Lying....

I have to say that I'm completely stumped right now with this one, so any advice is welcome....
Ava has been lying like crazy lately. It's really driving me nuts and no matter how much I tell her it's not ok and explain to her the difference between lying and telling the truth, fibbing, etc., she still does it.
Some examples of lies she's told other people lately are:
"Mommy doesn't wear her seatbelt in the car." Which is a blatant lie since I am the seatbelt commando and she always checks with me that I have it on and I show her.

"Mommy drives on the sidewalk sometimes." I don't even know what to make of that one!

"Mommy used to make me sit in the trunk." Seriously? What the hell? The only thing I can think of with this one is that I used to keep a potty in the trunk of my truck for her to use, but that was literally two and a half years ago

"Mommy was screaming that she couldn't take the baby crying anymore." Yeah, well, actually that was AVA who was screaming that she couldn't take the crying anymore

She also makes up these ridiculous stories about her imaginary "boyfriend" Steve. Apparently Steve is 4, as well, has two kids of his own and she had to call the cops on him I feel like there's something wrong with my child, I really do. I know she has an active imagination, but come on now. Where would she even hear something like that to say that she had to call the cops on her boyfriend? My mom and I were thinking she must have picked up on it when we were watching the news or somethign because she certainly doesn't watch anything on tv that I haven't already approved that she would have heard that on. I don't know, I'm just really at a loss with her. It's starting to really upset me.

So, if you've made it this far, does anyone have any advice on what to do with her? I'm really frustrated. A lot of the things she says are just ridiculous and anyone would know she's lying, but other things like the car stories and the lie about me screaming, she's told to people in my family and they've come back questioning me because they weren't sure. I'm really, really upset

Re: Lying....

That's a tough one. They all lie, but that sounds more like story telling. When my son was telling crazy stories, we just talked about honesty and how important it is. That he will want me to trust him...boy who cried wolf....yadayadayada. I don't know, I think it was just a stage that he moved past when he was ready and decided it was to his benefit. He still lies, but not constantly. I also punished him for lying and told him how proud I was each and overtime he stopped himself to tell the truth.

Re: Lying....

My DD is the same age and we are going through the same thing.... Sometimes, the lies are so ludicrous, I just laugh and tell her it's not the truth. The other day, she was acting nasty and I told her to sit in the time out chair. She ignored me, so I walked over to her, took her by the arm and led her to the chair. Later that night, she told DH that I was mean to her and I hit her...

We just make sure to let her know that when she lies, her nose grows. No, we don't, in all seriousness, we explain to her that the truth will never get her in trouble, but when she lies, she could not only hurt herself, but others too.

Re: Lying....

Andy has been telling lies lately. Mostly taking Phineas and Ferb stories and changing it so that Sarah is building something crazy and he's "busting" her.

We've been talking A LOT about the boy who cried wolf and how if he doesn't stop pretty soon when he really does need my help I'm not going to believe him. I *think* it's working, he didn't tell me anything silly like this today, but it could just be an coincidence.

Re: Lying....

My kids haven't really gone through this phase of lying...I hope it's not coming later. But I know it exists and I agree it's storytelling more than anything. There are a few types of lies and this is the least worrisome IMO. I have a friend whose DD was telling her class that my friend was married before and had teenage children in addition to her and her sister (she's 6). The DD's teacher took my friend aside just bc she wasn't sure if the DD was lying and wanted to check before commenting. She called it spinning webs. She told her to stress the importance of not making up stories bc you get tangled in the web and then people don't know if they can believe you in other situations, even if the current lie was not a hurtful one. The phase passed. I guess it could be embarrassing. My Mom said that one time I was in 1st grade and was taking medicine for an ear infection. I told a classmates mother that I was taking medicine at home and she asked what it was and I said birth control pills. My mother was embarrassed bc obviously I overheard some conversation.


Cathy LOL at Andy busting Sarah. I mean if she is going to build an animal voice simulator that translates into 14 different languages in the garage during the summer break, she should be busted, no?

Re: Lying....

I teach Kindergarten and have had several students with similar very active imaginations. One child this past year kept telling me whoppers of stories and in the beginning I believed him! It was actually really funny, b/c I relayed a story to his parents during our conference and they said it never happened (it was just a cute funny story, nothing serious or a problem). Then whenever he told one of his whoppers, I just asked him, is this real or are you making it up-what would mommy say if I called and asked her if this happened-he always fessed up at that point! :) I think it is just that, imagination and storytelling and probably a phase.

Re: Lying....

Have you read "The Little Boy who Cried Wolf " to her ??

DS tells little fibs here and there and DH told him that story and it did seem to resignate a bit...That and the Santa hears everything threat

Re: Lying....

Robbie went through that storytelling phase BIG TIME. Noah never really did though.

With Robbie we found that giving him an outlet for his 'creativity' helped a lot. We would identify it as a story and then help him out by elaborating on it and having fun with it.

For example.. he'd say "Mommy put the baby in a tree yesterday because he was crying too much!"

I'd say - "That's not true.. and you should not say it is - but if you want to make it a story we can do that."

And we'd pull out the crayons and paper and make a story about a baby in a tree. Or sometimes we'd just do a verbal elaboration.

After a few times - if he started with a lie - I'd say "If you want to play the story game, you can't start it with a lie.. you have to say 'I have a good story!'"

He caught on pretty quick and his stories became more fun then frustrating for me.

The bigger issue was when he started lying to avoid getting into trouble or to get something he wanted. To be honest.. we still have a challenge with that from time to time. I just have learned to identify his tells and call him on his fibs quickly. If I can't tell I will make an excuse to verify. For example "Mrs. Smith said I didn't have to do my homework." I say "Oh.. well that's not what Mrs. Smith told me! I'm gonna have to have a chat with her!" If he's lying - the retraction comes fairly quickly.. "well.. maybe she said I SHOULD do it.. but..".

Good luck!

Re: Lying....

Thank you for all the feedback. I like the idea of making it into a story type thing and teaching her the difference that way.
I do need to read her the boy who cried wolf. I think that would help. I've told her the story, but maybe a book would help.
Ugg, I love her imagination, but when she tries to make it into reality, it creates some hairy stories. Thanks for all the input and if anyone else has any other advice, please throw it my way!