Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

Posted by HeatherRose

sorry i stalk all the time even though were not trying yet.

I don't think you should go. I would feel so sad too. As for the date, when she picked it, it might have been what was easiest for everyone throwing it.

I agree to send a larger then usual gift.

But I also think if you can swing it, maybe you should go away durning that time. my gf who lost a pregancy at 5 months, was soooo devasted to. she went away durning the time that she would have been due. She said it was nice that she was away and didn't think about it so much. (she actually went to see Mickey!!)

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

So sorry you are going through this I would explain to your friend and send a gift.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I agree with Jess! We discussed this at the GTG and I do not think you should go. Send a gift and that is it. She should understand your reasons.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I feel so bad, I can't imagine how you must feel right now. I think she will 100% understand if you don't feel up to going. Don't feel obligated to go. It is possible it was an honest oversight on her end or maybe there was something planned that her family had to plan around and this date just worked out. She will understand if you can't make it.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I'm sure she didn't mean to pick a date that would upset you- I mean, baby showers are usually within the 2 months before the due date right?

I would go and support your friend. Be strong.

ETA: I went back and read everyone else's responses- I am the only one that said I would go.

Maybe because I haven't been TTC yet- I don't "get it." I guess my actual answer would depend on how close of a friend it is.

If you are close- I would go, maybe just stop in and drop off the gift. If she's not such a close friend (as in- you don't see her often or its more of an aquantance) I wouldn't go.

Message edited 9/25/2008 3:45:00 PM.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I am so sorry all that you are going through right now. I do not think your best friend is being malicious or intentionally trying to hurt you, but she honestly was not thinking. But I do not think she was being mean purposely. BUT with that being said, I do not see any reason if you are that upset, why you cant turn down the invite. There is no reason for you to subject yourself to anymore pain and sadness that what you have already been through. If she is a true best friend she will understand- trust me.
We are all here for you!!

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

On the other side and I hope you don't mind my posting this...

I was pregnant with DD as of last August, we found out a VERY close childhood friend of DH and his wife after years of IF treatments were expecting twins (I think she was like 3 weeks behind me) by last October. I had not yet announced my Pregnancy, but DH had gone to a mutual friends baby's baptism upstate and the husband was there. His wife couldn't make it b/c she lost both babies. She would have also been due not far from when I was due and showers around the same time and all. I will say I was SO reluctant to even invite her to my shower b/c I knew she must have been hurting... they were the last friends we even told b/c honestly we love them and we almost felt guilty - the last thing we wanted to do was "rub it" in anyone's face - but I couldn't hide it after a certain point. Well, a trusted source told me - invite her b/c she's a good friend and it will be up to her to decide. Well we did and she came. They are also coming to DD's blessing party.

I just want to convey that often it's not meant to hurt anyone. I know in planning my shower we had to concern ourselves with all sorts of stuff from birthdays to holidays, etc. So the day my shower just made sense b/c the following week was bad and the week after that I was scheduled to have the baby, weeks prior to that were Easter and Passover.

Overall I say do what feels right for you. If you know you won't be able to wear a smile then don't do it to yourself as I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to either. Send a gift and offer to see your friend one on one at another point. I'm sure she feels very awkward too. But on the other hand I think I would have hurt the girl in my story by not inviting her. I hope that makes sense.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

Definitely skip the shower, but be honest with your friend about it. Tell her how absolutely thrilled you are for her, but it would really be to painful for you to attend, and you wouldn't want to put a damper on her special day. I would also probably offer to take her out to lunch, just the two of you, and give her the gift then.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I think it's fair to say that shouldn't go....
it's completely understandable, send a gift prior and maybe a little card saying you would love to come but it's a difficult time for you and wish the best for her. Sometimes people are so happy that they don't do things with bad intentions to make others feel bad. they just get caught in the moment...

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

if you feel that it's too much for you then just send a nice gift and explain to your friend later that although your happy for her October is just a hard month for you and she should understand.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

I'm so sorry I'm sure she didn't purposefully pick that date - it probably just worked out that way. I would say if she is a good friend she would totally understand if you didn't go to the shower and sent a gift instead. I would find a good friend and go out and have a good time to get it off your mind instead.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

Posted by sleepie76

I don't think any day in October would sit right with you. The week before would be sad, the week of, the week after. There isn't a day she could pick in October that would sit right, in my opinion.
It's understandable.


Don't go. I would call her personally and tell her that you are so happy for her, but it would just be to hard for you.
She'll understand.
you could alway pop by if you feel up to it that day. stop by a for a few, instead of being committed to 4 hours.



I'm sooo sorry.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

Deanna I wouldn't go, i agree with the ladies that the shower will only make you more upset. One of my sisters had a Baby shower two weeks after her M/C and I told her not to go. And if the shower was in the month the baby should of been born, I still will tell her the same response.

Any day in that month will be more of a constant reminder for you. You are still trying to heal and you take as much time as you want. I hope your friend is unstandable about it as all of us are here. Send her a beautiful gift and explain I simply can not attend. HTH

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

YOu are not selfish-it's a painful time for you and it's hard to be happy for others when you are still in pain.

As you know and others have stated life has a way of going on so I also wouldn't hold it against your friend but I also wouldn't put too much on yourself.

If it's too much for you to handle, I wouldn't go. Send a gift and a nice card and plan something else for the day.

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

You are SO not selfish at all!

I can only imagine how tough this month is for you and how it must have been to get the invitation. I'm sure your friend will understand if you do not go.

I don't really have advice, but tonts of and

Hang in there!

Re: i need advice... WWYD? so sad right now

Just send a gift -- she'll understand