Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Last night we were at the ILs for dinner. Somehow the topic of childbirth arose after dinner and SIL was teasing FIL about the very graphic photos he took of MIL giving both to DH.

I've said to DH from the beginning that I don't want the mirror or want him to go past my waist. Basically I'd like the miracle to STAY a miracle and let the medical staff witness it themselves.

FIL and MIL said it was the greatest thing you could ever see and I'm starting to rethink letting DH see it. My mom had emergency c-sections with me and my sis and a scheduled one for my brother.

What are/were your feelings about it?

My reason against letting him witnessing it is little self-centered. He and I have very different libidos so I'm afraid him seeing it will lessen sex life that isnt enough for me. I'm worried he will look at me very differently, in a bad way.

My reason for letting him witness it is that it is indeed a miracle and its not everyday you witness that. I think it would bond him with the child in a more profound way.

Help me decide?

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

With my XH he witnessed everything. Including letting me know that I had "poo-ed" a little. He also witnessed an emergency c/s and I can't imagine that was pretty. It didn't change any of our sex life. If anything it made it better.

My DH now and I have an offset libido as well. So I know what you mean. I wouldn't however take the chance to witness 's birth away from him. He may never look at me the same again, but it may have the opposite effect. I say give DH free rein in the delivery room, you can't get that back.

And if we both have non-existent sex lives later we can FM each other how miserable we are.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I don't want him to look-IMO certain things should be kept a mystery. Not to say that those who want their DH to witness are wrong, just not for us!

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Have you talked to DH about this, what does he think?

DH saw DS being born, he seriously was so amazing, telling me that I was doing such a great job etc etc. He loved that he was right there seeing his son being born, and I was so happy that DS saw his daddy for the first time instead of some stranger lol.

And him witnessing that probably improved our sex life, considering we're having a 2nd baby and DS is only 10 months lol.

I say don't tell him he can't see it, but don't force him to watch either. Let him decide, and his decision might even change the day you go into labor.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

My DH siad he would rather NOT watch. He gets alittle light headed from blood etc so.... but to be honest, i can see him sneaking a peek once dr says, "OMG heres the head".

Not sure i will do the mirror but maybe. I am sorta curious

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I don't want DH to look and he doesn't want to look - if it were up to him, he'd be waiting in a bar, smoking a cigar, waiting for the doc to come in and tell him it's a girl. That's not going to happen, but he's staying right at my head and shoulders and we're both totally fine with that.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I don't want DH to look and he doesn't want to look - if it were up to him, he'd be waiting in a bar, smoking a cigar, waiting for the doc to come in and tell him it's a girl. That's not going to happen, but he's staying right at my head and shoulders and we're both totally fine with that.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Im right there with u on this topic...i def dont want him looking at me any different after watching and honestly he has no interest in watching either so he will stay above the waste lol

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

No advice since it is such a personal choice... I wanted DH to view as much as he felt comfortable with and he saw it all and it changed nothing

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I didnt want him to look either, but when you're there that day, all of that goes out the window. DH saw more of me then he probably ever wanted to see in his life. he was there when they broke my water, when the nurse did an internal exam that i thought she was yanking the baby out herself it hurt so bad..he was there to comfort me and right by my side. He cut the cord, and held my leg with the nurse as i pushed.

oddly enough they make DH leave when the epidural was put in.


but seriously, DH was amazed by it all and im sure yours will too. I would however ban the picture taking..LOL.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

When I had my son I didn't think I would want the mirror or anything either. But, in my case, to see the progress of my pushes motivated me to push harder and not give up. My husband was right there watching and it didn't phase me at all. We were so fixated on the baby (his head) it's almost like we didn't even notice ME.

For the record, he doesn't look at me differently now -- as a matter of fact, it probably made things a little better for us. We now have a daughter too.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

My DH had NO CHOICE but to watch!

The OB does not come into the room until the baby is literally about ready to come come out so it's just you, your DH and your L&D Nurse (at least this was my experience). The nurse held one leg for me, and DH the other leg, so there was no way he was not seeing anything. And honestly, the last thing you are thinking about while pushing is what everyone is seeing down there. All modesty goes right out the window. According to my DH who is VERY squeemish about things, seeing DD being born was the most amazing thing for him.

As for me, when the nurse asked if I wanted a mirror, I said "NOOOOOOOOOO" I don't regret that either.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I don't want DH to see, and he's fine with that! And DEFINITELY no mirror for me.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

my dh never got the chance to go down there with ds because i he was holding my bucket that i was tossing my cookies into for the entire labor and delivery process... but honestly he wanted nothing with being down there and i honestly agreed... though just being there for the birth had an effect on our sex life as well as him watching me nurse since to this day he has never touch the twins....

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I let DH watch...honestly, I couldnt have cared less what he was doing when I was actually in the throws of labor and specifically the birth. It is his child and I think if he had wanted too (which he did) he deserves to watch his child be born. Thats just my own opinion though, it worked for me.

He, while he laughs at how graphic it was, still thinks it was the coolest thing hes ever witnessed.

ETA- at no time EVER, and over my dead body was he to take pcitures though.

Message edited 11/1/2009 8:35:07 PM.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

ummm - I had two c-sections and my DH saw wayyyy more then he ever wanted to see of my body. I won't even go into graphics. I say let the moment happen - if he ends up looking then so be it!

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I am just going to leave it up to DH, if he want to watch he can, I am not going to put down any rules on him. If in the heat of the moment he wants to look, then go for it, it's his child too after all. However, from what he has told me, he probably won't look anyway!

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

My DH watched all of my labor/delivery and said it was the most amazing experience of his life He said the minute DS little head starting peeking out...he couldn't explain the love that filled him literally. He started crying the minute he was born and still tears up now when he talks about DS's birth. and i had to have a MAJOR episiotomy too, but he said he was so focused on the baby being born, he didnt even notice all the other stuff that I would have thought would be gross to see.
He is looking forward to our DD being born now

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

I had a c section, but I def. would not want DH watching everything that goes on down there

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

Before DS was born my DH swore he wanted no part of "looking" I didn't have much of an opinion either way....I figured it was up to him.
Well....once the dr. said he could see the head DH kept looking and he was so amazed....and it helped me to see how amazed he was. He says it was the craziest thing he has ever seen, but the most amazing.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

My DH has already told me that he doesn't want to watch. He's squeamish and I am just fine with him not looking. If he wants to take a peek then thats fine but I can't see him watching the whole thing.

How does HE feel about it? Does he want to watch? If he's aware of EVERYTHING that might happen and he still wants to watch then I would let him - our DH's have so little physical involvement in the pregnancy and if it's what he feels might help him bond or feel a part of the process then I would suck it up and let him do it.

Re: Labor Advice/input? (long and possible TMI)

My Dh is very wierd about stuff like this. We had both agreed that when I was giving birth he wouldn't look. Well birth is a crazy process and he did end up looking. And like he said "It's something that is so beautiful" You don't see blood or a Va Jay Jay all stretched. You see you child emerging into the world. I say keep an open mind and just let him know whatever happens happens.