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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by ~Colleen~
I think your mom & sister are being insensitive, honestly. I think it's a lot to ask you to leave your newborn with someone - especially if you've verbalized that you and your DH are not comfortable with the idea. I would insist on bringing your child or have your DH stay home.
ITA
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Posted 9/2/08 8:55 PM  |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Its funny because I am in a very similar situation. My due date is Sept 13 and my sister is getting married Oct 4. I am also the maid of honor and my husband is in the wedding. I don't feel comfortable brining the baby and having her around sooo many people so soon. We decided to leave the baby with a very close family friend who is like family. I am comfortable with that. I am a little concerned about giving the baby a bottle so early as I want to breastfeed but I am hoping that one night won't matter too much. If I have to leave the wedding then so be it. My sister would understand 100%. She is supportive no matter what I would like to do.
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| Posted 9/2/08 9:45 PM |
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Lucky
Growing up fast!
Member since 4/07 12683 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by ~Colleen~
I think your mom & sister are being insensitive, honestly. I think it's a lot to ask you to leave your newborn with someone - especially if you've verbalized that you and your DH are not comfortable with the idea. I would insist on bringing your child or have your DH stay home.
I agree.
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| Posted 9/2/08 9:47 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
this situation is so touchy...
years ago, when i got PG with my son, my sister KNEW my DD was 10/09/98...she went ahead and booked her wedding, IN VEGAS for 10/07/98...Obviously (we never got along) knowing i wouldnt come, but knowing it would force my poor mother to make a decision about whether to come to see my DS be born which we had been planning for 9 months, or go to her wedding, which was planned last minute, knowing i couldnt possibly deliver the baby late or early, JUST for her sake..
it was a mess...my mother stayed home with me (obviously) and my sister has NEVER forgiven her, and wont even give her a picture of her on her wedding day (10 years later!!)
people can be soo freakin selfish.
i think its crazy for you to leave your baby so soon feeling so uncomfortable..when you deliver is nature...not your choice...
Good luck in whatever you do!!
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:52 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I had a close friend get married about a month after my daughter was born. I decided not to go to the wedding because it was upstate and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her home, or bringing her.
My friend hasn't spoken to me since...but I know I made the right decision for me. And it made me realize that the friendshop wasn't as strong as I thought it was.
Your sister has to realize that even if it is her wedding, she can't dictate what you do with your newborn (if the baby even arrives by then!). And you need to do what is right for your family! 
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| Posted 9/3/08 6:12 AM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
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| Posted 9/3/08 6:55 AM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I am not a mom - but i had the same situation as the bride-
My sister (who lives in VA) was my MOH - my niece was born 7/8; my wedding was 7/29.
Her DH stayed home with the baby. I think that is the best option. I couldnt imagine NOT having my sister there- my mom and her are my only immediate family - and I cant believe anyone would bring a newborn to a wedding, with loud music and all those people (= germs!)
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:06 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by maybeajunebaby
I know how I personally felt a week after delivering DS. I WOULD NOT have been comfortable to be out, dressed up at a wedding, I was still recovering!!
That being said, if I ABSOLUTELY had to attend, I would leave DH with DS, but for a very short while if you are planning on breastfeeding & not using a bottle.
Same here. I would make a very short appearance and it is perfectly acceptable to do so. You gave birth 2 weeks prior to the event!
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:15 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I would either bring my newborn, or stay home. End of. You might not even have had the baby yet...or, you might not be in a fit state to go. She needs a dose of reality...
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:16 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I think you need to go to your sisters wedding. My brother graduated from business school the week after I gave birth. My MIL watched the baby--it was hard to leave him but my brother is very important to me--You should go--even if its for a few hrs
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:36 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Do NOT let them make you do anything you are not comfortable with. I voted for letting DH stay home with him. Then you have done your best for evryone. I will tell you this. I never thought I would be this way but I don't trust ANYONE with her except DH!!!!!!!! Trust , you will not want to leave him yet. 
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:47 AM |
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Akajt98
Sooo Excited
Member since 6/06 2252 total posts
Name:
Jill
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
We are facing a similar situation. I am due 11/2 and my sister in laws wedding is 11/15. It seems that I will be having a planned c-section in mid October so the baby will be a little under a month when the wedding rolls around. Both DH and I are in the wedding party and have full intentions on attending the wedding.
As of right now we are planning to leave the baby with our really good friends and/or my aunt. I do not think it is appropriate to have a newborn at the wedding. If I need to leave the wedding early or even need to leave and come back I will do whatever I need to do. However, I do not believe myself or DH should have to miss the wedding completely.
DH and I both believe it is important for us to be at his sister's wedding and if you feel similarly about your sister's wedding then there has to be a way to work it out.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:08 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
ITA!
I know I don't belong here- but here's my take on things anyway:
(this is assuming your sister booked her wedding BEFORE you were pregnant or announced it)
A marriage, like having a baby, is a HUGE event in a person's life. If your sister feels close enough to you to ask you to be her MOH, obviously, it is important to her to have you there.
I would have been devestated had my sister not been at my wedding. Barring severe illness,hospitalization (including being there to give birth-obviously) or death- there would have been no excuse I could accept.
Remember what it was like planning your wedding- it's stressful! She's not thinking about babies right now and how she would feel if she were in your shoes- she's thinking that (1) a wedding is NOT a place for an infant and (2) Her sister and BIL should WANT to be at her wedding NO MATTER WHAT.
It's not like she's suggesting you hire a stranger to babysit. If it were me (and I know I can't really put myself in your shoes b/c I'm not pregnant and have no children) I would leave the baby with one of DH's family members (his mom or his sister) for the pictures, ceremony and toasts. Then make a quick escape.
Good luck with your decision!
ETA: If she knew you were pregnant when she booked the wedding, well, then the bad timing is her own fault and she should deal with it.
Message edited 9/3/2008 10:06:25 AM.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:48 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
IMO her sister and mother should also understand and BE understanding of the fact that she can also deliver late, and either still be in the hospital at the time of the wedding or just getting out. They are being unreasonable, IMO. Sister or not, would you be comfortable, or even feel up to going to a wedding, being the MOH just a few days after giving birth?
ETA: If it wer me in that situation, and I gave birth when I was due, then I would either have DH or my MIL stay with the baby, but also leave the wedding early. Especially if I planned on exclusively breast feeding.
Message edited 9/3/2008 9:52:44 AM.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:51 AM |
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Dragonfly75
I love Hypnobabies
Member since 3/06 2333 total posts
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I would never leave my week-old baby. If you are planning on breastfeeding you are going to be seriously engorged if you are away from your baby even for a few hours.
I don't understand why you can't leave the baby with either a sitter or your husband in the bridal suite. That way you could enjoy the day and still be near your baby.
Honestly, I think your sister is being very selfish and when she eventually has her own baby she'll realize what a terrible situation she put you in.
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| Posted 9/3/08 10:50 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by Dragonfly75
I don't understand why you can't leave the baby with either a sitter or your husband in the bridal suite. That way you could enjoy the day and still be near your baby.
I think this is a perfect solution! I don't see how she could have a problem with that!
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| Posted 9/3/08 10:55 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
ITA!
I know I don't belong here- but here's my take on things anyway:
(this is assuming your sister booked her wedding BEFORE you were pregnant or announced it)
It's not like she's suggesting you hire a stranger to babysit.
ETA: If she knew you were pregnant when she booked the wedding, well, then the bad timing is her own fault and she should deal with it.
this is all rather irrelevant information. Are you suggesting someone should not start a family because of someone else's wedding??????
There are many situations people can find themselves in and I have been a bride and now I am a mother and IMO your perspective is awfully self-centered.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:00 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by kahlua716
A marriage, like having a baby, is a HUGE event in a person's life. If your sister feels close enough to you to ask you to be her MOH, obviously, it is important to her to have you there.
I would have been devestated had my sister not been at my wedding. Barring severe illness,hospitalization (including being there to give birth-obviously) or death- there would have been no excuse I could accept.
If it's that important to her sister for her to be there, then the sister would compromise and not throw a fit b/c the OP doesn't feel comfortable leaving a week old newborn with a sitter. I think her sister is being incredibly unreasonable and I completely understand why the OP is reluctant to leave her newborn.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:03 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
ITA!
I know I don't belong here- but here's my take on things anyway:
(this is assuming your sister booked her wedding BEFORE you were pregnant or announced it)
It's not like she's suggesting you hire a stranger to babysit.
ETA: If she knew you were pregnant when she booked the wedding, well, then the bad timing is her own fault and she should deal with it.
this is all rather irrelevant information. Are you suggesting someone should not start a family because of someone else's wedding??????
There are many situations people can find themselves in and I have been a bride and now I am a mother and IMO your perspective is awfully self-centered.
I am saying that I would want my sister at my wedding.
IMHO, I think it's self centered to insist on bringing the baby or not going.
It's one night. It's not like her sister is asking her to travel to Japan or leave the baby in a kennel or something.
IF it were me, I would deal with leaving the baby with someone I trust for a few hours so I could make it to this VERY important day in my sister's life and focus all my attention on her.
JMO- no one has to agree.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:41 AM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
ITA!
I know I don't belong here- but here's my take on things anyway:
(this is assuming your sister booked her wedding BEFORE you were pregnant or announced it)
It's not like she's suggesting you hire a stranger to babysit.
ETA: If she knew you were pregnant when she booked the wedding, well, then the bad timing is her own fault and she should deal with it.
this is all rather irrelevant information. Are you suggesting someone should not start a family because of someone else's wedding??????
There are many situations people can find themselves in and I have been a bride and now I am a mother and IMO your perspective is awfully self-centered.
I am saying that I would want my sister at my wedding.
IMHO, I think it's self centered to insist on bringing the baby or not going.
It's one night. It's not like her sister is asking her to travel to Japan or leave the baby in a kennel or something.
IF it were me, I would deal with leaving the baby with someone I trust for a few hours so I could make it to this VERY important day in my sister's life and focus all my attention on her.
JMO- no one has to agree.
The thing is she may not be physically able to attend. The wedding is one week after her due date. If she delivers on her due date she could very possibly still be bleeding heavily or on restricted movements. There is no way of knowing how easy or difficult her delivery will be. And for some mother's it could be a very big deal to leave a child at 1 week. I will be breastfeeding, and will not introduce a bottle at such a young age, it would be impossible to leave the child.
I am sure the OP wants to see her sister get married, but it may not be possible or wise to do physically. I think it is the attitude of her sister and mother saying she must attend even if she has to sit is what is upsetting people here.
Every delivery is different, one woman may be up and running a week after delivery while another may still have trouble getting around, these things cannot be predicted.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:48 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
Posted by NinaLemon
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by babyonthebrain
It's your sister's wedding. You both should come. It's a once in a lifetime event. I would leave the baby with someone you trust. Have your husband skip out early, that way he can get home sooner than you. I would be highly offended if you or him didn't show up. I totally understand her position. good luck with your decision.
XOXOXO
BOTB
ITA!
I know I don't belong here- but here's my take on things anyway:
(this is assuming your sister booked her wedding BEFORE you were pregnant or announced it)
It's not like she's suggesting you hire a stranger to babysit.
ETA: If she knew you were pregnant when she booked the wedding, well, then the bad timing is her own fault and she should deal with it.
this is all rather irrelevant information. Are you suggesting someone should not start a family because of someone else's wedding??????
There are many situations people can find themselves in and I have been a bride and now I am a mother and IMO your perspective is awfully self-centered.
I am saying that I would want my sister at my wedding.
IMHO, I think it's self centered to insist on bringing the baby or not going.
It's one night. It's not like her sister is asking her to travel to Japan or leave the baby in a kennel or something.
IF it were me, I would deal with leaving the baby with someone I trust for a few hours so I could make it to this VERY important day in my sister's life and focus all my attention on her.
JMO- no one has to agree.
The thing is she may not be physically able to attend. The wedding is one week after her due date. If she delivers on her due date she could very possibly still be bleeding heavily or on restricted movements. There is no way of knowing how easy or difficult her delivery will be. And for some mother's it could be a very big deal to leave a child at 1 week. I will be breastfeeding, and will not introduce a bottle at such a young age, it would be impossible to leave the child.
I am sure the OP wants to see her sister get married, but it may not be possible or wise to do physically. I think it is the attitude of her sister and mother saying she must attend even if she has to sit is what is upsetting people here.
Every delivery is different, one woman may be up and running a week after delivery while another may still have trouble getting around, these things cannot be predicted.
Obviously, this would be an exception. My comments refer only to not wanting to leave the baby with her SIL.
If she isn't physically able to attend that's another story and her sister wouldn't have much of a choice in the matter. As her sister- I would still be sad and upset- but I would understand.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:51 AM |
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tann22
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 2421 total posts
Name:
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I would not have a problem leaving my baby with my MIL or SIL. I would not want to miss my sisters wedding.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:55 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
What if you go late? I delivered my son 12 days late - and had a c-section.
We had a friends wedding to go to and there was no way I could have made it there a week after I gave birth.
If you do have the baby - and feel fine - then I would absolutely NOT bring the baby to the wedding. Whether your DH stays with him - or someone watches him - I would NEVER bring a one week old to a wedding.
I'm sorry they are being so insensitive to you!
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| Posted 9/3/08 12:04 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
A wedding is just as important to a bride as a new baby is to an expectant mother ........I don't think it's fair to bash her sister or her mother for expecting her to be there .....
I think that maybe the whole situation is getting heated before it's really necessary though -
The OP could go early, go late, she could deliver on the wedding day !! - no one knows. So why stress over it and get upset over something you have no control over?
It also really depends on the relationship with her sister. - To ME, not being 100% comfortable with leaving a week old baby w/ my MIL or SIL would NOT be a justifiable reason for DH and I to miss my own sister's wedding day - Exclusively breastfeeding would NOT be a reason to miss my sister's wedding - I wouldn't miss that for the world
She was there for me, regardless of my situation, regardless of whether or not I was feeling 100%, I'd suck it up and be there for her - And I'd expect my DH to be there too ........I can not even comprehend the idea of missing my sister's wedding b/c I didn't want to 'leave' my baby w/ someone on DH's side of the family -
But everyone's relationships with their friends and families are different, so while I think it's crazy to miss your sister's wedding b/c you're nervous to leave the baby, many others feel it's perfectly acceptable -
You really have to decide what is best for you, and whether or not you want to deal with the inevitable upset and consequences that will come from your family if you're not there -
Good Luck to you !!
Would you like us to  that the baby comes late ?? 
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| Posted 9/3/08 12:30 PM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Leaving a newborn - WWYD?
I'm invited to a wedding that is the day after my due date...since being on bedrest I'm not going...and even if I wasn't and the baby was here by then i wouldn't go, b/c I def don't want to leave my baby that early on.
btw-I'm due the day after you.
But I'd tell your family, that either your DH stays home with the baby, or both of you do.
I think they are both being selfish...yes its important day for your sister, but your pregnant, they can't expect you to stand at the alter still preggo or to honestly be ok with just leaving your newborn.
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| Posted 9/3/08 12:30 PM |
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