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CroatianBride
Our Angel Ivanka Rose <3
Member since 7/07 2031 total posts
Name:
Tat
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Just had a heated debate at work....
The reason being to let children know who their real father is rather than trying to cover up a mistake/accident.
Discuss!
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Posted 4/17/08 11:42 AM  |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Absolutely not.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:45 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
I do think it's important that while they are children the mother have a family health history of the biological father, and that get passed onto the child when they reach an age where they can understand why things happened the way they did.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:46 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
mandatory, absolutely NOT
if the father requests one then yes
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:46 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
there are a few things going on here. Should the kid know about his real father? Yes. I would be very angry if that was kept from me.
Mandatory testing..no..no need for that.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:49 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
yikes, that would be so insulting to women!
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:49 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
um, no.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:49 AM |
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
I agree with Absolutely NOT! It's between the couple. No, it's not good that people cheat and lie, it's not anyone's business but the couple's. Plus, a child knowing that the father that is raising them is not their biological father may cause unnecessary resentment.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:50 AM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by stephanief
mandatory, absolutely NOT
if the father requests one then yes
I agree.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:52 AM |
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CroatianBride
Our Angel Ivanka Rose <3
Member since 7/07 2031 total posts
Name:
Tat
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
I do think it's important that while they are children the mother have a family health history of the biological father, and that get passed onto the child when they reach an age where they can understand why things happened the way they did.
I totally agree with that but how many women that get pregnant cheating on their husbands would actually do that?
I'm honestly on the fence on this topic and just wanted to see other people's thoughts on it. Hopefully this won't get out of hand, lol
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:54 AM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
it's not anyone's business but the couple's. Plus, a child knowing that the father that is raising them is not their biological father may cause unnecessary resentment.
I have to ask - what about the resentment that occurs when the child grows up and THEN finds out the father that has raised them is not their biological father?
This happened to someone very close to me, and he found out at age 24 that the man he thought was his dad hsi whole life, whose name is on his birth certificate, is not his father. Finding out his parents had betrayed him was painful, and he would much rather have known the truth since he was a child.
But for the record, I voted no too. There's no reason it should be mandatory for everyone.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:56 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by stephanief
mandatory, absolutely NOT
if the father requests one then yes
ITA!
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:57 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by MagicFairyDust
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
I do think it's important that while they are children the mother have a family health history of the biological father, and that get passed onto the child when they reach an age where they can understand why things happened the way they did.
I totally agree with that but how many women that get pregnant cheating on their husbands would actually do that?
I'm honestly on the fence on this topic and just wanted to see other people's thoughts on it. Hopefully this won't get out of hand, lol
When I answered I just read what you wrote, not the poll question. It is not the government's role to get involved in my marriage issues. If I'm a big enough scum bag that I'd get pregnant by another man and then risk my child's health by not disclosing that to my DH, I'm probably not making great parenting decisions all around.
Sorry if that insults anyone, but I think that once a child gets brought into the situation it's time to grow up and own up to your mistakes.
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:57 AM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
At what point/age do you think they should be told the truth?
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| Posted 4/17/08 11:58 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
At what point/age do you think they should be told the truth?
I don't know that there is a magic number. Some kids mature faster than others. I think that a responsible parent would be able to gauge when to start laying the groundwork for the discussion, KWIM?
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:00 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
It's between the couple. QUOTE]
But what about the person who actually fathered the child. If you cheat and get pregnant, it's not just between the couple anymore
I know the question was asked regarding the childs side of it. But what about the actual fathers? Child support issues, health issues?
I honestly don't know how I feel about it.
ETA: Isn't this Maury's job anyway
Message edited 4/17/2008 12:09:10 PM.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:00 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
the idea is so contrary to what "America" is supposed to be.
I am not in favor of ANY law that has anything remotely to do with my uterus.
I mean really....I honestly cannot even make a good argument here b/c my brain just doesn't compute how this could even be an issue!
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:05 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Mandatory? No.
Message edited 4/17/2008 12:07:45 PM.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:07 PM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Absolutely not. It is an invasion of privacy. What would be the value?
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:11 PM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Absolutely not!
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:15 PM |
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bird382
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Member since 7/07 1712 total posts
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by Tilde
yikes, that would be so insulting to women!
This is my immediate reaction as well. If/when I have a child, you can be damn sure the kid won't need a DNA test to determine his or her father. To suggest otherwise is a complete insult.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:22 PM |
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CroatianBride
Our Angel Ivanka Rose <3
Member since 7/07 2031 total posts
Name:
Tat
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
If it was mandatory for all, I wouldn't have a problem with it, knowing I have nothing to hide...but that's just me.
I guess I've been watching too many episodes of Maury - "You are not the father" lol
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:25 PM |
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
it's not anyone's business but the couple's. Plus, a child knowing that the father that is raising them is not their biological father may cause unnecessary resentment.
I have to ask - what about the resentment that occurs when the child grows up and THEN finds out the father that has raised them is not their biological father?
This happened to someone very close to me, and he found out at age 24 that the man he thought was his dad hsi whole life, whose name is on his birth certificate, is not his father. Finding out his parents had betrayed him was painful, and he would much rather have known the truth since he was a child.
But for the record, I voted no too. There's no reason it should be mandatory for everyone.
That is a good point.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:25 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by CathyB
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
At what point/age do you think they should be told the truth?
I don't know that there is a magic number. Some kids mature faster than others. I think that a responsible parent would be able to gauge when to start laying the groundwork for the discussion, KWIM?
That makes sense. I think this is just one of those things - kind of like adoption: is it better to tell the child very young so they know while they're growing up and it's not a surprise later on, or is it better to wait until they're psychologically mature and ready to handle and understand that kind of conversation? Both can probably be done successfully with conscientious parenting.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:45 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Just had a heated debate at work....
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by CathyB
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by CathyB
No, I don't think children need to know that the male figure in their life isn't their biological father. Some men just aren't good influences, and it can be upsetting for the child, possibly impact their self esteem. They may feel like it's their fault the bio-dad isn't in their life, like they weren't good enough.
At what point/age do you think they should be told the truth?
I don't know that there is a magic number. Some kids mature faster than others. I think that a responsible parent would be able to gauge when to start laying the groundwork for the discussion, KWIM?
That makes sense. I think this is just one of those things - kind of like adoption: is it better to tell the child very young so they know while they're growing up and it's not a surprise later on, or is it better to wait until they're psychologically mature and ready to handle and understand that kind of conversation? Both can probably be done successfully with conscientious parenting.
And both are none of the government's business.
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| Posted 4/17/08 12:49 PM |
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