me a terrible friend 
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Posted 9/25/08 10:50 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
honestly, I wouldn't go.. but that's just me. Send a nice gift, I'm sure your friend will understand. 
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:52 AM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
we told you this at the GTG - i have FM'd you a date request...
YOU ARE NOT GOING. Send a nice gift - a little larger than you would've normally, because you won't be there.
I'm KIDNAPPING you and we're doing girly things - shopping, mani/pedi, etc...
YOU ARE NOT GOING, YOU ARE NOT SPENDING THE DAY ALONE...
shall i repeat myself?? YOU ARE NOT GOING - YOU ARE MY PRISONER!!! 
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:54 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
If you can't go then don't, just send a gift early, and a card explaining yourself.
I wouldn't hold the date against her, though. As hard as it is, life goes on around you, even though yours feels like it's at a standstill.
I think ANY day she would've had her baby shower would be hard for you.
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:55 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by JennyPenny
If you can't go then don't, just send a gift early, and a card explaining yourself.
I wouldn't hold the date against her, though. As hard as it is, life goes on around you, even though yours feels like it's at a standstill.
I think ANY day she would've had her baby shower would be hard for you.
yea i know you are right Jen.. and i know her life does not revolve around me.. i do understand that.
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:57 AM |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
I don't think any day in October would sit right with you. The week before would be sad, the week of, the week after. There isn't a day she could pick in October that would sit right, in my opinion.
It's understandable.
Don't go. I would call her personally and tell her that you are so happy for her, but it would just be to hard for you.
She'll understand.
you could alway pop by if you feel up to it that day. stop by a for a few, instead of being committed to 4 hours.
I'm sooo sorry.
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:58 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by davenjess
we told you this at the GTG - i have FM'd you a date request...
YOU ARE NOT GOING. Send a nice gift - a little larger than you would've normally, because you won't be there.
I'm KIDNAPPING you and we're doing girly things - shopping, mani/pedi, etc...
YOU ARE NOT GOING, YOU ARE NOT SPENDING THE DAY ALONE...
shall i repeat myself?? YOU ARE NOT GOING - YOU ARE MY PRISONER!!!
yea i know i mentioned it at the GTG.. but i guess it just hit me yesterday when i got the invite... it was so hard to even look at it.. i am crying at my desk right now.. i am such an emotional mess
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| Posted 9/25/08 10:59 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
The original date of my shower worked for all of my family but fell on an anniversary date of the memorial for my friend's son....when she mentioned that we moved the date. It took a lot of work but my husband smoothed it over with everyone. In the end it all worked out...so on your friend's behalf I don't think she intentionally wanted to make it a date that would hurt you in any way...truthfully...her shower in general has to cause some pain for you knowing that the dates were so close.
With that said....if it will be too painful for you to be there and if you cannot be anything short of happy to be there for her that day...sit it out. Send a gift and good wishes and that should be fine. She might not be happy with your absence but seeing a friend unhappy would be worse.
Sorry this is very difficult to deal with...a lot to have to think about. You'll make the best decision.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:00 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by sleepie76
I don't think any day in October would sit right with you. The week before would be sad, the week of, the week after. There isn't a day she could pick in October that would sit right, in my opinion.
It's understandable.
Don't go. I would call her personally and tell her that you are so happy for her, but it would just be to hard for you.
She'll understand.
you could alway pop by if you feel up to it that day. stop by a for a few, instead of being committed to 4 hours.
I'm sooo sorry.
you know.... you and Jen are absolutely right... i think any day in Oct. would be hard.. i guess i never thought of it that way...
i just hope she will understand.. i think she will..
and of course she will be getting a VERY generous gift
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:00 AM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by MetsGirl07
Posted by davenjess
we told you this at the GTG - i have FM'd you a date request...
YOU ARE NOT GOING. Send a nice gift - a little larger than you would've normally, because you won't be there.
I'm KIDNAPPING you and we're doing girly things - shopping, mani/pedi, etc...
YOU ARE NOT GOING, YOU ARE NOT SPENDING THE DAY ALONE...
shall i repeat myself?? YOU ARE NOT GOING - YOU ARE MY PRISONER!!!
yea i know i mentioned it at the GTG.. but i guess it just hit me yesterday when i got the invite... it was so hard to even look at it.. i am crying at my desk right now.. i am such an emotional mess
okay - then that is the ONLY sign you need. Promise me - this weekend, you will buy a gift and send it off with apologies that you can't make it.
THEN TOSS THE INVITE - this is not something you need right now. You are going through enough.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:01 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Oh De!
Definitely DO NOT GO!
I'm sure she wasn't thinking about you and your due date - she was probably only thinking about herself and what would work for her..
I think she will understand if you don't go!
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:01 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
i am so glad that i wrote this... i was hesitant about posting cause i didnt want to seem selfish and get flamed...
but it helps so much to get different views, and perspectives on the situation..
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:06 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
yea i know you are right Jen.. and i know her life does not revolve around me.. i do understand that.
I know you understand
I also know how hard it is to watch people around you celebrate babies and pregnancies when it is still so fresh. I try to be straight forward and give you another perspective, because in the end, that is what pushed me through. I needed that. (Just let me know if I sound b*tchy- because I really don't mean to be!). Sometimes you just need a figurative kick in the arse to put things behind you. I know I did.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:08 AM |
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futuremommy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/07 840 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by sleepie76
I don't think any day in October would sit right with you. The week before would be sad, the week of, the week after. There isn't a day she could pick in October that would sit right, in my opinion.
It's understandable.
Don't go. I would call her personally and tell her that you are so happy for her, but it would just be to hard for you.
She'll understand.
you could alway pop by if you feel up to it that day. stop by a for a few, instead of being committed to 4 hours.
I'm sooo sorry.
I agree - maybe she DID pick a date that she thought would be easier for you. Maybe she could've picked the weekend before but thought it might've been too close to your date.
People all around you are going to have babies and there's nothing you can do about it. You've got to just try to put on a brave face - both my brother and my DH's brother (both our only siblings) and their wives are expecting babies within 2 weeks of our due date. Yes, the timing really sux, but I'm happy for them and exciting about my two new neices. It's awful, but it's just the way life goes, I'm afraid.
I'm sure your friend will understand if you explain it'll just be too difficult for you to go.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:09 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by JennyPenny
yea i know you are right Jen.. and i know her life does not revolve around me.. i do understand that.
I know you understand
I also know how hard it is to watch people around you celebrate babies and pregnancies when it is still so fresh. I try to be straight forward and give you another perspective, because in the end, that is what pushed me through. I needed that. (Just let me know if I sound b*tchy- because I really don't mean to be!). Sometimes you just need a figurative kick in the arse to put things behind you. I know I did.
your cute  and i totally need a kick in the arse... you are never too b*tchy to me.. i need this..trust me! and i agree with you!!
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:14 AM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Aaah Deanna I am so sorry. I agree with the other ladies - ANY day in October would be hard for you and I really do not think she did it on purpose. I would send her a nice note saying you are unable to attend - if she is your friend she will understand - and a great gift and go do something for YOU on that day.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:29 AM |
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QueSeraSera
Sugar & Spice
Member since 7/08 1351 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Ugh- shower invites are the worst when you are trying to get over a m/c.
I agree with everyone- def. don't go. She will totally understand. I bet she felt bad sending you the invite, but didn't want to not include you.
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:34 AM |
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StressedNoMore
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/05 493 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
I just have to ask how close are you too her? How long have you two been friends?
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| Posted 9/25/08 11:45 AM |
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jam11308
Member since 11/07 7273 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Oh Deanna - the invitation came  ITA with everyone else. Call her, explain to her about how you feel (I am SURE that she'll understand) and then send a gift along with someone else the day of. She's your best friend - she will understand
I also agree with Jess - you need to toss the invitation out immediately & then plan a very full day of pampering yourself & relaxing. Sitting home will be nothing but counterproductive - you need to be out & about that day.
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| Posted 9/25/08 12:18 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
If its a good friend I would try to go BUT I don't fault you at all for how you feel!!
Maybe you will get your BFP in October and that would give a huge reason to be ok with going!! I will pray that happens for you!! Don't get too down or sad, it WILL happen for you!!
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| Posted 9/25/08 12:23 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by StressedNoMore
I just have to ask how close are you too her? How long have you two been friends?
we have been friends for around 3 years...
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| Posted 9/25/08 12:47 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
Posted by maybebaby
If its a good friend I would try to go BUT I don't fault you at all for how you feel!!
Maybe you will get your BFP in October and that would give a huge reason to be ok with going!! I will pray that happens for you!! Don't get too down or sad, it WILL happen for you!!
see i was thinking about this too... i would find out if i was either PG or have AF on the 18th... so i will be either VERY upset at that time... or could possibly be happy..
but the loss, and October alone will be very painful... it would be nice to get a BFP though
Message edited 9/25/2008 12:50:31 PM.
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| Posted 9/25/08 12:49 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
I wouldn't go, I'm sure she will understand.
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| Posted 9/25/08 1:05 PM |
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Sunshyne
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 563 total posts
Name:
Elissa
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
I'm so sorry that you are so sad. Definitely RSVP no. I don't even know if you need to explain yourself as to why you are not going... Can't you just "have a prior/family commitment"?
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| Posted 9/25/08 1:41 PM |
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now
sorry i stalk all the time even though were not trying yet.
I don't think you should go. I would feel so sad too. As for the date, when she picked it, it might have been what was easiest for everyone throwing it.
I agree to send a larger then usual gift.
But I also think if you can swing it, maybe you should go away durning that time. my gf who lost a pregancy at 5 months, was soooo devasted to. she went away durning the time that she would have been due. She said it was nice that she was away and didn't think about it so much. (she actually went to see Mickey!!)
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| Posted 9/25/08 2:34 PM |
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