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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG (UPDATE ON PAGE TWO, INTERESTING!!)
So, as most of you know, I do not get along with ILs...well basically just step-MIL. FIL just always sides with her and never ever sticks up for his one and only child- DH.
Anyway, when we told them we were PG, one of the first things out of SMILs mouth was " I am not being called grandma, bc I am not the grandma" Dh's mom is deceased for 5 years- I never even met her. I thought it was a respect thing maybe (although she pulls a lot of BS, I gave her the benefit of the doubt)So I told her to pick something she wantes to be called, like Nana, Mimi, Nanny, etc. She said "No, those are all just other names for Grandma, Maybe I should be Aunt XXX." I said "okaaaaay..." basically she doesn't want to be grandma to a child that is not her biological grandchild and she wants her sons' kids to be the first to call her grandma when the time comes. FINE.
Now, she has two sons, ages 14 & 16. She has told them they will be uncles soon. Ahhh, so your kids can be uncles to my child, but you will not be a "grandma"...how is that?? I told Dh, that  will call the stepbros by their first names, and SMIL by her first name as well. He thinks I am being mean to the stepbros, that they are just kids. I said, "well she's already being mean to OUR unborn child, who will be confused as FIL will be Grandpa, but his wife won't be grandma..."
Am I being petty because I can't stand this woman anymore? Or am I justified? I've gotten a few other opinions, but I'm pretty sure they are biased towards me since they know her and can't stand her either.
Message edited 1/27/2010 12:54:03 PM.
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Posted 1/27/10 11:48 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Sunday
In love with a boy named Luca
Member since 6/09 1799 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I think it's justified. Even without the drama I am not having my ds call people "aunts" and "uncles" when they're not. I think it's kinda weird.
You can just tell ur smil that u think it is very confusing to have ur call them that- and imo IT IS. At least with random friends who insist on being "aunts" it won't make ur fam to appear completely inbred in conversations, lol- but imagine ur 5 y/o dd explaining to someone else who everyone is? This is my grandpa and his wife, Aunt whatever- and those r their kids- uncle whatever and uncle whatever.
So, I would say to her that you gave her a choice of grandma substitutes but other than that she will just be her first name and so will her boys b/c otherwise it is just random and confusing.
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| Posted 1/27/10 11:58 AM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I agree with you 100%.
This woman sounds like a moron! 
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:01 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
YAY! Thanks ladies, 2 points for me!! hahaha
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:03 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I can't believe your SMIL behavior and the fact that FIL sits back and doesn't say something to her makes it so much worse. Honestly, I wouldn't want my child to call her grandma anyway!!
That being said, how are her sons behavior towards you and DH? If they seem genuinely excited to be "uncles" and are involved in the baby's life once he/she is born, then I wouldn't take their mothers atrocious behavior out on them and would allow my LO to call them Uncles. On the other hand, if they are as aloof as their mother, then you are right, I would just have my child call them by their first names.
Of course, that is just my opinion as an outsider, and you will ultimately have to go with whatever decision you feel comfortable with. Good luck 
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:04 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I wouldn't have even wanted this woman to be called Grandma or anything of the sort in the first place (after reading this). I wouldn't take it out on the teenagers though.
I would have them called Uncle so and so and her just by her first name.
It gives them the title out of respect, but the stepmother can now live without that title and respect if that is how she's gonna be.
I know you don't want to give the titles to the uncles bc the step mother wants it that way, but they are blood relatives to your DH, she isn't.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:05 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I think you are justified!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:06 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by neener1211
I wouldn't have even wanted this woman to be called Grandma or anything of the sort in the first place (after reading this). I wouldn't take it out on the teenagers though.
I would have them called Uncle so and so and her just by her first name.
It gives them the title out of respect, but the stepmother can now live without that title and respect if that is how she's gonna be.
I know you don't want to give the titles to the uncles bc the step mother wants it that way, but they are blood relatives to your DH, she isn't.
NOt sure if this changes things, but They aren't blood relatives to DH, they are HER sons from a previous marriage. I should have made that clear.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:08 PM |
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MrsList
Sweet cheeks
Member since 4/09 1696 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I never called my aunts and uncles Aunt XXX/Uncle XXX because they were teenagers.
In any case, I agree with you - if she doesn't want to be a member of your family (and doesn't want you and the baby to be a member of hers), then they get called by their first names.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:08 PM |
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mishka
love my little emmy monster
Member since 8/09 1473 total posts
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
omg...im sorry u have to deal with her!
i dont think its a big deal for your DS to call any of them by first name...her kids prolly won't care/notice anyway.
my nephew (SIL's kid - he's 5 now) doesn't always call us aunt & uncle even though he's "supposed" to...not a big deal.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:10 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by Momma2Be
I can't believe your SMIL behavior and the fact that FIL sits back and doesn't say something to her makes it so much worse. Honestly, I wouldn't want my child to call her grandma anyway!!
That being said, how are her sons behavior towards you and DH? If they seem genuinely excited to be "uncles" and are involved in the baby's life once he/she is born, then I wouldn't take their mothers atrocious behavior out on them and would allow my LO to call them Uncles. On the other hand, if they are as aloof as their mother, then you are right, I would just have my child call them by their first names.
Of course, that is just my opinion as an outsider, and you will ultimately have to go with whatever decision you feel comfortable with. Good luck
Well, when we go to the house to visit, they stay in their rooms and do not come out to greet us.
When I lived at home (until I was 25), my mom would always make me greet any visitor at the house.
I honestly do not know if they are excited about the baby..we rarely see them since they are always in their rooms when we go there.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:11 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by Deeluvsvinny
NOt sure if this changes things, but They aren't blood relatives to DH, they are HER sons from a previous marriage. I should have made that clear.
Do you see the brothers often? If not, let them all believe they are 'uncle' but most likely your child will call them by only their first name anyway when they are young.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:11 PM |
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Jonsgirl04
Love my two girls! xoxo
Member since 9/08 6079 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I think that is just plain ridiculous and rude. My Step father would never say anything like that. He is proud that I am his step daughter and he tells everyone that his first grandchild is gonna be here soon. He calls himself Grandpa. Is your Dh not hurt by this? I know I would be. His dad should be even questioning her. Even my Step Grandparents are excited and even said to me thank you for the gift of making us first time Great Grandparents. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your child isnt even here yet and this woman has to cause stress for you!!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:12 PM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
You are so right to feel that way. However, I think it depends on your relationship with the boys, not their mother. If you arent close and dont see them often, I think first names are fine!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:22 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
since it's obvious you are that close to the stepbrothers and they don't seem all too interested, I would just have LO call them by their first names. I'm sorry this witch of a woman is stressing you and DH out!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:24 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by Jonsgirl04
I think that is just plain ridiculous and rude. My Step father would never say anything like that. He is proud that I am his step daughter and he tells everyone that his first grandchild is gonna be here soon. He calls himself Grandpa. Is your Dh not hurt by this? I know I would be. His dad should be even questioning her. Even my Step Grandparents are excited and even said to me thank you for the gift of making us first time Great Grandparents. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your child isnt even here yet and this woman has to cause stress for you!!
THANK YOU!! I know she is not normal. DH & I have had many discussions about them. Since we were planning our wedding. She pulled a lot of things then too! We do not know why his father has chosen his wife over his only son and does nothing to try to fix the relationship. She has been mean to my DH since she married FIL. Dh is hurt, mostly bc of his father. He feels like an outcast and that he's not important anymore. We've tried so many thing to mend the relationship, but his father doesn't seem to care or if he does, he doesn't show it.
I'm done caring what she says/does. She is not even invited to my shower. Can't wait for that drama when/if she finds out about it...
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:26 PM |
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I don't think you are being petty-you are just bowing to her wishes 
However, if he does have a good relationship with DH's SBs-I would let DD call them uncle (I have a ton of friends who are not related that she will be calling aunt or uncle) and tell her that SM is to be called Cruella DeVille. Or hag. Whichever you think sounds nicer.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:29 PM |
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jennarose023
Jack's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 11/08 7769 total posts
Name:
Jenna
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
i agree that you are justified! i think she is being plain mean and you are just "respecting" her wishes by deciding to call the step bros by thier first names...
However...
I would see what happens when DC starts talking and see what she ends up calling everyone.
i'm sorry you are dealing with this...i've had 2 step gma's (1 official and 1 non official) and they are both totally different women...
My "official" step grandma never even really acknowledged my bros and I as her grandkids and of course it peeved my parents but we were the ones that got hurt in the end and i still hold it against her to this day. My bros were just little kids and it wasn't right.
edit...i never called my step g'ma anything other then her first name
Message edited 1/27/2010 12:36:33 PM.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:33 PM |
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Sunday
In love with a boy named Luca
Member since 6/09 1799 total posts
Name:
`
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by munchkinfacemama
and tell her that SM is to be called Cruella DeVille. Or hag. Whichever you think sounds nicer.
Pffffft HAAA agreed.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:36 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
she sounds like a tool...but if your dh wants his step bros to be uncles, then i would go along with it. your baby is probably going to end up really loving hanging out with his young uncles.
he is going to know that step mother is an idiot.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:40 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Oh, when we left the house that day she said she wasn't grandma...I told DH-
"the baby can call her what I do.....
B!TCH!"
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:41 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by Deeluvsvinny
Oh, when we left the house that day she said she wasn't grandma...I told DH-
"the baby can call her what I do.....
B!TCH!"
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:42 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
how awful you are going through all this..
i am so with you .. and am 100% on your side! i would be the same way!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:44 PM |
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
Posted by Deeluvsvinny
Oh, when we left the house that day she said she wasn't grandma...I told DH-
"the baby can call her what I do.....
B!TCH!"
You kill me. FM me sometime-I would love to exchange war stories. That sounds like something I've said during this pregnancy.
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:45 PM |
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RandiG
Love my Boys!
Member since 7/09 4440 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: I'm bored...help settle a debate between me & DH...LONG
I agree with you, she is a nut!
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| Posted 1/27/10 12:52 PM |
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