I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Ok lets start off by saying I feel horrible about this.
Back up to July....I was 5 months pregnant and living in a dream world. I was doing my normal x-mas hosting of 30+ family members, my 6 dozen Christmas cookies, my 25 lbs of chocolate and all my shopping would be done and wrapped by Sept/Oct. So I had no idea what having a newborn involved. I am the first to admit I was living a dream.
Fast forward, I had my dear son on Nov. 16th. At his first visit with the pedi we were told to be very careful during the holidays and to avoid school age children as best as possible. wont start his shoots until Jan. It scared DH and I to think that this little baby could get sick so soon. So I decide not to have X-mas eve at my house to avoid all the people and kids. Last week my sister calls me and I say to her "what are your plans for X-mas eve" Her response is "just stay home with her 8 yr DD and DH". Two days later my other sister comes over and wants to know what to bring for x-mas eve. I tell her I dont think I am doing x-mas eve this year and leave it at that. Later that night DH and I decide to have a small gathering on X-mas eve with my 2 older sisters (whos kids are older 19 and 20 and wont be home for the holidays) and my parents and IL's.
Today I get a call from my mom saying how upset my sister (the one with the 8 yr) is because she feels we all went around her and will be celebrating without them. I know it seems that way but that was not my intention. She told me they were staying home!So I call and try to explain to her how it all happened and all she does is get mad at me and kept saying how my mom always makes me 1st. Then she proceeds to tell me that my niece had to cry herself to sleep last night because now she knows AUnt Debbie doesnt want her to come over for x-mas. Not true. DH and I did decided to keep our son away from all nieces and nephews until he starts his shots. Between both families there are a ton of kids and it seems like one of them is always sick. This was our decision as new parents and we are both fine with it. As for X-mas day, we normally go to the IL's and we decided not to go this yr because all the kids will be there.
So after 1 hr of arguing and crying I talk to DH and we agree to have everyone over but we will not take the baby out of his room. He is 3 weeks and his days consists of eating, burping, peeing and sleeping. Not like he will miss anything. So I call my sister back and tell her I am sorry she felt that way and I was wrong and we are having everyone, HOWEVER, she needs to explain to her DD that she wont be able to see the baby and he will stay in his room. She tells me I am a horrible mother to even think about locking my child in his room. And if her DD wasnt good enough to be invited to begin with dont give her a pity invite. Look I tired is all I could say. So now I sit here and cry for hours because I feel HORRIBLE. So now that everyone is coming over and will be together I will feel worse knowing the 3 of them are alone thinking I dont want them. I am a new mom and maybe a little over protective but this is my child to raise and I am trying to do the best I can.
I dont know what else to do. I even suggested her having everyone at her house and we wont go and she said no. I suggested everyone going to her house afterwards for dessert and that wasnt good enough. All she keeps saying is how her DD now knows that her grandparents and Aunts and Uncles dont care about her. Which is not true. I even tried to call my niece but now they wont answer. I really feel like a bad person and I all I was trying to do was to protect my son.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

First off, you are not a horrible mommy.

I can see both points of view..... the holidays are rough with newborns.

Last X mas DD was 4 months old and had a nasty cough and diarreah. We were supposed to celebrate at my mom's house..... my cuz just had a baby who was one month old and all my cousins from out of town flew up for the 1st time in 10 years for us all to be together. My mom asked that we not come b.c of the one month old adn all the cousins getting together for the 1st time. I was DEVESTATED.... so sad... I wanted to see everyone, but I also knew DD was ill.... we ended up staying home and being sad, but I knew it was the best for DD.

Basically what I am saying is that you have to do what is best for you and your DS.....

I am so sorry you are going through this.... hang in there.

Message edited 12/8/2007 4:06:02 PM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I can see where you are coming from. Your sister should be more understanding...but I wouldn't worry about having your neice near your DS. Just don't let her hold him. Have you spoken to your mom about what is going on with your sister?

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Aw Deb.... u poor thing.... your sis should have definitely NOT put you in that situation, nor should she have said that/made her DD feel that way.

I wish I had something to say to you which would make you feel better, but there is nothing that I can say....

All I can do is send lots of your way...

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I'm so sorry. I am getting grief from peopel about the holidays too (DD is 10 weeks) but my ped. put alot of fear into me about germs, etc. I think you are being a great mother and protecting your child. It will all smooth out.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Oh my God...your baby is sooo young....it's awful you are hurting when all you are trying to do is protect your baby. I found the first 2 months were the hardest because everyone expects your life to go on as it always has but you have a young one and of course things are different now.

You have apologized and tried to make things right. Give your sister time....things will get better! I can understand why she is upset but she needs to realize that there was a communication problem. I am assuming that she stated she was staying home b/c she had no where else to go...unless something else came up (which is what she should have said to you).

Hang in there...things will get better!!

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

You are doing the right thing. Don't let your sister make you feel badly about it. Why would she tell her 8 year old that 'Aunt Debbie doesn't want to see her?' That is ridiculous.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I think your sister is being totally ridiculous! To tell her 8yo such things is completely unnecessary. There was absolutely no reason for her to get her involved in all of this.

I really think you're doing the right thing regarding your DS. People forget how little they are, and if they get sick, it can be quite severe.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

your sister seems to be acting a little childish, i guess. she said to begin with she was hang at home with her husband and daughter!!! debbie, it is not you, dont worry......shell come around, i am sure- just let it lie for a little, u know? give her a call in a week or something....as far as having her niece around your soon, i agree with the PP- just dont let her hold him or anything, u know? and make sure everyone washes their hands upon arriving at your house (not just children carry germs, u know?) other than that, good luck, and dont cry- its CHRISTMAS! yeah..!!!

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I feel like this is something that would happen to me...you try to the the right thing and get kicked in the *** for it...i think you did nothing wrong...chances are your baby will be fine...kids in schools have their shots and most likely wont be carying anything "shot related"...cold sand flu are another story...ur beter off just not even talking about it and letting it blow over...its simple, the kids have to stay away fromt he baby, you have to do whats best for you...if they get mad...so be it, they will get over it....soryy u have to deal with the BS

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

don't feel bad about this at all.. You are doing the right thing...

A good friend of mine has a 5 week old. It is her second and she has a toddler... She has not taken her at all in the last 5 weeks, had people over but kept her in a different room,and other things she can shield her from so she would not get sick....

Fast forward to 2 days ago, the baby has a stomach virus!!!! She was like how did she get sick??? She has only taken her to a well visit and that is really it... Her son though goes to nursery school and other people have been over too but no one was holding her.. she has protected her in every way she can and she still got a virus... Someone must have been a carrier...
So basically you just have to be careful at this time. Many people are sick and are carrying germs that you would not know...

Also, just to let you know-- you are not keeping them in because of the shots that the baby has not gotten yet, you are keeping them away from people because if the baby gets sick within the first 2 months with a fever of over 100.4 they have to go straight to the hospital and have a spinal tap and other tests... This is what was drilled into me by my brother who is a pediatrician and at the moment said it is unbelievable how many kids are sick right now and in the hospital.and he is in Houston where it is much warmer than here...

Again you are doing the right thing and protecting your DD...

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

last year, Josh did not leave my room. I stood guard at the door.

Actually, I reached a point of exhastion where I nearly threw the Christmas tree off the balcony to end Christmas and have it resume in my company's hotel room.

They were visiting, all toghether...
the 4 year old came down with scarlet fever.
the 2 year old had a stomach virius and impetago
SIL had the same stomach virius
BIL and FIL had horrible head colds.

They did not understand, advised that with my next child I would feel so protective.

Wrong, my next child, I will have the balls to say get the hell out of my house.

you made it right. you called and invited them.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Awww Deb....what a crappy way to start the holiday season.
I think you have done all you can. If your sister is going to act like a martyr and tell her daughter that you don't care about her, that is pretty childish.

Hope everything gets straightened out.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I was in the same boat last year DD was born on the 16th of November too

We opted to stay home just us for Christmas last year that way no ones feelings got hurt. I know you didn't mean to hurt your sister's feelings but I can see why she got upset. I would be upset too. BUT she should not have brought her 8 year old daughter into the mix and made her feel hurt too. What I would do is make sure people constantly wash their hands and don't let anyone hold the baby.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

the person I feel bad for is your sister and her DD. your sister needs to grow the F up. her DD is going to be just like her. sorry to bash her. it seems like her DD is involved in too much. she is 8 not 18. She shouldn't even know about the whole thing. Your sister felt it was necessary to get a 8 year old involved.
i have an 8 year old myself. i woudl never tell her about a holiday dispute. Why would I ever involve her or think such and such doens't want her over their house. that just immaturity of your sister.
You are a wonderful Mommy! I am the same way with the winter/kids/people/GERMS!

Holy Lysol can is all I can say!

have a wonderful christmas eve and try to RELAX! It is so easy to get uptight. At least for me it is. so try your hardest to belive that everthing will be okay.

your sister owes you an apology and a hug! She shouldn't be so hard on you. And stop thinking you are in the wrong! you are NOT!!!

Message edited 12/8/2007 10:31:14 PM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

You do what you feel right! The baby is #1 concern not yoru sister...and sorry ...tell her to grow up and stop being such a drama queen...that poor 8 yr old!

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I may be in the minority here but I think it is ok for you to have your niece around DC and I dont think you need to lock your DC in the room. Just tell your family if she is sick you would appreciate they not come over. I wouldnt let her hold DC but other than that I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I would be hurt too.

Message edited 12/9/2007 8:13:17 AM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Message edited 12/9/2007 9:58:00 AM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Posted by Karen



I think your sister is being totally ridiculous! To tell her 8yo such things is completely unnecessary. There was absolutely no reason for her to get her involved in all of this.

I really think you're doing the right thing regarding your DS. People forget how little they are, and if they get sick, it can be quite severe.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

OK I was in a similar place last Christmas. We do the weekend before with my family and Christmas day with the IL's. DD was 3 weeks and everyone said to go as long as nobody was sick and not to let too many people handle the baby (and of course stay away from the kids.) So I called my mom's family and they all were healthy. Me or DH pretty much held her all day and we brought the bouncy too. We went to my mom's and all was fine.

Then it came to the IL's house. We called and a few people had the sniffles, but nobody was sick per se. So we decided against bringing the baby. We had my mom babysit so we could still spend xmas with them.

Well wouldn't you know one of the kids had a stomach bug (he didn't show signs until after we were all there) and both my MIL and I ended up with it. Thank GOODNESS we decided to leave the baby home. We were also very lucky she didn't catch it from me. It was AWFUL!!!

You just never know. You don't always know you are carrying something until it's too late. I'm all for being safe rather than sorry.

You need to do what feels right for you and your baby.


ETA: I do think someone else should host and you can either get a sitter for the baby and spend the day with the family (but that doesn't protect you from bringing something home) or just stay home this year. I wouldn't exclude someone because they have a child. I understand why her feelings are hurt (but I don't agree with her telling her 8 yo you don't want her there!!) Good luck with your decision!!

Message edited 12/9/2007 10:21:47 AM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

I think your sister is totally overreacting and how could she make your 8yr old neice think that you didn't want her over?? If I were her mother I'd be trying to explain to her what happened in a nice way and not making my daugher feel bad and her aunt look bad. If I were your sister I'd try to be a bit more understanding. How could she call you a bad mother for saying your going to keep AJ in his room?? Thats just wrong. Its not like hes a toddler and your keeping him in a cage...hes a newborn and will probably sleep most of the night anyway...and your only trying to protect him in order to have HER over?!

I think shes in the wrong here...but I guess she just feels slighted, like your mom favors you, and just hurt in general...so if I were you I'd keep trying to apologize to her b/c she is your sister and the fighting and hurt feelings aren't worth jeapordizing your relationship and possibly spending the holiday together.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related

Message edited 12/9/2007 10:33:11 AM.

Re: I feel horrible - WWYD-Newborn/holiday related