Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Posted by mrsv1015

Posted by ~Colleen~

I think your mom & sister are being insensitive, honestly. I think it's a lot to ask you to leave your newborn with someone - especially if you've verbalized that you and your DH are not comfortable with the idea. I would insist on bringing your child or have your DH stay home.

i agree 1000% ... plus what if you go late, you could possibly still be in the hospital by then. They are being extremely insensitive.
Sorry but i'm very angry for you

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

my baby will be 4 weeks old for my cousins wedding and I am leaving her at my MIL. It am nervous but I know she will do a good job. Do you trust your SIL?

Honestly,would you even really want to bring the baby to the wedding? A bunch of drunk people are going to want to hold the baby , plus the loud music.

I say, if you trust your SIL then leave the baby with her, or else DH should just stay home.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

My MOH had her baby about 10 days before my wedding.

I worked with my Banquet Manager and had a room set up for her mom to sit with the baby during the ceremony. She walked down the aisle, I think her husband was there-- unless he was with her mom and the baby. They stayed til the first dance and left.

I didn't want the baby at the ceremony-- but, she was 50 feet away from her mom, relaxing in a comfortable room.

You have to do what you feel comfortable-- but, if you go-- you can just got for an hour or so-- take some pics, walk down the aisle and see a few people. Sounds like your sis and mom should be a little more accommodating.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

your sister and mom need to relax...there are 2 choices, the baby comes or DH doesn't.....

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

DH would stay home and I'd end up leaving early. I had issues going to the dentist when DS was one week old and leaving him with my MIL. No way would I have left him for the length of a wedding. That's just me though.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

there is no way would I leave my new born with a sitter, DH will be staying home and I wouldn't really care who would be offended!!

ETA you might not even be ready to go out, you might still be recovering , I didn't think of that. you should tell your family that YOU may not even be able to make it yourself, that would put things in perspective for them!

Message edited 9/2/2008 1:00:53 PM.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

I wouldn't miss my sister's wedding and I wouldnt' want DH to either ........ - But DH is close w/ my sister and her BF -

Can you leave the baby (Assuming you HAVE him before the wedding) with someone on DH's side?

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

the only person I would leave the baby with my mom other than that no way not a few days old...they are being very insensitive

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Well I have a wedding about 2 weeks after I am due. I have already made plans for my MIL to watch the baby. However, the wedding is in the same town so I could be home in a minute if I needed to. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing the baby to the wedding- just too many people around who would want to have their hands all over him. So if I were you, I would either leave the baby home with your DH or other sitter you feel comfortable, or skip the wedding all together. I do have to say your sister is being a little crazy expecting so much from you so soon after you deliver

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

My sister is getting married 10 weeks after I deliver and I am also MOH. The situation is a little bit different since her wedding is in MD so we are all traveling to be there, but I would never leave a newborn for that long. I will also have my 2 1/2 year old there.

It seems like a lot of people think that it is wrong to bring a baby to a wedding and if it wasn't your SISTER I would agree. Yes, a baby does cry (your DH might want to skip the ceremony - or have your MIL watch DC just for the ceremony) but lets face it - a reception isn't exactly quiet and I really don't think that anyone would even notice a baby. I have attended weddings where there was a pack and play set up so the kids (twins) could sleep and it was fine. I would just make sure that they could be away from the speakers of the DJ/Band.

It seems silly to me that you are close enough to your sister that she would ask you to be MOH, yet she doesn't seem to want to respect one of the first decisions that you will have to make as a new parent.

You have to make whichever decision is right for you - and YOUR family. I am sure that your mom did the same when you were little

I would definitely not want a stranger to watch DC, which is one of the problems that we run into in being in MD and everyone that we know will be at the wedding with us, unless I want to pay a sitter for the whole weekend and pay to have them travel too.

If DC really turns out to be a problem there, DH could always leave early if he had to.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Thanks for all the opinions and advice ladies! I think I will handle this in the following manner:
Tomorrow DH and I are seeing my sister and her FH. I will talk witht hem and give them 3 chioces. 1- I go alone and stay as long as I feel comfortable. period. 2 - My family goes (as a FAMILY DH and DS) 3- No one from my family will be attending, myself included. I will let her make the choice. I can't believe how harshly they are reacting to DH and myself not wanting to be away from our newborn son, especially since they would be sooo offended that DH not come even though they didn't think enough of him to ask him to be part of the wedding party anyhow I am starting to get pretty mad because if the situation were reversed, I would probably be figuring out a way to somehow include my new nephew (and godson, I might add), but to each his own. I would also love to hear her FH POV on this, being as he has not said anything and he is "Mr Family".

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Posted by 1stimemom

Thanks for all the opinions and advice ladies! I think I will handle this in the following manner:
Tomorrow DH and I are seeing my sister and her FH. I will talk witht hem and give them 3 chioces. 1- I go alone and stay as long as I feel comfortable. period. 2 - My family goes (as a FAMILY DH and DS) 3- No one from my family will be attending, myself included. I will let her make the choice. I can't believe how harshly they are reacting to DH and myself not wanting to be away from our newborn son, especially since they would be sooo offended that DH not come even though they didn't think enough of him to ask him to be part of the wedding party anyhow I am starting to get pretty mad because if the situation were reversed, I would probably be figuring out a way to somehow include my new nephew (and godson, I might add), but to each his own. I would also love to hear her FH POV on this, being as he has not said anything and he is "Mr Family".

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Actually last year my DS was due on September 28 and I did not have him until October 5th. I had a c-section at the last minute so I was in the hospital for 3 days and my recovery turned out to be longer. Honestly, I think first your mom and sister must realize that if you have your baby a week late you may still be in the hospital or just getting out of the hospital for the wedding. There is a chance that you might not make it. Now if you have your baby closer to your due date and you are out of the hospital I would not bring him to the wedding. I think the baby would be way to young to be exposed to the germs of all the people that attend a wedding.

I personally would not leave my DS with a babysitter when he/she was a week old so if you are able to go to the wedding I would leave the baby with your DH.

Your sister and mom really need to be more understanding.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

My girlfriend was due Sept. 25 last year and had her baby October 2 by c-section. They were both still in the hospital on October 5!

I think your mom and your sister are being completely unreasonable. **IF** you're up to moving around and IF your baby is even BORN by then, I think your DH should stay home with him/her and you should leave the wedding shortly after the reception starts.

I think it's very unlikely that you'll be up to being out that soon after delivering.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

I wouldn't leave my newborn with a sitter. You may not even be able to attend, especially if you go after your due date or if you have a c-section.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

OMG, I'm in the EXACT same situation (except I'm not in the bridal party).

My very good friend is getting married on 10/11, and I'm due 9/28. Scone will be about 2 weeks old

#1- definitely do NOT bring the baby to the wedding. too many germs, too much noise... it would be a disaster IMO.

#2- leaving newborn with sitter.... not my little baked good! I'm sorry, that's way too much faith you're being pressured to have in a virtual stranger.

#3-DH stays home - that's the only viable option IMO....

UNLESS.... DH's mom or someone else in the family who will be there from day 1 and will already know the baby well is willing to babysit for a couple hours. then your DH goes for say the ceremony, and then returns home to your little one to relieve grandma of her duties....

We intend to do a brief wedding visit, skip out very early, and have Scone watched by his Oma during that brief time.

and I agree with others, your mom and sister are being selfish and ridiculous. I expect more from your mom!!! She should remember how delicate newborns are, and should be concerned with the welfare of her own grandchild a tad more than she appears to be right now!!!!!
HTH's!

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Honestly, I probably wouldn't even be going to the wedding...and although it would be crappy to miss my sister's wedding, it is REALLY soon after having the baby even if you go on time...

If I were up to going to the wedding, DH would stay home...maybe go to the ceremony...MOM/MIL/SIL would watch the baby at that time and then for the reception, DH would stay home.... I would go for a little while and then I would leave early...

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

It took me a few weeks to feel ok leaving DS with anyone. Even my mom. I Half way to my first Follow up Dr's appnt ( at 10 days pp I think , I had a c section) I made my aunt who was driving me turn around and bring me back home. I couldnt sd it.

IMO you may feel the same. I would calmly ask your Sister to reconsider allowing the baby there to be with DH, because if home, you feel you might not be able to 100% be there for her due to worry.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

I think you sister is being ridiculous by not letting you bring your newborn. Especially since your DH is going to watch the baby the whole time. My sister was my MOH, and she had a 3 month old at my wedding. I new she didn't like leaving the kids with anyone but family and we where all there. So, she had no choice, and I didn't care.

I would do what is right for you and DH. Your sister and mother will get over it.
If it was me, I would go to the wedding and leave DH at home with the baby.

Message edited 9/2/2008 6:32:38 PM.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

What if you have to have a c-section, or you have a difficult delivery (lets hope not!) and you are not physically able to attend? Will they be mad? Your health and that of your baby comes first. Maybe you can just go to the ceremony and come home before the reception.

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Will you be BF? If so, this would be EXTREMELY difficult! You may not want to give bottles at this point... If not, I think it would be ok ONLY if you have someone you really trust - if not, I would tell them - its either the baby comes too or DH is staying home! It will be difficult enough for you being in a wedding that soon after your due date w/o having to worry about this!

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?

I would have never left DD with anyone at a week old...mind you i was in the hospital for 4 days after the day she was born (5 total!) and that was a vaginal delivery!!! she lost too much weight so they wouldnt let her leave! this was also after her being born 5 days late...I would have never made it to a wedding that close to my due date!

Also the first few weeks after she was born my hormones were soooo out of wack I could have never gone to a formal affair I was having severe hot and cold flashes and I just felt absolutly awful.

Your mom and SIL are way out of line on this one and I also agree with the other posters bringing your DS to the wedding wouldnt even be an option for me...WAY too many ppl that will want to get their hands on him!